man in the workplace

phynestone

phynestone

Well-Known Member
So I think one of my co-workers is showing some type of interest in me and I don't know what to do about it. Perhaps I'm nervous about meeting the right person or about what might happen, but oh well. We have a lot in common, right down to the cheesy sense of humor and did I mention I'm nervous about this?

Why am I nervous? Because he's white. Yes, I know. I could be wrong about this, but he seems to treat me a just a tad bit differently than the other women in our program. He also makes a lot of, um, I guess you could say endearing comments to me, but not to anyone else. For example, I've been sick the past few days and he gave me medicine, checked on me and would ask how his "sunshine" or "princess" or "lovely phynestone" was doing.

I know this is silly and I feel like I'm back in middle-school again, but do y'all think he likes me? I'm just curious. He's a nice guy and perhaps I would date him if he asked me out, but I think I'm just afraid of putting myself out there. I will keep you all posted.
 
Awwwh...Well, it sounds like he does, and your instincts usually are right...Definitley give an update, I would so love to hear how things go...
 
Yay! gurl a man is a man! I say let him chase you a little bit and show your interest so he can get the courage to ask you out...
 
Well, we talked today about the opposite sex and showing interest. He says that it's easier for girls b/c all they have to do is wait, but guys need a little encouragement as well. He also says that it doesn't hurt for women to make the first move either. I'm afraid of doing that because it goes against what I've learned in The Rules and Why Men Love *****es. I explained that I would prefer for the man to make the first move and basically told him how he should approach me. I don't know. I just think it's a little ironic that we're both away from our homes (from the same city) and working at the same place, doing the exact same thing. And we've never crossed paths! Is this meant to be or am I just reading a little too hard into this. Perhaps it's too early to tell.
 
phynestone said:
Well, we talked today about the opposite sex and showing interest. He says that it's easier for girls b/c all they have to do is wait, but guys need a little encouragement as well. He also says that it doesn't hurt for women to make the first move either. I'm afraid of doing that because it goes against what I've learned in The Rules and Why Men Love *****es. I explained that I would prefer for the man to make the first move and basically told him how he should approach me. I don't know. I just think it's a little ironic that we're both away from our homes (from the same city) and working at the same place, doing the exact same thing. And we've never crossed paths! Is this meant to be or am I just reading a little too hard into this. Perhaps it's too early to tell.
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Who's bringing up the relationship talk? Is he doing it?

How is this coming up as a topic with him?
 
Before any of you make a move....are relations allowed in your work place?...Rather than throwing yourself out there how about you casually invite him for lunch...that way there is no pressure of the "its a date" tension.
 
I'm the one who brought up the relationship talk, but I only asked for advice due to a previous conversation we had about putting ourselves out there. And in that conversation, we both brought up getting to know new people in our city.

I don't think my job has a policy against workplace romances, but I don't want to start anything because I'm afraid of ruining our friendship. I also don't want to casually invite him anywhere b/c he's the man and should do the work. If anything transpires, it would probably be when our contracts expire in a few weeks. At this point, I'm just going to play it cool and continue to let him approach me if he's interested in getting to know me better. I've approached him times, just asked how his day was going, but in passing. Don't want to make it too obvious.

He does say that I'm very quiet and that I need to open up a little bit.
 
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phynestone said:
No, I want to protect his privacy. Besides, I think one of my co-workers is a member...

Bunny-

I've been waiting for you to post. You are the relationship guru.
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Sorry for the delay! I've been traveling.

You are so sweet! :kiss: Although I'd call myself more of a dating guru than a relationship guru... only because I'm still working on the moving from dating to serious stage... although right now, that part of my life is going quite well, I must say! :D

Anyway, to answer your question, I'd just say to wait and see. One thing that I've had to realize is that a man can be ATTRACTED to me, but that doesn't mean that he's interested in taking that attraction into the dating realm. Some men simply like to flirt with women and other men are attracted but already involved or not looking to start anything new. Also, being away from home can make men more adventurous than they would be in their own territory.

The reason I asked who brought up the dating discussion was because I was hoping that he was trying to get some hints from you, not vice-versa. I wouldn't necessarily say that means anything definitive though, because I've had this type of talk with a man (and he brought it up) and he STILL did nothing after that.

So... I would just say that nothing tells me definitively that he wants to get involved with you, BUT that nothing definitively tells me that he doesn't either. I'd just continue to be friendly, polite, receptive, open and all that... and at the most, if you want to indicate that you are open to any advances, say something like, "let's get together sometime."

(At this stage in my life, I probably wouldn't do that though... only because I've had too many men ask me out before I even have to think about showing interest... when I'm starting to think too much, it's usually a sign that the dude doesn't plan to do anything. But it's up to you how you feel on that. No matter what, if your standards want a man to ask you out, then stick by that. I've never gone wrong on that one.)
 
So...we're supposed to hang out tonight. I'll let everyone know how that goes.

Thanks for the advice. I'm a little nervous.
 
We're just going to check out a few stores together. I'm trying to give him the encouragement he may need. I'm already having 2nd thoughts.
 
No, don't have 2nd thoughts. He just may be the one. What kinds of stores?

Hanging out sounds good...Have you two finalized where you'll spend your time later???
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Now, aren't you a slick one. :giggle:
 
phynestone said:
We're just going to check out a few stores together. I'm trying to give him the encouragement he may need. I'm already having 2nd thoughts.
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Did you ask him to hang out with you? *Gee* I'm all up in this thread. :blush: I will be waiting for your update. :giggle:

 
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I say "go for it"! Life is short. Do you.

btw I met my SO at work.. I was hesitant at first also, but it has been the best decision I've made in a long time.
 
I asked him again if he had a problem with me coming along and he said no. So, I'll tag along for a while and ask what are his plans after our contract is up. I'm really tempted to just ask him directly if he's interested. I just want to know.
 
phynestone said:
I asked him again if he had a problem with me coming along and he said no. So, I'll tag along for a while and ask what are his plans after our contract is up. I'm really tempted to just ask him directly if he's interested. I just want to know.
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I wouldn't do it:nono:, that could be very embarrassing for both of you IMO, but if you do it, I really hope you get the answer you want. Good luck.
 
A lot of people meet their SOs at work!

Phynestone, just go out with him already! :lachen: Don't think so much! Have fun! :lol:
 
Just a thought: He might be just as nervous as you are.---Not saying you should make it easy for him--I'm just saying--He might be on his OWN forum riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight now. LOL
 
phynestone said:
I asked him again if he had a problem with me coming along and he said no. So, I'll tag along for a while and ask what are his plans after our contract is up. I'm really tempted to just ask him directly if he's interested. I just want to know.
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I wouldn't ask him unless you are the one pursuing him...it's nice for him to have said kind things to you and maybe even get you things while you were not feeling well...but sometimes people take/see kindness as "they must like/want me" and that's not always the case especially during times of feeling sad, lonely, horny, needy, etc...I'm not saying that you fall into any of these categories...nor am I saying that he's not into you but it was you bringing up "relationship talk" and it was you who invited yourself to go shopping with him/them...if you want to know if he is really interested in you the way it seems you want him to be, then like the OP said, just wait and let him chase you a bit or ask you out first...

Now, if you are pursing him, then it doesn't matter, just let him know you are interested (when you feel comfortable with him knowing) and see where it goes...after all both of your contracts are about to expire anyway.
 
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Well, just came back in and it was pretty good. We went shopping, ate and talked about our lives.
I did suggest that we hang out again and he's said it was cool. He did say that I was more than just cute and that I need to look into the online dating realm. I think I'm going to file him into the friend category since we have different beliefs on 1 thing I hold dear: religion/spirituality. Plus, he's 8 years older and has much life experience than me. I don't see him asking me out anytime soon. Oh well. It was worth a try. Thanks for all the advice, tips, etc.
 
Fadaka-

I haven't moved yet. I have to see hoow things will turn out in the next few weeks.

Guudhair-

I thought about that too, me perhaps misinterpreting his actions, but at this point, I think only time will tell. I'm backing off at this point. He's received enough "encouragement" from me.
 
phynestone said:
Well, just came back in and it was pretty good. We went shopping, ate and talked about our lives.
I did suggest that we hang out again and he's said it was cool. He did say that I was more than just cute and that I need to look into the online dating realm. I think I'm going to file him into the friend category since we have different beliefs on 1 thing I hold dear: religion/spirituality. Plus, he's 8 years older and has much life experience than me. I don't see him asking me out anytime soon. Oh well. It was worth a try. Thanks for all the advice, tips, etc.
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Well, I'm glad that you did go out. :)

Based on what you wrote, it sounds like we've come to the same conclusion. He doesn't seem like he plans to make a move and his suggestion of online dating seems to be a clear sign that he's not seeing you in that way.

In the examples I mentioned in my life in which the men told me I was pretty/cute/beautiful/etc., they'd then go on and tell me how I could meet more men, or they'd say they were online dating as well, but of course, they'd never ask me out.

This man has definitely received enough encouragement from you. Your job is done.
 
phynestone said:
He did say that I was more than just cute and that I need to look into the online dating realm. I think I'm going to file him into the friend category
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Thanks for the update...No harm, no foul...Nothing wrong with filing him accordingly...You gave it a try and that's what matters...And leave the internet dating to him...

Bunny77 said:
Well, I'm glad that you did go out. :)

This man has definitely received enough encouragement from you. Your job is done.
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Cosigning with the both of you...Phynestone--your charm can be exerted much more effectively elswhere...
 
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