Is it possible to have a healthy, lasting relationship......

[MiamiHottie]

if you dont get along with your SO's family? My boyfriend's family feels that he can do no wrong and because of a few unfortunate things that have happened to him, they feel that it is b/c of him being with me..... Its to the point that I would never feel comfortable going to any of their family functions. I have stopped all together. I mean I wouldn't mind not having any contact with them but is that even possible with the possibility of marriage or with kids down the line.

 

[dlewis]

I don't see why marriage is not a possibility. I have very little contact with Dh's family and I LOVE IT THAT WAY. I haven't been to my MIL's home in over 4 years and I'm fine with that. I have a great marriage and a good husband. I don't have to have a relationship with his family for him to have one with them. And we have two children that see his family often enough.

I do think you need to consider the family if you're thinking about marriage. Most people want their wife and families to blend and it could be difficult for some people if they don't or if there's problems. With our situtation I didn't do anything to them and DH knows that, they tried to harm me and my marriage. If it had been the other way around IDK what would have happened to our relationship. But these problems developed after we were married. Had they developed before we married I would not have married him.

Pray about and ask Gd for guidance.

 

[lexi08]

if you dont get along with your SO's family? My boyfriend's family feels that he can do no wrong and because of a few unfortunate things that have happened to him, they feel that it is b/c of him being with me..... Its to the point that I would never feel comfortable going to any of their family functions. I have stopped all together. I mean I wouldn't mind not having any contact with them but is that even possible with the possibility of marriage or with kids down the line.

This can be a sticky situation... It all depends on your man. I hate to say this but if he is weak and won't stand up for you against the family, there will be problems for you. If he can put his family in their place when they are wrong then most likely you will be ok. IDK if they think he can do no wrong plus are blaming you for his misfortune...... you may be in for alot of drama. I am just speaking from experience. Some men will not go against their family for you no matter what, even when their family ain't ish. SOme families don't treat outsiders well no matter what. If it was me, knowing what I know now, I would bail, I am too old for the drama. Good luck to you I hope things work out for you.

 

[cocoberry10]

I don't see why marriage is not a possibility. I have very little contact with Dh's family and I LOVE IT THAT WAY. I haven't been to my MIL's home in over 4 years and I'm fine with that. I have a great marriage and a good husband. I don't have to have a relationship with his family for him to have one with them. And we have two children that see his family often enough.

I do think you need to consider the family if you're thinking about marriage. Most people want their wife and families to blend and it could be difficult for some people if they don't or if there's problems. With our situtation I didn't do anything to them and DH knows that, they tried to harm me and my marriage. If it had been the other way around IDK what would have happened to our relationship. But these problems developed after we were married. Had they developed before we married I would not have married him.

Pray about and ask Gd for guidance.

Dlewis, always keeps it real! I agree with this. I truly hope to get along with my future in-laws, but I know this doesn’t always work out. If you do marry him, I would say as long as you don’t try to hinder their relationship with your children, it could be better??? I hope!

 

[UmSumayyah]

I just think that is a HUGE source of unneccessary stress. Especially when kids come along.

 

[MiamiHottie]

Thanks ladies...Im just going to have to pray on it but it doesnt make it easy when ever we have problems he is lets his family know and of course they are only getting one side of the story most times. I mean what happened to what happens between a man and woman should stay between a man and a woman.

 

[Ms Red]

This is a no-no in my book. I've learned from experience to not complain to my folks about my SO (even little things) because I am THEIR child and whose side are they going to choose? He can't complain to them about issues in YOUR relationship because #1, it makes you look like the bad guy and reinforces their thoughts that he can do no wrong.

#2 When yall do kiss and make-up, his family will still be stuck on the issues he complained about. He needs to be a man about it, like you said, keep things between him and you. Is he a mama's boy? Because it sounds like it.

Thanks ladies...Im just going to have to pray on it but it doesnt make it easy when ever we have problems he is lets his family know and of course they are only getting one side of the story most times. I mean what happened to what happens between a man and woman should stay between a man and a woman.

 

[MiamiHottie]

This is a no-no in my book. I've learned from experience to not complain to my folks about my SO (even little things) because I am THEIR child and whose side are they going to choose? He can't complain to them about issues in YOUR relationship because #1, it makes you look like the bad guy and reinforces their thoughts that he can do no wrong.

#2 When yall do kiss and make-up, his family will still be stuck on the issues he complained about. He needs to be a man about it, like you said, keep things between him and you. Is he a mama's boy? Because it sounds like it.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I tell him all the time, we can get over the silly things but they will always remember your complaints. He grew up with out his mother. He is the type that wants to hear he is right all the time. Not only from his family but his friends as well. So every once in while he will call up his dad or one of his siblings after a fight and complain about me. His dad will agree with his one sided story and then he feels better. IDK I think he is very narcissistic now that I think about it.

 

[Integrity]

This does not sound good at all. If you are both contemplating marriage, ensure the issues are dealt with BEFORE. I can see a lot of heartache in the future otherwise.

 

[Country gal]

This can be a sticky situation... It all depends on your man. I hate to say this but if he is weak and won't stand up for you against the family, there will be problems for you. If he can put his family in their place when they are wrong then most likely you will be ok. IDK if they think he can do no wrong plus are blaming you for his misfortune...... you may be in for alot of drama. I am just speaking from experience. Some men will not go against their family for you no matter what, even when their family ain't ish. SOme families don't treat outsiders well no matter what. If it was me, knowing what I know now, I would bail, I am too old for the drama. Good luck to you I hope things work out for you.

I had this issue with my son's family. They are crazy. Felt no one was good enough for any of their family. They were constantly in our business. My family didn't care for him either. The guy needs a backbone if he doesn't marriage will be pretty drama filled with the family.

 

[january noir]

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I tell him all the time, we can get over the silly things but they will always remember your complaints. He grew up with out his mother. He is the type that wants to hear he is right all the time. Not only from his family but his friends as well. So every once in while he will call up his dad or one of his siblings after a fight and complain about me. His dad will agree with his one sided story and then he feels better. IDK I think he is very narcissistic now that I think about it.

My aunt married a man who was narcissistic and is having hell to pay many years later. If you love him, that's cool, but think long and hard about marrying him. What you describe of him, he is not acting like a mature man and has issues he must face and resolve before he is ready to commit to you. Right now, the relationship is not all that healthy. If you are contemplating marrying this man, I believe that intensive pre-marital counseling is in order. JMO. Good luck to you.

 

[Mystic]

I didn't read the whole thread but....., my girlfriend's husband's family hated her with a passion but overtime with his support, the family came around - her marriage is now stronger than ever 20+ years later. As long as your husband sticks up for you and defends you against all criticisms, the family will eventually come around. If your husband/fiance does not stand up for you, you are in for a long time of grief/unhappiness with his family.

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

The ladies have already given some great advice. ITA. It depends on him. The information they know about you is through and because of him. I'm around my bf's family A LOT and I'm about to back off. It's just better to see them everyonce in a while IMO. God bless in your relationship