Ladies with daughters between 8-18

[curlycrocheter]

How long is your daughter's hair? When do you start letting them do their own hair? Are you gonna let her cut it?

I'm asking because my daughter is 4 right now with HL hair. I honestly can't tell you when it got that long But it just did. And it seems the longer it gets the more that I'm think I'm gonna do something stupid and she'll end up bald.

I have no intentions of ever relaxing her or anything like that but I feel like as quitely as it got that long, it will just as quietly disappear. I know it's a long way before I pass on the HHJ torch to her but I'm trying to mentally prepare myself now. I know I won't allow her to cut it until she is at least 18. It's so beautiful, I just don't wanna destroy it lol!

 

[westNDNbeauty]

I don't have any children, but I would say at some point you have to let them take responsibility for their own hair. My mom relinquished her responsibility when I was 12.

There are many trials and tribulations daughters go through especially when it comes to hair and fitting in with peers. I think moms are there to advise, but I would say let your daughter make her own mistakes. Usually when the mistakes are horrible enough with something as trivial as hair, we learn pretty quickly that mom may know what she is talking about.

I say all this to say, think about letting her make decisions about her hair a little earlier than 18. Doesn't seem like growing hair is as effortful for her as it is for the rest of us. It may result in her listening to you more (about other things beyond hair) if she encounters a setback.

Just my 2 cents.

Btw: you hair is beautiful!

 

[ms-gg]

Wow she can't cut till she is 18. What if she gets tired of fooling with HL? HL hair on a 4 year old body is different than HL on a teenage girl. But hey, it's your house and your rules I guess....

 

[Myjourney2009]

My DD is 12 YO, her hair is APL for the most part. We went through some trials of splits all the time (although I rarely use heat) when I realized after extensive reading that she needed a dose of protein EVERY WEEK. I spritz on beyond the zone protein cocktail 1-2x a week.

I still have not given up on doing her hair because doing hair correctly takes a long time. I started teaching her when she was 8 and she is about half way to the point where I will let her go at it 100% alone. She still cant even wash her own hair alone so I know I have a few more years to go and even then I will be in the shadows watching and offering guidance.

She has said she wants a short cut for awhile now but she did not realize that the short style she wants looks better on straight hair and when I wash her hair the style will not look the same.

If my DD wants to cut her hair when she becomes a teen (about 15) then I wont object, they have to be allowed to do what they want to their hair sometime.

No relaxers until she turns 18 because by then she should have the basics down.

Keep doing what you are doing and you wont destroy it.

 

[itsjusthair88]

My 13-year old cousin lives with me (AAAHHHH...hair is the least of my troubles! LOL) and her mom was letting her take care of it before she came up here and I put an abrupt stop to that; she lived in a predominantly caucasian/asian area and "learned" her hair practices from watching her friends, needless to say, with her thick 3c/4a hair, that wash and go look had her looking HAM.

Anyway, she arrived here some months back with SL hair, that was broken everywhere, shedding, etc. and I haven't completely turned it around, but it's growing and she told me the other night that she feels good about herself now (I almost teared up).

So my answer, when you think they're ready...but not cutting in until she's 18? I think that's a little excessive, HL is looooong and a teenagers life is a lot different from a 4-year olds life, just my humble opinion.

 

[curlycrocheter]

I think part of why I don't want her to cut it before then is because *I'm* so attached to it (shame on me I know) But I deeply regretted cutting my hair after my mother kept telling me not to.

I know I'll have to let her make her own choices. But I don't wanna!!!

Thanks for the responses so far ladies.

 

[IMFOCSD]

My daughter is 8 and her hair is texlaxed & apl. I let her wear it straight once every 2-3 months when i trim her ends. She's so wild and playful so her hair will just sweat and wave back up.

I am teaching her a lot about hair...she helps me wash and condition and moisturize my hair and i teach her the difference between edges and ends so she knows that keeping hair ends moist is important.

I usually keep her hair in ponytails or braids with beads or barrettes. She knows how to twist her hair and do a somewhat neat ponytail lol.

 

[bride91501]

Well, HL on a 4 year old is definitely not HL on a 10 year old, so maybe you won't have to do anything too drastic

I have 3 daughters, ages 4, (almost) 11, & (almost) 12. I struggle with this question on nearly a weekly basis with my 2 oldest DDs cuz they have SO much hair and I feel like I'm soley responsible for all of the maintenance . When I was pregnant with my last DD, I taught them both how to wash and condition their own hair, so they at least know how to do that on their own. And as I'm doing their hair (PTs, DCs, sealing etc.), I'm constantly talking to them about what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it, so they'll know what to do when the time comes. It's the styling part that they're both clueless in.

The real problem though is me . I'm such a control freak, I'm secretly terrified to hand over the reigns lol. I've promised myself and my DH that high school is the cut off. So I've got 2-3 more years of this. Lord help me

ETA: We're a pretty artistic bunch, so if one of them wanted to cut their hair into some funky style even now, I actually wouldn't object. My middle dd would never do it lol, but my oldest thinks about it from time to time. The topic of relaxers does not even enter our conversation, so it's a non-issue in my home.

My oldest is just approaching BSL (yay!), and my middle DD is APL (after a 4" cut last fall).

 

[ChristmasCarol]

I have 3 DDs. One is college-age (Hip Length/Tailbone), one is a teen (was full BSL, now APL after BC), and one is 7 (Waist Length). None have ever liked short hair, so we never really discussed it. I wouldn't mind the older girls cutting their hair to maybe Collar-Bone Length in a blunt cut, but any shorter - I would have a very serious problem with that.

I allowed my teen daughter to get a relaxer and her hair broke off to SL. Needless to say, she transitioned back to natural and says she'll always listen to me regarding her hair.

@jasmineml

I don't think there's anything wrong with not allowing your daughter to cut her hair until she's 18. Too many of us allow our young girls to control their own hair and the end result is often the chewed-up, broken-off, scraggly pony-tails I see many young Black girls sporting.

 

[HairGroupie]

I have two daughters ages 7 & 9. My 7 year old has HL hair and the 9 year old has WL. We make Sundays (sometimes Sat) our hair days. I make sure to explain to them what I am doing to their hair and why I'm doing it so that they will grow up already knowing what works best for their hair. I'm trying to get them to understand their hair while they're still young.

I'm so used to experimenting on them and taking care of their hair so it's going to be hard for me to let go of the reigns, but I think 13-14 (middle school/high school) will be a good time to let them take over. I don't WANT them to cut all of that pretty hair, but I do understand that it is a lot of hair to handle so I wouldn't stop them from cutting if that is what they want.

 

[KPH]

my cousin had hl hair growing up and as soon as she turned 18 she went to a barber shop and bc'd. My daughter has bsl and she can't do a thing with it except for a ponytail. She's not gifted in the doing her own hair area.

 

[MsLizziA]

Well, HL on a 4 year old is definitely not HL on a 10 year old, so maybe you won't have to do anything too drastic

I have 3 daughters, ages 4, (almost) 11, & (almost) 12. I struggle with this question on nearly a weekly basis with my 2 oldest DDs cuz they have SO much hair and I feel like I'm soley responsible for all of the maintenance . When I was pregnant with my last DD, I taught them both how to wash and condition their own hair, so they at least know how to do that on their own. And as I'm doing their hair (PTs, DCs, sealing etc.), I'm constantly talking to them about what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it, so they'll know what to do when the time comes. It's the styling part that they're both clueless in.

The real problem though is me . I'm such a control freak, I'm secretly terrified to hand over the reigns lol. I've promised myself and my DH that high school is the cut off. So I've got 2-3 more years of this. Lord help me

ETA: We're a pretty artistic bunch, so if one of them wanted to cut their hair into some funky style even now, I actually wouldn't object. My middle dd would never do it lol, but my oldest thinks about it from time to time. The topic of relaxers does not even enter our conversation, so it's a non-issue in my home.

My oldest is just approaching BSL (yay!), and my middle DD is APL (after a 4" cut last fall).

bride91501 Well at least by the time high school comes, they will know what they are doing. Also, why don't you get on youtube and watch some styling vids w/ them so they will know what to do. Do little competitions w/ them for styling hair so all of you guys can learn together.

 

[MsLizziA]

Well, HL on a 4 year old is definitely not HL on a 10 year old, so maybe you won't have to do anything too drastic

I have 3 daughters, ages 4, (almost) 11, & (almost) 12. I struggle with this question on nearly a weekly basis with my 2 oldest DDs cuz they have SO much hair and I feel like I'm soley responsible for all of the maintenance . When I was pregnant with my last DD, I taught them both how to wash and condition their own hair, so they at least know how to do that on their own. And as I'm doing their hair (PTs, DCs, sealing etc.), I'm constantly talking to them about what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it, so they'll know what to do when the time comes. It's the styling part that they're both clueless in.

The real problem though is me . I'm such a control freak, I'm secretly terrified to hand over the reigns lol. I've promised myself and my DH that high school is the cut off. So I've got 2-3 more years of this. Lord help me

ETA: We're a pretty artistic bunch, so if one of them wanted to cut their hair into some funky style even now, I actually wouldn't object. My middle dd would never do it lol, but my oldest thinks about it from time to time. The topic of relaxers does not even enter our conversation, so it's a non-issue in my home.

My oldest is just approaching BSL (yay!), and my middle DD is APL (after a 4" cut last fall).

bride91501 Well at least by the time high school comes, they will know what they are doing. Also, why don't you get on youtube and watch some styling vids w/ them so they will know what to do. Do little competitions w/ them for styling hair so all of you guys can learn together.

 

[bride91501]

@bride91501 Well at least by the time high school comes, they will know what they are doing. Also, why don't you get on youtube and watch some styling vids w/ them so they will know what to do. Do little competitions w/ them for styling hair so all of you guys can learn together.

That's a great idea actually. When I'm stumped for a new style, I actually do go on YT with them to try to find something, since I do try to let them pick their own styles.

I think I'll get them some of those beauty school dolls with all the hair so they can practice lol....thanks MsLizziA!

 

[SuchaLady]

Great question. I dont have any kids but I am sure if I thoroughly explain to them why I am doing what Im doing I wont have to give them a crash course when I finally allow them to take over. My mommy did my hair until I was 17 and honestly thats when everything went down hill after she stopped. I allowed a girl to talk me into getting it flat ironed/wrapping it and it just hasnt been the same since Lord I digress.

 

[g.lo]

hey,


my daughter is 9 and she is BSL. i am actually teaching her how to look after her hair. she has the responsability of spraying her hair every night and she never sleeps without her satin cap ( i am so proud cause she packs it when she goes for sleepover, it's now second nature).
she is also learning how to gently wash her hair, and she understand why i don't straightens her hair often, she doesn't complains about it anymore.
she swims twice a week and knows what to do, wet her hair before swimming and slap oil, than wear her swimming cap and rinse her hair in the shower straight after swimming.
you will have to give them some responsabilities and trust them ( still supervise)

 

[Guyaneek]

I don't think there is anything wrong with not allowing your daughter to cut her hair until she is 18. I wouldn't consider it excessive at all. It's reasonable IMO.

 

[DarkandLovely]

No kids here so just my opinion...I think that w/ all that you have learned you'll likely pass good hair care practices on to your daughter and even if she chooses to cut it she'll at least know how to continue to care for it properly and will be able to regrow it long if and when she chooses. Long hair is nice but it's just hair. I think the most important thing is having healthy hair at any length. Again just my opinion so take it as that.