Is it really worth it?

[angaliquew]

My fiancé and I have been living together for the past seven months...which I have had mixed feeling about. We are getting married in July and went to premarital counseling this week. During the counseling session the pastor asked us if we were living together which we said yes and he told us that he would not be able to marry us unless we lived apart for at least four months which is the church policy, unbeknownst to us.
I respect the churches policy and don't oppose it but I guess I don't understand what difference it would make living apart if we've been living together for seven months already. I've read all about the negative statistics concerning cohabitation before marriage and I start to think haven't we already set ourselves up to possibly be affected by these statistics? Would living apart for that brief amount of time really change any thing?
We have really been going back and forth over the decision these last couple of days and I'm really interested in hearing other people opinions and thoughts.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Why did you decide to move in with him?? Do you think that Christians cohabitating is wrong?? I'm just asking these questions to get an idea of where you stand on the issue.

I think a LOT could change in the 4 months you guys would be apart. Living together has SO many implications. There's a lot of growing, praying, and interceding that can be done in 4 months. However, I don't think the point is for anything to change...it may be the simple obedience & spiritual discipline of it. If it's not of God, (in the church's eyes) you shouldn't be doing it, and them allowing you to continue this, regardless of prior circumstances, would be inconsistent with Godly teachings.

Whether you'll be affected by stats is unpredictable and irrelevant, IMO. With God, ALL things are possible, and God is faithful & just. If you decide to repent and live apart from him for the remainder of your engagement, I sincerely believe that God will forgive you and anoint your union. God wants what's best for us, and He is pleased when we choose Him and His ways.

The point is that if you know this is wrong, then you should make a change and do what's right for the remainder of the engagement. However, if you don't feel it's wrong, then perhaps you should find someone else to counsel and marry you.

 

[angaliquew]

Why did you decide to move in with him?? Do you think that Christians cohabitating is wrong?? I'm just asking these questions to get an idea of where you stand on the issue.

I think a LOT could change in the 4 months you guys would be apart. Living together has SO many implications. There's a lot of growing, praying, and interceding that can be done in 4 months. However, I don't think the point is for anything to change...it may be the simple obedience & spiritual discipline of it. If it's not of God, (in the church's eyes) you shouldn't be doing it, and them allowing you to continue this, regardless of prior circumstances, would be inconsistent with Godly teachings.

Whether you'll be affected by stats is unpredictable and irrelevant, IMO. With God, ALL things are possible, and God is faithful & just. If you decide to repent and live apart from him for the remainder of your engagement, I sincerely believe that God will forgive you and anoint your union. God wants what's best for us, and He is pleased when we choose Him and His ways.

The point is that if you know this is wrong, then you should make a change and do what's right for the remainder of the engagement. However, if you don't feel it's wrong, then perhaps you should find someone else to counsel and marry you.

To answer your question we decided to move in together for our own selfish reasons (to save money) and yes I do believe that God does not look at cohabitating as favorable...which is why we are strongly considering living apart. I was just wondering would this choice really change anything about our relationship in a positive way being that we've already done what is unfavorable.

 

[Southernbella.]

I can speak somewhat from experience on this one.

My dh and I set out to stay pure before marriage. We had both abstained for several years before we got together, but we ended up sleeping together.

We both realized pretty quickly that we needed to stop. We prayed and asked for forgiveness and got back on the right path.

In hindsight, I can see where our relationships changed (with God and eachother) during the time we were sleeping together, and how they changed for the better when we stopped. We didn't enter our marriage exactly the way we wanted to, but it still felt really good to know that we were forgiven in God's eyes and allowed the chance to get it right before we said our vows.

IMO, it is worth it to move out. I don't know if you are sleeping together or not, but I think you owe it to your marriage to let God work on your relationship and in your hearts separately before you get married if you want Him to be a part of your union.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

It would certainly change things in a positive way, IMO. Girl, do you know what God is capable of?? He loves us more than we can even fathom, and 4 months may not seem like much to you, but it will certainly be a statement to your church & God that you are doing things God's way.

You guys could even discuss constructive ways to spend those months. You will be busy with wedding planning and so forth, but you guys could have some sort of side project or pact or something just to make that time extra special.

We are sinners, but we repent and turn from our ways, right?? It's never too late for us to "get right" with God.

 

[ritzbitz78]

Yes, by living apart from now on, you are going to make a positive difference in your life and in your marriage. Why, you ask? Because it is an act of repentance and faith towards God, who will be head and leader and author of your marriage. As soon as you know you are in error in anyway, you should repent (in laymans terms: do a 180 degrees turn).


Remember David, when he sinned with Bathsheba? He was living in sin for a long time and knew it, but was denying it. When Nathan the prophet called him out, David went immediately to God and repented. And God forgave him and David is known today as a man after God's own heart.


But remorse for cohabiting (sinning against your Savior) is key here. If you feel like there is no point in turning back and living separately, then you are missing that sin needs to be nasty to you, to everyone, its an abhorrence in the nostrils of God and should be to you too. But God loooooovvees the sinner (you and me) to death. He died literally to save you FROM sin, not in sin. God can't bless people who are knowingly living in sin... what type of witness would that be to others, and to you and your fiance?

Its like if your husband was committing adultery (GOD FORBID) on you and you found out, but he thought to himself "since I am already in this adulterous relationship, I am going to just keep it up until our passionate lust dies down for each other, I just won't tell wifey its still going on"

Girl, move out immediately. You can do it! God will support you through it, because you are following him.

If we confess, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness

 

[Shimmie]

My question to those couples engaged and are living together: Why not just get married now, instead of just living together? You're already 'living' together with all of the activities of marriage. Is it really worth it to live in sin? Now that's the difference.

It surely can't be the vanity of having a 'show' wedding. You can always have a big celebration 'later'. But to avoid living in sin, simply get married instead of living together in a lifestyle that only breeds an unhealthy environment for satan to come in.

Before one states that their wedding day is an important occasion. Granted it should very well be. But if marriage is truly priority and of the utmost importance and of value that a couple will honor unto the death, than they will marry, period -- rather than choose to just live together.

Is living together really worth it...without the sanctity and the cover of God's grace over marriage which He will honor above all else. God isn't looking at the illusions of grandeur of a wedding festivity, for it is only a feather in the wind. He looks for those who chose to honor Him for all that He has sanctioned as Holy and right.

Is ti really worth it...? Yes, it is. Why settle for one day over a lifetime?

((( Hugs and Blessings )))

 

[angaliquew]

Thank you ladies for all your words of encouragement...I know I need to stop trying to rationalize things and just put my faith in God.

 

[live2bgr8]

Everyone has given you excellent advice!

I only had one thing to add-- I want to encourage you, too... As for the financial side (the reason you two moved in together) God has it in control. He is our Jehovah Jireh (our provider). You never know when He'll send a financial blessing your way--especially when you trust and obey.

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you ladies for all your words of encouragement...I know I need to stop trying to rationalize things and just put my faith in God.

You have our full support.... No condemnation. Just (((( Hugs ))))

 

[Divine Inspiration]

You have our full support.... No condemnation. Just (((( Hugs ))))

That's right. We love you girl!!

 

[tatje]

Why did you decide to move in with him?? Do you think that Christians cohabitating is wrong?? I'm just asking these questions to get an idea of where you stand on the issue.

I think a LOT could change in the 4 months you guys would be apart. Living together has SO many implications. There's a lot of growing, praying, and interceding that can be done in 4 months. However, I don't think the point is for anything to change...it may be the simple obedience & spiritual discipline of it. If it's not of God, (in the church's eyes) you shouldn't be doing it, and them allowing you to continue this, regardless of prior circumstances, would be inconsistent with Godly teachings.

Whether you'll be affected by stats is unpredictable and irrelevant, IMO. With God, ALL things are possible, and God is faithful & just. If you decide to repent and live apart from him for the remainder of your engagement, I sincerely believe that God will forgive you and anoint your union. God wants what's best for us, and He is pleased when we choose Him and His ways.

The point is that if you know this is wrong, then you should make a change and do what's right for the remainder of the engagement. However, if you don't feel it's wrong, then perhaps you should find someone else to counsel and marry you.

DivineInspiriation;

I have been reading a lot of what you have posted on the Christian Fellowship Threads............and I always end up saying "thats the truth." You should really think about being a Christian Advise Columist to try to help people out. I think you would be great at it. You bring people back to reality in knowing you are to be here living and breathing for God. I just wanted to say thank you for all your words.You have probably done so much more great than you realize.

 

[Keen]

DivineInspiriation;

I have been reading a lot of what you have posted on the Christian Fellowship Threads............and I always end up saying "thats the truth." You should really think about being a Christian Advise Columist to try to help people out. I think you would be great at it. You bring people back to reality in knowing you are to be here living and breathing for God. I just wanted to say thank you for all your words.You have probably done so much more great than you realize.

I second that. Truely a divine inspiration

 

[Divine Inspiration]

DivineInspiriation;

I have been reading a lot of what you have posted on the Christian Fellowship Threads............and I always end up saying "thats the truth." You should really think about being a Christian Advise Columist to try to help people out. I think you would be great at it. You bring people back to reality in knowing you are to be here living and breathing for God. I just wanted to say thank you for all your words.You have probably done so much more great than you realize.

Wow! Thank you. I'm humbled.

I've been ministering to young women, and I spoke at a young women's empowerment conference last weekend. I LOVE speaking to those girls because they're at such a critical age, and if they can understand who they are in God at 13, 16, 19 they can evade so much unnecessary heartache and confusion.

I do write for a living, and I'm working on a women's empowerment book, but I've never considered a Christian advice column. That's certainly something I will think about and pray over because you're not the first person to suggest that.

I like what you said about reality. There are too many people walking around claiming Christianity but not reaping the benefits of it. They don't understand how profound being a child of God REALLY is and how amazing our lives can be once we move out of the way and let God have control. I'm always telling people that because the Bible, when applied, is SO practical. GOD is practical. I don't see spirituality as this abstract concept only to be pondered and left in church on Sunday. The walk is a DAILY thing, and lives could be enriched and enhanced if more people would understand how God wants to permeate EVERY area of our lives and give us peace & blessings. That's the beauty of serving God...we have covering & protection from EVERYTHING. With Him for us, who can be against us? I realize it's easier said than done which is why I'm always eager to help people who ask for it because I believe that God intends for us to help, minister, and intercede for one another. With judgment aside, we can really look at each other through God's eyes and see how much love and mercy we should give each other.

Forgive me for getting long-winded. Anyway, you're welcome. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I second that. Truely a divine inspiration

Awww gee! Thanks!

 

[live2bgr8]

I second that. Truely a divine inspiration

Okay-- make that three. Let us know when your book comes out!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Okay-- make that three. Let us know when your book comes out!

Will do.

 

[upandcoming]

Wow! Thank you. I'm humbled.

I've been ministering to young women, and I spoke at a young women's empowerment conference last weekend. I LOVE speaking to those girls because they're at such a critical age, and if they can understand who they are in God at 13, 16, 19 they can evade so much unnecessary heartache and confusion.

I do write for a living, and I'm working on a women's empowerment book, but I've never considered a Christian advice column. That's certainly something I will think about and pray over because you're not the first person to suggest that.

I like what you said about reality. There are too many people walking around claiming Christianity but not reaping the benefits of it. They don't understand how profound being a child of God REALLY is and how amazing our lives can be once we move out of the way and let God have control. I'm always telling people that because the Bible, when applied, is SO practical. GOD is practical. I don't see spirituality as this abstract concept only to be pondered and left in church on Sunday. The walk is a DAILY thing, and lives could be enriched and enhanced if more people would understand how God wants to permeate EVERY area of our lives and give us peace & blessings. That's the beauty of serving God...we have covering & protection from EVERYTHING. With Him for us, who can be against us? I realize it's easier said than done which is why I'm always eager to help people who ask for it because I believe that God intends for us to help, minister, and intercede for one another. With judgment aside, we can really look at each other through God's eyes and see how much love and mercy we should give each other.

Forgive me for getting long-winded. Anyway, you're welcome. Thank you for your kind words.

Oh my gosh! I was just going to write a post about that. DIVINE INSPIRATION, WE HEART YOU. =)

 

[Meli]

Question, what if she were living with him but they abstained for sex during that time...would she still be following God?

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Oh my gosh! I was just going to write a post about that. DIVINE INSPIRATION, WE HEART YOU. =)

Oh my!! You guys are so sweet. I heart all of you as well. Thanks!

Question, what if she were living with him but they abstained for sex during that time...would she still be following God?

It's not just the sexual activity that makes this a sin...it's cohabitating. Like Shimmie said, if they're that pressed to live together, they should just go ahead and get married. There are so many aspects of it that are questionable...temptations, letting good be evil spoken of, setting an example for other believers, etc.

 

[Shimmie]

Okay-- make that three. Let us know when your book comes out!

Make me a 4th and a 10th...I totally agree that DI is a Divine Inspiration. And yes we do 'Heart' you....

I look forward to your bookS as well.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Make me a 4th and a 10th...I totally agree that DI is a Divine Inspiration. And yes we do 'Heart' you....

I look forward to your bookS as well.

Thank you kindly.

 

[angaliquew]

Question, what if she were living with him but they abstained for sex during that time...would she still be following God?

We have discussed this but wouldn't getting married now be taking the easy way out just to cover up our sins instead of proving to God that we are remorseful and willing to make a sacrifice to live apart for a few months.

My FI suggested this option but for some reason I feel like that's not what God really wants us to do.

 

[SweetCaramel1]

Would living apart for that brief amount of time really change any thing?
We have really been going back and forth over the decision these last couple of days and I'm really interested in hearing other people opinions and thoughts.

congrats on your engagement. my hubby and i had the same problem with our church. if you're really set on getting married at your home church then 4 months is not a long time to sacrifice, especially if you can move back with your parents. my hubby and i have a child so we didn't want to split while engaged. we ended up getting married by the locations' pastor. he did a beautiful job and we were pleased with the outcome.

7 months is right around the time you get used to living with your s.o. so living apart will probably make you guys miss each other more. good luck however you decide