Leave Me Alone....Please?

[Ms Red]

I can't get into it here (at work) but I need advice. I have a platonic friend of since the age of 14. When I say platonic I mean we went on dates as kids but nothing ever happened, thank God. He is a great guy but not the guy for me. Anyway, our friendship has been through a lot and although we live on separate coasts (and at one point internationally) we always found a way to keep in touch (e.g. email, texting, phone calls, etc.). What makes matters a little more complicated is that our families speak all the time, he has met my mom, etc. At one point in our friendship things could have turned romantic but that ship has sailed (for me).

So the problem I have is that I've been in my relationship with SO for a while and this friend was known for causing problems. He would continue to call, text whenever he felt like it. He would be ON A DATE and call me. Huh? erplexed He compares everyone to me-- even the current gf he will say 'well she's ok. but there can be only one you.'

At first, this was fine- he is my friend, we will always be cool. But then it was like it didn't matter that I was in a relationship or that he was in a relationship, he felt the need to call me all the time (2 am, 8 am at work, whenever he wanted to talk). I have told him over and over again that me + him = nada. It's like he does not respect that.

So what I did was ignore his calls to my job, block his e-mail address, block his cell phone number and delete my myspace page. I want to keep the interaction as simple as possible because it was going beyond friendship for him-- he was talking about why couldn't we try to be together... when am I going to be in LA for business (I go to CA once a month), can we meet up... come on now. If he couldn't reach me, he would call my mom's house

Any advice? I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and limit contact.

 

[indigodiva]

I have a friend like that, and we've known each other since we were around the same age...but he has never been that over top. If he can't respect the boundaries, just keep doing what you are doing until he gets the point..I haven't returned home in a while do to my friend...we communicate thru facebook from time to time..but that's it..time has allowed us both to endure some life lessons, but we're still friends..when you have that type of relationship with a man, they think that close friendships= perfect wife..i don't agree...As long as you are friends, you don't have to worry about things getting messy.

If he's really your friend, he'll respect how you feel.

 

[cocosweet]

Any advice? I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and limit contact.

That sounds like a good idea to me.

 

[Ms Red]

Thanks for responding. I thought I was going crazy. I'll just keep on blockin.

I have a friend like that, and we've known each other since we were around the same age...but he has never been that over top. If he can't respect the boundaries, just keep doing what you are doing until he gets the point..I haven't returned home in a while do to my friend...we communicate thru facebook from time to time..but that's it..time has allowed us both to endure some life lessons, but we're still friends..when you have that type of relationship with a man, they think that close friendships= perfect wife..i don't agree...As long as you are friends, you don't have to worry about things getting messy.

If he's really your friend, he'll respect how you feel.

 

[Ms Red]

Ok, thanks.

That sounds like a good idea to me.

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

It sounds like you are doing all that you can, however you need to let your family know the deal as well. I would also tell him that if he doesn't respect the boundaries that you have set that the next step is to cut all communication period, which it seems to me that you are trying to do already...so sorry to hear you are going through this

 

[Ms Red]

Thanks Blackoutzangel. I will have to cut all communication if he keeps this up. I mean we are friends but if he was in my shoes I would have backed off considerably by now.

It sounds like you are doing all that you can, however you need to let your family know the deal as well. I would also tell him that if he doesn't respect the boundaries that you have set that the next step is to cut all communication period, which it seems to me that you are trying to do already...so sorry to hear you are going through this

 

[SpyCats]

I can't get into it here (at work) but I need advice. I have a platonic friend of since the age of 14. When I say platonic I mean we went on dates as kids but nothing ever happened, thank God. He is a great guy but not the guy for me. Anyway, our friendship has been through a lot and although we live on separate coasts (and at one point internationally) we always found a way to keep in touch (e.g. email, texting, phone calls, etc.). What makes matters a little more complicated is that our families speak all the time, he has met my mom, etc. At one point in our friendship things could have turned romantic but that ship has sailed (for me).

So the problem I have is that I've been in my relationship with SO for a while and this friend was known for causing problems. He would continue to call, text whenever he felt like it. He would be ON A DATE and call me. Huh? erplexed He compares everyone to me-- even the current gf he will say 'well she's ok. but there can be only one you.'

At first, this was fine- he is my friend, we will always be cool. But then it was like it didn't matter that I was in a relationship or that he was in a relationship, he felt the need to call me all the time (2 am, 8 am at work, whenever he wanted to talk). I have told him over and over again that me + him = nada. It's like he does not respect that.

So what I did was ignore his calls to my job, block his e-mail address, block his cell phone number and delete my myspace page. I want to keep the interaction as simple as possible because it was going beyond friendship for him-- he was talking about why couldn't we try to be together... when am I going to be in LA for business (I go to CA once a month), can we meet up... come on now. If he couldn't reach me, he would call my mom's house

Any advice? I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and limit contact.

Question...how do you block someone's cell phone number?

 

[Ms Red]

I had him call me and right after I hung up dialed *87 (I think that was it, it's been a year). It blocks it. I got the directions off my provider's website.

Question...how do you block someone's cell phone number?

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Wow, he sounds like a stalker. erplexed

Just keep on doing what you're doing...limiting contact is definately the way to go.

 

[MochaSilk]

I'm so sorry, cupcake! It's time to tell him in no uncertain terms to leave you alone. Lots of times when people are being harrassed and call the cops, the first thing they ask is, "have you told him/her to leave you alone?"

I've been in a few situations like this (men & women). That's the first thing I tell them - LEAVE ME ALONE. No explanation, no nothing. You are not someone's love prey to be hunted. You are a human being on this earth and you have the right to live in peace. They know what they're doing is an act of desperation and frightening, no matter how they rationalize it. If they continue, I look up the actual law about harrassment, copy & paste it into an email, and send it. That usually did the trick.

 

[Ms Red]

Thank you TBebe-- I am taking your advice.

I'm so sorry, cupcake! It's time to tell him in no uncertain terms to leave you alone. Lots of times when people are being harrassed and call the cops, the first thing they ask is, "have you told him/her to leave you alone?"

I've been in a few situations like this (men & women). That's the first thing I tell them - LEAVE ME ALONE. No explanation, no nothing. You are not someone's love prey to be hunted. You are a human being on this earth and you have the right to live in peace. They know what they're doing is an act of desperation and frightening, no matter how they rationalize it. If they continue, I look up the actual law about harrassment, copy & paste it into an email, and send it. That usually did the trick.

 

[MochaSilk]

Thank you TBebe-- I am taking your advice.

I hope everything calms down for you. It's hard to do that to someone who was a friend, I KNOW. But when that friend won't respect boundaries (because you need space) and starts trippin, it's time to remove them from your life.

Be sure to let your mom know as well. I had a female friend run to my mom to tattle on me because I wouldn't talk to her anymore. This wasn't in high school, this was in December - and she's 38. And a couple of guys started blowing up my parents' phone when I let them go. It's a crying shame when people start trippin because you need some space.

 

[Ms Red]

Yeah, it is getting a little ridiculous.

Wow, he sounds like a stalker. erplexed

Just keep on doing what you're doing...limiting contact is definately the way to go.