Is it wrong to ask your boyfriend about who he has slept with in the past?

I don't think it's wrong, but I can understand why some women do. If he slept with some questionable characters (prostitutes/sex workers), some may see it as him lacking morals or standards.

My main concern would be current sex habits and STD results.
 
I don't think it's wrong but it is touchy subject. That said I understand why some women want to know. It says a lot about a man and how much he values relationships. Aside from STDs I'm not interested in a man who's had a bunch of ONS's or only dates women long enough to sleep with them.:nono::nono:
 
Who is different than how many. Are you looking for names or just general information? How many? Have ever slept with e prostitute? Those are perfectly ok questions. I don't think I'd be ok with a guy asking for actual names.,.
 
I want to know her name. If I ever met her. What does she look like. How old was she? Did you take her out often? Have you ever bought her gifts? Where'd you all have sex?
 
PersuasiveBeauty said:
Sooooo if he doesn't want to talk about it. Do I drop it? Like is it his "right" to keep his past private?
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Yes it's his right to keep his past in the past. I never ask, but if I did and he didn't divulge, I would drop it.

Just curious, but do you feel you 'need' to know, or you just want to know? What would you do with the information?

ETA: Just read your response. If I was a guy and you asked those question, I wouldn't tell you either. What happened with the other woman is not indicative of how I will deal with you.
 
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B_Phlyy said:
Yes it's his right to keep his past in the past. I never ask, but if I did and he didn't divulge, I would drop it.

Just curious, but do you feel you 'need' to know, or you just want to know? What would you do with the information?
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In all honesty I'm just curious. I have NO IDEA what any of the girls he used to talk to before me look like/act like. He's pretty shy, so I know he didn't talk to that many girls. But I guess I'm just curious. I won't get mad or jealous. He didn't talk to them while he was with me.
 
PersuasiveBeauty said:
I want to know her name. If I ever met her. What does she look like. How old was she? Did you take her out often? Have you ever bought her gifts? Where'd you all have sex?
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Seriously?

Not only would I not tell, I'll be debating if I even wanna continue with you.

Why in the world do you need all those details?
 
I wanted to know all of this when I first started with my hubby. What can I say, I'm curious. He told me.

But if he didn't it would be his right.

I didn't look at him any different or do I have any feelings (+ or -) about his exes.

Out of that convo I did learn that his brother slept with a porn star when he was in high school, which I thought was pretty hilarious.
 
PersuasiveBeauty said:
I want to know her name. If I ever met her. What does she look like. How old was she? Did you take her out often? Have you ever bought her gifts? Where'd you all have sex?
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I can understand you wanting to know to get a pattern of his sexual habits, but it sounds as if you're going to use it against him in the long run. You'll be comparing your relationship to those in his past...

This reeks of insecurity.
 
yeahisaidit said:
I can understand you wanting to know to get a pattern of his sexual habits, but it sounds as if you're going to use it against him in the long run. You'll be comparing your relationship to those in his past...

This reeks of insecurity.
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I hope she was joking...

To add to your post, OP make sure you're ready for the answers. Like they say "If you go digging..."
 
I understand the feelings too. However, I never really had to ask, he just divulged one day when we were having an appropriate conversation about our history in general. Dh is pretty open in general about his past. He looks at it as just that, the past.

If he didnt share, I'd ask a few basic questions but I dont think I'd want to know details. Unless the things I am being told lead me to think I can be affected now.
 
PersuasiveBeauty said:
I want to know her name. If I ever met her. What does she look like. How old was she? Did you take her out often? Have you ever bought her gifts? Where'd you all have sex?
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yeahisaidit said:
I can understand you wanting to know to get a pattern of his sexual habits, but it sounds as if you're going to use it against him in the long run. You'll be comparing your relationship to those in his past...

This reeks of insecurity.
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I can understand you wanting to know too. My dh divulged a lot very early on in our relationship which I appreciated, so no surprises in that area. Is he being extra secretive? Are you fearful that he is hiding something? If not, you sound really nosy and intrusive. You want to know too much. Who or how many would be plenty, but how she looked, how often they went out, gifts bought, etc. is very extra. I'm sure you just want to know as much about his past as possible, but that is just too much. Just relax and see what unfolds over time and don't sleep with him until you have both been tested. Just take things as slowly as you need to. You sound to me like you are afraid of being hurt.
 
PersuasiveBeauty said:
I want to know her name. If I ever met her. What does she look like. How old was she? Did you take her out often? Have you ever bought her gifts? Where'd you all have sex?
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Huh? Are you trying to figure whether you're being treated well in comparision? Even if he told you all the deets, I think you're the type to go and seek these chicks out for a meeting of the minds. Don't obsess over the past. Besides, it is his past, not yours.
 
OP... It sounds like you want to know more about the woman then his sexual conduct so you can compare yourself to her and somehow make yourself miserable. Why would you do that to yourself?

What his sexual habits are, his views on contraception, and his sexual health are what's most important...
 
Mai Tai said:
OP... It sounds like you want to know more about the woman then his sexual conduct so you can compare yourself to her and somehow make yourself miserable. Why would you do that to yourself?

What his sexual habits are, his views on contraception, and his sexual health are what's most important...
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funny thing is, that women nowadays seem more likely to ask the OP's questions, then the ones in the bolded.
 
PersuasiveBeauty said:
I want to know her name. If I ever met her. What does she look like. How old was she? Did you take her out often? Have you ever bought her gifts? Where'd you all have sex?
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How about, "do you have an std" or "have you ever had an std" "have you always practiced safe sex with your partners"? I wouldn't even answer all of those questions to a man asking me. What does that have to do with us?

If you feel like he's hiding something just flat out tell him that. Don't dance around the subject he'll probably just think you're crazy. JMO
 
The only EXTRA question I would ask is if I personally know any of the women he's slept with. I don't want to know the details but women are sneaky and as soon as you get with someone they've been with, they want them back or do things to just be a menace..
 
I've asked and got some good info!
Behaviors that were not cool either but hey...I told some of my dirt too. I really enjoy how open and honest we are about these things.
BTW, STD Convo was part of sexual history.....
 
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you are asking for way too much and it sounds like you have some hidden agenda behind it. just get tested and protect yourself. take your time with this guy. people tell on themselves if you let them talk long enough.
 
I don't think it's wrong but I wouldn't do it. The only thing I want to know about his past is what can affect me now or in my future. I feel it's non of my business. If my man was to ask me that I wouldn't tell or I wouldn't tell the truth.
 
I think it is wrong to ask if you're asking out of insecurity. Honestly, it's none of our business. Couples embarking on a new relationship should get tested together, aside from that the past is the past, and it shouldn't play a major role! :-)

In the same sentence, my boyfriend has no problem telling me about all his past encounters. Trust me when I say I didn't ask. He's still friends with the majority of them so it's unavoidable, but it is so comforting to know that he is so open. I could see the same scenario playing out differently with another guy: them never telling me they've slept with some of their girl friends, and me just never knowing.
 
I don't think it's wrong but can cause problems. As long as he doesn't have an std I don't care. I don't want to have the image of how potentially high the number can be as long as he isn't promiscuous with me
 
keyawarren said:
I hope she was joking...

To add to your post, OP make sure you're ready for the answers. Like they say "If you go digging..."
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I agree with the bolded: make sure you're ready for the answers.

ALSO, be prepared to be asked to produce some revelations of your own, especially if you are asking her name, what she looks like, how often he took her out, etc.
 
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