Long distance relationships.
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Hairsnob
Deep Thinker
I was in one for about 2 yrs and we lived 2.5 hours away. It was good for me at the time because I was in school and working and didn't have the time for a "full-time" relationship. Once I finished school I thought things would be great and nope, we were over that quick.
I don't think I could do long distance in a "real" relationship again.
I had a male friend of mine always ask me how do I trust having a man that far away that I only saw every two weeks? He said men need "companionship" more often than that. I really didn't think too much about what he did at the time because it worked for me. But when I finished school and had more free time it wasn't enough. I guess he was comfortable with the way it was for the reasons mentioned above.
I'm sure there are a lot of successful relationships like that though but mine wasn't.
lucy
Well-Known Member
I was. My man lived in another country. We spoke very often and saw eachother about every other month. I had alot of miles. It takes a lot of trust and dedication, but it worked out so far. We are happily married with a toddler. He will also be a citizen in a few weeks, and voting for the first time in November. 
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
I'm in a LDR now. It's very hard. It was cool at first because I had just moved to a place where I wanted to move and was having fun getting acclimated and discovering lots of things, but it's starting to get a little old now. I'm still enjoying getting to know my surroundings and meeting people, but it's hard when you have an SO who can't share a lot of the things with you. We're on opposite sides of the country, so it's a long way and takes more than just a weekend to see each other. He is in the process of moving here though, so hopefully by November he'll be here permanently.
I think it's easier if you already have a relationship established. Trying to start a new one would be even more difficult, IMO, because you need that time to spend together to really get to know the person.
I think it's easier if you already have a relationship established. Trying to start a new one would be even more difficult, IMO, because you need that time to spend together to really get to know the person.
All my relationships (2 of them) have been long distance... 1 lasted 4 years... the 2nd 3 yrs and we have been married for 2 yrs.
It works if you don't have time for a full time relationship, I was busy with school, career stuff... didn't need a man around so it worked out just knowing someone was there. We talked everyday for at least an hr, saw once a yr for 3 weeks over the christmas break..... Both of them were really trustworthy... One of them is my childhood best friend (married to him now), and the other high school sweetheart... I knew they weren't going to cheat on me, and I didn't either..
I don't recommend it though... you really have to know the person you are dating, and talking over the phone doesnt cut it all the time... it worked for me cos I had other things going on in my life, but it wont work for most.
It works if you don't have time for a full time relationship, I was busy with school, career stuff... didn't need a man around so it worked out just knowing someone was there. We talked everyday for at least an hr, saw once a yr for 3 weeks over the christmas break..... Both of them were really trustworthy... One of them is my childhood best friend (married to him now), and the other high school sweetheart... I knew they weren't going to cheat on me, and I didn't either..
I don't recommend it though... you really have to know the person you are dating, and talking over the phone doesnt cut it all the time... it worked for me cos I had other things going on in my life, but it wont work for most.
mjsliberiangrl
Active Member
I was. My man lived in another country. We spoke very often and saw eachother about every other month. I had alot of miles. It takes a lot of trust and dedication, but it worked out so far. We are happily married with a toddler. He will also be a citizen in a few weeks, and voting for the first time in November.
This inspires me! Currently in a LDR now
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
I'm in one now we have lived in different countries since we started dating. It's hard but we make it work. It was harder in the beginning but we got our grove together.
Eta: you can't be in a ldr thinking he out there wilding out. Hell I know men that cheat and they stay in the same house with their woman. In any relationship you have to have trust.
Eta: you can't be in a ldr thinking he out there wilding out. Hell I know men that cheat and they stay in the same house with their woman. In any relationship you have to have trust.
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I am in one now. We both live in the same city, but go to school in two different states, about a 10-12 hour drive, and only get to see each other on holidays. It is hard, especially when you spend time around people who are in "normal" relationships. We spend a lot of time texting, skyping, emailing, and talking on the phone, as often as we can. There have been a lot of Friday nights spent in our dorms skyping instead of out partying with our friends. It takes a lot of trust, especially since we both have more friends of the opposite sex than we do of the same sex. It takes a lot of effort, but both of the people involved have to decide that the end result is worth it. It especially helps if you're planning to still be together after distance no longer becomes an issue, for example if you both are in college or in the military or something.
Yes, I was in one for a little over a year. The hardest part was wanting instant gratification ie wanting him to come over during an unplanned time to hang out and just chilling. He was 5 hours away in anothe state.
We got engaged and broke up, but it wasn't because of distance.
StarScream35
Well-Known Member
I was in a long distance relationship for about a year. My heart was in it but his was not and therein lies the problem. You both have to be committed to it. The hardest part was the expenses to fly out to see each other. We talked on the phone daily though. When we did see each other the sparks were incredible. Eventually he broke it off because he said he couldn't handle it. I still wish it could have worked. It's been a while since I met a guy like that!
Kinkyhairlady
Well-Known Member
I would do a LDR if the person is only a few hours away and resides in the US but if they live in another country no bueno! I tried talking to someone in another country and it did not work out because I was afraid I would have to marry him to bring him into the US. That was not a risk I wanted to take. LdR can work but you have to be committed and so does the man. Man are dogs and I just feel if they have needs that need to be met that they will find someone to meet those needs. If he has not had any in over 6 months what do u expect. I know some men can sustain but a lot fall weak. You would never know either because you live in a different state. At least if a man is cheating in the same town as you, there is a greater risk of him getting caught.
LovelyRo
Well-Known Member
Okay said:
I was in a long distance relationship that started off long distance. We were "together" a year and a half. He lived in Mississippi and I live in Chicago... His home town. Although I enjoyed the traveling it wasn't much of a relationship... We talked everyday but I never truly felt like we knew each other... That was the most difficult part that and leaving him because I always knew it would be a while before I saw him again. I still think he's a pretty decent guy we just were never able to build anything.
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Ugh Thinking bout trying a LDR...Military Im currently deployed Airforce and hes army which makes it so much more difficult Hes in Kanas Me texas ugh
But i think im gonna give it a shot if it work or doesnt ill let you guys know
Did i mention Hes my EX Rekindle the flame Maybe
Im currently deployed Airforce and hes army which makes it so much more difficult Hes in Kanas Me texas ugh But i think im gonna give it a shot if it work or doesnt ill let you guys know
Did i mention Hes my EX Rekindle the flame Maybe
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
Ugh Thinking bout trying a LDR...Military
But i think im gonna give it a shot if it work or doesnt ill let you guys know
Did i mention Hes my EX Rekindle the flame Maybe
I am AF and my dude is Army, so I know how you feel.
YES!!!! I just visited my dude and when I left I wanted to cry so bad.
Glamorous_chic
Well-Known Member
bump...anymore stories
Damaged but not out
Well-Known Member
Will be in one shortly. not looking forward to it at all. We have been together for 4 years in a "normal" situation.
NaturalPath
Well-Known Member
Been in one since 2009
2009-2010: 2.5 hrs away
2010-currently: 14 hours away
It's very difficult but skype, phone calls, visits, trust and keeping your mind busy with school makes it easier (he's in a phD program and I am in a doctorate program).
We've been together for 6 years.
2009-2010: 2.5 hrs away
2010-currently: 14 hours away
It's very difficult but skype, phone calls, visits, trust and keeping your mind busy with school makes it easier (he's in a phD program and I am in a doctorate program).
We've been together for 6 years.
Oneprettypa
New Member
I'm military so once we first graduated college I went to training, a new duty station and then Iraq ALLLLL the while in a long distance relationship. When I got back from deployment (which was a year) he moved in with me and we got married. Since then we're back to a long distance relationship. So altogether in 7 years we spent at least half long distance.
It's hard work, can be expensive with travels, frustrating to sleep in a bed by yourself when you have a man, but if the love is there and you want if to work it will. There has to be unshakable trust!
That being said, I wouldn't do it again. After we now back in together in a couple months, I don't plan to be separated again (Lord willing the right person will when the election and I won't have to go to war again!)
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It's hard work, can be expensive with travels, frustrating to sleep in a bed by yourself when you have a man, but if the love is there and you want if to work it will. There has to be unshakable trust!
That being said, I wouldn't do it again. After we now back in together in a couple months, I don't plan to be separated again (Lord willing the right person will when the election and I won't have to go to war again!)
Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
lucy
Well-Known Member
One of the hardest parts of LDRs is the fact that you have a man, so its like youre a hostage. I used to be depressed that I couldn't do things like go out to the movies, or to dinner etc. You have to decline offers because you are in a relationship, but cant do it with your SO either. Dedication. It definitely was hard to say good-bye everytime I had to leave.
I always say that LDRs can work if you both have a plan of being together in the future. If you are waiting out a temporary separation, but you are planning to come together, then it will work. If you are just in your respective locations with no plans to unite, then it makes no sense.
It was extremely hard but I love my hubby and wouldn't trade him for the world. We spent roughly 3 yrs separated by distance, before he moved here with me 4 years ago. We have a 2.5 yr old and the two of them are the loves of my life.
I always say that LDRs can work if you both have a plan of being together in the future. If you are waiting out a temporary separation, but you are planning to come together, then it will work. If you are just in your respective locations with no plans to unite, then it makes no sense.
It was extremely hard but I love my hubby and wouldn't trade him for the world. We spent roughly 3 yrs separated by distance, before he moved here with me 4 years ago. We have a 2.5 yr old and the two of them are the loves of my life.
One of the hardest parts of LDRs is the fact that you have a man, so its like youre a hostage. I used to be depressed that I couldn't do things like go out to the movies, or to dinner etc. You have to decline offers because you are in a relationship, but cant do it with your SO either. Dedication. It definitely was hard to say good-bye everytime I had to leave.
I always say that LDRs can work if you both have a plan of being together in the future. If you are waiting out a temporary separation, but you are planning to come together, then it will work. If you are just in your respective locations with no plans to unite, then it makes no sense.
It was extremely hard but I love my hubby and wouldn't trade him for the world. We spent roughly 3 yrs separated by distance, before he moved here with me 4 years ago. We have a 2.5 yr old and the two of them are the loves of my life.
yup...sooo true. The hardest thing about it.
starchgirl
Well-Known Member
LDRs can work. Was in one for 9 years (we started in high school), went to college 3000 miles apart, I went to grad school 2 hours away from where he was working, then he accepted a promotion on the other side of the country. We got engaged in year 9, got married in year 10, and we just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary and we have 2 beautiful sons.
Be committed, be honest, talk constantly, share endlessly. If you are both all in, it can be amazing.
Can't sugarcoat that there were lonely times or times when I missed him like crazy, but the rewards have far outweighed the sacrifices we made.
Good luck, OP!
Be committed, be honest, talk constantly, share endlessly. If you are both all in, it can be amazing.
Can't sugarcoat that there were lonely times or times when I missed him like crazy, but the rewards have far outweighed the sacrifices we made.
Good luck, OP!
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