Is there any way to move out of the friend zone?

[kismettt]

So I was doing laundry and my friend's roommate came upstairs. I said Hi how are you. And he started telling me about his girl problems.

Basically she had the friend talk with him and he's not satisfied. I didn't really have any advice (i'm also curious about him choosing me as an audience, since he's 34 & i'm 20, but i think the rejection just happened and he needed to talk about it )

Is there any way to move out of the friend zone?

 

[aribell]

Hmmm...I wonder what other people will say. For me, a "Not interested" is not an invitation to negotiate or to wait around for me to change my mind. idk, this is not advice, but I wonder if in those kinds of situations for men, if he's really into her, maybe being more assertive is the answer.

 

[VioletWylde]

I generally don't advise, but I think being more aggressive might risk making her irritated or angry. He doesn't want to be her "annoying guy friend". I wouldn't suggest that he wait around on this girl. If he is a good guy, all he has to do is be a good guy. That doesn't mean making her his top priority though. He can be there for her when he feels he needs to be without catering to her whims and keeping himself off of the market simultaneously. If she doesn't want anything more than a friend, then she should be fine getting friend time and effort. When you aren't getting as much of a good thing, you tend to notice. Now she may never notice him (especially since she already had the "friend" talk showing that her intentions are not with him), but if he is good someone else will.

 

[aribell]

^^^That's interesting, because I think I would maybe lose some respect for a man who I knew was just waiting around for me even though I told him I wasn't interested. In general, I don't understand the whole pining away silently thing...certainly not when the person has explicitly said they aren't interested. Personally, a man pressing the issue would at least show me that he is really serious. It might mean that they can't be friends if she gives a firm "No!," but he doesn't want her friendship anyway.

I did give a guy a shot because he was persistent and didn't pretend that he just wanted to be my friend. Another old friend did the waiting in the wings kind of thing and I was kind of irritated by that.

 

[Gigi-07]

I HATE when guys try to pressure or coax women into moving out of friend zone, after she has made it crystal clear that she doesn't want him like that. A lot of guys don't seem to respect boundaries or platonic relationships. Persistence is obnoxious, periodically trying crossing the line with the female is annoying. Some ladies minds can't be changed!

Tell him to back off.

 

[VioletWylde]

^^^That's interesting, because I think I would maybe lose some respect for a man who I knew was just waiting around for me even though I told him I wasn't interested. In general, I don't understand the whole pining away silently thing...certainly not when the person has explicitly said they aren't interested. Personally, a man pressing the issue would at least show me that he is really serious. It might mean that they can't be friends if she gives a firm "No!," but he doesn't want her friendship anyway.

I did give a guy a shot because he was persistent and didn't pretend that he just wanted to be my friend. Another old friend did the waiting in the wings kind of thing and I was kind of irritated by that.

I get what you're saying about him pressing letting you know that he is serious. I can definitely see situations where that would work. There is the chance that mentioning it again would really put this girl off of him and she wouldn't want to keep his company at all anymore. It is a very fine line to walk, but like you said--he doesn't want her friendship anyway.

Since the situation just came up, it might be worth it for him to bring it up again and see if she responds positively. If she doesn't, he should cut his losses and find the nearest exit. That waiting in the wings stuff will have a man looking all kinds of sorry to this girl and any woman who comes near enough to smell the scent of desperation and unrequited attraction.