Interesting outlook on the time frame of an engagemet, etc

I agree!

This is exactly how I feel. I never wanted a big wedding but I do want a nice house. I think it's crazy how people spend more than they can afford on a wedding.

Now if you can afford it, and an extravagant wedding is something you want then it is you day and you should have what you want.

I'm 24 and I know we are not in a position yet to have a 30 thousand dollar wedding, but I don't see the point in waiting to get married and spend all that money on just one day.

once again it's not for everyone, but our plan is to do a courthouse wedding, go on a nice honeymoon and then come back and have a causal reception with friends and family.


I'm interested to see how everyone else feels!
 
Darn app crashed in the middle of my post!!!

While I agree with her on no long engagements that's pretty my much where it ends. Though honestly it took 365 days to plan my wedding. I couldn't even reserve my venue less than 6 months out because it was booked solid. She hit several sour notes with me starting with

1. telling people to use their savings to pay for the wedding. Uh...no. If we have 30k saved between us then we certainly will not be spending it all on our wedding. That's dumb. It makes way more sense to pay for the wedding as you go and be engaged 6 months to a year. This way you are married, you got the wedding you wanted and you still have your 30k.

2. Talking about Tamera/Tia - they got married on the cheap. Notice when they needed that 20k tent the day before the wedding she had the money to pay for it. Her bridesmaids even commented how she never splurges on anything. It was stated several times that they are both good with money and live more modestly than they have to. But she admitted that she didn't watch the show do she wouldn't know that.

3. Saying get married even if your money ain't right...bad advice. Money is the #1 cause for divorce. Take the time and get right. Why start a marriage on the wrong foot? Honestly just wait and get engaged later.
 
JayAnn0513 said:
Darn app crashed in the middle of my post!!!

While I agree with her on no long engagements that's pretty my much where it ends. Though honestly it took 365 days to plan my wedding. I couldn't even reserve my venue less than 6 months out because it was booked solid. She hit several sour notes with me starting with

1. telling people to use their savings to pay for the wedding. Uh...no. If we have 30k saved between us then we certainly will not be spending it all on our wedding. That's dumb. It makes way more sense to pay for the wedding as you go and be engaged 6 months to a year. This way you are married, you got the wedding you wanted and you still have your 30k.

Exactly! Why spend up your savings on a wedding if that is not what the intent was for the money? And why spend all of it? Maybe half or even less.

2. Talking about Tamera/Tia - they got married on the cheap. Notice when they needed that 20k tent the day before the wedding she had the money to pay for it. Her bridesmaids even commented how she never splurges on anything. It was stated several times that they are both good with money and live more modestly than they have to. But she admitted that she didn't watch the show do she wouldn't know that.

3. Saying get married even if your money ain't right...bad advice. Money is the #1 cause for divorce. Take the time and get right. Why start a marriage on the wrong foot? Honestly just wait and get engaged later.
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I totally agree with this. I know folks be all in love and want to hurry up and get married but two broke folks getting married and where it's at. I know you should keep a positive outlook and try and build together but why get married to do that? Not feeling that one...
 
I understand what she was trying to say, although, I didn't agree with everything.

The youtuber made a good point, women don't think about AFTER the wedding. Therefore, in a woman's mind, $30k for ONE DAY! is essential. Now, if you got it like that, I am not mad! Do you! But don't go broke for a DAY!!
 
MarriageMaterial said:
I understand what she was trying to say, although, I didn't agree with everything.

The youtuber made a good point, women don't think about AFTER the wedding. Therefore, in a woman's mind, $30k for ONE DAY! is essential. Now, if you got it like that, I am not mad! Do you! But don't go broke for a DAY!!
Click to expand...

Agreed. If you have the money, then go for it. But I don't understand folks draining their savings accounts for ONE day! Especially when you can throw an absolutely gorgeous wedding for a reasonable amount of money.

The way I'm going to work around it is by having a smaller guest list and paying cash for everything.
 
She made good points!

After watching, it didnt seems as though she was saying use your savings. I think she was saying if you have no money and are starting to save you should put it towards the things you will need (a home, a car, bills, savings, etc.) not your wedding day because in the grand scheme of thing the day is not as important as the marriage.

And I was looking like:ohwell: when she spoke on Tia/Tamera too... LoL
 
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I agree with what she said, but for some people the courthouse wouldn't be good enough.
For me, I need to have a ceremony because during mines there will be a lot of prayer and I want my pastor there to do that. And, some of yall know if you have your pastor doing the wedding, you have to invite the whole church *sigh* but they aren't going to the reception, so less food to worry about buying...

Anyways, you can have a nice wedding without spending too much. I'm definitely not going to spend a whole bunch of money I don't have on my wedding.

A place to live is kinda important....a cardboard box doesn't sound too good to raise my future babies in.
 
I agree with her completely. The other day I was listening to the radio and this couple was engaged for four years! I'll be surprised if they get married. I never was the one to be caught up in having a lavish wedding anyway because to me it don't take all that.
 
I looked at about half the video.

Firstly, I think that it boils down to preference and where people are at in their lives. I personally do not need to be engaged and married within 365 days. An engagement to me is just another step in the commitment. I need time to wrap up on my single life i.e. am I completing any programmes, where are we going to live (look at houses), where the down payment is coming from (as far as I'm concerned I'm footing the wedding bill and he's footing the downpayment and his family should as a gift give him a portion of it), pre-marital counseling and wedding planning. Additionally we need to determine whether we are secure in our jobs, do we intend to remain in the same job/company/career within in next 1-3 years. I need to be financially secure and I don't want him going 'back to school' on me out of the blue (I know someone who this happened to). That is going to take me more than a year.

Secondly, I will be having that big wedding and I will be living in that beautiful house (or starter house, I really don't know how this goes lol). I don't choose, I have it all. I like parties and therefore I will be having that big fanfare wedding! I don't understand why people who are not into big weddings correlate weddings with the length of marriages, it's like correlating birthday parties with you living to see your next birthday. Makes no sense. I can be quite extroverted and I like the attention and I love a good, classy affair.

So as I said, it's all about the couple's preferences and what they want. Nothing is written in stone.

I know a couple who were engaged for 10 years (19-29) and her husband saved for their wedding (and it was a fabulous wedding I must say). On their 10 year anniversary, he bought her a gorgeous luxury vehicle which she doesn't even drive regularly. He values her, she values him and they both love their son. They got to have it all on their terms.
 
I see what she's saying, just have your priorities in order. Personally, I want to have it all cuz I feel like I can. The nice ring, the nice wedding, nice home, nice college funds for the babies. I think it'll be possible wih the right hubby and some good financial planning. But if I couldn't, life would go on. I know those are not the things that make a successful marriage.

As far as the length of the engagement, I agree abt that. If a man asks me to get married, he better be ready to get married. If his finances aren't in order, he has no business proposing to anyone IMO
 
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