Insensitive comments from SO/DH. How to handle?

[CarLiTa]

Person you're exclusively dating, your SO, your DH makes insensitive comments here and there. They're not directed at you (like in an abusive way), but they either make you uncomfortable, annoy you, hurt your feelings, or what have you.

I've seen some women mention this in passing on the board, and at the time I hadn't experienced it and didn't quite understand it then. Like, how can you care about me and be insensitive from time to time? But now I see it... boo.

What do you do? How do you/have you handled this? Supposing that these comments are not out of malice.

Short of dumping the person...

 

[SincerelyJane]

I tell him. If he loves you, he'll try to stop. At least, that's been my experience.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Just tell him. If he's a good guy, he'll apologize and smooth things over. If he gets defensive and tells you you're crazy/too sensitive/it's all in your head, that's a red flag.

 

[Sosoothing]

People regardless of sex are affected differently by words. I realized, after a few distressful conversations that my guy meant no harm and had no idea something he thought was a harmless opinion could hurt me sometimes.

If he cares about you, all it takes is you letting him know how you feel.

 

[MizAvalon]

I would just tell him. Most people genuinely don't know that something they have said bothers you, especially if it's not out of malice.

 

[pearcey]

Bring it to the forefront.

Talk about it. There is no reason to live in the same quarters with someone and feel like you need to bite your tongue because "you knew what he meant" "in actuality, he would never hurt you"

Well he did say it and it did hurt you.

and make sure you talk it out and come to some kind of conclusion or at least put an "to be continued" tag on it.

Don't just brush it under the table or try to "sex it" away.

And don't let your SO scapegoat it to not try to talk about it.

An "i'm sorry" or "I guess I will just have to watch what I say" is no good either.

Two people who are going to make it a point to stay together, must feel comfy being themselves at all times and being accepted for who they are at all times.

Talk it out or bounce. everything isn't about cheating and physical abuse.

Communication makes the relationship go 'round...