is she a cheater/should she tell

[SugarPie]

ok ive had too many interventions with this girl so im turning to you ladies for advice..

my gf has been talking to this guy for some time (abt 4 mo.) its been a rocky relationship. they've broken up a couple times because she felt like he wasnt giving her what she needed emotionally, got back together when he seemed like he'd do better etc. the thing is she initiated the break ups but it seems as if her man didnt believe her/called her bluff. This was problematic bcuz shortly after ending things with him she hooked up with another guy to whom she kind of lost/or attempted to lose her virginity. so when she and the original boy got back together or started talking again he was still under the assumption that she was a virgin. they are currently "working things out" (trying to communicate better, form a better relationship) but he still does not know of her random hookup. they have had sex tho and he now believes that he was her first.

i asked her why she wont tell him but she said that a) she doesnt want to make it seem like a huge deal by bringing it up, especially since they werent together. and b) he has had really bad past relationships with females and she doesnt want to perpetuate his trust issues with females.

there relationship is confusing.. one day she likes him one day she doesnt..one day hes acting a fool, another day he isnt..to be honest i dont see it goin far but i understand why shed want to try.. either way i dont know what to tell her... she said she didnt feel guilty about it until he started being sweet/nice to her. so i dont know what that says about her feelings towards him.. is she a cheater? is the dude obligated to know what happened? what creates more damage; telling the guy or keeping that part of her life to herself? i have no idea what to tell her..

 

[Kerryann]

I dont think she needs to tell the guy. There is absolutely no need for him to know. Its not like they are engaged or have some sort of serious relationship

 

[Xavier]

I wouldn't be confessing anything, especially since the relationship already sounds rocky.

To answer your questions if they were broken up when she hooked up with the guy, then no, she is not a cheater.

How old is your friend?

 

[JustKiya]

If they were broken up when she lost her virginity, then no, she's not a cheater.

Please tell me these people are under 21. Please? Because it sounds real young and messy.

 

[SugarPie]

yea it is messy and kinda foolish.. shes 20 hes 21. u think because they are so young.. its just extra unneeded drama in confessing something like that ?

 

[JustKiya]

I don't care how old you are, it's extra and unneeded.

Now, what I might tell him was that during one of the times we were broke up, I lost my virginity.

Assuming he even NOTICES.

And actually, you know what? Did she tell him he was her first, or is he just assuming he is?

If he's assuming, I'll let him keep on assuming.

And if he's messy enough to speak/brag on it and someone busts him out about it, he deserved it, and I'd tell him so.

 

[Xavier]

I can see it being a big deal if he was a virgin as well and they wanted to lose their virginity to one another...

It doesn't sound like this was the case so I don't see the big deal. Does he get a kick out of knowing that he de-flowered her? How often is he going to remind her that he was her first? Is she afraid he is going around bragging to his friends about his conquest and he maybe looking like a fool because it is not the truth? I hope you get my drift because it all sounds kinda silly to me.

They weren't saving themselves for marriage or each other so I don't see a big deal.


She is young and I am sure he will not be her last.

 

[SugarPie]

lol just kiya you're hilarious but i can def see all of you guys' points. i just think that for some reason she feels like she owes him something especially since hes been nicer now/has talked about wifing her up etc at the end of the day its prob not a big deal but shes been coming to my room every night this week with this same issue.