Major Relaxer Setback After Yearlong Transition. What should I Do? [Pics]

ellebelle88

ellebelle88

Well-Known Member
[Please do not quote this post]
Hi everyone. I was a year into my transition and then I got fed up with spending so much money and time (both of which I did not have) on my hair. So today, after a year of transitioning, I decided to relax.

I recently moved so I went to a new girl who used Design Essentials No-Lye Relaxer. I should have known this was a bad idea because my stylist uses Affirm Lye on my hair. Anyway, I knew from the moment after she washed my relaxer out, something wasn't right.

I know that my hair had broken off drastically from dealing with the two textures while I was trying to transition but I didn't realize how much!! On top of that, she underprocessed me and my hair felt rough. In some places, I look like I barely had a relaxer. I now have two different textures going on. I came home immediately and did a Joico Deep Reconstructor and then I deep conditioned but my hair is no hope. My hair is lifeless and my ends are thin and so sparse. I can't get my hair to have any kind of body because of the two different "relaxed" textures.

I know this is vain of me but I have been crying all night because I worked so hard for the past 3 years to get my hair healthy and growing. I was almost at BSL. Now I think I'm going to have to cut it off at least to shoulder length. I don't want to but my hair looks raggedy. What do you all suggest I do about the ends and the two different textures so that I can be on my way back to healthy, long and thicker hair?

[Pics removed.]

I don't know what to do. Somebody help me...:cry3::cry2:
 
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very sorry to hear what happened! >>>hugz<<<
MY suggestion would be to cut off those ends.it might take you to neck length but you know what... health before length. your hair will grow back! but at least this time it will not only be longer, but healthier too! good luck!
 
Whoa, that does look like a big setback. Not even about the length - your hair looked incredibly thick and full before. Cutting off those ends would probably be the best thing to do but I know chances are slim that if it were me I would want to do that. So you can probably take the long route and baby your hair back to health or maybe wear sew ins as a protective style for awhile.
 
Get rid of those ends. :yep:
Maybe you could shop around for another stylist to give you a corrective, then just protective style hardcore until your hair is back to where it used to be.
 
Wow, your pre relaxer pictures were gorgeous!! Not everyone can stretch for long successfully.

Sorry about the setback but it seems you are going to have to trim the ends and start over again. Your hair seems to have thick strands so I know you will bounce back pretty soon. You are not vain, its only natural that after working on your hair for so long, it hurts that you didn't realize your goals. I feel your pain. Accept your hair for where it is right now, and establish a solid routine. Within 3-6 months, this will be a distant memory and your hair will be back to been healthier and longer.
 
You're not being vain, your hair in those pictures looks so lush and full. Why doesn't my transitioning hair look like that!?

Anyway, I think the other ladies have given good advice. We're here for you :circle:
 
mischka said:
Whoa, that does look like a big setback. Not even about the length - your hair looked incredibly thick and full before. Cutting off those ends would probably be the best thing to do but I know chances are slim that if it were me I would want to do that. So you can probably take the long route and baby your hair back to health or maybe wear sew ins as a protective style for awhile.
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I think wearing sew-ins are what got me to this position. I had two that I wore for 2 months each.

Aneadra said:
Get rid of those ends. :yep:
Maybe you could shop around for another stylist to give you a corrective, then just protective style hardcore until your hair is back to where it used to be.
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I don't even have the money to get a corrective done but even then, I am now worried that I can't really trust any stylist except for my one back home. I don't want to go to one and they make my hair situation even worse.

Mystic said:
What was your transition/stretching technique?
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I used sew-ins for most of the time. Bad idea because I couldn't really take care of the hair underneath.
 
I'm so sorry about your set back. I was thinking the same thing about maybe cutting it back and wearing a sew-in so that you wouldn't really have to see how much length you lost, but if they don't work for you then that's not an option. I'm not sure what type of protective styles you embrace, but maybe braids for a while? Looking at your older pictures, I can see how thick your hair was. Why did you decide to transition? Whatever you decide to do, keep us posted on your progress.
 
i'm so sorry to hear this. IA with cutting those ends and perhaps getting a corrective in the appropriate amount of time or maybe transitioning to texlaxed.
 
Jeez. Yea its not just you. I would cry just as hard. I suggest bunning and gradually cutting. Maybe even half wigs? braid up the back, leave out some in the front. Insta weave and instant access to your hair for care
 
phyl73 said:
I'm so sorry about your set back. I was thinking the same thing about maybe cutting it back and wearing a sew-in so that you wouldn't really have to see how much length you lost, but if they don't work for you then that's not an option. I'm not sure what type of protective styles you embrace, but maybe braids for a while? Looking at your older pictures, I can see how thick your hair was. Why did you decide to transition? Whatever you decide to do, keep us posted on your progress.
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IDK!! I feel so bad. Looking back, it was such a dumb decision to try to do a long-term transition. I wanted to go natural but I should have never attempted to transition. I knew that I could never cut my hair off and rock a fro so since I had seen others on the board do a long-term transition and since my hair was long, I thought I could handle it by just wearing buns.

I won't try to transition again until I am ready to just cut my hair off. Which, at this point seems to be never.
 
I went through the same thing OP. I have always had thick hair and my last relaxer in November left me with very think ends. It was very embarrassing. I had to decided it I cared more about length or the health and condition of my hair. I decided that the November relaxer was my last relaxer and I would not transition. I went ahead and cut the thin ends off and now I am at shoulder length. Honestly I miss my BSL hair but I think my thick shoulder length hair looks so much better now than with those thin ends.

I am so sorry about your setback. (((HUGS))) I think you need to get a nice hair cut and let go of those ends and your hair will look much better. Be patient, it will grow back.
 
Xavier said:
I went through the same thing OP. I have always had thick hair and my last relaxer in November left me with very think ends. It was very embarrassing. I had to decided it I cared more about length or the health and condition of my hair. I decided that the November relaxer was my last relaxer and I would not transition. I went ahead and cut the thin ends off and now I am at shoulder length. Honestly I miss my BSL hair but I think my thick shoulder length hair looks so much better now than with those thin ends.

I am so sorry about your setback. (((HUGS))) I think you need to get a nice hair cut and let go of those ends and your hair will look much better. Be patient, it will grow back.
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I don't want to cut my hair because I usually do twistouts on my hair as a protective style. I think this has helped my hair to grow tremendously. Without the length, my twistouts are gonna look foolish...but I don't have much length anyway so I probably do just need to cut the length...I dont know what to do. I can't believe this happened to me. To go from full BSL to NL hurts me. My hair has NEVER been that short. Even before I found the boards...:sad:
 
:bighug: So sorry that you're going through this. I wouldn't do a corrective personally as your hair has already gone through enough trauma. I would just do plenty of protein and moisture DC's, get a good cut and incorporate low manipulation bunning to kick start your recovery.
 
Firstly, I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

Secondly, I don't think that twistouts at neck length would look foolish on you. I know that the loss in length would be a huge adjustment, but you could try to stretch your hair via banding. If you don't want to do that, maybe you could try half wigs.

I do think you should cut the ends, though.
 
Is it also possible it is not so thick because it was just relaxed? When you wash your hair do you air dry it? Just air dry or blow dry on cool only. Let it become puffy and full - take a pic of your hair then. Also for your ends trim a little off. Moisture and seal you hair and bag those ends. Keep it as moisturize as you can. You said when you were transitioning there was breakage, so it was there already. I think relaxing your hair just made it more noticeable.

I don't know if you can tell where the splits are or not, but clip those away and keep moisturizing and listening to your hair. Good luck.
 
Sorry about your setback but I'm sure your hair will be back to itself in no time. I'd recc gradually trim away your ends if you can't bear to part w/ the length immediately, protective style and baby your ends. It sounds like sew ins are out but you might want to consider clip ins when you do decide to wear your hair out. I'm not sure if they come already made but you can also just take some wig clips from the local hair store and securely sew them onto some tracks and wha lah insta weave which gives you the flexibility to clip then in in the morning and take then out in the evening. I hope it helps...either way I'm sure this will be a distant memory for you soon :bighug:
 
Yes. I know you dont want to, but those ends have to go.

Actually I started my hair journey two years ago and I held on to my ends since January of this year. Although I had the length I wanted, it did not look good down and it tangled and broke easily when I wore braidouts/twistouts. I got extremely frustrated with them and finally chopped them off (~1.5-2 inches).

The point is when your hair grows back you will feel sooo much better about letting go of bad ends. You might even regret not doing it sooner!

Im sorry this has happened to you, but I suggest a good cut, finding a better stylist (or perhaps learning how to self-relax), and lots of low-mani PS.

Good luck and keep us posted!
 
I'm so sorry to hear about this experience.
Maybe you can gradually trim the ends, get a sew-in for a short amount of time and get a corrective when you go home.

Since you transitioned, you already know that you can stretch relaxers for some length of time.
I had a similar experience as yours but my hair was only neck-length (from neck-length to ear-length). The hardest part about the cut and damage was actually just looking at it. Hiding your hair while it grows out might help.

If you're not already using sulfur, you might want to look into it. In my personal experience, I had more success with sublimed sulfur than MSM and I've noticed extra growth with Nioxin recharge vitamins.

Remember, the chances of it not growing back are significantly lower than the chances of it growing back. :-) Each day will go on; it's inevitable-- and you will get to where you want to be.

ETA: Ooh, I misread the line about sew-ins. Maybe a "fall" half-wig or a cute spring cut?
 
So sorry to hear about your experience op. When I first saw your thread title, my heart dropped because after a 12 month relaxer stretch/possible transition, I had decided to relax my hair in the coming weeks. However, after seeing your thread and hearing about your experience I am hesitant to do so. A fellow member shared a link to a salon here that does silk presses and thermal relaxing and I will call them Monday to set up an appointment. Until I am 100% sure that I want to be relaxed, I will hold off on making any decisions in haste. I definitely agree with the ladies that recommended getting rid of the ends. I will have to do this at my upcoming appointment for the health of my hair.
 
^^I hear some people don't do well with an extra long stretch and then get a relaxer. It can be hell on your hair.

Once you see your hair popping and relaxed hair breaking off, its almost like you need to make a decision to keep going and eventually do a BC or get a relaxer.
 
I'm sorry to hear about that, too. Your hair was gorgeous in those pics ,so that just means you can get it back to that point. I know it's frustrating and probably everyone on this board has had some sort of setback. You'll bounce back, but I agree that the ends can be cut for a fuller hairstyle.
 
:( sorry girlie.....do a gradual cut of those ends ( maybe 1/2-1 inch a month) and go heavy on balancing your protein and moisture levels, wigs may be an additional option for low manipulation other than twistouts. a transition& corrective to texlaxed might be a good option instead of a corrective back to being completely straight.
 
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