Is telling the truth bad?

[LocksOfLuV]

it depends for me.

i am always a little hesitant to say something if the person is a new member. maybe the perosn is just starting out? some of the best heads i have seen were rags-to-riches heads. that literally started from nothing. so the person may not have this avatar up thinking that their hair is the bomb, but they might just want to present where they are starting from. i can't hate on that. everyone didn't start off with healthy hair.

i have never ever pmed anyone with a suggestion though. probably won't either. it's just mean imho. if they start a thread i would probably give my honest opinion. but sometimes people start threads and don't really want the honest truth, so i have to decide whether i want to be honest too. for example, i have seen people ask if they needed a trim and people would tell them yes, but they would completely override the advice for someone who chimed in with a quick-fast product suggestion, knowing they needed the trim. those type of people really don't want to know.

but like jcoily said most damage can be assessed from pics.

 

[SerenityBreeze]

I would not outright come out and say that "You need a trim" If I give that advice, I make sure I state the pros and cons to doing so and also stress that I too was in the same position and understand how it feels. Its really hard to let go of ends. I thinks its important to relate to those starting on their hair care journey and emphazise the time, effort, and patience required to get a healthy head of hair. I think speaking from personal experience helps soften the advice. Sometimes advice is not even really necessary, simply relating to their experience and sharing your personal soloutions helps. Leave the decision or question for them up to them.

 

[DSP]

One reason I don't post my own hair photos yet is because people would be wondering why the heck I'm posting such sorry-a** pictures. Meanwhile, I'm all happy since I've come a long way from having a HUGE bald spot in the back to actually having some hair back there.

We're all at different stages of our journey, so if someone's happy with her hair, I'm happy for her. Who knows how bad off she started. I'm hoping to feel confident enough to post my pictures by this time next year.

 

[winterinatl]

If someone solicits advice/opinions, she should be prepared to hear what others have to say, even if she doesn't like it. If she starts a thread asking for the honesty I would certainly give it too her, kindly and in a helpful manner.

 

[jaded_faerie]

nothing nice to say not saying anything at all...

however if I knew you, I'd let you know what the deal is...

you just don't know how sensitive people are.

 

[JewelleNY]

One reason I don't post my own hair photos yet is because people would be wondering why the heck I'm posting such sorry-a** pictures. Meanwhile, I'm all happy since I've come a long way from having a HUGE bald spot in the back to actually having some hair back there.

We're all at different stages of our journey, so if someone's happy with her hair, I'm happy for her. Who knows how bad off she started. I'm hoping to feel confident enough to post my pictures by this time next year.

I agree. Sometimes a person may post a pic that doesn't look so great to most but maybe their hair is 100% better than what they started with. We couldn't possibly know where everyone's hair journey began.

 

[Dee-Licious]

I just said the same thing - all loud - at work

Me 2!! but not at work!

 

[locabouthair]

]I wouldn't say anything unless I am asked and even then I will try and word it nicely like instead of saying "your hair looks tore up" I would say something like "you could probably use a trim".....[/B]because some folks are very sensitive.

I on the other hand don't mind if someone tells me my hair looks like crap, even when I don't ask for opinions...its all constructive criticism to me.

this is exactly how i feel.

 

[Sosoothing]

I usually just say nothing is I dont have positive opinions about how someone's hair looks. People can really be sensitive.

 

[PinkPeony]

I usually try to say nothing or just compliment what in my eyes IS beautiful.Great progress(in particular anything that's under bsl since I'am interested in people that have similar lengths like mine).
I love thick hair btw- so when I admire thick hair I'am truly mesmerized .
But usually I just keep my mouth shut or try to give suggestions or ask questions about their regimen to see WHAT they're doing anyways.
iI gotta say tough that I'am hardly ever dumbfolded about newbie's posting progress pic's b/c they're before and after pics are truly impressive,they might not be there yet but made a complete turn on their hair(usually).
I just keep wondering sometimes about older heads that are in the hairgame for 3+ yrs and haven't really progressed or stalled in their growth.I'd really like to ask them questions about their regimen and hairgrowth but I'd rather keep my mouth shut because I'll probably be called a hater or something.erplexed

 

[Dee-Licious]

I usually try to say nothing or just compliment what in my eyes IS beautiful.Great progress(in particular anything that's under bsl since I'am interested in people that have similar lengths like mine).
I love thick hair btw- so when I admire thick hair I'am truly mesmerized .
But usually I just keep my mouth shut or try to give suggestions or ask questions about their regimen to see WHAT they're doing anyways.
iI gotta say tough that I'am hardly ever dumbfolded about newbie's posting progress pic's b/c they're before and after pics are truly impressive,they might not be there yet but made a complete turn on their hair(usually).
I just keep wondering sometimes about older heads that are in the hairgame for 3+ yrs and haven't really progressed or stalled in their growth.I'd really like to ask them questions about their regimen and hairgrowth but I'd rather keep my mouth shut because I'll probably be called a hater or something.erplexed

Very honest ella.

I treat online like I treat real life.. unless you're somebody I'm "close" to I'm not going to say anything unless you ask me. But best believe once asked I speak the truth.

 

[Bmack]

You know something though?

I can really appreciate someone posting a wrecked picture and then turning it around with a healthy picture like bam!!! look what I did and you can do it too!!

So I am not totally against people posting pictures that do not show thier hair in the best light. In fact aren't these the most inspiring pictures??

Like someone else said "Rags to Riches" Because lets be honest I love seeing people with long hair but I am not truly inspired as I would be with someone else's photo, who started with shorter hair and now has a flowing mane!
And I did not join this board with damaged hair! Hell I rather shave my head first and start from scratch...which is kind of what happened...see that' s
what happens when you get borederplexed

 

[Dee-Licious]

You know something though?

I can really appreciate someone posting a wrecked picture and then turning it around with a healthy picture like bam!!! look what I did and you can do it too!!

So I am not totally against people posting pictures that do not show thier hair in the best light. In fact aren't these the most inspiring pictures??

Yeah, but I think what ShynessQueen was meaning in the OP was about pictures which really don't look healthy - not a before and after picture. If I post this...




would you tell the truth to me about it, or say it has shine or something? At times like those.. would you tell the truth?



**not calling anybody else out... that is MY hair in July of last year

 

[PinkPeony]

Yeah, but I think what ShynessQueen was meaning in the OP was about pictures which really don't look healthy - not a before and after picture. If I post this...




would you tell the truth to me about it, or say it has shine or something? At times like those.. would you tell the truth?



**not calling anybody else out... that is MY hair in July of last year

I'd have to see how your before pics looked and see what improved since then but I would not lie and say something that isn't true*girl you're all over apl* or the like
Last year january this pic would have been my goal for my hair so you also have to think about the person that makes the comment.To someone with earlength or uneven hair even nl hair is beautiful no matter what.

 

[Lotus]

WOW- I guess I'm basically alone in this... guess I'll know for future reference (nope haven't pm'd anybody) to keep my mouth shut. *I just figured w/this being a hair board... people came here to learn and share.... therefore it would be somewhat wrong of me (reading posts/watching picture updates yet no progress) not to make a one time friendly suggestion. Live and learn.... I guess.

ETA: MsDee4- I wouldnt have initally PM'd because of the picture. However, if over time, picture after picture, post after post... you seemed frustrated and/or doing something that lead me to think you were defeating your own hair goals... I would have PM'd you. Not to belittle you or make you feel bad, but out of honest care and concern... I'm like that IRL some dont like me because of it... and some love me because of it. That's ok, everybody is not going to be my friend, but I can be a friend to everybody.

 

[Dee-Licious]

ETA: MsDee4- I wouldnt have initally PM'd because of the picture. However, if over time, picture after picture, post after post... you seemed frustrated and/or doing something that lead me to think you were defeating your own hair goals... I would have PM'd you. Not to belittle you or make you feel bad, but out of honest care and concern... I'm like that IRL some dont like me because of it... and some love me because of it. That's ok, everybody is not going to be my friend, but I can be a friend to everybody.

Thanks... that's what I would expect and appreciate would be for somebody to tell me the truth so that I could actually see progress. Lying to me would not be benefittal in the long run... heck or even the short run!

 

[ohsosuzy]

One reason I don't post my own hair photos yet is because people would be wondering why the heck I'm posting such sorry-a** pictures. Meanwhile, I'm all happy since I've come a long way from having a HUGE bald spot in the back to actually having some hair back there.

We're all at different stages of our journey, so if someone's happy with her hair, I'm happy for her. Who knows how bad off she started. I'm hoping to feel confident enough to post my pictures by this time next year.

ITA with that

I have complemented hair that would not necessarily considered fantastic by board standards before. But I would not consider myself to be a liar... I have been in so many different places with my hair that when I look at pictures I don't look because I want to be floored by gorgeous hair. I look at someones journey and how its gone thus far. Even though her hair may not be perfect she may be worlds away from where she started and I can appreciate that. I like to leave words of encouragement so that she can see that her work was not in vain and that people on the outside can see how far she's come.

I don't "know" people on the board that that well so, if I have any not so positive comments I keep them to myself. I don't want them to be misconstrued. I also don't like to offer unsolicited advic because I don't consider myself a hair expert by any means and generally if someone hasn't asked for your opinion I've found that it usually means that they don't want it. If I'm asked I'll be as honest as possible, but I'd do my best to check my tone and tact.

I also think that on this hair board most people are already well aware of thier flaws... That's why they're here, so they're hair can improve.

 

[B_Phlyy]

It's funny that this thread came up (and then came unlocked), because a similar thread was posted on another forum I visit.

Honestly, pics of damage or hairanorexia usually put me off from giving advice. Not because I think the person should be ashamed of their hair or anything, but I really think that actual descriptions of the problem can do just fine. Pics can lie, and even when people show damage, I'm willing to bet the pic they post is the "best of the worst" so to speak. Also, when pics are posted with a question, it inadvertently opens the door to other stuff, since you can see it.

 

[shynessqueen]

WOW- I guess I'm basically alone in this... guess I'll know for future reference (nope haven't pm'd anybody) to keep my mouth shut. *I just figured w/this being a hair board... people came here to learn and share.... therefore it would be somewhat wrong of me (reading posts/watching picture updates yet no progress) not to make a one time friendly suggestion. Live and learn.... I guess.



`No your not alone. This is how i feel. I was looking at my own pic when i thought about this. I don't want noone to think this is about them. I was looking at my own pic when i thought if my hair look worst next year and I'm not realizing it, would someone tell me. I would want someone to tell me. I know this is a touchy subject that's why i think none would tell me anything even though i would want to know.

 

[klb120475]

Just an fyi-I'm new here, but I've been lurking so long I feel like I go way back with everyone . I haven't post pics yet, but when I do, if my hair is jacked up....be kind of enough to pm and say girl, I don't mean no harm but you need XYZ. My hair is shoulder length and I'm on a grow hair mission. Help a sista out.