latia said:
I don't understand women who feel like being single is a curse or something to be unhappy about. I just don't get it.
Just wanted to say that I agreed with your whole post and to see if I can explain what you said up here, because I was one of those women.
(NOT ANYMORE!)
I think society teaches women to feel that there's something wrong with us if we are single and heck, even the messages we might hear from family and friends basically tell us is that the norm is that we should have "somebody."
So if you don't have someone, you somehow feel that maybe the problem lies with you.
Growing up, I never felt unnattractive or that I wouldn't be a good girlfriend or wife, but it really hurt when for most of my high school and college years, few men would approach me. Then when you see other people your age out and about looking like they're having the time of their lives (looking is the key word here) and you're wondering why this isn't happening to you, especially if it seems to take a LONG time before one member of the male species approaches you... and I'm not talking about those guys on the street who try to holla, but decent-seeming men in your classes or at work.
I figured that men weren't interested in me because I was intelligent and got good grades in school and didn't party a lot. Then when I was done with school, I thought they didn't approach me because I had a pretty good career and salary for my age and they didn't. (Some men, in fact, told me exactly this.) So again, it went back to, "What's wrong with me? I see other women getting married and finding men, so am I doomed or cursed because I happen to be successful?"
For me, I knew I wasn't going to just stop going to school or dumb myself down to get a man, so I felt I was between a rock and a hard place.
Anyway, I had to get counseling for this because it drove me to a level of major depression every time I'd have a break-up. And I'm talking like, breakups of relationships that only lasted 3 months. I realized that I wasn't getting depressed over the breakups themselves, but more because each breakup seemed to reiterate to me that something was wrong with me and that men just didn't want me.
Ok, so that was 3 years ago and I decided I couldn't live like that anymore. Believe it or not, being part of this and other message boards helped me a lot because I realized that I wasn't alone. I also stopped looking at all relationships with rose-colored glasses and realized that a lot of those happy couples I was idolizing on the outside were deeply troubled on the inside. It shocked me when I saw how flawed some of the "perfect" couples I saw really were... and it shocked me when I started meeting ridiculous numbers of people my age (late 20s-early 30s) who got divorces after just 2-3 years of marriage.
I realized that many of them too bought into the fear of being alone and tried to hook themselves to someone -- anyone -- just to have a relationship. And finally, they couldn't take it anymore.
Now I love seeing couples that really work -- in fact, I'm going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding this summer and it's amazing that I don't have ONE pang of sadness that my friend is getting married and not me. I have another male friend who's close to being engaged and I'm thrilled for him because I know he's been waiting for a while as well. (He's 33.)
Ok, I'm probably rambling now, but to sum this all up, I think it's very difficult for people, particularly women, to truly shut out all of society's messages that there is something inherently wrong with being single, particularly at a certain age. I think this is why so many women feel why being single is a curse.
It's hard but you have to have faith or else you'll be miserable.
That's unheard of these days, you know? So basically, like I said..it's not our time but God's time. My prayer is always "God, please help me be the person I need to be to attract my soulmate". That way..God can prepare me to meet my mate.
