Is it racist to only want to marry a black man?

[SEMO]

I think I would forgo marriage if my only option was to marry a white man . Even if he had all the other qualities I was looking for. I just don't think it would work. I feel like we would start off from a place of misunderstanding and strife.

I know it sounds bad . Do you think that the reason some women are not married is because the person they were "meant for" is white or some other race? (I'm not sure I believe God has a specific person in mind for everyone to marry.)

Do you ladies see this as a personal preference or some deeper issue?

 

[gone_fishing]

It's racist to believe that another race is somehow inferior based solely on their skin color or features.

No.

It's not racist to have a preference.

Most black women who only want to date black men don't do so because they feel white men are inferior. They do it because they are naturally attracted to them. It's natural to be attracted to someone with similar pheno-genotypes. It's natural to be attracted to the familiar (skin tones, features, cultural similarities), etc. It's natural to want to be with someone that you feel can really "get" you and to many black women only a black man fits that bill.

In a perfect world IR's would be no big deal but the world is far far far from perfect. IR's should be considered carefully is because of the difficulties experienced due to others having a hard time accepting them. Many IR's experience discrimination and ridicule, sometimes even from their own families. Some IR's experience difficulties when their children have skin tones of different shades from the parents and/or siblings. (I've been there). Not everyone can handle those issues. And some who could just don't see the need to when there are plenty of elligible handsome black men to pick from.

That said, A person should be judged by his or her character, not by skin color. I'm not God but if I prayed for a man to come into my life and a white man showed up (this happened actually) who was all the things I had asked God for but came in the wrong "package" - I would not block my blessing. I would probably ask "why"? and I did.


I know a lot of people assume I just love all white men everywhere and that they are the epitome of men but I actually had a difficult time getting used to being with my current SO. I had my own issues. At one point I really was perturbed by his piercing blue eyes. Hard to explain. They just weren't "familiar" and I was more comfortable with someone who looked like me. But, I got over it and I love him now and I'm glad it happened that way. Now I love his blue eyes.

Not telling you to get over it but not everyone who is married to a white man started off seeking them out.

Just be careful not to show favoritism to some, nor be prejudiced or racial to others. It doesn't sound like you are. A Christian man or woman's standard for selecting a mate should always be to find out if the person they are interested in is a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14), someone who is born again by faith in Jesus Christ (John 3:3-5). Faith in Christ, not skin color, is the Biblical standard for choosing a spouse. Interracial marriage is not a matter of right or wrong, but of wisdom, discernment, and prayer.

 

[frizzy]

Nope. Not at all.

 

[SEMO]

Great response Adequate. Very well thought out. I'm one of those people who just wouldn't want to deal with the constant struggle of being in a IR relationship. After class the other day I got a ride home from a classmate (a white guy) and I saw other motorist's doing a double take to see me in his car . I wouldn't want to be "on display" like that all the time . But I do understand what you're saying.

Somehow I feel bad still. Like I don't love all God's people b/c I wouldn't want to marry someone white . I guess I'll have to pray about it.

 

[Shimmie]

No, it's not racist at all; neither do I feel it's racist regarding white men. Only if you were to put one race above the other does it become racist.

Personally, I prefer Black men, because I'm currently in love with a wonderful Black man and he's in love with me. No race is better than the other, for the best man for any woman of any color is the one whom God has joined together, be he Black or White. That's the beauty and the truth of real love.

For whom God hath joined together, let no man put assunder. Let there be no division; let there be no discrimination, let there be no alienation, let there be no doubt that they belong together as one. No matter what color.

I love and support interracial marriages; it's beautiful. However the only thing that disturbs me, is when a Black woman allows herself to put this white man above black men. That's deceptive and not God. The man is simply the mate God gifted to you, to give GOD, Himself the glory, not the man.

For only God can bring together two who were once alienated by race, color, hatred, prejudice, and make them one. Only God could have erased the 'differences' once lived and bread into their hearts that each one's race was untouchable. And now, in the plain open view for all to see, they are become one, eternally.

It's never about one's color so much as it is about God's choice, not ours. For He gives us the desires that are in our hearts...to desire the one He has sent to us....His Gift of life and love forever.

 

[gone_fishing]

Great response Adequate. Very well thought out. I'm one of those people who just wouldn't want to deal with the constant struggle of being in a IR relationship. After class the other day I got a ride home from a classmate (a white guy) and I saw other motorist's doing a double take to see me in his car . I wouldn't want to be "on display" like that all the time . But I do understand what you're saying.

Somehow I feel bad still. Like I don't love all God's people b/c I wouldn't want to marry someone white . I guess I'll have to pray about it.

Hon, I don't think that is any different than other preferences women have. For me, I do not like short men. I don't think they are inferior but I don't want to be with one. There isn't just white and black either. I for one do not find anything at all attractive about most East Indian men but I know I'm not racist towards them because I don't think they are inferior - they are just not sexually appealing to me and God understands sex appeal IS a part of an ideal marriage. Same for bald, fat, etc.

Do you know how much praying I'd have to do if God said, I'm sending you a short, fat, bald, man from India? I'd be posting a thread just like this one.

 

[kbragg]

Naw girl. Trust it's going to be tough no matter what color he is. Men are dumb and it takes them forever to "get it" so you might as well pick one you like cuz it's gonna be a LONG road no matter what!Hey, it's part of the refinement process...not my fault, Lord knows I wouldn't make something like that up I'm playin' Lord.....

'Scuse me please, just got done shopping for maternity clothes with hubby...nuff said

 

[Bunny77]

I think I would forgo marriage if my only option was to marry a white man . Even if he had all the other qualities I was looking for. I just don't think it would work. I feel like we would start off from a place of misunderstanding and strife.

I know it sounds bad . Do you think that the reason some women are not married is because the person they were "meant for" is white or some other race? (I'm not sure I believe God has a specific person in mind for everyone to marry.)

Do you ladies see this as a personal preference or some deeper issue?

I don't see it as racist at all. To me, it makes sense that most people would first and foremost prefer someone who is most like themselves. Sure, there will be some exceptions that prefer the opposite, but most people would want someone who is like them.

The only thing I will say is that I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on dating a good man because of what they "think" might happen. I know black women who've dated white men who were perfectly fine, but they just weren't feeling it, so they don't date interracially anymore. And that's cool.

On the other hand, I know of black women who don't want to do it because they think that this, that and the third might happen if they're with a non-black man, so they don't even bother. In that case, I wonder if maybe they're missing out on a potentially good man who could make them very happy and make the "issues" not seem like issues at all -- but they're not letting it happen because they think their man can only be black.

Mainly though, I'd just say to be true to yourself. I wouldn't worry about it, maybe UNLESS you actually meet a non-black man that you're really diggin' and you would unquestionably have been with him if he was black.

 

[Sui Topi]

I dont think its racist, but I think you should be careful that it doesnt cause you to miss out on someone really special. I used to only like black guys when I was a kid, but then when I got older I started to notice other races..now I'm married to a filipino guy and I'm not attracted to anyone else anymore. I never really found white guys attractive though, I can say that much. Spanish is the closest I'll get.

 

[divya]

Does color determine character?

 

[PinkPeony]

If you're white I'd say yes you probably have some latent issues relating to mandingo or thug fantasies.
If you're black it's IMO a non-issue.

 

[Alisha08]

Do you know how much praying I'd have to do if God said, I'm sending you a short, fat, bald, man from India? I'd be posting a thread just like this one.

That is a great analogy adequate! (In regards to your preference) I was over here rolling when I read that!

Oh, and SEMO, I don't think its wrong at all. We like what we like and want what we want.

 

[SEMO]

Thanks for your responses ladies. I was feeling kind of bad about it before. But now that I think about it I don't really have a preference when it comes to how a guy looks. It doesn't matter if he's short, tall, muscular, chunky, light, dark, etc. I have liked men across all these different types. The only thing the guys I've liked have in common is that they're black.

But now that I think about it most women have a "type" they prefer when it comes to a guys looks. I just realize now that my one type preference is that he be black .

 

[SEMO]

Does color determine character?

Nope. Not at all.

 

[metamorfhosis]

It is both racist and a preference. Love can come in a package you least expect.

 

[Farida]

Now, if you aren't attracted to white men, then it is a matter of preference. If you are attracted to him but won't marry him because he is white, that's racist.
If a man meets all your needs but he is of a different race and you refuse him for that sole reason, I believe that's racist.

 

[chicacanella]

Now, if you aren't attracted to white men, then it is a matter of preference. If you are attracted to him but won't marry him because he is white, that's racist.
If a man meets all your needs but he is of a different race and you refuse him for that sole reason, I believe that's racist.[/quote]


Yeah, I agree with the bolded.

 

[SEMO]

Now, if you aren't attracted to white men, then it is a matter of preference. If you are attracted to him but won't marry him because he is white, that's racist.
If a man meets all your needs but he is of a different race and you refuse him for that sole reason, I believe that's racist.

I understand what you're saying.

For me, I think it's more of a preference. I don't come across many men I'm attracted to and would want to pursue something with (my goal is marriage and not casual dating). And none of the men I have been attracted to have been anything other than black.

But honestly, I think I have a quirky personality, and recently I've started to wonder if there is any man out there that's a "match" for me (regardless of race). But they say there's someone for everyone...

Truth be told, if I met a man who I really thought was my match and he wasn't black, I would still marry him. It might take me a lot longer to see that we are matched though (since his packaging isn't what I expected).

 

[michc]

No it's not racist at all.

Everyone has their preference. But I would say be open to who God has for you.

My friend ended her 7 year relationship with her then boyfriend (black) because he was not a christian and she was (he had no desire to become one either). So after her grieving process over the break-up she prayed to God to send her the right man that He has for her.

2 weeks later, she got talking to a guy from her church who is white. He had always liked her and then asked her out. Knowing what she had asked of God she went on a date with him EVEN THOUGH she didn't dig white men. To cut a long story short, they fell in love, are married and have two beautiful children. She is happier than she has ever been. The moral: God knows EXACTLY what you like and what's good for you; we on the other hand don't always have a clue. Be blessed.

 

[Farida]

I understand what you're saying.

For me, I think it's more of a preference. I don't come across many men I'm attracted to and would want to pursue something with (my goal is marriage and not casual dating). And none of the men I have been attracted to have been anything other than black.

But honestly, I think I have a quirky personality, and recently I've started to wonder if there is any man out there that's a "match" for me (regardless of race). But they say there's someone for everyone...

Truth be told, if I met a man who I really thought was my match and he wasn't black, I would still marry him. It might take me a lot longer to see that we are matched though (since his packaging isn't what I expected).

OK. this sounds better.

 

[SEMO]

No it's not racist at all.

Everyone has their preference. But I would say be open to who God has for you.

My friend ended her 7 year relationship with her then boyfriend (black) because he was not a christian and she was (he had no desire to become one either). So after her grieving process over the break-up she prayed to God to send her the right man that He has for her.

2 weeks later, she got talking to a guy from her church who is white. He had always liked her and then asked her out. Knowing what she had asked of God she went on a date with him EVEN THOUGH she didn't dig white men. To cut a long story short, they fell in love, are married and have two beautiful children. She is happier than she has ever been. The moral: God knows EXACTLY what you like and what's good for you; we on the other hand don't always have a clue. Be blessed.

That's a nice story . I do think blessings can come when you least expect it.