I've Got One Day To Decide To Fly To Childhood Bf's Funeral

YvetteWithJoy

YvetteWithJoy

On break
My childhood best friend committed suicide a few days ago. I'm in shock. We were almost the exact same age (within weeks).

My husband and I were just in Atlanta for two weeks. The funeral is there. I hadn't seen her in years. We didn't get together while I was there.

I can get decent rates if I purchase a plane ticket today. The funeral is Friday around noon.

She is survived by her 5 year old son, her husband, her parents, and her 3 siblings.

I want to support her mom and thus go, but I think she might find pain from seeing me alive and well.

We were all so close back then. I guess I will reach out to her mom first.
 
Last edited:
I think I will feel terrible if I miss the funeral.

I realized I feel this way before getting details about why she did it and how. I don't want to disrespect her family who wants to keep it in the family, so I won't type about it. I got the details from my older cousin (practically my sister) who dated my deceased friend's older brother back in the day. (I can't believe I just typed "deceased!!!!!!!!!!" :nono:)

I think her mom will feel happy to see that she was loved enough for us to come to the funeral, given the circumstances. All I can say is that mutual domestic abuse was a part of it, and none of her family knew anything about it. Friends who lived with her are letting details out now.

My friend was beautiful, successful, a mother, a sister, a daughter, and loved by tons of people. She was a beauty. A cheerleader and track star. She had tried to hurt herself once before when we were teens. That was so long ago. A lifetime ago, it seems. We were often 2 of a very few black girls in our surroundings in a very small town, and she was so loved by folks of all backgrounds.

I hope many of us are able to attend her funeral.
 
I just got off the phone with my cousin. She said the family (parents and siblings) are functioning but in shock, but they are really close so they are "okay." She said she doubts a lot of people will be able to make it because it's far from our hometown, and she thinks the mom will be very glad to see her friends there.

I'm going to try to make this work logistically.
 
I'm so sorry! You'll feel better if you go. I missed the funeral of a close friend (this was pre-internet, really), in Atl too actually, and I've always regretted it. It was similarly abrupt. She was working in Africa, contracted malaria, and died within a week of her return. It was crazy. We were so young. I wish I'd known in time so I could have said goodbye. I don't think she even had friends down there. Go.
 
Her brother said, "Please come. My mom will appreciate seeing her friends."

I definitely wanted to check first because suicide is very, very, very difficult in general . . . and I can't even IMAGINE what it's like for a mom.

The main reason I had concerns was, like I said, we were often paired/compared/together. It would be tough for me to see a now-grown little girl who was very associated with my little girl when mine is in a casket. It would just make me think so much. And, I just wasn't sure if they weren't expecting many of us and were (secretly/actually) kind of glad or not. Especially given the circumstances. YOU JUST NEVER KNOW: She may have rather simply appreciated a donation to the fund or a card.

Now that I know the situation, I can attend without worry and just be present without really speaking much but rather listening . . . or just holding.

I am so, so, so sorry for their loss. Her son is 5, not 10. I have had to explain to people how a mother could leave her 5-year old like that. It's all about where she was at, mentally and psychologically and emotionally. It is hard to understand, but it's possible that she actually believed everything and everyone (including herself) would be better if she just was no longer there. It's scary, but it's possible to get into that mindset. That is why community and love and talking . . . and in my opinion a close relationship with a LOVING Higher Power . . . are all so important.

Based on the hearsay stories, I will be praying especially diligently for her husband. What a wake up call. My take away: Make sure you get any healing you need and do not play with people's emotions and lives (not that I do) . . . because you just NEVER KNOW how you're affecting them and where their mindset is. In the end, it was still her choice to respond in that way. I'm just going to keep praying!
 
YvetteWithJoy said:
I attended. I am at the airport on my way back home. I am really glad I attended. I'll share why once I'm on a computer. Thanks for the feedback. It helped me choose to reach out to her loved ones, which led to my attending.

Blessings!
Click to expand...

That’s great! Looking forward to your more detailed update.
 
I know I am late, but I am so sorry for your loss, Yvette. I've had two friends commit suicide this year. No rhyme or reason. Well one was on the news, so we were able to figure it out, but the other loss was truly devastating.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
I know I am late, but I am so sorry for your loss, Yvette. I've had two friends commit suicide this year. No rhyme or reason. Well one was on the news, so we were able to figure it out, but the other loss was truly devastating.
Click to expand...

Yes--the inability to know just precisely WHY is not solvable. Why did she do it? We can speculate. Just earlier at Christmas time she was wrapping gifts with her high school and college bestie for her son. A few weeks later . . . THIS! What happened? Why now?

She was such a spark and bright ray of inspiration and love. So many testimonies of that were spoken at the funeral. How could she go through with it? It had to have been something incredibly serious. I'm still praying!
 
January has one if the highest rate of suicides/attempts.

Correction according to this item. However, all my girlfriends have committed suicide in January or 31 Dec.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Center for Health Statistics report that suicide rates in the United Statesare lowest during the winter months and highest in the summer and spring. F. Stephen Bridges asserts that there is "a high incidence in early spring (April and May) and also a low incidence in winter" of suicides rates.[
 
Last edited:
Transformer said:
January has one if the highest rate of suicides/attempts.

Correction according to this item. However, all my girlfriends have committed suicide in January or 31 Dec.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Center for Health Statistics report that suicide rates in the United Statesare lowest during the winter months and highest in the summer and spring. F. Stephen Bridges asserts that there is "a high incidence in early spring (April and May) and also a low incidence in winter" of suicides rates.[
Click to expand...

You have multiple friends who have committed suicide? Am I misreading or misunderstanding?
 
Then another one about 11 years later--she was a nurse in the Air Force on flying status. She planned everything and left clear instructions. Her body was found two days later after the unit finally contacted her child's childcare keeper. Her son, about 12, then went to the house and discovered her body.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Z
Those Married to Christian Men--Being Submissive
Replies
11
Views
588
chickle
C
Crackers Phinn
Ex wife died, I’m the beneficiary on her life insurance. Her family wants me to pay her funeral expenses
Replies
8
Views
282
Theresamonet
Theresamonet
Layluh
The Good Wife: Meet The Women Who Married Gay Men
Replies
29
Views
1K
blue_flower
blue_flower
P
Crosswalk.com Article: The Need for Husbands to Pursue
Replies
8
Views
261
PaperClip
P
blazingthru
My working testimony
2
Replies
53
Views
7K
felic1
F
Back
Top