seeminglysweet
New Member
Thanks everyone for your advice. I deleted my post so it won't float on the net forever.
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SS, I think you're answering your own question with these words:
"If I met him today, I wouldn’t give him the time of day"....
I'll step aside so others with much more life experience in this area can respond....
Oh...one quick thing: I can speak to having a master's degree and dealing with (certain) men: some men are intimidated. I'll stop there....
Best to you....
i dont think your being selfish at all. you want whats bets for him nothing wrong with that. how is it a temp job if he's been there for 3 years?
I don't think he is intimidated. I'm an expert in my field, he is an expert in his.
I understand why he is the way he is (because he's had his hand held his whole life by his parents) but even when I talk to him about it, he'll be in the grind for a few months and then he'll slump back into his "comfortable" space.
I know I can "do better" in terms of finding a man on my level in terms of education, finances and career , but I honestly don't think I'll find a guy that is as respectful and loving as he is. With all the women on this board and IRL that describe the troubles they have with men I consider myself lucky to have him, but it's just this area that I haven't seen any improvement in. I'm just not sure what should be considered more heavily.
I don't think you're being selfish at all - marriage is challenging and although there is no such thing as the "perfect" mate, you should seek out someone who has the qualities that are most important to you. Does your SO have those qualities? If you meet him today, why wouldn't you give him the time of day? Those are the key questions that you need to ask yourself.
~Honey
aer you looking to marry him? would you marry him as he is today? or would you say no, no marriage until he changes?
Have you talked to him about this? Maybe he can shed some light on his concerns and begin to understand your concerns.
Have you talked to him about this? Maybe he can shed some light on his concerns and begin to understand your concerns.
I wanna know too. Have you had a serious convo about your concerns? I think he sounds like a really good guy. I understand your not wanting to just leave him on a whim. So my advice would to be to have an honest talk and tell him that you really love him and appreciate him, but you need or want to see more consistent efforts to advance his career because it will be an indicator to you that he takes your joint futures very seriously.
We do talk about it a lot. We openly discuss everything and like I said, he does try for a while but then the energy fades. I just hate to bring it up AGAIN because it dampens the mood for a few weeks because he feels like I'm trying to distance myself from him when I have these concerns.
I don't think he is intimidated. I'm an expert in my field, he is an expert in his.
I understand why he is the way he is (because he's had his hand held his whole life by his parents) but even when I talk to him about it, he'll be in the grind for a few months and then he'll slump back into his "comfortable" space.
I know I can "do better" in terms of finding a man on my level in terms of education, finances and career , but I honestly don't think I'll find a guy that is as respectful and loving as he is. With all the women on this board and IRL that describe the troubles they have with men I consider myself lucky to have him, but it's just this area that I haven't seen any improvement in. I'm just not sure what should be considered more heavily.
He isn't the only long-term temp. many have been there longer than him. He works for the school board so they employ temps because it's cheaper for them (no benefits, no 401k, etc)