Is my hair hopeless?

[rhannie8]

Okay, I've been a lurker on here for a long time...and now I REALLY need some help. I miss my hair. I don't know what's wrong with it, but it just seems like I can't get it to grow!

I used to have long, thick hair...the kind where folks try to slyly feel your scalp to check for tracks. But after I went to college, it all went downhill. It might have been the beginning of flat ironing and wrapping. I'd never done either before. Or maybe it was just not caring for my hair correctly in general. After I graduated, I noticed that my hair was thinner than I liked. No matter what I try, it's like I can't get it back to where it was.

I haven't had a relaxer since January 2010. I stopped after I went to a salon in February, and while washing my hair, the stylist asked if I was natural. When I told her I'd just been relaxed a couple of weeks prior, she looked at me crazy and told me that I might as well not get a relaxer, because my hair wasn't taking it at all. It waved up like it had never been straightened. My mom swears not having my hair relaxed is the reason why my hair is thinning. (She hates that I have given up relaxers.) Instead of getting longer, it seems like my hair is actually getting SHORTER. How is that possible?!

I've tried microbraids. After I had them taken out, my hair seemed MUCH shorter than when they'd gone in. You cannot imagine my heartbreak! I tried a sew-in. Again, after having it taken out recently, my hair seems thinner and shorter! I don't have a good picture of my hair (because I hate taking picture with my hair this thin), but I do have a recent silly pic of me and my crazy dog, where you can see my hair (excuse the facial expression). I also have a pic where you can kinda see what my hair USED to look like, around 2006.

Sorry to be so long-winded, but I'm depressed. I can't do the BC, because I have turned into a chunky monkey, and my fat face won't do well with short hair. It's bad enough with thin hair! I just need someone to tell me what to do...and I'll do it! Maybe I can get someone to be my hair coach? I'll pay, if I have to!!! Ugh! I'm so sad about this that I feel tears coming to my eyes right now. I feel like giving up, but I'd rather not. "It's just your hair...it's not that serious," some would say, but it's important to me. I hope that doesn't make me vain.

What can I do?

 

[Melody.Monroe]

It's not just hair to me!! So I feel you. I am NOT an expert. I want to state that first. But have you thought about diet?? It may be that. Whenever I stop drinking water my skin and hair feel it HARD. It really does matter. Also what products are you using? They may not be a fit for YOUR hair. Some people swear by things I can't touch and vicea versa. I'm sorry that I am not much help but Im just throwing things out there.

 

[winona]

^^ I agree with Melody.Monroe

Give us a run down of the products you are using? How often you are using them? Styling tools you are using? How often are you using them? I think this will be a start to help some of these ladies help you.

BTW I think you don't necessarily need weave or braids to start your journey but you need to start basic. For example, once a month or every other month clarify shampoo 1X; moisture shampoo 1X; then deep conditioner; rinse thoroughly; add leave in and seal; protective styles can range from buns, ponytails, rollersets and so much more.

The remaining three weeks once a week moisture shampoo 1X; then deep conditioner; rinse thouroughly; add leave in and seal; protective styles can range from buns, ponytails, rollersets and so much more.

 

[keepithealthy]

I'm so sorry to hear about your hair and no your not vain. I'm no expert either but I'm wondering are you completely natural yet or are you transitioning? Also it might help to put your reggie up and what type of products you use. I'm sure more experienced members will come in and help you out. Don't give up. With a good reggie and good products I'm sure you can turn your hair around!

from me to you HHG

 

[mzteaze]

Welcome aboard rhannie8!

We have all had our depressing moments with our hair. So we understand

A few things stand out, and a few details are missing:

1) If you are transitioning (new growth is chemical free & ends are still relaxed), your hair may appear shorter due to natural curl pattern emerging (its simply not fully stretched out). This is simply a potential explanation because you didn't specify if you wear your hair straight now or not.

2) Microbraids and sew-ins, if improperly installed can "chew" up your ends and hair length, especially in the removal process. Some girls here on LHCF do well with both as protective styles as long as they are installed and removed with utmost care. However, others (including me) found that either style still was stressful on the hair and hairline with not so great results.

3) Its your hair...we are all a bit vain about it. Its a hair board, so no worries right?

So, what we need to hear back from you is:

- How are you caring for your hair NOW? What products do you use?

Melody.Monroe is right. Diet and all, plays a part well. As you will find out around here, there are lots of products we love (or hate). You have to find what works for you. Just remember there are no magic products. A consistent routine with decent products and care for your body/scalp and hair will yield results.

- Who is caring for your hair? You? a favorite stylist?

- Do you have any health issues (you don't have to answer here). Just be aware that issues like anemia, diabetes, PCOS, high blood pressure and other health issues can affect your hair.

 

[rhannie8]

Thanks for the quick responses!!!

I don't really have any set products that I use. I've most recently been using Creme of Nature and ApHoghee products. Lately, I've been having a friend wash and flat iron my hair every two weeks (using my products), even when I had my sew-in, but I think I may have to nix the flat ironing?

Since about 2002, I've been wrapping my hair and tying it down at night. I'm wondering if that also might be a problem. (I posted pics in my Fotki album so you can see my hair's regression.) For the past few nights (after seeing some posts on here), I've been rolling with flexi-rods and wearing it "curly" (if I get lucky and get actually get curls) during the day.

I used to go to a Dominican salon about twice a month...but after reading the horror stories around here, I stopped doing that.

I've always worn my hair straight, because I'm not sure what products to use for a wash and go or any other non-straight style...and I'm HORRIBLE at doing hair! I can't do a real rollerset to save my life. I wish I could cornrow and flat twist...

No health problems that I can think of, besides being overweight. I have plans to work on my diet anyway (for numerous reasons), so we'll see if that helps any.

 

[My Friend]

Hi and welcome. I'm sure more will chime in soon. I would suggest you be more specific about the products you use and how often you use them. Both of those lines have a lot of products.

 

[tiffers]

It sounds like your problems are:

1) Wrapping. If you're wrapping your hair in the same direction every night, it will most likely break your hair off.

2) Heat and going to Dominican salons... No explanation needed here.

3) Braids of any kind. Weaves, singles, micros, etc, seem to take your hair downhill. There are lots of women whose hair can't handle being in weaves and braids. I've read plenty of stories here about members who got a weave, took it out 3 months later and their hair was noticeably thinner and/or shorter.

How often are you shampooing? (which shampoo do you use?)

How often -and for how long- are you deep conditioning? (which dc's do you use?)

How often do you moisturize? (what do you use to moisturize?)

Do you always wear your hair out?

Have you tried bantu knots or braidouts? I'm style challenged and these are suuuuper easy.

Your hair isn't hopeless, girly. Just seems like you have to give it a little more TLC than what you're used to giving it.

 

[LittleLuxe]

Awww the other ladies are offering great advice. I just wanted to say I remember feeling that frustrated and confused by my hair once and yes it does eventually get better. Good luck and all the best, ::.

 

[rhannie8]

Let's see...Creme of Nature Chamomile & Comfrey Healing Conditioner and Detangling Conditioning Shampoo for Normal Hair...

ApHogee ProVitamin Leave-In Conditioner and Deep Moisture Shampoo...

I get my hair washed every two weeks.

I don't deep condition. :-/ Don't know much about that.

Moisturize? Wow. Sadly, I've not thought of that. After my hair is done, I really don't put anything on it. I'm sure that's TERRIBLE, now that I type it. I spray the Hawaiian Silky 14 in 1 on it before drying it. And if I'm using a moisturizer, I use Softsheen Carson's Optimum Oil Therapy 3-in-1 Creme Oil Moisturizer. I used Pink Oil Lotion for the first 20 or so years of my life, but then I read that that was bad for my hair, so I pretty much became afraid of moisturizers. I did just buy some shea butter today.

I do wear my hair out all the time. I've been trying bantu knots some this week. One side of my head always ends up with a different curl than the other! Can you do a braidout without knowing how to cornrow?

 

[january noir]

Might I add to have your blood work done. Ask your doctor to check your vitamin D levels and your iron absorption. Low levels of Vitamin D can cause situations that you are experiencing. A good diet (more raw vegetables and leafy greens), sleep and plenty of purified water (spring water isn't purified) should help restore health to your body and hair. Oh and lay off any dairy products.

 

[mzteaze]

Let's see...Creme of Nature Chamomile & Comfrey Healing Conditioner and Detangling Conditioning Shampoo for Normal Hair...

ApHogee ProVitamin Leave-In Conditioner and Deep Moisture Shampoo...

I don't use those products so I can't offer any real advice on those. I'm sure someone else can chime in here.

I get my hair washed every two weeks.

This isn't unusual, esp if you just go to the stylist every two weeks to have it done. Do you plan to take over with the hair care, or have someone else do most of it? If so, consider cleaning more frequently.

For ME, I found that washing every two weeks wasn't good enough. My scalp hates me by the time I reach fourteen days. Washing once a week improved things for me rather quickly. I also do it myself now.

I don't deep condition. :-/ Don't know much about that.

Well, (just joking)...Deep conditioning (DC) are an excellent way to combat dryness and other issues with hair. Growth works when your hair is moisturized (regularly) AND receives protein regularly. You can address both needs with DCing regularly. This is the crux of what helps us keep hair on our heads.

Its easy. Select a product marked for deep conditioning (or find many suggestions here in lots of threads). Apply to hair, cover and allow it to sit on the hair for anywhere from 5 minutes to overnight. You can apply heat via a hooded dryer, steam it in with a steamer or use regular ol body heat. When the time is up, rinse your hair and move to the next step.

Moisturize? Wow. Sadly, I've not thought of that. After my hair is done, I really don't put anything on it. I'm sure that's TERRIBLE, now that I type it. I spray the Hawaiian Silky 14 in 1 on it before drying it. And if I'm using a moisturizer, I use Softsheen Carson's Optimum Oil Therapy 3-in-1 Creme Oil Moisturizer. I used Pink Oil Lotion for the first 20 or so years of my life, but then I read that that was bad for my hair, so I pretty much became afraid of moisturizers. I did just buy some shea butter today.

You can try to tackle this one more as you get more familiar with your hair and how it feels. But keep in mind, maintaining the moisture level in your hair IS important. So, this is a step you don't want to totally forget for too long.

I do wear my hair out all the time. I've been trying bantu knots some this week. One side of my head always ends up with a different curl than the other! Can you do a braidout without knowing how to cornrow?

I am the world's worst stylist. HOWEVER, because of LHCF, I have learned how to:
- Do a twist out (braiding is still a bit advanced for me)
- Rollerset my own hair
- Wash and go's
- Flat iron without tons of heat

There are tons of videos on youtube if you are a visual learner OR blogs if you learn from reading.

 

[rhannie8]

Okay, so tried flexirods (I think that's what they are) last night...why is one side always curlier than the other?! It's a conspiracy, I think... :-( No product recommendations from anyone?

 

[Windsy]

I'm not an expert by no means but you need to develop a regimen starting today and commit to it.

I suggest soliciting some help for nailing down your regimen.

 

[Keshieshimmer]

I don't deep condition. :-/ Don't know much about that.

Are you sure you are a lurker? lol. The healthy hair warriors always stress the importance of deep conditioning and moisture.

This is why your hair is (probably) failing at life. You are stripping it to kingdom come and then only adding some liquid leave in.

Did you say you were natural? If so you are doing a disservice to your hair, buy not giving it the fertilizer.

 

[Melody.Monroe]

Good Morning! I like how your rollerset came out! Looks soft. As far as the lopsided curls...I do the same thing - it's a USER ERROR. Meaning you probably apply more tension one one side over the other. I used to do this ALL the time on my hair. Just practice and you will get consistant curls. It could be because one side seems easier for you to do than the other...just a thought.

 

[DearJohn]

I agree with the posters above that you need to find a regiment and stick with it. Some thing can be adjusted as length goes but what you really need to do is find a staple regiment: how often to shampoo, how often you deep condition, what method of moisturizing you want to use, and how often you will do protective styling.

It's easy to feel lost and trust I was there before I found what worked for me. The pic taken the day I discovered this and other sites (last august) were awful hence why I took to looking for answers online. I am talking wreckage galore and mind you I was a natural. still I ended up cutting my hair in October because the damage at the top was just too much to salvage.

I don't really like giving products advice because what worked for others did not work for me, but in some cases I was able to modifies some. it took about 3 months to find my groove. So be patient and discover what your likes. you may want to try these.

A good clarifying shampoo. I use EO essential its natural and you can get a huge bottle at tj maxx/marshals which can last you over a year. I clarify every 4 to 6 weeks.

A moisturizing shampoo for weekly or however often you decide to wash. There are many good natural ones out there, like giovanni SAS deep moisture, neutrogina triple moisture, shea moisture and cheaper ones like trader Joe's nourish spa. And since you are relax you may want to try motions, many relax head seem to love their products.

Good deep conditioner ( it really helps) I alternate between a light protein base and moisture base because my hair is sensitive to protein (something you may want to find out.) whenever I clarify I use 2eggs mixed with 2 table spoon of olive oil and leave it on for 5-10 min or just buy a strong protein treatment at the store and base its use on your ability accept it. My sister does the strong protein biweekly and it works for her. Not too familiar with them but she uses chi.

Moisturizing can he a leave in or any other moisturizer ( kimmaytube leave in is the s****tniz) you may also want to invest in some natural oils.

So good luck and hang in there.

 

[sapphire18]

rhannie8 How often do you wash your scalp? When I don't wash my scalp enough it stunts my hair growth.

 

[rhannie8]

I know, it sounds bad...but I'm horrible at making decisions when given lots of options, so then I end up doing nothing...and there are sooooooooooo many DC techniques and products. *sigh* What should I try first?

I do need some help with my regimen. :-/ sapphire18, I have been washing my scalp every two weeks. I'm thinking that I should probably wash more regularly. That just scares me because I've always thought that that dries out the hair. I think there are a lot of misconceptions that I'm going to have to push through to make this work.

My stylist said that it seems that only the ends of my hair are relaxed, so I'm not sure if that means I'm still transitioning, or if I'm natural.

 

[Windsy]

I know, it sounds bad...but I'm horrible at making decisions when given lots of options, so then I end up doing nothing...and there are sooooooooooo many DC techniques and products. *sigh* What should I try first?

I do need some help with my regimen. :-/ @sapphire18, I have been washing my scalp every two weeks. I'm thinking that I should probably wash more regularly. That just scares me because I've always thought that that dries out the hair. I think there are a lot of misconceptions that I'm going to have to push through to make this work.

My stylist said that it seems that only the ends of my hair are relaxed, so I'm not sure if that means I'm still transitioning, or if I'm natural.

If you still have relaxed ends you are NOT natural.

So are you transitioning? Do you want to be natural?

 

[DearJohn]

Maybe you can try co washing in between your washes so that you still clean your scalp w/o stripping. Everyone has what works for them. I shampoo twice a week if I don' t my hair dries out. The best way for you is to go by trial and error until you find your happy medium and if a suggestion doesn't work try tweaking it. Sometimes even a tweak does not work.

Do you use any protein in your hair? Or do you not moisture it enough?

 

[tiffers]

I know, it sounds bad...but I'm horrible at making decisions when given lots of options, so then I end up doing nothing...and there are sooooooooooo many DC techniques and products. *sigh* What should I try first?

I do need some help with my regimen. :-/ sapphire18, I have been washing my scalp every two weeks. I'm thinking that I should probably wash more regularly. That just scares me because I've always thought that that dries out the hair. I think there are a lot of misconceptions that I'm going to have to push through to make this work.

My stylist said that it seems that only the ends of my hair are relaxed, so I'm not sure if that means I'm still transitioning, or if I'm natural.

When was the last time you got a relaxer? Are your roots relaxed, or does it just SEEM like they aren't due to underprocessing?

As far as a regimen, you need to start simple so you won't be overwhelmed.

-Shampoo and deep condition once a week.

-Moisturize daily.

-Avoid direct heat as much as possible.

That's all you need to do.

As far as products go, from CVS/Walgreens/Walmart, you can get Herbal Essences Long Term Relationship Leave-In (GREAT slip!)

Neutrogena Triple Moisture Shampoo

ORS Paks (a deep conditioner that moisturizes and helps with breakage)

From Sally's, I swear by GVP Conditioning Balm. It's a knockoff of Matrix Biolage Balm and it's fantastic. Leaves your hair very soft and moisturized.

Silk Elements makes great conditioners as well. But their new line Mixed Silk (a knockoff of Mixed Chicks) has been getting mixed reviews, so you might wanna steer clear of that.

For a moisturizer, you can try Hollywood Beauty Olive Oil Moisturizer.

Bonner Brothers makes a good moisturizer as well.

This is all off the top of my head, so I'm sure other ladies can chime in with even more suggestions.

The products I listed have been used (and liked) by lots of members, but they were more popular and raved about back in the day.

Remember to try and keep it simple. 1) Shampoo 2) Deep condition (for at least 30 mins) 3) Apply leave-in 4) Style (with no heat!) 5) Moisturize daily.

That's all you need. Good luck!

 

[Barbie83]

Hi rhannie8 ! i totally feel your post. I've experienced the same kind of setback recently, due to letting my regimen fall by the wayside. The other ladies are spot on: develop a regimen right now. For me, it helps to take out a weekly calendar and PLAN the days when you can give your hair extra attention. (ex. Sunday wash, DC and rollerset, then wednesdays co-wash and twist)

I am definitely NO expert, even when it comes to my own hair, but I saw excellent health and growth when i had a consistent regimen. My tips for you:

-Find a moisturizer!! Try to stay away from anything that contains petroleum or mineral oil. Look for something that lists water is the 1st ingredient. Two good ones are Silken Child moisturizing creme (at sally's) and Elasta QP Olive oil and mango butter moisturizer. You need to thoroughly apply moisturizer to your hair everyday, if not 2x a day. For me, it's crucial

-start deep conditioning. I know it's overwhelming with all of the available options; I suggest you pick one that you think might work and just try it out. If it doesnt work fr you, keep looking. I really like Silk Elements line at sally's. Most cholesterols are pretty good too (lustrasilk or lekair) and are easy on the wallet. It you have oils in the house like olive oil, try adding that to your deep conditioner to beef it up a little.

-This one's hard, but: PUT DOWN THE FLAT IRON.....Sorry, but if you make only one change, THIS will probably have the most impact on your hair's health. It sounds like your hair is slowly getting weaker and thinner, so consistent direct heat usage is doing it no favors ......Trying rollersetting instead?

One last thought......I don't believe that natural hair is necessarily healthier than relaxed hair. It's all in the care you give it. I personally found my hair dryer and more prone to breakage as a natural (mostly because I wasn't prepared to care for it gently like i should). so for me, relaxed/texlaxed is best right now. If you feel the same, perhaps revisit the idea of a relaxer IN THE FUTURE, after you've addressed and corrected the health and strength of your hair

Good luck, HTH

 

[winona]

The best moisturizer I have found for super cheap is Sally's GVP brand Paul Mitchell "The COnditioner" leave in. It is like $10 for 33oz

How I would use it:
On wash day: Apply after rinsing deep conditioner out
On any other day: Lightly dampen hair with water and then apply

Please ladies correct me if I am wrong.
The reason why the first question that we normally ask is exactly which products you have been using and how often is because the actual products could be the problem and when starting a new regimen it is always easier to use some of the products that you already have instead of running out to buy all new stuff

Since you are looking for specific product recommendations here is some things I think you need to have:

1 Clarifying Poo Some suggestions: Suave, VO5

1 Moisturizing Poo Some suggestions Elasta QP Creme Conditioning Poo, Elasta QP for Relaxed Hair

1 Protein Conditioner Some suggestions You can add Neutral protein filler to your moisturizing conditioner or get something like Nexxus Emergence

1 Moisture Conditioner Some suggestions Silk Elements and GVP Conditioning Balm (if you have available Silicon Mix (original and Bambu))

1 Leave In A suggestion GVP The Conditioner Leave In

1 Sealant Some suggestions Hot 6 Oil and Proclaim Argan Oil

BTW most of these things can be found at Sallys

 

[southerncitygirl]

rhannie8


styling products: fantasia ic gel with sparkle-lites, lottabody setting lotion, any serum of your choice ( argan oil serum, chi , etc. sally makes tons of good ones)

conditioner suggestions: mill creek keratin, mill creek biotin, redken all soft, redken butter treat, aubrey organics ( gbp, j.a.y, honeysucklerose), oyin honey hemp conditioner

shampoo suggestions: redken all soft or butter treat, mill creek biotin, creme of nature moisture and shine shampoo w/argan oil, giovanni 50/50 or smooth as silk

leave-in/detangler/moisturiser: komaza care coconut curl lotion, komaza care shea butter lotion, oyin hair dew


the creme of nature sunflower formula you are currently using is very drying. if you have a lot left coat your hair with evco or evoo before washing so it won't feel so stripped.


aubreys, mill creek and giovanni products can be purchased cheaply on the following websites:
vitaminshoppe.com
vitacost.com
massagewarehouse.com ( giovanni can be bought in larger sizes here 1liter and 1 gallon)


www.komazahaircare.com for komaza products and thye make an excellent hardcore protein treatment as well

www.oyinhandmade.com for oyin hair dew and honey hemp conditioner


be sure to detangle in small sections on wet/damp hair loaded with conditioner, leave-in or water based moiturizer. i use a shower comb, a paddle brush is fine too.


remember less is more once you perfect your reggie hhg

 

[rhannie8]

If you still have relaxed ends you are NOT natural.

So are you transitioning? Do you want to be natural?

I haven't had a relaxer since January 2010. I'm hoping I can get comfortable enough to take off the relaxed portion.

Thank you ALL for all the tips! I'm making a list (it will be rather lengthy, but that's okay); I'm going to find the right products, and stick with them. More importantly, I'm going to get the routine down. If any of this sounds wrong, let me know:

Shampoo weekly (after DC) - Figure out how my hair reacts to protein
Co-wash in between shampoos
Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!
No heat (or as little as possible)
Figure out how to do some protective styles (hopefully Youtube videos will help)

What about sleeping? Do you recommend rollers? Just a satin cap/pillowcase? Bunning? Twists?

You guys are so wonderful! It takes a village to save my hair...LOL

 

[mzteaze]

I haven't had a relaxer since January 2010. I'm hoping I can get comfortable enough to take off the relaxed portion.

Thank you ALL for all the tips! I'm making a list (it will be rather lengthy, but that's okay); I'm going to find the right products, and stick with them. More importantly, I'm going to get the routine down. If any of this sounds wrong, let me know:

Shampoo weekly (after DC) - Figure out how my hair reacts to protein
Co-wash in between shampoos
Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!
No heat (or as little as possible)
Figure out how to do some protective styles (hopefully Youtube videos will help)

What about sleeping? Do you recommend rollers? Just a satin cap/pillowcase? Bunning? Twists?

You guys are so wonderful! It takes a village to save my hair...LOL

Good list.

Just keep in mind that friction and your hair is not a good idea. So, satin pillowcases, scarves and bonnets are good for many types of hairstyles to keep the amount of unnecessary friction down & protect your ends. If you decide to stay with being straight as a transition into natural hair, keep in mind that you need to address how to get there with minimal heat, deducing or at least changing the amount of wrapping AND how you wrap your hair. If you have an active lifestyle (exercising, heavy sweating), you may have to re-evaluate this particular style to fit inside of those parameters.

Try new things gradually and you will get to your goals quickly.

 

[virtuenow]

What you are describing sounds like stress (life/work/school)--- the progressive pattern of thinning for this long of a period doesn't sound product/regimen related. IN that case I advise prayer.