Mad Men star Teyonah Parris Cried Over Her Natural Hair

[naturalmanenyc]

I think many of us who transitioned can relate to this. I did a bit of a series on my blog about my own struggle with transitioning. I didn't get to the point of tears, but I can relate.

The standards of beautiful hair are changing but we ain't there yet.
http://goingnaturaltransitionington...-why-transition-from-relaxed-to-natural-hair/

The things nobody tells you about transitioning - BC is easier
http://goingnaturaltransitionington...t-transitioning-from-relaxed-to-natural-hair/

Lies about natural hair - it's stronger than relaxed hair
http://goingnaturaltransitionington...t-transitioning-from-relaxed-to-natural-hair/


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/15/teyonah-parris-natural-hair_n_5587721.html


Teyonah Parris Cried Over Her Natural Hair: It Didn't Look Like 'What I Thought Was Beautiful'

Video at link

Posted: 07/15/2014 12:52 pm EDT

Natural hair in the black community has been a hot topic for some time, with discussions ranging from its care to the debate surrounding its exclusivity. But one thing we can all say for sure is that not everyone has the same experience with their own manes.

"Mad Men" actress Teyonah Parris stopped by HuffPost Live to dish about her upcoming gigs, like "Dear White People," and took a moment to open up about her personal natural hair story.

Parris described going natural as "a challenge" and said that she had her "aha moment" when she saw a woman on the streets of Harlem rocking her kinky curls. "I said, 'Oh my gosh, I wish my hair could do that,'" Parris recalls.

Once Parris decided to grow out her chemically relaxed hair and wear her natural tresses, she started on an emotional journey towards self-acceptance.

"I cried, I cried. I was not used to seeing myself like that, I did not want to walk outside...My [friend]...had to literally come over to my house and walk me outside because it was such an emotional experience and it wasn't just about hair. It was what my perception of beauty was and had been for all of my life and then I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, 'That doesn't look like what I thought was beautiful.'"

HuffPost Style also asked Parris if she thought white women belonged on #TeamNatural.

"Natural is natural," she said, mentioning that everyone has their own "natural" hair. "But that is not to take away from the part of our journey that's specific to being a woman of color, and what it means to accept who you are. We tried for a while to measure up to a level of beauty that we see depicted in the media and so I do think that it is a very specific journey and experience for women of color, when you’re natural."

Watch the rest of Teyonah Parris' heartfelt HuffPost Live segment above, and tell us about your natural hair stories.

 

[Soratachi]

Oh! I love the way she put that #teamnatural is very specific to blacks in a very, very subtle way.

She is so beautiful her hair is the bomb.

 

[atlien11]

I can relate. Although i didn't cry, I really had to alter my state of mind regarding what i considered "pretty". I wasn't prepared for that. Atlanta is the land of big bootys and mermaid weave so i had to walk tall amongst that for months. It really helped me secure who i was as a person.

 

[secretdiamond]

I can relate. Although i didn't cry, I really had to alter my state of mind regarding what i considered "pretty". I wasn't prepared for that. Atlanta is the land of big bootys and mermaid weave so i had to walk tall amongst that for months. It really helped me secure who i was as a person.

I didnt know you went natural. That's awesome.

 

[ToyToy]

I can totally relate. I hid my hair for four years under the guise of protective styling, but inside I knew the truth. I felt so unattractive with my own hair.
My friend (and I'll always be grateful to her for this) practically forced me to take part in a photoshoot in which she flat-twisted my own hair with minimal extensions at the top.
That forced me to assess the damage all the braiding (with extensions) had done and led me to start styling my hair myself. It still took another year and a half to let go of the extensions. I love my hair now. It's not the length I'd like it to be, but I've learned to love my hair and its kinkyness.

It's definitely a journey.

 

[LdyKamz]

That last part was explained perfectly.

I think most women - not all - have felt similar when going natural. I know when I decided to go natural I was excited. I was happy to see my little kinks and coils growing out. After I big chopped I thought I looked beautiful. But there was also that nagging feeling in the back of my head that said other people wouldn't agree. And I had to be ok with that. There is a difference between feeling like you look good and knowing no one else will think you do. That's where that specific journey comes in. Because at that point it's about more than hair. It's about finding out how you are going to handle what's about to come your way even though nothing about you is different but your hair.That's when you learn who you are for real for real.

I've only been natural coming up on 2 years and it was a struggle with people in my family, specifically my own mother who used to always tell me how pretty I was and ended up not wanting to go anywhere with me in public because my hair "wasn't done" That ish hurts man.

 

[Britt]

I appreciate her honesty! There are a lot of mixed emotions and apprehensions that often times come along with going natural. I like to hear when other naturals share their candid experience and true feelings. Not everyone feels beautiful at first. It may take some getting used to. I'm close to chopping and I have quite a bit of different emotions at times.

 

[Nayna]

I can relate as well. I remember crying and thinking I looked crazy. My friends were very supportive and helped me through it even though they thought I was nuts for attempting to do it, lol. It took time for me to adjust which is odd when I think about it. I had to adjust to me. I'm glad I stuck to my journey. It's been over 7 years since then.

I like the way she described the natural movement for us.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

Now that is how you discuss the natural hair movement the pc way. Kudos to her for not selling out.

I also can relate. I was a straight haired natural during my whole transition and even after I was fully natural. It took time for me to go out in public with my natural hair and even when I did start I still did "special occasions" with straight hair.

It was more then just a HHJ because I seriously had to change the way I felt about my self, my hair, and how others viewed me.

 

[lux10023]

the journey is a journey around yr 2 of being natural i was comfortable and as my natural hair grew longer it really has become easier to style.....

she summed it all up so eloquently...

 

[Alta Angel]

KammyGirl,

I BC'd after transitioning for 16 months back in 2010. As a new natural I was super excited and I thought everyone would be just as excited and happy as I was. Wrong. I remember picking my mom up from the airport while wearing my hair in a twist out. It was the first time that I had worn my hair "out" or "down", because I usually wore a variety of updo's and buns. When my mother saw me, she yelled at the top of her lungs to the attendant pushing her wheel chair, "What has my daughter done to her hair?! She used to have such pretty, long straight hair, but now it's in a short, nappy afro!!! Why did she do that?"" It took everything that Jesus and I had for me not to go off. Today she swears that she never did that. However, this is only because it is longer and I get tons of compliments. She gets the perpetual side eye from me regarding natural hair. Of course she had an Afro in the 70's, but "that was different".

That last part was explained perfectly.

I think most women - not all - have felt similar when going natural. I know when I decided to go natural I was excited. I was happy to see my little kinks and coils growing out. After I big chopped I thought I looked beautiful. But there was also that nagging feeling in the back of my head that said other people wouldn't agree. And I had to be ok with that. There is a difference between feeling like you look good and knowing no one else will think you do. That's where that specific journey comes in. Because at that point it's about more than hair. It's about finding out how you are going to handle what's about to come your way even though nothing about you is different but your hair.That's when you learn who you are for real for real.

I've only been natural coming up on 2 years and it was a struggle with people in my family, specifically my own mother who used to always tell me how pretty I was and ended up not wanting to go anywhere with me in public because my hair "wasn't done" That ish hurts man.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

KammyGirl,

I BC'd after transitioning for 16 months back in 2010. As a new natural I was super excited and I thought everyone would be just as excited and happy as I was. Wrong. I remember picking my mom up from the airport while wearing my hair in a twist out. It was the first time that I had worn my hair "out" or "down", because I usually wore a variety of updo's and buns. When my mother saw me, she yelled at the top of her lungs to the attendant pushing her wheel chair, "What has my daughter done to her hair?! She used to have such pretty, long straight hair, but now it's in a short, nappy afro!!! Why did she do that?"" It took everything that Jesus and I had for me not to go off. Today she swears that she never did that. However, this is only because it is longer and I get tons of compliments. She gets the perpetual side eye from me regarding natural hair. Of course she had an Afro in the 70's, but "that was different".

So I wrote this whole thing to second this and my phone turned off.... Needless to say I'm not texting all of it again.

But yes, girl I feel you. My grammy gave me a similar experience which still touches a nerve with me to this day

 

[greight]

She is my girl crush. Loved her response

 

[CocoGlow]

I'm so glad she shared her story & was honest about her initial feelings. I'm sure at the time she would have never in her wildest dreams thought that her gorgeous hair would be such a huge inspiration to others!

The truth is, so many of us are just not used to seeing ourselves with our natural hair out in all of it's glory... we are the ONLY group of women that go through this and have this complete disconnect from our hair since childhood (due to chemicals, heat, weaves, braid extensions, etc) where we have to go through this whole process of getting to know/accept/love this foreign substance growing out of our heads ....which is why I'm also glad about what she said about the natural hair movement and Black women

I must admit that as someone with tightly kinky hair I feel some type of way when I hear stories from new naturals who say something along the lines of "I was so nervous that I would not like my hair texture but when I saw all those beautiful shiny coils/curls/waves, etc I just fell in LOVE!" That's cool, but that totally implies that they would not have fallen in love with their hair if it looked like mine ... and the sad truth is that so many who DO come to find out they have my texture have the hardest time accepting/loving it and/or the worst reactions from others

It's so sad when I hear people either encourage or discourage others or even themselves from going natural based on what they believe about their hair texture ... Depending on the texture they will say, "Go for it, you always had that good hair" but then turn around and say "But there is no way I could go natural-I've got that slave hair!" Makes me cringe ...

I kid you not, I know of one young lady (teenager) who announced that she was going to transition to natural and was subsequently teased (by ADULTS) and told that she would not last long as a natural because "She's got that tough African hair"!! She went ahead with it anyway and is so in love with her natural hair now ... her self esteem has soared and I am so proud of her for not letting the naysayers scare/shame her into remaining relaxed when she didn't want to...especially at that young impressionable age. She loves her reflection in the mirror with her natural hair and the so-called "tough African" texture and that is something that can take years to embrace, and for some, it never happens

It really hurts me to hear some of the stories even in this thread about family members and friends saying the most hurtful things about your hair ... I mean WOW! .... We have come a long way but still have so far to go

 

[Everything Zen]

I think the hardest part of going natural is that my mother doesn't support me. She doesn't like my natural hair and always has some kind of complaint about it the few times I wear it out. My dad supports black women going natural but he admits that it is different look from what they're used to. FH loves it and wishes I would wear it out more often. I have a tiny bathroom and no space to sit and do my hair in my home. I need to find a natural hair stylist and find some styles which I think would help me feel more comfortable to wear it out more often.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

NappyRina

I had a lot of naysayers, including my mom, grandma, sister and friends. DH was the main supporter and in fact he encouraged me to go natural. I still hear the "you have good hair, you can be natural" comments. I have not relaxed since 2007.

The funny thing is my mom is natural as of this Spring. She did the BC. My sister clipped off the last bit of mom's relaxer and my brother did her edge up.

It's so sad when I hear people either encourage or discourage others or even themselves from going natural based on what they believe about their hair texture ... Depending on the texture they will say, "Go for it, you always had that good hair" but then turn around and say "But there is no way I could go natural-I've got that slave hair!" Makes me cringe ...

I kid you not, I know of one young lady (teenager) who announced that she was going to transition to natural and was subsequently teased (by ADULTS) and told that she would not last long as a natural because "She's got that tough African hair"!! She went ahead with it anyway and is so in love with her natural hair now ... her self esteem has soared and I am so proud of her for not letting the naysayers scare/shame her into remaining relaxed when she didn't want to...especially at that young impressionable age. She loves her reflection in the mirror with her natural hair and the so-called "tough African" texture and that is something that can take years to embrace, and for some, it never happens

It really hurts me to hear some of the stories even in this thread about family members and friends saying the most hurtful things about your hair ... I mean WOW! .... We have come a long way but still have so far to go

 

[greight]

^^^^^

It's so ironic how the people who used to down my natural hair are now themselves natural

I never was emotional nor did I cry about my hair being accepted. Ever. I do what I want, no concerns given. But man, when people asked me why and I told them (mom, friends, etc), it was like this giant wave of push back so I started to give basic answers, avoided the convos, and then decided to find information online about hair and voila! Here is LHCF. Since then I ONLY talk hair among ya'll even though most of my friends are now natural. The internet was with me when no one was

It just speaks volumes how similar all of our stories are concerning becoming natural.

 

[Ogoma]

^^^^^ It's so ironic how the people who used to down my natural hair are now themselves natural I never was emotional nor did I cry about my hair being accepted. Ever. I do what I want, no concerns given. But man, when people asked me why and I told them (mom, friends, etc), it was like this giant wave of push back so I started to give basic answers, avoided the convos, and then decided to find information online about hair and voila! Here is LHCF. Since then I ONLY talk hair among ya'll even though most of my friends are now natural. The internet was with me when no one was It just speaks volumes how similar all of our stories are concerning becoming natural.

I identify more with this. I didn't consider anyone's opinions, not even the one I am supposed. But that is in line with my personality, which may explain why I got not one negative comment or question. I guess they knew it wouldn't matter. I got lots of support and compliments. Human beings are a funny lot, I tell you.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

I'm so glad she shared her story & was honest about her initial feelings. I'm sure at the time she would have never in her wildest dreams thought that her gorgeous hair would be such a huge inspiration to others!

The truth is, so many of us are just not used to seeing ourselves with our natural hair out in all of it's glory... we are the ONLY group of women that go through this and have this complete disconnect from our hair since childhood (due to chemicals, heat, weaves, braid extensions, etc) where we have to go through this whole process of getting to know/accept/love this foreign substance growing out of our heads ....which is why I'm also glad about what she said about the natural hair movement and Black women

I must admit that as someone with tightly kinky hair I feel some type of way when I hear stories from new naturals who say something along the lines of "I was so nervous that I would not like my hair texture but when I saw all those beautiful shiny coils/curls/waves, etc I just fell in LOVE!" That's cool, but that totally implies that they would not have fallen in love with their hair if it looked like mine ... and the sad truth is that so many who DO come to find out they have my texture have the hardest time accepting/loving it and/or the worst reactions from others

It's so sad when I hear people either encourage or discourage others or even themselves from going natural based on what they believe about their hair texture ... Depending on the texture they will say, "Go for it, you always had that good hair" but then turn around and say "But there is no way I could go natural-I've got that slave hair!" Makes me cringe ...

I kid you not, I know of one young lady (teenager) who announced that she was going to transition to natural and was subsequently teased (by ADULTS) and told that she would not last long as a natural because "She's got that tough African hair"!! She went ahead with it anyway and is so in love with her natural hair now ... her self esteem has soared and I am so proud of her for not letting the naysayers scare/shame her into remaining relaxed when she didn't want to...especially at that young impressionable age. She loves her reflection in the mirror with her natural hair and the so-called "tough African" texture and that is something that can take years to embrace, and for some, it never happens

It really hurts me to hear some of the stories even in this thread about family members and friends saying the most hurtful things about your hair ... I mean WOW! .... We have come a long way but still have so far to go

I teared up a bit reading this. No lie. You have a way with words. I am so glad the teen you mentioned stood up for what and how she felt. As a teen I was not that brave.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

^^^^^

It's so ironic how the people who used to down my natural hair are now themselves natural

I never was emotional nor did I cry about my hair being accepted. Ever. I do what I want, no concerns given. But man, when people asked me why and I told them (mom, friends, etc), it was like this giant wave of push back so I started to give basic answers, avoided the convos, and then decided to find information online about hair and voila! Here is LHCF. Since then I ONLY talk hair among ya'll even though most of my friends are now natural. The internet was with me when no one was

It just speaks volumes how similar all of our stories are concerning becoming natural.

So true. With out lhcf I would have stayed a straight haired natural or would have gone back to the crack after several failed monsoon seasons.

I too had to keep my natural talk online. Especially when people would ask for advice, but when given say "oh I cant deal with all of that" or my absolute favorite "you got that good hair! I cant do that with my hair"

It truly upsets me so I just avoid the topic all together with people irl.

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

I identify more with this. I didn't consider anyone's opinions, not even the one I am supposed. But that is in line with my personality, which may explain why I got not one negative comment or question. I guess they knew it wouldn't matter. I got lots of support and compliments. Human beings are a funny lot, I tell you.

I envy that. While now I'm in that place and state of mind, it took a long time and I could have easily have been pushed back to hating my hair and relaxing. And not relaxing for style but because I thought my hair wasnt good enough.

I was taunted about my hair since age 4 and it really impacted my self esteem as a child, teen and young woman. I wish I had the hair confidence I have now back then.

My hair was an unnecessary burden to me most of my life because of adult insecurities and thats sad really

 

[CocoGlow]

I teared up a bit reading this. No lie. You have a way with words. I am so glad the teen you mentioned stood up for what and how she felt. As a teen I was not that brave.

Aww thanks!!! Mz.MoMo5235

I was tearing up reading all these experiences in this thread!!

She told me that I was one of her inspirations and it made my heart melt! All along I tried to encourage her when all the others were just ragging on her but I was unsure if my words would have an impact ... you know how the naysayers are usually the loudest and there were more of them in her ear than me

I grew up around Afrocentric family members who wore Locs long before the current natural hair movement ... I eventually wore Locs myself for years after wearing cornrows and braid extensions throughout my entire childhood ... I was never forced or coerced into relaxing my hair, but I was also not taught how to deal with natural hair outside of Locs, so my brief stints with relaxers were a personal choice due to sheer frustration with my natural hair after I decided to wear it loose ... I was very fortunate to not grow up around relaxers but instead of being told that my nappy hair "needed" a relaxer, I was taught that my nappy hair was unmanageable outside of braid extensions and Locs ... it was never said but implied & honestly no one knew what to do with my hair

It really breaks my heart how brainwashed & psychologically scarred our community was/is to hate our natural features ... if only we knew how beautiful we really are ... we don't have to alter, hide or tame a thing

 

[almond eyes]

As an African woman growing up in the States even when I would relax and transition to natural I never had the issues of feeling badly about my hair in a natural state. My mother and most of my relatives had been natural nearly all my life. When I have lived though in the Congo and I decided to stop relaxing and wearing my braids, I got the most reactions from the Congolese. They were like oh no, you can't go around like that you should make your hair straight, braid it or weave it. I didn't even listen, the colonial history from the DRC was so damaging that I only felt compassion for the messed up thinking over there and I didn't let it effect me.

I think the only time I had someone make a comment in the States was my Dad and that was many years ago when I was natural and coming out of braids and it was hard to learn my natural hair because it was so much and sometimes my hairstyles would be down right terrible. Dad would beg me to braid it or relax it. I was like Dad it's so sad, as an African woman can I even have a bad hair day and when you are learning your hair why are so many people so concerned about it. My Dad explained that in Nigeria his family, women were not encouraged to grow their hair they always had it shaved so for him Afro hair had to be styled properly and he didn't mean it. And my hair isn't like blinged out with curls or anything, I just think I knew how to work my make up and fashion style.

Now after transitioning again, I am a baldy though now no longer that bald and I really don't allow anyone to tell me about my natural hair.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Daernyris]

Aww thanks!!! @Mz.MoMo5235

I was tearing up reading all these experiences in this thread!!

She told me that I was one of her inspirations and it made my heart melt! All along I tried to encourage her when all the others were just ragging on her but I was unsure if my words would have an impact ... you know how the naysayers are usually the loudest and there were more of them in her ear than me

I grew up around Afrocentric family members who wore Locs long before the current natural hair movement ... I eventually wore Locs myself for years after wearing cornrows and braid extensions throughout my entire childhood ... I was never forced or coerced into relaxing my hair, but I was also not taught how to deal with natural hair outside of Locs, so my brief stints with relaxers were a personal choice due to sheer frustration with my natural hair after I decided to wear it loose ... I was very fortunate to not grow up around relaxers but instead of being told that my nappy hair "needed" a relaxer, I was taught that my nappy hair was unmanageable outside of braid extensions and Locs ... it was never said but implied & honestly no one knew what to do with my hair

It really breaks my heart how brainwashed & psychologically scarred our community was/is to hate our natural features ... if only we knew how beautiful we really are ... we don't have to alter, hide or tame a thing

@NappyRina you betta say that one mo 'gin chile @ the bolded, I think slowly (very slow) but surely we are getting there. That's why I love the internet, the knowledge and the bonding. It helped me and this teenager across the street from me. She was extremely frustrated with her hair. I started transitioning and looking all fabulous wit my hurr and her mother brought her to me and I schooled her.

Ladies, she stopped relaxing, started bantu knotting, twist outing, prepooing and what not. Cain't tell that chile nothing now. She cut all her relaxed hair off and be rocking a bad a** fro sometimes. Walking around like she know she the ish. I smile everytime I see her or when she comes to show me what she has done to her hurr.

Makes my heart feel good for her and she is encouraging other young ladies at her school, cause they see how whipped her hurr bees and they be like<------

 

[NaturallyATLPCH]

I can relate. Although i didn't cry, I really had to alter my state of mind regarding what i considered "pretty". I wasn't prepared for that. Atlanta is the land of big bootys and mermaid weave so i had to walk tall amongst that for months. It really helped me secure who i was as a person.

Sorry, I had to laugh at this. Because it's so true. There is so much WEAVE around here, even bypassing the big booties because they are covered in weave.

 

[NaturallyATLPCH]

I identify more with this. I didn't consider anyone's opinions, not even the one I am supposed. But that is in line with my personality, which may explain why I got not one negative comment or question. I guess they knew it wouldn't matter. I got lots of support and compliments. Human beings are a funny lot, I tell you.

Same here. When I big chopped I didn't care what people thought. My mom is diseased but my grandmother at the time said it was beautiful, and that anyway I wore my hair was nice.

The longest my hair was was shoulder/collarbone length and that was before my mom passed. It stayed short after she passed while it was relaxed because it was too painful seeing an image of my mom through me because she had long relaxed hair. When I big chopped, I was actually shocked at my little coils. I didn't think they existed because of how my new growth was lol. But since I had short hair and wore scrunch waves a lot to simulate a short curly afro, it made the transition of accepting my natural hair easier. Yes, scrunch waves. I know you 90s ladies know those .

Fast forward to now, I love my slow growing natural hair. It's healthy, and I'm intrigued by the hair I haven't seen since I was 5.

These are such heartfelt stories. Kudos to you ladies and your journeys for accepting your inner beauty.

 

[almond eyes]

Funny because where I live in Africa, everyone has a mermaid weave. But surprisingly, my hair I love it because it makes me stand out. Those long straight and even wavy weaves look so artificial and ridiculous especially with women who have very strong African features.

My guy friend told me that he was so glad I got rid of my weaves that I only wore for one year like four years ago. He said many of his friends were like weaves smell and make women sweat when it's hot and the hair doesn't look clean. Many of the men I know have told me that they will not step to a woman in a weave.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[naturalmanenyc]

almond eyes

I was surprised to see so many women in South Africa wearing long, straight weave. For some reason I expected to see more natural hair and braids. I see more naturals in Brooklyn than I did in South Africa.

 

[almond eyes]

@almond eyes

I was surprised to see so many women in South Africa wearing long, straight weave. For some reason I expected to see more natural hair and braids. I see more naturals in Brooklyn than I did in South Africa.

All over West Africa too the weave phenomenon. I have lived and visited so many countries in West Africa and everyone wears a long straight or wavy weave. In fact where I live right now, 80 percent of the women are in weaves. Last year, I went to an event and a woman had a weave to her ankles. She was feeling very self conscious about by the end of the evening.

I also thought that in South Africa, women would be rocking more of the bald and shorter afros.

Ah this globalisation and everyone wanting to look like Beyonce or a Nollywood actress. Sad.

When these women come to NYC and see the natural haired women they start feeling ridiculous and bad.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[naturalmanenyc]

almond eyes

Weave to her ankles? Seriously?
Some people really go too far.

All over West Africa too the weave phenomenon. I have lived and visited so many countries in West Africa and everyone wears a long straight or wavy weave. In fact where I live right now, 80 percent of the women are in weaves. Last year, I went to an event and a woman had a weave to her ankles. She was feeling very self conscious about by the end of the evening.

I also thought that in South Africa, women would be rocking more of the bald and shorter afros.

Ah this globalisation and everyone wanting to look like Beyonce or a Nollywood actress. Sad.

When these women come to NYC and see the natural haired women they start feeling ridiculous and bad.

Best,
Almond Eyes