Long Distance Love...is it possible??

[Sweetcheri8]

Hey Ladies,

I need some serious advice. I met a man that I am very compatible with and we have begun dating. The only problem is he lives in a different state. I am normally opposed to long distance relationships, but he is really special and I don't want to stop seeing him based on that alone. This brings me to my question. Have any of you been in long distance relationships? If so, based on your experience can they work? What tips or advise can you offer? I am at a point in my life where I do not have time for games. I want to settle down in the near future and he really seems like a good candidate. Oh yeah, forgot to add that we have discussed this and he is open to embarking on a long distance relationship with me and wants things to progress. Thanks in advance ladies!!!


Sweetcheri

 

[Summer_Rain]

I believe that anything is possible as long as the couple have shared goals as to the intentions of the relationship. It's (of course) important to be on the same page, mutual effort along with honest communication will be key to the success of a LD relationship. How far apart are you two?

 

[lexi08]

In my experience LD relationships don't work out well. I tried one a few years ago and it did not work out because of the distance, plus he was not committed to making it work(he later admitted this). The relationship I am in now, is kind of long distance, well he only lives an 11/2 hour away, but travels alot so I don't see him much. This is beginning to take its toll on me. I do believe these kinds of relationships can work, but only if both people are committed 100% to making that happen.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I'm in one right now, and so far everything is cool. However, he is very serious about me moving back to him. He sends me job postings everyday for jobs there. I'm thinking and praying about it, but I'm just not ready yet. I hate my job here, so it seems like a no-brainer, but I just want to wait a while and make sure.

Long Distance can work for a while, but eventually someone has to move. It looks like it's gonna be me.

 

[FunkyMunky]

Long Distance can work for a while, but eventually someone has to move. It looks like it's gonna be me.

My sentiments exactly. Over the years I have had more than my share of LD relationships and for the most part they don't work unless 1 person moves and even with that another challenge is presented due to the fact that over the course of your relationship the amount of time you spend together may not be enough to keep you together. I had one where I moved. It lasted 10 months. LD relationships begin out good and fun because each meeting is fun and exciting, as it should, because it is not that often and it has an element of fantasy to it. The what could happens.... Another thing that happens a lot in LD relationships is after the first few months intimacy issues pop up. The telephone, emails, and occasional visits are no longer enough and that's when the heartache starts. 1 or both person begins to realize the relationship requires too much work to maintain without getting much out of it, then someone starts to look for someone closer. Then all of a sudden the person is busier than usual, the calls are less, you start complaining about it and most times later than sooner its over. IMO, the breakup in a LD relationship can be worse than a local one because of the long slow death of you coming to terms with your fantasy.

Advice - someone will definitely have to move eventually to make it work.

 

[hopeful]

My dh and I dated long distance for 4 years. We'll be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this summer. I will say that I think he and I were an exception to the rule though. We were both very young and by the time we were long distance we had both fallen in love with each other. And we lived close enough to be able to see each at least twice a month or more.

 

[Anancy]

DH and i were in a long distance relationship and he's from Canada, with me in the UK.

For us it was easy because we were on the same page. We talked alot about what we wanted for the future and we didn't put too much pressure on our relationship. When we knew that it was serious and that we wanted to live together, we both experienced living in each others country.

It's also been stressful because we have done alot of moving around but we've had great experiences in the meantime. Our relationship has also cost us a lot of money, what with flights and visa's etc. It's also been heartreaking, i've never cried so much in my life since being in this relationship, all this meeting up and seperating is not kind on the heart.

Im now in the process and moving to Canada permanently - but you never know what the future holds, i could decide in a few years that i may want to return to the UK.

All i can say is that you have to take a chance, you will know what feels right for you. If he really is as great for you as you say then goooo for it, and if you both completely trust each other then the distance thing should not be a problem.

 

[BAP28]

i was sooo anti-LDR.. until i met a great man who actually gave me butterflys.. i met him in all places 40/40 in the city- it sounds cheesy but when he walked into the little room that i was in..our eyes met..he came right over took my hand and we started dancing...now normally a man has to properly introduce himself to me b4 a dance but on this occasion--- we were both on the same page... and we've been in contact ever since.. he was from st.louis and i was like damn...well there that goes...we ended up hanging out everyday until he went back home ( approx. 7 days).. i felt like i met my soul mate but i know that any man that doesn't live in the same city or about an hour drive away wouldn't work for me....damn he was too fine... but we managed to stay in touch..to make a long story short.. he moved to atl...and we conversed daily- i went to visit my best friend in atl and saw him on one occasion....anyway he expressed that he was unhappy in atl..and i was LIKE WITH ALL THEM FINE WOMEN IN ATL UR NOT HAPPY PLZ..AND UR FINE TOO PLZ...anyhow..he packed up all his ish and moved to NYC for me...and we are 2 peas in a pod...lord knows i wasn't moving to atl or st.louis..but i am sooooo happy to have him here and it speaks volumes that he uprooted his life to come to nyc ( which is not for everyone)--for lil ole me.....now i had to settle down which is major for me...but he is so worth it....

so my 2 cents is basically a LDR can bring something into ur world u never even thought about..but it is by no means easy

 

[Sweetcheri8]

Thanks sooo much ladies for the insight. I am tripping right now because my potential man to be is from St. Louis as well. CRAZY! I live in Florida. Anyway, you are right about the whole butterflies in the stomach thing. When we met, I knew there was something special about him. I know it sounds corny but it is true. We lost touch and then found one anoter again. Ever since then we have been connected. We e-mail, text and talk all the time and he always sends me little nice jestures...a card or flowers. He seems to be very serious and we have talked about almost everything including how things could work. We both agreed that we would have to invest alot...but would like to see each other at least two times a month. In addition, he has already told me that he wants to live in my states sooner then later...he has always wanted to move. So I kind of feel like that wont be so much of an issue later. It is just sooo hard because I really really like him and dont' want to get caught up and be heartbroken becuase of the distance. But like you said you got to take a chance in love and this is a big chance we have to both be willing to take. We will see. We just had a weekend together and I am already missing him! Oh well...I will keep my faith alive and go with the flow for now. But a good brother is definetly hard to find so I will not let go of this one for now!

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

Hey Ladies,

I need some serious advice. I met a man that I am very compatible with and we have begun dating. The only problem is he lives in a different state. I am normally opposed to long distance relationships, but he is really special and I don't want to stop seeing him based on that alone. This brings me to my question. Have any of you been in long distance relationships? If so, based on your experience can they work? What tips or advise can you offer? I am at a point in my life where I do not have time for games. I want to settle down in the near future and he really seems like a good candidate. Oh yeah, forgot to add that we have discussed this and he is open to embarking on a long distance relationship with me and wants things to progress. Thanks in advance ladies!!!


Sweetcheri

When you say different states how far apart are you from each other. My fiancee' and I reside in different states, he lives in MD and I live in VA. We have been long distance dating for 12 months and as you can see from the signature, it worked out for us. However, we knew from the moment we met that this is the one. So sure there were moments of frustration when we couldn't see each other on the weekends but we got through it. I would say that its been hard on my other relationships because its not like I can spend friday night with my boyfriend, Saturday with my friends and then saturday with my boyfriend. I spend weekends with him, which leaves me the week to do things with them, after work. Thank God my friends have families and they understand, so when they do want to do something I will. If you pray and seek God's guidance, all things will work out.

 

[Sweetcheri8]

I also have a follow up quetion for you. How often did you see one anoterh prior to moving? What were the most serious issues you had to overcome? How are things going now? How long have you been toghether?

THANKS!

i was sooo anti-LDR.. until i met a great man who actually gave me butterflys.. i met him in all places 40/40 in the city- it sounds cheesy but when he walked into the little room that i was in..our eyes met..he came right over took my hand and we started dancing...now normally a man has to properly introduce himself to me b4 a dance but on this occasion--- we were both on the same page... and we've been in contact ever since.. he was from st.louis and i was like damn...well there that goes...we ended up hanging out everyday until he went back home ( approx. 7 days).. i felt like i met my soul mate but i know that any man that doesn't live in the same city or about an hour drive away wouldn't work for me....damn he was too fine... but we managed to stay in touch..to make a long story short.. he moved to atl...and we conversed daily- i went to visit my best friend in atl and saw him on one occasion....anyway he expressed that he was unhappy in atl..and i was LIKE WITH ALL THEM FINE WOMEN IN ATL UR NOT HAPPY PLZ..AND UR FINE TOO PLZ...anyhow..he packed up all his ish and moved to NYC for me...and we are 2 peas in a pod...lord knows i wasn't moving to atl or st.louis..but i am sooooo happy to have him here and it speaks volumes that he uprooted his life to come to nyc ( which is not for everyone)--for lil ole me.....now i had to settle down which is major for me...but he is so worth it....

so my 2 cents is basically a LDR can bring something into ur world u never even thought about..but it is by no means easy

 

[BAP28]

GIRL IT WASNT EASY TRUST ME ESP. SINCE I AM ALWAYS USE TO DATING A COUPLE FINE BROTHAS AT A TIME.. BUT THIS DUDE SHUT IT DOWN...I DONT KNOW ST. LOUIS HAS SOME FINE BROTHAS..ANYHOW...we talked everyday and had our ups and downs as in lil spats- mostly because when u speak on the phone primarily u start to nit pick at every lil thing...PRIOR TO HIM MOVING UP TO NY..we saw each other about twice a month---at most...cuz i am really busy and so is he...--AND WE TALKED EXTENSIVELY ABOUT OUR FUTURES AND WHAT WE WANT AND DONT WANT AND WHERE US COULD POTENTIALLY GO AS IN MARRIAGE, KIDS..BLAH BLAH-- I MEAN BEING WITH SOMEONE AND HAVING THEM MOVE TO UR AREA IS A HUGE DECISION I KEPT ASKING HIM ARE YOU SURE U WANNA MOVE TO NYC CUZ ALTHOUGH I WANTED HIM TO MOVE ASAP I WANTED HIM TO BE HAPPY NOT PRESSURED TO MOVE- AND AGAIN NYC IS NOT FOR EVERYONE....the issues we had were trust ...its so hard to have 100% trust when someone is miles away..esp when their fine and a very good catch...so if i called and he didnt pick up the phone im not gonna front i was slighlty like wtf r u doin and he felt the same if he called and i missed his call..at one point we got into a heated argument and both were like this is not gonna work..a month had gone by and we didnt speak then one day while i was sittin on the couch my phone rang it was him...things now r good but the one main thing about a LDR is when the person is finally in ur presence its like u talk on the phone all the time but its dif actually being around somone and understanding their moods, habits and etc....the first month he came to nyc i was like..this is alot tougher than i thought...we still have some kinks to get through but we communicate alot and that is key...i have known him for 2 yrs....the second yr we actually began to become more serious about being serious and technically we have been together for 8 months- as in a couple...in nyc...he met my family b4 since ive known him for 2 yrs....and yeah we live together... ( which is a whole otha story in itself but i have no regrets ...im a virgo and nuff said lol)

like i said prior to this i was the most anti-LDR person but when u meet someone special you know....

ok i am not use to puttin my bidness out like this but then again..lhcf is apart of my lil world so be it...

I also have a follow up quetion for you. How often did you see one anoterh prior to moving? What were the most serious issues you had to overcome? How are things going now? How long have you been toghether?

THANKS!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I've been in a couple of LD relationships, and they've worked well. I think it takes special people to make LD relationships work in the long term, but it's totally possible.

My advice would be to really gain an understanding of where you both see yourselves 5 years from now. Although this vision may change for either of you, it's important to have some sort of agenda in the relationship. Otherwise, one or both of you can start floating through the relationship and local people start to look like better options.

Also, the foundation has got to be solid...meaning both of you should be emotionally stable and trust in the other wholeheartedly. Without those things, the distance can really wear on you and the relationship after so long.

Good luck!

 

[carcajada]

Have any of you been in long distance relationships? If so, based on your experience can they work? What tips or advise can you offer?

Sweetcheri

I had a long distance relationship for years as we went to different undergrad schools. Now he's my husband. We had to see each other as much as possible (twice a month) in person, used web cam, talked everyday multiple times a day..etc. to make up for not being right around the corner from each other. Then after 3 years, we were able to move in together. Make sure he wants the same thing and that yall are on the same page. It worked for us because we were both homebodies and didn't want anything else but to talk to each other, versus one person wanting to go out and party and the other one being left wondering what the other person is doing far away. Good luck! It CAN work. I'm proof.

 

[andreab]

I'm in one right now, and so far everything is cool. However, he is very serious about me moving back to him. He sends me job postings everyday for jobs there. I'm thinking and praying about it, but I'm just not ready yet. I hate my job here, so it seems like a no-brainer, but I just want to wait a while and make sure.

Long Distance can work for a while, but eventually someone has to move. It looks like it's gonna be me.

I had 2 or 3 long distance relationships. The last one I married. They can work but only temp. I also think you have a better chance if you were both local and had time to devlop the relationship before doing the long distance, temp of course.

 

[andreab]

I had a long distance relationship for years as we went to different undergrad schools. Now he's my husband. We had to see each other as much as possible (twice a month) in person, used web cam, talked everyday multiple times a day..etc. to make up for not being right around the corner from each other. Then after 3 years, we were able to move in together. Make sure he wants the same thing and that yall are on the same page. It worked for us because we were both homebodies and didn't want anything else but to talk to each other, versus one person wanting to go out and party and the other one being left wondering what the other person is doing far away. Good luck! It CAN work. I'm proof.

Hey we had the same color flowers.