Lessons Learned

[syze6]

I have made a promise to myself not to get involved in friends matters.A close friend of mine was away in college. I along with some friends she had known longer than me, saw her boyfriend and child's father entertaining his ex-girlfreiend (who he was still creeping with) leave a picnic together. This was after they exchanged all these touches together. The other friends made a quick statement on how they don't see anything. Mind you...We ALL saw what was going, an they stood there making jokes. I told my friend and she stopped being friends with me, continued a relationship with the guy AND had another child with him. They are not together presently and we still don't talk.

My other friend met this guy she was dating/sleeping with for three months. He claimed to be this guy in the entertainment industry, but she had never visited his home, there was not one article on him and all kinds of silly stuff. I had a feeling he was not who he said he was so, I inquired about him on a celebrity blog. SHE...through her own investigation found out the man she was sleeping with was NOT who he said he was, NOT his real name AND married for years with children! She found my inquiry on him AFTER she obtained this info herself. She has stopped speaking to me, because she feels I put business on blast. There was not one mention of her name ANYWHERE! I was trying to look out for her because he was proving himself to be very strange. This same girl would keep me on the phone discussing this guy and ranting and raving BUT she feels betrayed by me. It seems she thinks it was none of my business.

So I vow to not let my emotions get the best of me, concerning love ones. Whatever I see or hear I am keeping it to myself!!!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

syze6

DH has seen cheating happening in front of his face and won't say a word ever again. He even had witnesses the first time but the guy didn't believe DH. DH saw her cheating at least one other time and didn't say anything.

It's best to stay out of it because more often than not the couple ends up back together and the friend is cut off.

 

[God_Favor]

I think I read your friend's story u posted on another site. You didnt mention her.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy III using LHCF

 

[syze6]

I think I read your friend's story u posted on another site. You didnt mention her.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy III using LHCF

Never mentioned her name...The focus was all on this guy and I had nothing but love and concern for her. She has went around telling anyone in our circle who will listen to her, how bogus I was for putting her business out. Even called me the B word to one of the friends I know. She didn't even consider the reasons behind my concern. Even though she herself told me some disturbing stories about their relationship.If something had happened to her, all I could give her family is the fake name he had given her. I couldn't provide an address since she had NEVER been to his home. They didn't even know she was dealing with this guy. I have washed my hands of the whole situation. Lesson learned for sure.

 

[faithVA]

^^The people you have spoken of already know the person with them is not legit. They don't want to face it. And so when you bring it up they can no longer pretend. They get made at you because you are trying to make them confront something they are trying to hide from themselves. So instead of them being honest with themselves, they blame you. It is just deflection.

I agree with staying out of it. But keep your eye open for that person who really does want to know and don't punish them for the mistakes of your other friends.

 

[BonBon]

I'm not staying out of it when it comes to the health of my friends.

I have a conversation with people about whether they would want to know, or not. I also give instructions to my friends to tell me even if any minor flirting came from any of my SOs.

I've told maybe 4 people and my Mom about their cheating partner and they all were fine with me. I think they felt embarrassed about it, but it was never taken out on me. They weren't the type of people to do that though and they value my friendship. All but one of the men were dropped after I said something. If it was found that I knew and didn't say I think that would have really damaged our bond.

Although, there was one newish associate that reacted weirdly which included telling her SO things I'd said, my secrets and accusing me of being attracted to him -_- She still wanted to be friends, but I did not like the drama she created after. I cut her off, was glad to have seen her true colors and have her out of my life.

If a friend is the type to throw me out like rubbish when I was trying to look out for her then I'd rather know this sooner than later. TBH these types remind me of the women who choose their partners over their own kids. In worse case scenario the ones that dismiss sex abuse because they don't want to lose a man -_-

Unless a friend tells me she doesn't want me to say, or she already knows the guy is dodgy I will tell. Tell and tell again.

 

[syze6]

I'm not staying out of it when it comes to the health of my friends.

I have a conversation with people about whether they would want to know, or not. I also give instructions to my friends to tell me even if any minor flirting came from any of my SOs.

I've told maybe 4 people and my Mom about their cheating partner and they all were fine with me. I think they felt embarrassed about it, but it was never taken out on me. They weren't the type of people to do that though and they value my friendship. All but one of the men were dropped after I said something. If it was found that I knew and didn't say I think that would have really damaged our bond.

Although, there was one newish associate that reacted weirdly which included telling her SO things I'd said, my secrets and accusing me of being attracted to him -_- She still wanted to be friends, but I did not like the drama she created after. I cut her off, was glad to have seen her true colors and have her out of my life.

If a friend is the type to throw me out like rubbish when I was trying to look out for her then I'd rather know this sooner than later. TBH these types remind me of the women who choose their partners over their own kids. In worse case scenario the ones that dismiss sex abuse because they don't want to lose a man -_-

Unless a friend tells me she doesn't want me to say, or she already knows the guy is dodgy I will tell. Tell and tell again.

It just shows what type of friendship we really had. True friends get angry and get past things. That didn't happen in either incident, so I can sleep at night knowing I had no ill intentions when I did what I did. It's crazy that both these friends have accepted all kinds of crap from the men even being spat upon, but you through me out with the trash? Who needs friends like that! You would think with her knowing dude turned out to be a nut job and an impostor she would be over it. She is STILL harboring ill feelings toward me and makes it her business when she is around to show contempt for me.