Years ago my hair was the exact same way. Basically I had over processed my hair with no lye relaxers and the over processing led to my porosity issues. No lye didn’t work for me because I wasn’t using it correctly which led to extreme calcium buildup on my hair which contributed to my dryness issue. When conditioner was in my hair it would look like it was so healthy. I loved the way my hair looked with the conditioner in because it gave the illusion of healthy hair. Once my hair dried, that’s when it would start to go downhill. My hair would dry very quickly and crunchy. The ends would dry first, and it would be a frizzy dull reddish brown mess. No matter how long I conditioned same results every time. I cut my hair little by little because I’m not a big trimmer, switched to lye, started using Stabilizer Plus then moved on to Porosity control weekly. I make sure I don't over process. I dc and steam weekly and some form of light protein is used weekly as well. I moisturize and seal daily which I never did in the past. I no longer have those issues.