Into Me - Or Just Plain NEEDY?

[TinyBlu]

You know I have to share my constant struggles in the dating game and get your valuable input. Here's the latest... I tried as hard as I could to give the prissy guy (the knife and fork sandwich eating guy) a second chance, but we never made it to a second date. A few more phone conversations confirmed that watching paint dry would be more exciting than hanging out with him.

So... I quite unexpectedly met another guy and things seemed to go well... at first. We actually met on an elevator during one of my many business trips. We struck up a casual conversation which turned into a drink invite later that evening after a business dinner. That went well, so he offered to take me to lunch the next day before we both had to go back to our respective home bases. Lunch was nice. We had a nice vibe and agreed to stay in touch. Here it comes...

Over the weekend I got a few "I'm Glad We Met" texts which I responded to with a me too. That was Friday. By Sunday, it was "I can't stop thinking about you..." which at first was kinda sweet, but by the 5th time he said it, red flags started going up.

Then there's the calling. I will have about 3 missed calls from him within a two hour period. He will call. If he doesn't get an answer, he will call back in about 1/2 hour. If no answer again, he will wait and call about an hour later. I am not a phone screener, but I am busy, and I have more important things to do besides talk on the phone all day. He usually doesn't leave a message until about the third unanswered call which is usually a "Just wanted to hear your voice" type thing.

If we had known each other a while, that might make me warm and fuzzy, but this worries me! Especially since he called about 6 times yesterday before I could get to him (Ummm... I do work!). The clincher came when he said he was going to forward me his resume because he wants to move closer to me!!! WTH????

Just to clarify: I didn't even KISS this guy during the two outings we had, and now he wants to move closer to me? Can we say crazy...deranged...

I have been out of the game for a minute, but this guy sounds a wee bit psycho. Thoughts?

 

[ThickHair]

Yes, that is a wee bit psycho, but I would take one of his calls and ask him his rhyme or reason. He may have figured that you are the type of woman who wants to hear from a guy frequently. I would say after you tell him your deal and if he continues to call then disappear. You may just have to tell him.

The last woman he tried to court may have let him go because he didn't call her enough.

 

[NappiShawti]

i've experienced this a few times...not w/ someone i JUST met, but new "potential" bf's. they call alot & if u don't answer they call right back or call a few minutes later in quick succession.

if u just met the guy & don't really kno him then he may just b callin 2 hook up while u two r on ur business trip...or he may actually b into u, but that soon? kind of a red flag 2 me...i think he just wants 2 hook up or psycho (sendin his resume'? what?! lol)

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

girl RUN! For real, I've had the last two guys be JUST like this, and its because of what I have and because of what THEY think they can get. Matter of fact go read my last thread about the tomfoolery. There are ALOT of men who dont have their lives together and are trying to align themselves up with strong smart women inorder to ease into a upgrade. Its sad and sickening and then they wonder why educated black women are single, its because we look out and we dont see appropriate matches or we see men who think they are slick, they want to convince you that they love you and you need them in your life when really they are just looking for an oppportunity to leech. Like I said leave him alone cause I guarantee this guy is going to be telling you he loves you in about a month. Dont believe me? Keep him around and you'll see.

I'm done giving guys a chance when obvious red flags come up.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I've experienced this. He's needy. If you just met and he contacts you more than twice a day he's looking for you to fill his empty day. You may want to pump his breaks on this heavy.

 

[LilMissRed]

sounds NEEDY to me too...

 

[jasminestar]

He sounds super needy... there hasn't even been a second date and he's saying he wants to give you his resume to move closer to you? What??
I'd drop him.

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

I've experienced this. He's needy. If you just met and he contacts you more than twice a day he's looking for you to fill his empty day. You may want to pump his breaks on this heavy.

This is so true... The guy that was weird like this with me was looking to fill a "void" from his previous relationship, after I stopped talking to him and ran into him at the store he was doing the exact same thing to another female; however, she must have like him/it whereas it was just weird to me.

I can do without the 7 paragraph texts about how you feel about me and I've know you for two months

 

[DrC]

RUN!! AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!

If a guy is in need of something from you in such a short amount of time ( from knowing each other)....drop him.

 

[Arcadian]

Well that gave me the creeps. I had a similar thing happen and the guy ended up stalking me for 3 years.



I vote you change your cell phone number and skip him completely.


-A

 

[TinyBlu]

I think I am going to have to agree. My mom is just convinced that I am non-romantic, but I don't think so.

I have had 6 missed calls today from him and two "I miss you" messages. I am going to tell him he needs to pump his brakes if he wants to go out again, and see if things change. If not, I'm outta here!

 

[MissYocairis]

^^^omg, bless his heart....

RUN!!!!!!!!!! He cannot handle a 'normal' relationship. It's not you. Your mom just wants you to get married.

And this....

Can we say crazy...deranged...

....is the bottomline.

 

[MissJ]

Are you still on the business trip? He may be trying to see you as much as possible before you leave. Having said that, that still doesn't mean he has good intentions. Proceed with caution.

 

[weaveadiva]

girl leave norman bates alone!

i've been there...i used to leave for work and he would be standing there when i opened the door

one time he told me to call him when i got home. i walk in the door, less than 5 mins later, no lie!, this fool calls me asking why i hadn't called him yet...turns out he was parked across the street

it was cute at first...i thought he really dug...turns out he was just controlling and his fake self-inflated sense of importance and bravado were just covers for his insecurities

again...cut him loose!

 

[Asha08]

Hey all! New subscriber, here. Nice to meet ya!

OP, I'm in the RUN camp. Needy isn't quite the word I'd use to describe this guy's behavior, IMO. Nope, he sounds like he might be just a little bit, um....crazy. And word to the wise, you cannot negotiate with crazy.

Like a couple of the other ladies who've responded, I once experienced something similar and the guy (a police officer, to make matters worse!) ended up stalking me for weeks on end. It was awful. Don't let it happen to you!

A.

 

[TinyBlu]

girl RUN! For real, I've had the last two guys be JUST like this, and its because of what I have and because of what THEY think they can get. Matter of fact go read my last thread about the tomfoolery. There are ALOT of men who dont have their lives together and are trying to align themselves up with strong smart women inorder to ease into a upgrade. Its sad and sickening and then they wonder why educated black women are single, its because we look out and we dont see appropriate matches or we see men who think they are slick, they want to convince you that they love you and you need them in your life when really they are just looking for an oppportunity to leech. Like I said leave him alone cause I guarantee this guy is going to be telling you he loves you in about a month. Dont believe me? Keep him around and you'll see.

I'm done giving guys a chance when obvious red flags come up.

Interesting perspective... the thing is, though we both have professions that give us comfortable lives, he is WAAAAAAYYY more comfortable than I am, so I don't think it's an issue of him wanting what I have.... Hmmmm

 

[TinyBlu]

Update: I listened to my mom (for a change) and had a very candid conversation with him. I basically told him he was scaring the crap out of me and that he needed to slow WAAAAAYYYY down.

So far, so good. Things have changed. I asked him why he was calling so much and he explained that he assumed I didn't hear the phone, so he would call back 30 minutes later (apparently his mom has gotten him into this habit), and he told me that one of the things he learned from his divorce was that he was quite the opposite in that relationship... very closed off and non expressive, so sometimes he tries to over compensate for past mistakes.

Once we laid some ground rules, and he convinced me that he is not a stalker, he asked if we could start over, and I said yes. We will see how it goes.

I also explained that I thought all the "I'm thinking about you's," and "I miss you's" were just him taking an excerpt from the Playas handbook to see if he could get the draws. He made a valid point... We spent two days in the same hotel on the same floor (right across the hall from each other), and he didn't even remotely try anything physical (not even kissing) the entire time. He called that a playa violation...

I dunno. I have a habit of always thinking the worst, so I am just going to proceed with caution. The change after our conversation is noteworthy. He backed way off, and I feel a lot more comfortable now. We'll see...

 

[Creatividual]

Well that's good. I hope everything works out for you and he stays not crazy. Lol.