Is my confidence sewn in??

[Recovering Weave-aholic]

So, quick background first. I have been wearing a weave for about 6 years now and I think I may have a chemical dependence on it. I started my love affair with tracks when I was in college; before that there were ridiculously huge ponytails, braids, perms and a tragic experience with a jheri curl.

Anyway, my psychology 101 class tells me that because I am dependent on weave because I was wearing it when I "got my swagger." So after an "I am sick of this" fit last night, here I sit with a head full of natural hair feeling naked and lost (I haven't permed it in about 3 years).

I don't want to keep relying on weave but this just isn't me. What is a girl to do? I want to end the 26 year love/hate relationship I've had with my hair but I don't know where to start. HELP!!

 

[cocoaluv]

Can you please post the picture again because I cant see it.


You are in love with weaves and I'm scared of getting one even though I want one really bad.

This site will have tons of info on learning how to take care of your hair. Good luck and happy hair growing!

 

[charmtreese]

So, quick background first. I have been wearing a weave for about 6 years now and I think I may have a chemical dependence on it. I started my love affair with tracks when I was in college; before that there were ridiculously huge ponytails, braids, perms and a tragic experience with a jheri curl.

Anyway, my psychology 101 class tells me that because I am dependent on weave because I was wearing it when I "got my swagger." So after an "I am sick of this" fit last night, here I sit with a head full of natural hair feeling naked and lost erplexed

(I haven't permed it in about 3 years).


I don't want to keep relying on weave but this just isn't me. What is a girl to do? I want to end the 26 year love/hate relationship I've had with my hair but I don't know where to start. HELP!!

Girl this was me about 3 years ago, I was 27 and Had been wearing fake hair for as long as I could remember. I didn't feel together when I left the house if I didn't have my hair. Well fast forward to now, Im 30 I only wear my hair and I couldn't be happier. So, trust it can be done, its just gonna take some re-programming.

I kicked the weave thing with a 3 step program (actually Im still working on step 3):

Step 1: cut sew-ins out all together, that's not your hair and the only person you are fooling is yourself (well at least I was)! Start learning your hair. Touch it, feel it, play with it and most importantly envision yourself with the hair of your dreams everyday!

Step 2: Put a plan in action. How are you gonna obtain your goal. Pick a technique you know you can stick with and one that will allow you to be yourself. Therefore I would not recommend someone who is use to wearing yaki straight 18 inches to do the big chop, that's kindof drastic, but hey if you think you can handle it...then go for it. However, a technique such as the crown and glory with braids is much more suitable for a recovering weaveaholic ( this is what I did). I would not recommend using Weaves as your PS, because you may fall off the wagon and go back to your old habbits! You can play around with the different techniques until you find something that works for you.

Step 3: Acceptance! This is the most important step! Your hair is growing and you have your regimen now its time to fully accept what grows out of your head. This has nothing to do with relaxed or natural, it has to do with how you feel about what you have accomplished and what you will continue to accomplish on your hair journey. Im currently still on step 3. Everday Im learning how to accept the fact that my hair is fine and thin and I have to work at achieving certain styles. This step may last a long while but once you have completed this step, you will be able to sport any hair do with confidence and pride!

BTW: WELCOME!!!!!!

 

[firecracker]

Uh from the weavalish world we live into day your dilemma is going to be the cry of many of our young and old AA females today and in the future. Many females will be asking can I love myself in my own skin w/o that horses or India girls hair?

IMO majority that wear weaves religiously confidence is sewn in.

 

[freshlikemoi]

I thought I felt that way until, I just took mine out a few days ago. And now I realize how much I really hated all that hair on my head, and the itching and it sticking to my neck.

---I love them though, But for some reason I feel confident when I don't have to stick a pen and my head to scratch it.

 

[RegaLady]

I am not one(weaveaholic), I can honestly say. But, some women have gotten great growth from them including me. There is nothing better than wearing my OWN hair, long or short! I never understood how people felt ALIVE in a sew in, unless they felt better with longer length or their hair tucked away. I would feel good for about 3 days, than I would itch to get my hair back.
I don't criticize weave, I think it really can be a great PS(protective style), however, at our age(mid -later 20's) It is imperative to love our selves in our rawest states. Weave is fine, dependency and confidence through them are not! But, a part of me says, who really can say what a person should base their convidence in.
Welcome here, you are in good hands!

 

[Classic]

I dont think my confidence is sewn in but i do know that i feel more "put together" when my hair is looking right. I think I had convinced myself that a weave was easier to care for and style and that my own hair would never look as good. So many ladies here are living proof of the opppposite.

Im trying to weave myself off sew ins by wearing a net wig that I can remove nightly as I get my hair back on track. This might be helpful for you. It would remove the stress of styling as you get to know your own hair all over again.

My long term hair goal is to be extension free by next summer.

I think all us weave wearers will feel just as confident if not more so with our own heads of healthy hair. It'll just take time.

 

[missdemi]

I ALWAYS feel better when my hair is done. I can have on a BRAND NEW outfit, but if my hair is not done I feel self conscious, so you aren't the only one. I'm over here laughing because I plan on using weaves and Ovation to try and grow my hair during the fall and winter...Hopefully I don't become a WEAVE-aholic

 

[atlien11]

............

 

[Filmatic]

I too love weave. Seriously I have two tubs full of weave. I think for me it's more about being able to change my hair without damaging my own hair. I actually like my real hair in general. The only problem is that I haven't mastered the flat iron or roller set look that I like. I have worn my hair out alot more lately.

I think you should take it slow. One day a week wear your own hair in a cute bun with a flower. Cornrow your hair back, etc. Also try wigs. I learned that way I see my own hair all day unless I am wearing the wig. That way you can spend much needed time looking at your hair in the mirror and learning to love it for what it is.

 

[Ediese]

This is a really good thread. I've been wearing weaves ever since I was about 12 years old, and I'll be 25 in September.That's really sad. I think in the beginning, my confidence was definitely sewn-in. I couldn't go ANYWHERE without some piece of weave glued, sewn, wrapped around in my head.

I can honestly say that NO ONE, except you guys of course, know the true length of my hair. In the past, that was because I was too ashamed to wear my own hair. Now, that's a bit different. I think I've shaken my dependency on it. Even though I still wear weaves, I now know that I don't NEED them to feel beautiful. Weave is only used as a protective style for me now because it sure is helping me get to my ultimate goal. After that, I won't have any problem hanging it up. I think if it's used for that method then there isn't a problem with that. However, I do know many women who flaunt it as their own, and dont' have a plan in place to grow their hair just as long as the weave. I was that same person 2 years ago. When I decided to start on this journey, I tried to share all of this information with my cousin, but she told me that 'she'll wear weaves until she dies'.

I've been rocking some really cute buns and ponytails, with my own hair of course, and I'm just loving my hair texture. I know that my dependency on weaves is no longer existent because I can wear my hair, and feel just as confident as the chocolate sister next to me with WL blonde weave.

 

[wannabelong]

I'm the exact opposite. I got my first weave when I was 34 years old. I felt like everyone was looking at me. I guess it was something I had to get used to. I feel I have more confidence when I wear my own hair.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Excellent thread.

 

[lovepeacesoul]

"youu are not alone" (lol Michael Jackson song)

I was in the same boat. Im 19 now and in my 3rd yr of college. I started getting weaves during my senior yr of high school and after getting them back to back for 3/4 yrs (up until now) I had to literally wean myself off of them. In fact, when i took out my last sew-in I made sure my boyfriend was right there so he could see the real me. lol. it wasnt easy but self-acceptance is one of the best lessons I've learned.

Im not gonna lie though. When my friends get their hair done and its swangin' and flowin' I start to go through withdrawl. But LHCF is kind of like my rehab. HTH!

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I am a recovering weave-aholic. When I turned 23, I had a serious talk with myself. i told myself that I couldn't call myself a grown *** woman if I was afraid to walk out of the house without some hair sewn-in. The problem was that my relaxed hair was JACKED back then because of a serious case of overprocessing from a so-called hairdresser.

I took the drastic way out, which was a big chop, to start with a fresh head of new hair. I wore it natural for about 2 years, occassionally wearing braids and weaves (I mean like no more than 4 times per year), then I got on LHCF and started doing my research on how to CARE for my OWN hair.

I haven't worn a weave at all this year. And it's July. I just realized that. Yay! As my hair grows stronger and healthier, I tell myself that I don't need a weave. And that has been workinbg for me.

 

[hopeful]

A few years ago I wore a weave for about a year and like you I started to feel addicted. I hated that feeling though so one day I just told the stylist to give me a beautiful short cut and that was that. I felt really free and every bit as pretty. Haven't worn a weave since.

 

[nomoweavesfome]

girl - I ain't gonna lie, it's hard. I used to be the weave queen for years and it took self psycho-therapy along with some weave transitioning.

I went to full weaves to half a head of weave with twists in the front, to full wigs to half wigs, to ponytails and my last experience with fake hair is the bunning process.

Took a few years but the weave demon spell is broken.

Now even if I was to consider a weave it wouldn't be for emotional dependent reasons, it would be just for a relaxer stretch goal. Haven't done it yet tho - a wig is enough for stretches for me.

 

[Morenita]

I'm not a weaveaholic. I'm the opposite in fact. I always hated fake hair because I always felt like people were putting up a front, and I could never understand why they didn't like the real "them." I have worn extensions for braids a few times, and some added hair for updo's on a couple of special occasions, but that's about it.

Anyway, what would help me, and maybe would help you, could be to listen to the advice of some of those who have already been in your shoes. These ladies have given great tips already on how to kick the habit...and also... take a look around you! My first time visiting this forum, I was so amazed at what I saw. There are so many beautiful heads of hair on here, and it is so inspirational for me. I have always taken care of my hair, but these ladies make me want to take it to a new level! Why weave it up, when the real thing can, and will look so much better if you take the time to learn how to grow it and style it. Best of all, it would be yours!

 

[Pheonixx]

1.
I have a cousin like this. THis girl has a closet dedicated to her wigs. IT's just mannequin heads and wigs. She just doesn't take care of her hair. She doesn't care. Eh... I think--in some weird sense....she actually believes that wig is hers. ...and even when my Weave wearing had reached it's climax I was never that deluded.

2.
You know what? I ain't even gon sit up here and front: I'm a reformed weave-wearer.

It just snuck up on me!
When I was stationed in Florida everybody was weaved out. E'RYBODY!
Where I came from girl's didn't wear weaves. A ponytail here and there but no full-head weaves.

....and I remember when it began...I was in a shop while my friend was getting her hair done. I was looking at a price lists for different services.
So I turned to the stylist and asked, "What's a quick-weave..."


...and I thought it was such a novelty idea at the time! Think about it: You can just wake up and slap on your hairdo! Or you can wake up with your hairdo on your head ready to go?
ME: ....and where is your hair? Do you have to comb it?
HER: No--your hair is braided up underneath the hair.
ME: Really....?

************2 days later**************
​

ME: Why don't more women do this...?
It's simply....INGENIOUS!

I was weave dependant for two years.
Eh...but I can admit that I wasn't wearing weaves through a lack of confidence. I'm confident regardless.
I was just lazy.
Anything that would decrease the amount of time I spent dealing with my hair was in my mind a GOOD thing. Anything that wold cut the amount of time I had to get ready in the morning was a GOOD thing.
I didn't want to comb my damn hair. I was one of those, "I just wear weaves for convenience' type wig wearers. And I thought well---weaves are good because you're not constantly in it causing damage. And look at at all the heat and chemicals usage I'm missing by leaving my hair alone?
God Bless weave. They alow the hair to rest.
--until I noticed that I was always 'resting'.

And it's not like that sort of thing was bad for me. But I was starting to miss my hair anyhow.
So I got under a beautician. She gave me a cute bob and I and haven't had a sew-in in 2 yrs roughly. I bought some hair (130 damn dollars worth) last month but I can't bring myself to have it sewn-in.
I like messing in MY hair these days.

3
I agree with other posters,
--You couldn't get a wig? And alternate?
--Relaxing...natural...eh. Depends on you and your needs. I relaxed because at the time I was not confident in my ability to maintain natural hair.
You may be different.

 

[lilsparkle825]

i got hooked up with what i thought was a really good weave last year. only my second one ever, but loved it so much (and got so many compliments) that i dreaded the take down (i had started the school year with it and didnt want people to see my real much thinner hair) and immediately got another one, though this time my scalp and bangs were out. i was 4-5 months into my transition and had to be coaxed to do that...and i really liked it once it was flatironed and everything. sorry to say that was the only part of my hair that stayed the length it was, cause my hair got DAMAGED. me finding the dominican salons, transitioning, and ultimately finding LHCF were all because i was so devastated.