Long Distance Relationships
- Thread starter CurliDiva
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sky_blu
Well-Known Member
Rule numero uno: LDR will not work if BOTH people are not willing to make it work. Thats rule #1 and probably the only rule really...if both parties aren't willing to work things out, communicate properly, and trust each other it won't work. I've found myself in more than one long distance relationship for one reason or another and they all haven't ended happily ever after.
My 1st LDR was when I went away to college (years ago) and my boyfriend back home thought it would be a good idea to continue with our relationship (that I should've never started my senior year knowing I was leaving). We were only 3 hours away but it felt like cross country at the time. While I was off blowing off advances as a college freshmen from very attractive and educated men, he was back at home getting his head filled up by his boys. He became very insecure and would accuse me of things, then the communication went downhill, then longer story short he cheated, and things went really downhill. He didn't trust me, I didn't trust him, and that was the end. I always give girls going off the college one rule of advice when it comes to relationship. "Don't bring your back home to college". I should've left him where I found him, back home.
Relationships are hard and having that distance can make it harder. It can make it better or make it worst if it wasn't right to begin with.
My 1st LDR was when I went away to college (years ago) and my boyfriend back home thought it would be a good idea to continue with our relationship (that I should've never started my senior year knowing I was leaving). We were only 3 hours away but it felt like cross country at the time. While I was off blowing off advances as a college freshmen from very attractive and educated men, he was back at home getting his head filled up by his boys. He became very insecure and would accuse me of things, then the communication went downhill, then longer story short he cheated, and things went really downhill. He didn't trust me, I didn't trust him, and that was the end. I always give girls going off the college one rule of advice when it comes to relationship. "Don't bring your back home to college". I should've left him where I found him, back home.
Relationships are hard and having that distance can make it harder. It can make it better or make it worst if it wasn't right to begin with.
Edited from another post.
I'm in a LDR and have been for about 2 years - I moved about 2 months after meeting him to go to grad school. And for 4 months, he was in the US and I was in Australia. Additionally, I traveled for 4.5 years for work while working mostly with men and saw the patterns in the relationships that strengthened with the traveling husbands, and those that sputtered and fell apart. And the key is communication.
I believe LDRs are always hardest for the person at home. The person who's moving away is going to be a in a new city, experiencing new things with new people.
Communication becomes tantamount and how you communicate will often become more noticeable than what you communicate. In my last long term relationship, I traveled 5 days a week for work and was home Saturdays and Sundays. And eventually it fell apart. Over time, the shift in our conversations went from
- "How are things, what'd you do today" to
- "I miss you, I want to see you, when do I get to see you" to
- "Do you miss me, do you love me" to
- "How come you didn't text me, how come you didn't call me when you said you would".
And the last two are bad places to be. Once we made the third transition, I was in in a pattern of avoidance rather than excitement when it came to communicating with him. I've seen MANY a LDR fall apart because the person away got tired of carrying the emotional weight of the feelings of sadness and "missing" from the person at home. Working with a bunch of men, I got to see the one's who looked forward to talking with their wives/girlfriends and those who avoided their SO's and it ALWAYS came down to communication.
Also, don't be afraid to have direct conversations about boundaries. Agree on and establish them up front so that neither of you are operating on assumptions.
I'm in a LDR and have been for about 2 years - I moved about 2 months after meeting him to go to grad school. And for 4 months, he was in the US and I was in Australia. Additionally, I traveled for 4.5 years for work while working mostly with men and saw the patterns in the relationships that strengthened with the traveling husbands, and those that sputtered and fell apart. And the key is communication.
I believe LDRs are always hardest for the person at home. The person who's moving away is going to be a in a new city, experiencing new things with new people.
Communication becomes tantamount and how you communicate will often become more noticeable than what you communicate. In my last long term relationship, I traveled 5 days a week for work and was home Saturdays and Sundays. And eventually it fell apart. Over time, the shift in our conversations went from
- "How are things, what'd you do today" to
- "I miss you, I want to see you, when do I get to see you" to
- "Do you miss me, do you love me" to
- "How come you didn't text me, how come you didn't call me when you said you would".
And the last two are bad places to be. Once we made the third transition, I was in in a pattern of avoidance rather than excitement when it came to communicating with him. I've seen MANY a LDR fall apart because the person away got tired of carrying the emotional weight of the feelings of sadness and "missing" from the person at home. Working with a bunch of men, I got to see the one's who looked forward to talking with their wives/girlfriends and those who avoided their SO's and it ALWAYS came down to communication.
Also, don't be afraid to have direct conversations about boundaries. Agree on and establish them up front so that neither of you are operating on assumptions.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
I am currently on the off part of my LDR relationship. But communcation and trust are key. I don't have a set amount of days I want to talk to him, but I know when he is lacking (that is why we are currently off lol). You have to voice your concerns, because just like in any relationship, they will fester and you will click out. You have to trust that he is not doing anything, just like he has to trust you. You must save your money and vacation time to spend time together with each other. Also realize sometimes work and school may interfer and you have to be understanding.
My dude was in Iraq and I was in the states for the first year. For a few months we were both in the states, but different states. Then I moved to Korea and he is still in the states, for the 2nd year. For the next 3 years, I will be in the UK and he will be in the states.
My dude was in Iraq and I was in the states for the first year. For a few months we were both in the states, but different states. Then I moved to Korea and he is still in the states, for the 2nd year. For the next 3 years, I will be in the UK and he will be in the states.
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