P
patient1
Guest
I'll be taking another board break to get some work done. So before I go, I wanted to share something that's been on my mind for a bit.
I've worn my hair unrelaxed since 1992 and I don't see myself returning to it but I remember.
I was fortunate in that my mom, who had the type of hair referred to as "good", did not raise us to believe in good and bad hair. We wore little afros for much of our youth, cornbraids, occasional presses. As a matter of fact, I feel like I was in the double digits once I did get a relaxer. I even had a jherri curl once (13 I think) but never went back for the maintenance so I had a giant fro with Mike J tips by the end of the summer. I went to the hairdresser and was amazed at how she transformed my hair with HEAT and scalp torture. What truly blew my mind was how different the boys treated me when I hit the playground again. Sweet!
I was pretty lucky in relaxer land. I didn't live with my mom so my dad sent us girls to the salon every two weeks. I know now that the hairdresser (an amazon with an attitude) over-relaxed my hair, overheated it, and used any means necessary to make my hair look "good". I survived her AND the daily applications of gold and hot that marked my teens. Like many of you I bear the scars...literally.
My only reminder of my natural hair would be those rare occasions when my eldest sister or I would experience breakage down to the new growth. We'd call these areas MAN HAIR and there was nothing worse. If you wanted to sling a low blow during an argument, evoking the MAN HAIR card did it!
Yet, in high school I didn't worry too much when my edges started to show their true nature. One homegirl would always point them out to me (oOOOh,
you need a touch-up girl) but I'd just shrug and get around to it when I did. By then my best friend had taught me how to apply my own relaxers. I had an application brush and all that. I could base, apply, and smooth with the best of them. It's like riding a bike, I'm sure I still can.
My boyfriend always loved that fresh from the salon look. It would be shining and flowing and blowing in the breeze. Yeah, I got the appeal. I still do. I started college with my relaxer. My hair was almost always thick and on point. Yet, in college, I started to really see the whole gamut of natural hairstyles and I was drawn to them. Very quickly, I started wondering why I was relaxing on autopilot? I didn't hate myself or my people. I was in Black Nationalist organizations surrounded by women with relaxers, short naturals, head coverings, braids, locs, etc. all connected by a common cause: upliftment of our people. That had been my way since H.S. when I "met" Malcolm X and faced my Bama youth.
My relaxer wasn't about negation of who I was. It didn't make me "White" in any way. Yet, I was drawn to a vision of my Self with natural hair, in my mind's eye, because of something personal...individual.
My boyfriend of the time wanted to see that vision too and took me to his barbershop and the rest is history.
Looking back on who I was when I was relaxed makes me open to other people regardless of what they do with their hair. I compliment women on their hair and their style when it appeals to me: natural, relaxed, weaved up, whatever. Yeah, if someone makes some off the wall, hateful comment about naps...the hair that I make visible and they choose not to, I usually offer a gentle rebuff. However, it's like defending any group. Me standing for A, doesn't mean I have anything against B.
In the end, below the layers, I know we have much more in common than we have apart. Hair however, we connect (and disconnect
) around family, food, men, marriage, sex, Beyonce, culture, race, etc.
If we can make vastly different choices (in hair and beyond) but still see the beauty in one another, then THAT in my opinion is progress.
So yep, I'm natural. It's my preference. And if relaxed hair is your preference, I say go for it and make it look good. I wouldn't have you be natural and suffer for the sake of conforming. I'm sure you wouldn't wish the relative experience on me.
Hair really tells us nothing about who someone is...the quality of their spirit. (But I'm still not dating any brothers with presses or perms. )
unedited,
p1
I've worn my hair unrelaxed since 1992 and I don't see myself returning to it but I remember.
I was fortunate in that my mom, who had the type of hair referred to as "good", did not raise us to believe in good and bad hair. We wore little afros for much of our youth, cornbraids, occasional presses. As a matter of fact, I feel like I was in the double digits once I did get a relaxer. I even had a jherri curl once (13 I think) but never went back for the maintenance so I had a giant fro with Mike J tips by the end of the summer. I went to the hairdresser and was amazed at how she transformed my hair with HEAT and scalp torture. What truly blew my mind was how different the boys treated me when I hit the playground again. Sweet!
I was pretty lucky in relaxer land. I didn't live with my mom so my dad sent us girls to the salon every two weeks. I know now that the hairdresser (an amazon with an attitude) over-relaxed my hair, overheated it, and used any means necessary to make my hair look "good". I survived her AND the daily applications of gold and hot that marked my teens. Like many of you I bear the scars...literally.
My only reminder of my natural hair would be those rare occasions when my eldest sister or I would experience breakage down to the new growth. We'd call these areas MAN HAIR and there was nothing worse. If you wanted to sling a low blow during an argument, evoking the MAN HAIR card did it!
Yet, in high school I didn't worry too much when my edges started to show their true nature. One homegirl would always point them out to me (oOOOh,
you need a touch-up girl) but I'd just shrug and get around to it when I did. By then my best friend had taught me how to apply my own relaxers. I had an application brush and all that. I could base, apply, and smooth with the best of them. It's like riding a bike, I'm sure I still can.My boyfriend always loved that fresh from the salon look. It would be shining and flowing and blowing in the breeze. Yeah, I got the appeal. I still do. I started college with my relaxer. My hair was almost always thick and on point. Yet, in college, I started to really see the whole gamut of natural hairstyles and I was drawn to them. Very quickly, I started wondering why I was relaxing on autopilot? I didn't hate myself or my people. I was in Black Nationalist organizations surrounded by women with relaxers, short naturals, head coverings, braids, locs, etc. all connected by a common cause: upliftment of our people. That had been my way since H.S. when I "met" Malcolm X and faced my Bama youth.
My relaxer wasn't about negation of who I was. It didn't make me "White" in any way. Yet, I was drawn to a vision of my Self with natural hair, in my mind's eye, because of something personal...individual.
My boyfriend of the time wanted to see that vision too and took me to his barbershop and the rest is history.
Looking back on who I was when I was relaxed makes me open to other people regardless of what they do with their hair. I compliment women on their hair and their style when it appeals to me: natural, relaxed, weaved up, whatever. Yeah, if someone makes some off the wall, hateful comment about naps...the hair that I make visible and they choose not to, I usually offer a gentle rebuff. However, it's like defending any group. Me standing for A, doesn't mean I have anything against B.
In the end, below the layers, I know we have much more in common than we have apart. Hair however, we connect (and disconnect
) around family, food, men, marriage, sex, Beyonce, culture, race, etc. If we can make vastly different choices (in hair and beyond) but still see the beauty in one another, then THAT in my opinion is progress.
So yep, I'm natural. It's my preference. And if relaxed hair is your preference, I say go for it and make it look good. I wouldn't have you be natural and suffer for the sake of conforming. I'm sure you wouldn't wish the relative experience on me.
Hair really tells us nothing about who someone is...the quality of their spirit. (But I'm still not dating any brothers with presses or perms.
)unedited,
p1
clap:
erplexed
