Living together to Marriage: How does it change?

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I've been living with my SO for 1 year now.
We're thinking of marriage.

I have seen the ups and downs of it all living together, and I am sure that right now, we can actually make it to married.

All other things aside, what were the surprises and adjustments that were needed for YOU in order to sustain a healthy relationship with your DH?

Anyone married can answer... but I would prefer to hear from those who "lived in sin" before they married.

 

[Skyqueen737]

Bumpity-Bumb, because I'm in the same position. I've always thought that I would live with my S.O prior to marriage bc you never really know a person until you've lived with them. Off topic, but I'm new to the forum and don't understand what the "D" in, for example, DH stands for. Would someone mind clarifying?

 

[MD_Lady]

I've been living with my SO for 1 year now.
We're thinking of marriage.

I have seen the ups and downs of it all living together, and I am sure that right now, we can actually make it to married.

All other things aside, what were the surprises and adjustments that were needed for YOU in order to sustain a healthy relationship with your DH?

Anyone married can answer... but I would prefer to hear from those who "lived in sin" before they married.

I've heard a couple friends speak on the topic and the general consensus is that getting married anti-climatic after "living in sin". I do think those friends did see a difference between living together and getting married because not one of them would have been satisfied being their SO's girlfriend forever.

As far as "suprises and adjustments", my husband and I dated for 2 years before we got married and didn't live together a single day before our wedding day. The things he showed me about himself when we were dating are the very same things I see in him now that we are married and I don't feel that I've been blindsided by anything because we didn't live together beforehand. All in all, we've had to do the same things everyone else does (i.e. communication, picking your battles, respecting one another) in order to make our relationship work.

 

[MD_Lady]

Bumpity-Bumb, because I'm in the same position. I've always thought that I would live with my S.O prior to marriage bc you never really know a person until you've lived with them. Off topic, but I'm new to the forum and don't understand what the "D" in, for example, DH stands for. Would someone mind clarifying?

I believe the 'D' stands for 'dear'.

You make a good point about seeing a different side of someone when you live with them. However, I think time and circumstances will give you the best indication of a person's character. It's easy for anyone (co-habiting or not) to keep a level head when things are running smoothly. You don't really find out what that person is truly made of until you see them under pressure.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Well we have seen how our crises are handled, and he is still here.

I just hear people get even worse when they actually marry...because they expect "life to be different." Living together was never my first choice, but I am glad that we have had this experience. I don't think it would've worked with anyone else.

 

[ellennicole]

I'm curious too. I would never live with a SO, but not for judgemental reasons. I am TOO AFRAID that after living with me he WON'T want to marry me. LOL Seriously. LOL

 

[gone_fishing]

I will never know because we got hitched before living together but he sure is more bossy now than he was then and I always thought wow his house is always spotless but I'm noticing more stray socks on the floor lately. erplexed

I'd imagine...hmm...that if you have a pretty good relationship nothign much would change. I mean the biggest deal is child rearing styles, cleanliness expectations, cooking expectations but you probably all have that down by now, whose gonna pay what bills, yard work, etc.

I think a lot of it is mental. If you EXPECT things to be worse or change after marriage, it will. But if you expect the best...then you'll have the best. What reason would there be not too just because it's legal now (unless you all psyche yourselves out).

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I'm curious too. I would never live with a SO, but not for judgemental reasons. I am TOO AFRAID that after living with me he WON'T want to marry me. LOL Seriously. LOL

Wow... are you that hard to live with? !

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I will never know because we got hitched before living together but he sure is more bossy now than he was then and I always thought wow his house is always spotless but I'm noticing more stray socks on the floor lately. erplexed

I'd imagine...hmm...that if you have a pretty good relationship nothign much would change. I mean the biggest deal is child rearing styles, cleanliness expectations, cooking expectations but you probably all have that down by now, whose gonna pay what bills, yard work, etc.

I think a lot of it is mental. If you EXPECT things to be worse or change after marriage, it will. But if you expect the best...then you'll have the best. What reason would there be not too just because it's legal now (unless you all psyche yourselves out).

True... we've never had "lifestyle" merging problems... it's odd, because I've lived with roomates (oh lord there is a thread brewing in my head now)...and I had more problems with them and their nastiness more than with this one.

 

[ellennicole]

Wow... are you that hard to live with? !

YES!!


Although I have toned down quite a bit. I can't change who I am, but I'm learning to adjust b.c apparently the world does NOT revolve around me. I'd rather deal with those issues as a married couple b/c I am under the assumption that the ring and paper would make the urge to just walk away harder.

 

[gone_fishing]

I've heard a couple friends speak on the topic and the general consensus is that getting married anti-climatic after "living in sin". I do think those friends did see a difference between living together and getting married because not one of them would have been satisfied being their SO's girlfriend forever.

As far as "suprises and adjustments", my husband and I dated for 2 years before we got married and didn't live together a single day before our wedding day. The things he showed me about himself when we were dating are the very same things I see in him now that we are married and I don't feel that I've been blindsided by anything because we didn't live together beforehand. All in all, we've had to do the same things everyone else does (i.e. communication, picking your battles, respecting one another) in order to make our relationship work.

ditto.........

 

[PatTodd]

We got married after living together for about 2 years (although, I should note, we moved in together with somewhat vague intentions of getting engaged, otherwise I probably would not have done it). We got engaged after cohabitating for about a year.

I don't recall any difficulties adjusting to living together married vs. unmarried, but I do recall feeling more committed and more like a team once we were married. It definitely did not feel anticlimatic to me. I definitely felt different in a good way. And we've been married 11 years now.

 

[dlewis]

I think if you can live with him and not kill him you can be married. We lived together a year before we married and we've been married almost 9 years and he still does stupid things. He still leaves the kitchen cabinets open and never completely closes the bathroom drawers. But those are not issues worth fighting over, I just go behind him an close them.

But I figure I can deal with anything except cheating and drug abuse and fighting.....I think that's it.

 

[january noir]

We got married after living together for about 2 years (although, I should note, we moved in together with somewhat vague intentions of getting engaged, otherwise I probably would not have done it). We got engaged after cohabitating for about a year.

I don't recall any difficulties adjusting to living together married vs. unmarried, but I do recall feeling more committed and more like a team once we were married. It definitely did not feel anticlimatic to me. I definitely felt different in a good way. And we've been married 11 years now.

Hi ya Doll Face!
You go girl! Eleven years? WOW!
I like what you said about being a team...

 

[TLC1020]

That's the same way I think too, that what do he or I have to look forward too or the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". He might start thinking why get married we are already doing things as if we're married. I don't know the odds of living with someone then them wanting to marry you a couple years later..

I'm curious too. I would never live with a SO, but not for judgemental reasons. I am TOO AFRAID that after living with me he WON'T want to marry me. LOL Seriously. LOL

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I think if you can live with him and not kill him you can be married. We lived together a year before we married and we've been married almost 9 years and he still does stupid things. He still leaves the kitchen cabinets open and never completely closes the bathroom drawers. But those are not issues worth fighting over, I just go behind him an close them.

But I figure I can deal with anything except cheating and drug abuse and fighting.....I think that's it.

Lol... Tell me about it.

My SO leaves food out and it can drive me nuts.
He liked to make big Sunday brunches... and cook everything but leave products out... and I would go nuts. I'm like... food poisoning and temp control!!!

But outside of that I'm fine.

 

[MD_Lady]

Lol... Tell me about it.

My SO leaves food out and it can drive me nuts.
He liked to make big Sunday brunches... and cook everything but leave products out... and I would go nuts. I'm like... food poisoning and temp control!!!

But outside of that I'm fine.

*LOL* So, I see that my husband and I aren't the only ones who go through that.

 

[PatTodd]

Hi ya Doll Face!
You go girl! Eleven years? WOW!
I like what you said about being a team...

Hey yourself sweetie!

I'll have to remember what I said about hubby and I being a team when I feel like !