Invited to ceremony but not reception

[Lynnerie]

Hello ladies,

I need some advice on proper wording for invitations.

I'm having an open church wedding at my future hubby's request at the church he has grown up in. The church holds a lot of people but the venue only holds 150. I'm from another state so a lot of my family and friends will be traveling so ofcourse they are going to both events but we just can't invite everyone to the reception. The church holds 450 and many will come but I can't invite them all to the reception.

Because of this we have decided to have a light dinner at the church for guests who will not attend the reception and we want our guests who are attending the reception to immediately head to the venue without partaking in the church meal. We will mingle for a half an hour and then head to the reception. We also plan to have favors for the all guests regardless of which event they attend.

I just dont know what is the proper way of saying this on an invitation/reception card. Any suggestions?

 

[JayAnn0513]

Hmm...maybe have 2 different reception cards? One that says you are invited to a dinner at the church and another that says you are invited to a reception that starts immediately after the wedding at the following location.

I will says I typically find it tacky to not invite all to the reception, BUT the way you are doing it is very nice.

 

[BGT]

^^ At least she cares about feeding them. When I've been to weddings and wasn't invited to the reception, I didn't even get to say congrats to the couple. As soon as they said their vows, the walked down the aisle and into their limo.

 

[DeepBluSea]

I think it's a bad idea. His people are bound to slighted. I can hear them now, "So her relatives get to go to the "real reception." We ain't good enough to go to her reception? Blah blah blah." I'm sure some of them would crash the venue as well.

Either hold the reception at the church, get a bigger outside venue, or scale back who is invited to the ceremony and the reception.

 

[TayMac]

Good luck! Not to offend you but I don't think there is a "proper" way to say such a thing because it's kinda rude/improper to invite some to the reception and others not. At least you are making the effort to feed and mingle.

I have been invited to just the ceremony and it felt like a huge slight. I'd rather not go at all. Whatever you do, make sure it is clear in the invite.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

You can only send invitations to people who are invited to both and let other people just show up at the church without an official invite. If it's his home church you can send an announcement inviting the church family.

 

[Lynnerie]

Thank you for your suggestions. We've decided to only have the reception for our family and out of town guests- my family rather than allowing some people from the church to come and others not. The church will be open to whoever wants to watch the ceremony. You can't please everyone and I'm not about to stress it on my day. My parents are paying for it- Now I wish I would've just had my wedding back in my home state.

 

[Jmartjrmd]

I went to a dessert only reception after a wedding and it was nice. They served punch, the wedding and groom's cake, and various other desserts, fruit and cheese platter. I wasn't offended at all that I wasn't invited to the other reception. I still felt like I was part of the reception as I got to see the couple cut the cake etc.
People seemed to have a great time.

Could you do something like that? That way your reception only guests aren't partaking in a full dinner and they can trickle out of that reception and to the new location while you and hubby mingle a bit.

 

[ThickHair]

I say just invite a limited number to the wedding and those same people are invited to the reception.

Invite to ceremony and not the reception, ehh, not cool in my book, but it isn't my wedding.

I think it's a bad idea. His people are bound to slighted. I can hear them now, "So her relatives get to go to the "real reception." We ain't good enough to go to her reception? Blah blah blah." I'm sure some of them would crash the venue as well.

Either hold the reception at the church, get a bigger outside venue, or scale back who is invited to the ceremony and the reception.

ITA, Oh yeah, be aware of crashers. Yeah, Cousin Nuk Nuk is gonna feel some kind of way. All it takes is one person to lead a revolt.

ETA: I see you already made your decision. Let us know how it goes.

 

[LongiLox]

Send invitations only to those invited to both the wedding and the reception. An announcement can be made during Sunday service that church members are welcomed to witness the Ceremony. No need to even mention the dinner after the church; those who don't know to head to the reception will automatically notice the food at the church and stay to eat.

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

^^^^ YES!
Our invitations said the reception is RSVP only. Our pastor didn't mention that after the ceremony but I have been to weddings where right after the ceremony the Pastor said the reception is located at _____________, and is RSVP only.

I am glad you are not gonna stress because you can't feed & please everyone!

I mean 450 ppl! That's a lot of people you don't know eating on your parents tab.

I have friends who get married and if I don't get an invite I don't sweat it. Me and my brother used to attend the same church and had mutual "friends" and they'd invite him and his wife but not me, and that's because they may be closer to him than me and that's okay. I can go to the ceremony then go home. Since I didn't get invited to the reception, it gives me the option on whether or not to buy a gift. For a couple of people I knew had $$ issues and were keeping the list low, I'd usually buy a gift. For the ones keeping the list low for "exclusivity", I'd usually go the ceremony, say my respects, wave, then keep it moving.....

But its not a big deal. I won't say I didn't feel some kind of way about it, but at the end of the day its more $$ I have to spend and I don't buy cheap stuff. AND I did not hold it against them either!!!! I got a better understanding of why I didn't always get that invite to the reception from a church member once it was MY wedding I was planning and me and hubby were footing the entire bill ourselves!

Most people understand. Those who do NOT understand are not really that important in your lives anyways......(so.glad.my.wedding.was.5.years.ago....so.glad.its.over!)

 

[SUPER SWEET]

That is so sweet to care about the church family.... Best wishes.

 

[YasashiiSekai]

Hmmm I'm going to do this, but instead have all the church go to the ceremony, and have only my family and close friends be invited to the reception. I do have about one or two close friends from church who I'm going to invite to the reception.

It's kind of hard to invite some people from church and not others, but you can make an announcement at church to tell them they are invited to the ceremony.
The people who know they are invited to the reception will already know that there will be a reception when you send them the cards.

But unfortunately, theres always someone who is gonna feel some kind of way about it, but it's your wedding so don't mind them.