Love comes when you least expect it?

[yokoyokogirl]

Is this true?

I mean, in your experiences?

I have no problem hooking my friends up, but I can never meet anyone myself.

One of my gfs said "Stop looking and it will find you"...do you think that's true??

Or will I grow old and gray waiting?

 

[Bunny77]

Well, I was "not expecting" and "not looking" for the majority of my adult life and staying single. When I started expecting and looking, I attracted more men to me. Not saying they were all great, but seeing that they were some versus the none I had before, that was an improvement.

I do think though that the general idea behind that cliche is that you should not be fearful and worry about attracting love. You will never find a good relationship if you are acting out of anxiety. If one has a calm and happy demeanor around men when you aren't focusing on "finding a man," they'll be attracted to that as opposed to a demeanor that comes from desperation.

But I certainly think that one can "look" and "expect" with a happy heart!

 

[BeautyPoint]

That's what "they" say, but in my experience it has never happened that way. When I put myself out there and have that "come hither look" (jk), that's when more opportunites to meet men opened up for me.

 

[Kiadodie]

Well, I was "not expecting" and "not looking" for the majority of my adult life and staying single. When I started expecting and looking, I attracted more men to me. Not saying they were all great, but seeing that they were some versus the none I had before, that was an improvement.

I do think though that the general idea behind that cliche is that you should not be fearful and worry about attracting love. You will never find a good relationship if you are acting out of anxiety. If one has a calm and happy demeanor around men when you aren't focusing on "finding a man," they'll be attracted to that as opposed to a demeanor that comes from desperation.

But I certainly think that one can "look" and "expect" with a happy heart!

That is the truth!!!

 

[simone103]

That has always been the case with me. For some reason when I put out the least amount of effort that's when I attract more men to me, and that's exactly how I met my husband. I wasn't looking for a relationship much less putting forth any effort to meet men when I met him.

 

[GoingNatural]

Every time i let my guard down and give up, that's when someone finds me. And right when I fall for someone that's when all the men seem to notice me. I guess because I' m relaxed and probably glowing (not from sex i'm celibate!) lol

 

[Kiadodie]

When I am the happiest, people gravitate towards me. When I am anxious and "looking", I repel men....they dont even look my way .

That's how it works for me so I try to "maintain" my happiness and keep it movin.

 

[SugarBaby]

When I am the happiest, people gravitate towards me. When I am anxious and "looking", I repel men....they dont even look my way .

That's how it works for me so I try to "maintain" my happiness and keep it movin.

I think this is true for women friends also.

No one wants to around anyone that is overly anxious or crying the blues...

 

[Bunny77]

When I am the happiest, people gravitate towards me. When I am anxious and "looking", I repel men....they dont even look my way .

That's how it works for me so I try to "maintain" my happiness and keep it movin.

That's the key... do what works for you!

I've learned that there's no "right" way for all to approach the relationship arena. Some do better with a proactive approach, some do better when they fall back and others maybe do best finding something in the middle.

The key is to be happy.

 

[FlowerHair]

That's the key... do what works for you!

I've learned that there's no "right" way for all to approach the relationship arena. Some do better with a proactive approach, some do better when they fall back and others maybe do best finding something in the middle.

The key is to be happy.

And look happy, radiate happiness!

 

[Angelicus]

It happened to me and I am very happy.

People who try too hard usually end up... well... you know.

 

[tocktick]

Personally, I know of at least one person who if they had waited around on fate would probably not have got married when she did. I do not like that the whole: "the one turns up when you're not looking!!! " spiel is doled out to every woman who does actually want to be in a relationship. It's not realistic for everyone to just expect to find their ideal match going about their everyday business (presuming they even do more than go to work & back home).

Imo, that message is fine if being with someone is not really on your radar. However, if you are looking to be in a relationship soon, I think it's worthwhile to be proactive but not let it consume your entire life. Yes, you may meet someone out of the blue but still put yourself out there. Just don't try to force chemistry/computability, don't make hasty decisions about dudes or lower your standards because you feel your options are limited.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I think its true I had just dumped my ex-fiancee and was having a really hard time with life in general and this guy offered a listening ear and we've been been together going on 3 years (happily married 7 months)

 

[inthepink]

Gosh, so many varying things have happened to so many people. I've known people who've met their"one" while looking, while not looking, while happy, while desperate, while depressed, while wacky, while dressed down, and going about daily life. I am sure the percentages vary on all of those but I guess the truth is that it is just different for everyone. I sure wish there was a formula to this madness!

 

[locabouthair]

I dont know aboout love but I always seemed to find someone when I wasn't looking.

But I dont think the not looking thing applies to everyone. Some people need to be proactive about it.

 

[gabulldawg]

I definitely have found this to be true. I don't think it applies to everyone, though.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Thanks for your insights.

I work with all women, so no chance to meet guys there. I usually go out in Tokyo with my gfs but I have a hard time taking guys I meet in the club seriously. And other than that, I don't have much opportunity to meet guys.

I used to teach a class on the Navy base and then I was meeting a ton of cute single guys but I was in a relationship then and faithful.

I don't want to try a match site cause it seems like weirdos are lurking there...so I'm gonna do me, be positive and maybe the right man will come along...

 

[Britt]

I def do agree with this. I remember last yr complaining to my friend about finding a decent guy to date and felt like it would be a while before I found him.
Out of the blue something told me for kicks and giggles join an online dating site... I did, and met my SO quickly, I wasn't 'actively' looking, I actually did it this thinking in the back of my head that I wouldn't really meet anyone that I'd be truly interested in, there was some definite hesitancy there .
In any event, I've kinda fallen for my SO.. we have our little ups and downs, but he came TOTALLY unexpected to me... but last summer when I was going out more often w/ the hopes of meeting someone I'd be attracted to, I never came across anyone... life really is funny.

 

[aribell]

When I am the happiest, people gravitate towards me. When I am anxious and "looking", I repel men....they dont even look my way .

That's how it works for me so I try to "maintain" my happiness and keep it movin.

Yep, I think it's about the vibes you radiate. For me, things have happened when I genuinely wanted something, but wasn't analyzing every situation to find it. Being open but not necessarily trying to make something happen.

If "looking" really means trying to force something, then it probably won't work 'cause it just messes up the energy.

 

[pisceschica]

I think it is to an extent.

I think the most important thing is to have all of your ducks in a row. Be stable as far as your lifestyle and career goes. Do and experience everything you can you feel will make you the most complete person that you can be.

I just think that you have to be visible. And as some women said radiate happiness. Smile, look happy, look the best you can be etc. I mean if you are hanging out in libraries or coffee houses with the same crowd you are not going to have as much success as if you are out and about in new scenes, meeting new people, and possibly meeting someone through them.

 

[czyfaith77]

My experience verifies that. In fact, my now husband approached me when I very much least expected. It was and remains a breath of fresh air. I am thankful for him in my life everyday. Prior to him I did not date for a long time. It was by choice. I simply did not like dating.

 

[Choclatcotton]

I think its true, Im kinda in a mode were I really dont care, and I seem to be attracting all kinds of attention. Its weird because I love my life and am content and happy. Im not down with no more play and any man would have to step right because I took things much too seriously in the past. Im not having any mess it up. Life is good with me and The Lord.

 

[lowridin76]

This is kind of what happened between my current SO and I. I was checking out different dating sites, and not much was happening. I took a break, and met SO. We just started talking, and after we talked for a while went to texting and instant messaging. It just kept progressing, and now We are very happy together. I think I do have better luck when I'm not really looking. I don't know if it's because the guys I find when looking usually don't work out or what.

 

[NYAmicas]

It's been a minute since I've been looking but I had the greatest success meeting men when I wanted to be single.

 

[dangerousvirgo2001]

There is truth to this, the guy I met came out of no where, since we've met he has set his goal to make me happy, and he has been doing just that since.