Invasive Church Members - would you stay?

[softblackcotton]

Hey ladies,

I just started going to a SDA church two months ago. The members seem really nice, the services are really nice, they have various, interesting, and nice performances every week. Church is packed with more visitors than members almost every week. Mostly family and friends in support of the performers which are usually Children choirs and groups from surrounding Christian schools.

One regular Saturdays the church congregation is mainly older senior members and their grandchildren, some married couples with small children, and a few single or "come to church without husband" mothers with older children. No young singles in their 20s with no children like me.

2 months ago I was invited to luncheon after my 3rd visit. I exchanged contact info with a few members and since then...

1. I've been set up with a prayer partner, one of the senior church members, who has been calling me almost everyday. Asks me my business. She also gives me wake up calls before church.

2. One of the other senior church members calls me if doesn't see me at church even if I was there and she didn't happen see me. I don't want her to see me because when she does she drags me to sit up front with her and go the altar to pray with her when I rather pray from my seat.

3. One of the other senior members offered to help me with my Bible study has started to come to my house with different church members and even the Pastor. She wants to come every week. She also calls me if I miss church.

I've only missed one service in two months since I started going I feel like the whole church called me to find out why. I am starting to feel indirectly pressured to join when I am not ready. I've only explored this one church since I started to seek a church.

4. One new member doesn't have a car and lives very close to me and the Bible study senior church member volunteered me to be her chauffeur. So if I have to go to that church, when she needs a ride.

I kind of want to leave and explore another church that has much younger less pressuring people. Is it just the sin in me that is making me feel this way or do I have valid point about the church members being indirectly pushy. What would you do, stay or get out?

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[Choclatcotton]

Girl, when I was 20 and single I to began to explore going to church and I had the freedom to explore many including SDA. I felt no pressure and left and explored until I found the right church for me. WHen I felt God led me to the right church, which was a small fellowship at the time, I came and went until I felt willing to commit my life to what I began to believe in which was the word of God. It has been almost twenty five years since I went exploring and found the true church that I was searching for. Dont allow anyone to pressure you. God will lead you to the right church if your search according to his word.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

Don't allow anyone to pressure you to join a church. That is between you and the Lord. You should not feel bad that you want to wait. I have seen this happen in a church I attended and they needed members so they could say the "church is growing". When visitors would come they would give them a lot of attention, take them out to eat, and dig into their personal life, call them. If the person or family visited more than once, they would try to put them on the church roles and see what talents they had to put them on a department.

I'm not trying to scare you but that place turned out to be controlling and if you did not attend a church event you were given the side eye.
I dont do controlling, cultish churches anymore. My family is in a church that teaches the word and has freedom in Christ. Also the people want to be there.

Hope this helps

 

[HWAY]

The Lord God is a gentleman. We are drawn to him because of love, not by controlling behavior. Listen to your spirit. If you feel uneasy, there is a good reason.

 

[softblackcotton]

Thank you so much ladies for your answers. I can't "thank" from my phone. I just would like to visit another church based on the Bible but with a much younger congregation. I feel like I've already gotten in too deep with the members. They know my face, my name, the pastor has come to my house, they know where I live, they have my number, my email. They contact me when I dont come. They check on me during the week almost everyday except when I miss their calls. Plus, who will take that other girl to church since I am her ride? I will feel horrible if I have to ignore them while I visit other churches.

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[Jenibo]

I have no advice but I'm upset the members have made you feel trapped. I've seen this happen before. I urge to talk to the person who rides with you and tell them they need new arrangements- then you can start visiting other churches.

 

[dicapr]

Sorry that you went through that. Not all SDA churches are like that. However, I find that many churches with an older popuation tend to see young visitiors as their saviors and are often over egar to inject some young blood into thier church. This happened to me when visiting a SDA church. They all but offered to let us (my brother and sister-in-law) run the church the first afternoon. It was overwhelming and I am SDA. If you enjoy the message just not the pushy members I would suggest finding a younger church. They tend to be alot more laid back. Usually at my church if you miss a few services a note saying "we miss you" is sent and that is all.

 

[Shimmie]

As I was beginning to reply, I just noticed two 'cottons'. softblackcotton --- Choclatcotton , Praise God for both of you. :Rose:

Back to the topic...

It's obvious that these women are serious and if they are of the 'older' set, it's more likely in their nature to do this, meaning to take over as if they were your guardian such as a guardian over your soul. Yes... it's pushy and quite overbearing, but they actually care because they see the dangers that lurk for the generation of your age group.

As for volunteering you as giving a ride to the member who lives near you, again, it's what they think of as taking care of a member's need and they more than likely would do the same for you if you did not drive and needed transportation.

When I first joined my first Church, I was in your similar situation but I had two children. The 'Mothers' of the Church took me under their wings and they nurtured me and because of this, I grew very strong in my faith. It kept me away from the temptations which were still lurking in my life and I'll be honest, I am very happy that they did take me into their spiritual care. God only knows what I was being protected and saved from.

On top of that, I was so happy to be in Church and under the Word, that I didn't have a chance to be bothered by them caring so much. I ended up 'leading' them around...I grew very strong, very fast in the Lord and they simply went into intercession for me; and was there for me whenever I needed them. My Pastor's mom and I were very close and I thank God for the wisdom and strength that I gained from being with her.

Take some time and prayer to really examine what bothers you and what does not bother you. Ask the Lord to show you what's really going on here. And if it is His plan and purpose for you to stay than place it in your heart and help you to follow without feeling pressured.

Also ask the Lord, to whom upon this earth are you being held accountable to. Everyone needs to be 'accountable' to someone; otherwise we fall into temptation. We need friends and loved ones who are 'there' in our lives to support our walk with Jesus, for when we are tempted to slip up, we will be strengthened not to.

ALSO... speak up to these women and just say 'No.'

Yes... ... say 'No'. You do not have to submit to everything they are asking of you. Don't be afraid, they can't hurt you, just say

'Nope'.... I don't feel like giving her a ride. End of story...

 

[Guitarhero]

I kind of want to leave and explore another church that has much younger less pressuring people. Is it just the sin in me that is making me feel this way or do I have valid point about the church members being indirectly pushy. What would you do, stay or get out?

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If you are not comfortable with all the intrusive behavior of those congregants, why do you feel you are wrong in seeking membership elsewhere? It's YOUR comfort level being treaded upon. Maybe find another SDA or denomination? Don't feel guilty in the least. And if I were you, I think I'd miss most all of their calls.

 

[JinaRicci]

softblackcotton Find another church and learn to say no. It's ok, it doesn't make you less Christian or loving to push back.

To me the fellowship at church is really important so it might be good anyway to find a church where there are other young people like you. The discussions, whether in Sabbath school or at potluck, will become a lot more relevant to you and the issues you face. This is just my opinion- above all let God be your guide.

 

[softblackcotton]

Thanks again ladies for your great advice. I am going to slowly pull myself away from that church while I continue my search for a home church. I told the church member I was driving, a young woman like me, that I was thinking about exploring other churches with a younger congregation and she understood. She said she would like to come with me when I visit another church next Sabbath. I told her about the pressures I felt to join the church and she put things into a better perspective to me. She said that when she recently joined the church, she saw it not as joining that church in particular, but rather as joining the SDA church in general. Thus, she doesn't see anything wrong with attending various SDA churches as long as they all adhere to the same Bible-based principals. I felt much better when she gave me that point of view.

 

[crwnandglory]

As I was beginning to reply, I just noticed two 'cottons'. @softblackcotton --- @Choclatcotton , Praise God for both of you. :Rose:

Back to the topic...

It's obvious that these women are serious and if they are of the 'older' set, it's more likely in their nature to do this, meaning to take over as if they were your guardian such as a guardian over your soul. Yes... it's pushy and quite overbearing, but they actually care because they see the dangers that lurk for the generation of your age group.

As for volunteering you as giving a ride to the member who lives near you, again, it's what they think of as taking care of a member's need and they more than likely would do the same for you if you did not drive and needed transportation.

When I first joined my first Church, I was in your similar situation but I had two children. The 'Mothers' of the Church took me under their wings and they nurtured me and because of this, I grew very strong in my faith. It kept me away from the temptations which were still lurking in my life and I'll be honest, I am very happy that they did take me into their spiritual care. God only knows what I was being protected and saved from.

On top of that, I was so happy to be in Church and under the Word, that I didn't have a chance to be bothered by them caring so much. I ended up 'leading' them around...I grew very strong, very fast in the Lord and they simply went into intercession for me; and was there for me whenever I needed them. My Pastor's mom and I were very close and I thank God for the wisdom and strength that I gained from being with her.

Take some time and prayer to really examine what bothers you and what does not bother you. Ask the Lord to show you what's really going on here. And if it is His plan and purpose for you to stay than place it in your heart and help you to follow without feeling pressured.

Also ask the Lord, to whom upon this earth are you being held accountable to. Everyone needs to be 'accountable' to someone; otherwise we fall into temptation. We need friends and loved ones who are 'there' in our lives to support our walk with Jesus, for when we are tempted to slip up, we will be strengthened not to.

ALSO... speak up to these women and just say 'No.'

Yes... ... say 'No'. You do not have to submit to everything they are asking of you. Don't be afraid, they can't hurt you, just say

'Nope'.... I don't feel like giving her a ride. End of story...

Wow, Shimmie said everything I was thinking!

Much of what you shared could be a tremendous blessing. Me being a very private person that likes to "lay low" I can only imagine how uncomfortable you feel because I would be ready to run away. Sometimes what is uncomfortable for us is just what we need. However, do not be afraid to speak the truth with love. Let them know that this is new and that you want to be able to pray and hear from God so that you can be properly guided. Also, I am also in my 20s, when I first started attending my church I was a Sophomore in college. There was no college ministry, young adult ministry, singles ministry, etc. Most of the members in my age group have children. I was a little "eh" about making this my home for those reasons. I live in the DC area and wanted to explore the many churches that had a strong young professional presence . I visited other churches and had a blast in fellowship with those in my age group but my spirit took me back to where I started and it is now my home. To be honest I wont always be in my 20s, I wont always be single and I will have children one day..I need to lay roots in a place that I can grow and be strengthened...not a place where I will be likely to grow out of in a few years. Just pray and allow God to guide you!

 

[blazingthru]

Hey ladies,

I just started going to a SDA church two months ago. The members seem really nice, the services are really nice, they have various, interesting, and nice performances every week. Church is packed with more visitors than members almost every week. Mostly family and friends in support of the performers which are usually Children choirs and groups from surrounding Christian schools.

One regular Saturdays the church congregation is mainly older senior members and their grandchildren, some married couples with small children, and a few single or "come to church without husband" mothers with older children. No young singles in their 20s with no children like me.

2 months ago I was invited to luncheon after my 3rd visit. I exchanged contact info with a few members and since then...

1. I've been set up with a prayer partner, one of the senior church members, who has been calling me almost everyday. Asks me my business. She also gives me wake up calls before church.

2. One of the other senior church members calls me if doesn't see me at church even if I was there and she didn't happen see me. I don't want her to see me because when she does she drags me to sit up front with her and go the altar to pray with her when I rather pray from my seat.

3. One of the other senior members offered to help me with my Bible study has started to come to my house with different church members and even the Pastor. She wants to come every week. She also calls me if I miss church.

I've only missed one service in two months since I started going I feel like the whole church called me to find out why. I am starting to feel indirectly pressured to join when I am not ready. I've only explored this one church since I started to seek a church.

4. One new member doesn't have a car and lives very close to me and the Bible study senior church member volunteered me to be her chauffeur. So if I have to go to that church, when she needs a ride.

I kind of want to leave and explore another church that has much younger less pressuring people. Is it just the sin in me that is making me feel this way or do I have valid point about the church members being indirectly pushy. What would you do, stay or get out?

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Hi softblackcotton,

I would go and visit other churches until I found the one I was most comfortable with and you can say no to people easily. I visited four churches before I found the one I really liked and felt at home in. Only flaw is there isn't much youth there for my youngest daughter. Also go and tell those member that are harassing you that it was not okay with you calling you at the crack of dawn and offering your services to others and bringing people to your house willynilly. I would be so upset and probably would have lost it. I am a christian heart and soul but no saint, not yet anyway. I would have told the truth to them, they need to hear it. Pray first of course and think about it and please do it and go visit other services. I refuse to get caught up in nonsense, I would tell a person no in a heartbeat and look them dead in they eye. Well I am older and had my share of not saying no enough.

 

[divya]

Keep praying and visiting until you find the right church. I recently relocated to a different area, and my S/O's family goes to a particular SDA church. His friends all go there too. However, there's another church that I feel the Lord led me to through a friend. That's where I will be going most of the time now.

People mean well but sometimes they don't understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of the pressure. Go where the Lord leads you.