Improving my personality

N

Nelli04

Well-Known Member
I'll just be honest, my personality SUCKS! I have been told, mainly from people online, that I have no personality :nono:...and I've realized recently how big of an impact it has had on my life. I always wondered why I am not as close to people as I would like to be, why I am not clicking with people like I would like to be and why I have a hard time forming relationships with guys.
I am the shy type and have always been this way, I HATE being judged by others. I have been this way for a while, very introverted on the outside, but not so much on the inside. I grew up having horrible friends who really did not like me.
It made it hard for me to be myself and trust people. It got so bad that I just became this quiet blob in HS. I lost touch with who I was and as a result I also lost the little personality I had (if that makes sense). I got so used to being this way I didn't even notice it.
Now that I am aware of it, I notice that I am not that warm or forthcoming when meeting new people....I come off cold and boring. I am very private and have a hard time expressing myself in many ways. Interacting with people is a major issue for me, I can joke with people and whatnot, but it's just not in the way I would like to.

Has anyone dealt with personality issues where u were introverted and wanted to be an outgoing extrovert?? I don't know where to begin with this problem, how do I solve it?
The reason I posted this in the relationship section is because I feel the area that is most affected by this is my relationships with people. :(
 
Are you involved in any social organizations? I find that volunteering or participating in activities that require teamwork helps people overcome issues with shyness. Just from your post I can tell you're open to allowing people into your life. :yep: Are you extremely protective of yourself? Have you been hury by people closest to you? This could have a lot to do with your relationships with people. Also, are you self concious for any reason? Think about these things and get back to me.
 
I used to be very introverted. I still am to a degree. I still like my space and quiet time almost too much.

But I realized life is too short to be closed in. So in time, I began to really love and value myself which increased my confidence. People are drawn to confidence. Now, people are drawn to me and I really dont talk much when I intially meet people they just come and befriend me...I'm a magnet for talkative people somehow now. LOL.

You can start by smiling more...a happy face attracts people to you even if you're shy and quiet...then laugh (ALOT but only when its funny) at people's jokes and make a few jokes of your own...you get better at it the more you do it.

Then get a hobby. Anything you like and can get passionate about. Talk about those things with passion. There is nothing more attractive to people than a person with confidence and unapologetic passion about something (given its not illegal or immoral).

Have a conversation starter on you wherever you go. Whether it be your long hair, style of dress, and book....anything you can think of.

But all in all...start to TALK more and dont worry about being judged. People judge you when you're quiet anyway so you mind as well get judged for a reason. :lachen: And you dont have to tell your business so trust slowly but do open to trusting others in time and with discretion.
 
Dude, I'm in the same boat as you so I'll be watching this thread closely.

One thing I can say is that since I've graduated from college and have gotten away from that environment, I'm opening up to people a little bit more. I'm actually smiling when I go out whether to run errands or just to work; been wearing my hair down when normally I keep it in a ponytail; and instead of automatically thinking that someone who is staring at me is criticizing me, I'm trying to stay hopeful that they just admire my look :look:
 
Yes, to pretty much everything you said, lol. But I am not involved with any social organizations. I want to be, but I have a fear of not being accepted. I am very protective of myself because growing up, pretty much all of my so-called best friends though grade school betrayed me at some point, unprovoked. I can be very sensitive about what people say about me, so I learned the best way to prevent drama or judgement is to remain neutral...and I also felt if people did not know the 'real' me that they really couldn't judge me.
I am insecure and self conscious as well, it's been a battle for me, I am 23...I don't want to be this way anymore.
I kind of know what I NEED to fix, but it's just so hard to change...and I just need some guidance.
 
prettyfaceANB said:
I used to be very introverted. I still am to a degree. I still like my space and quiet time almost too much.

But I realized life is too short to be closed in. So in time, I began to really love and value myself which increased my confidence. People are drawn to confidence. Now, people are drawn to me and I really dont talk much when I intially meet people they just come and befriend me...I'm a magnet for talkative people somehow now. LOL.

You can start by smiling more...a happy face attracts people to you even if you're shy and quiet...then laugh (ALOT but only when its funny) at people's jokes and make a few jokes of your own...you get better at it the more you do it.

Then get a hobby. Anything you like and can get passionate about. Talk about those things with passion. There is nothing more attractive to people than a person with confidence and unapologetic passion about something (given its not illegal or immoral).

Have a conversation starter on you wherever you go. Whether it be your long hair, style of dress, and book....anything you can think of.

But all in all...start to TALK more and dont worry about being judged. People judge you when you're quiet anyway so you mind as well get judged for a reason. :lachen: And you dont have to tell your business so trust slowly but do open to trusting others in time and with discretion.
Click to expand...

Thanks! This is very helpful! I think getting a hobby will be crucial for me because I have lost passion in everything I do...even things I was once very interested in.
 
^^^ Your beautiful but I'm sure there are people out there that really want to get to know you but aren't quite sure on how to approach you.

Those who start conversations with you, do you give one word answers or elaborate a little more?
 
Livingmylifetothefullest said:
^^^ Your beautiful but I'm sure there are people out there that really want to get to know you but aren't quite sure on how to approach you.

Those who start conversations with you, do you give one word answers or elaborate a little more?
Click to expand...

thanks :)

I'm guilty of the one word answers...but I am slowly starting to hold better conversations with people. Sometimes I just don't know what to say.
But I am getting better, I just have to constantly remind myself to try to engage with people more.
 
Girl I just looked at my life and realised that being shy hadn't gotten me very far, so what being outgoing, what do I have to lose?
 
Hi

You may need to change your mindset to positive thoughts. Do not listen to negative things people say to you or about you. Its human nature to pick up on one's weakness, so if they sense that you are sensitive they will attack it. Don't give anyone that power over you.
 
Ayeshaluv said:
Hi

You may need to change your mindset to positive thoughts. Do not listen to negative things people say to you or about you. Its human nature to pick up on one's weakness, so if they sense that you are sensitive they will attack it. Don't give anyone that power over you.
Click to expand...


She took the words right outta my mouth.

I can totally relate OP...try reading the book "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale.

It's hard to form new friendships/relationships if you have constant thoughts that people are generally negative and are out to judge you and criticize you before they even meet you.

There are lots of positive people that you could form associations and friendships with but you are just missing out on them at the moment. If you can work on getting over the fear of being judged and misused you will be taking a rather big step in the right direction. I'm an introvert too, so you will have to work on finding ways to put yourself in situations where you will meet (and WANT to interact with) other people. The other poster who mentioned having something about you that starts conversations is a great tip. I recently took up the hobby of photography and carry my camera with me almost everywhere. It draws people to me! And regularly starts up conversations without me having to make any effort :grin:

You are a beautiful person and congrats to you on deciding not to let your shyness or past experiences keep you from getting what you want out of life. I look forward to hearing more from you about changes you are making to become the person you want to be.
 
Nelli04 said:
I'll just be honest, my personality SUCKS! I have been told, mainly from people online, that I have no personality :nono:...and I've realized recently how big of an impact it has had on my life. I always wondered why I am not as close to people as I would like to be, why I am not clicking with people like I would like to be and why I have a hard time forming relationships with guys.
I am the shy type and have always been this way, I HATE being judged by others. I have been this way for a while, very introverted on the outside, but not so much on the inside. I grew up having horrible friends who really did not like me.
It made it hard for me to be myself and trust people. It got so bad that I just became this quiet blob in HS. I lost touch with who I was and as a result I also lost the little personality I had (if that makes sense). I got so used to being this way I didn't even notice it.
Now that I am aware of it, I notice that I am not that warm or forthcoming when meeting new people....I come off cold and boring. I am very private and have a hard time expressing myself in many ways. Interacting with people is a major issue for me, I can joke with people and whatnot, but it's just not in the way I would like to.

Has anyone dealt with personality issues where u were introverted and wanted to be an outgoing extrovert?? I don't know where to begin with this problem, how do I solve it?
The reason I posted this in the relationship section is because I feel the area that is most affected by this is my relationships with people. :(
Click to expand...


Have you tried going to therapy? :look: I'm so serious. I became introverted to but it was due to my upbringing. I went to therapy and found out a lot about myself..and it helped. :yep: First you have to fix your relationship with YOU..then you can attract good relationships.
 
Nelli, you just wrote my life story pretty much, right down to being betrayed. Congrats to you for realizing that you want more meaningful relationships in life, because that is the first step. You have to tell yourself that you ARE worth knowing. As someone reiterated, rediscover your interests as not only will you find new friends; you will also gain more confidence and also things to talk about. But in addition, it may help to learn new things and develop new interests as you're really young and you will want to add to your knowledge and skillset. Thank you for starting this thread, because many of us could use a bit of help in this area. (btw, you're very pretty)

dodie said:
Have you tried going to therapy? :look: I'm so serious. I became introverted to but it was due to my upbringing. I went to therapy and found out a lot about myself..and it helped. :yep: First you have to fix your relationship with YOU..then you can attract good relationships.
Click to expand...

Depending on the extent of the betrayal you experienced, you may want to consider this.
 
From an introvert who overcame intense shyness....First: let's take "my personality sucks!" out of your vocabulary mmmmkay? Sure it needs work from what you're saying, but that doesn't mean it sucks. So now that we started with "my personality needs work" or some other variation (feels better doesn't it), and we're starting on a positive note...I have some advice that I hope is helpful.

Before I go on I will add...who cares what internet people have said about you? How can they determine your personality from words on a screen? Very few people can get their personality out like that. I struggle to get out my ideas all the time as a writer. So let's not use them to judge yourself. And while you're at it STOP judging yourself! I'm sending you out a hug!:hug3:

I am an introvert who has to be extroverted at events and for life because I decided that I needed to get myself out there. For one thing you have to dive in, the waters warm. You can't wait for an excuse. Dive in. Panick while you're talking, get over it, and realize it isn't so bad. For example I was invited to a few film festivals for a short script (that I wrote) and don't you know I thought that I could be a writer and hide in a corner. But NOOOO. People are asking you about your stuff and you have to open your mouth and talk. If I hadn't I wouldn't have the contacts I have now. I think being introverted can harm your life in many ways : business, or school (in my master's program it's important to network), as well as your social life being introverted can limit you if you do not have control over it.

This is what I discovered: I am introverted but I think so what? OPEN my mouth. And I used to feel as if I sounded like an idiot and maybe I was being judged (I have struggled with issues of self esteem as well in the past). Sometimes I did sound like an idiot lol when I talked! Probably because I was soooo nervous. Anyways. I just chalk it up as a moment that at least I expressed myself and move on. Because I kept going and talking it became less intimidating. You have to get on the horse so to speak and stop looking at it.

I decided that I would assume there are good people in the world, and that I would attract them. I also decided to find my good qualitites, and remind myself of them. Finally I decided to talk to someone as I would if I felt totally accepted (already). Make that assumption. You have no idea what's going on inside someone's head. I was talking to someone who looked like they just ate a sour lemon, and later they gave me their contact info, asked for mine, contacted me about possible future work. If I had judged that face I would've ran for the hills.

First things first though: you say you have no personality. That's where you have to start. You HAVE a personality you're just afraid of being judged. There is nothing wrong with you, you have conditioned yourself to believe that you should be quiet and hide, because that way nothing will happen to you. You have to deal with this first and foremost. I think that you should start thinking about your wonderful qualities, and start participating in activities that make you feel good. Hopefully those activities are social. You will meet people but this time decide to speak and be yourself. Keep in mind that you may stumble, that's okay. You're used to being quiet. You may feel weird or out of place, that's okay too. Just know you're making progress simply by speaking, and when you do something you love, you're going to radiate anyways and start attracting people to you.

Also know that you're no longer in H.S . High School really is prone to crushing self esteem. Know that HS doesn't define you. You may notice that you (because of your self esteem) still occasionally attract jerks. That's okay. Simply KIM once you find out, and be determined to filter through and find the good people. It is not that they arent' out there, it's that you're beaming a "victim" mindset and thus you're attracting bullies. Whether you know it or not, low self esteem radiates that, and your mindset about yourself radiates that, and your past reality radiates that. The good thing is you don't have to believe it anymore and you can change that energy simply by acting on it. By being yourself, learning to do what you love, and filtering out people who are NOT for you (so to speak), and attracting those who are your cheerleaders (and you theirs), your energy will change and that victim mentality will dwindle. The less that radiates, the less you'll attract, until you'll get to a point where you're only surrounded by good people. Note this: it's in YOUR power. You get to choose your reality and thus YOUR friends. So you will never be like you were in hs because you will choose people who will laugh with you, not at you, and will cheer for you as you cheer for them.

Finally if your esteem is so bad, that you are literally having "panick" attacks so to speak when you talk to someone, you should most definitely consider going to a psychologist. They can be very helpful.
Sending hugs again. I know you can do this.:yep:
 
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Therapy is wonderful. The world is cruel, people are cruel, sometimes unintentionally so and we hurt each other on deep profound invisible levels... You need some healing girlie, find a good therapist or spiritual counselor. A therapist can help you communicate emotions, build self esteem, and practice relaxation techniques. Meditation... get quiet put on some soothing sounds, breath out the nonsense, breath in the goodness do it everyday. its like putting on your armor before youwalk out in the world.
 
Forgot to add a suggestion...get a notebook, if you can or want to, and write every day. Try to interact with someone (and notice what went well and what could be improved). Important to note that you don't have to talk to everyone, and if you get a sense about someone that you shouldn't talk to please don't. Being social is one thing, ignoring your instincts is another. You can also write what you're grateful for, so that you can attract more reasons to have grattitude. Perhaps any thoughs you have about re routing your thoughts can go in there. MAKE a conscious decision to change your life and act accordingly.

I just saw strangefruittree above, I do believe that you need healing, and need to build esteem. I think the only place we disagree is this:THE WORLD IS CRUEL,PEOPLE ARE CRUEL...


I believe you attract what you believe. Are there cruel people (sure), but are there also good people? Definitely. Choose which you want in your life and the way you want to see the world. If you want to see the world as good...you'll look to find examples of that and people who are like that, and eventually you'll think wow I'm so lucky! The world is soooo good. But you know what? It's not the world, it's your perception and what you attract because of it. It's also the fact that you will change your life to accomodate that view. Meaning if there are cruel people in your life you'll limit contact, or cut them out of your life, and you'll actively search for good supportive people. Eventually you'll be surrounded by what you think because you're not just "thinking" about the world as good, you're "creating" a world that is good for you.

I was thinking about this yesterday because I practice gratitude everyday. For a minute I think about what I'm grateful for, and I was realizing that there are so many good people in my life now. That was NOT the story prior: starting with my father I learned early that people are cruel and confusing and abusive. I attracted cruel people at school who taunted me because I wouldn't talk out of fear (my esteem was already so low just being home. I used to dread waking up in the morning because I knew my dad would do something verbally or physically abusive)on and on. And then I attracted guys like my dad, until I thought ENOUGH! I deserve better. I'm going to start looking for good people, and start filtering out the ones who aren't. Pretty much I made a conscious decision that if my gut told me something wasn't right, it wasn't. And also that there WERE good people, and I was going to find them. And also I was going to be brave enough to choose to believe in good. Because it's so easy to be cynical. It's harder to face the world, and make a conscious decision to start seeing and looking for the good. And that doesn't mean to wear blinders (you can be conscious of the bad, and people who aren't right for your new belief system, while still looking for good people and good stuff).
 
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the ladies have given you great advice, Nelli but I just wanted to add that the mere fact that you've admitted that something needs to change is a great start! you are faarrr ahead of people that have this same issue and don't even know it so pat yourself on the back for that.

Like PrettyFaceANB said, this is a process that has to start from the inside. Read books on building confidence and give yourself compliments everyday. when people compliment you, accept the compliment. when they don't, compliment yourself and be kind to your body :bighug:

and finally, don't be in a hurry for things to change. It probably took you years to withdraw from people, it will also take time to make connections again :yep:
 
luckiestdestiny said:
From an introvert who overcame intense shyness....First: let's take "my personality sucks!" out of your vocabulary mmmmkay? Sure it needs work from what you're saying, but that doesn't mean it sucks. So now that we started with "my personality needs work" or some other variation (feels better doesn't it), and we're starting on a positive note...I have some advice that I hope is helpful.

Before I go on I will add...who cares what internet people have said about you? How can they determine your personality from words on a screen? Very few people can get their personality out like that. I struggle to get out my ideas all the time as a writer. So let's not use them to judge yourself. And while you're at it STOP judging yourself! I'm sending you out a hug!:hug3:
Click to expand...

To both of your post...Simple "Thank you" was not enough...
 
Ladies, thank you so much! I was not expecting to be given so much guidance when I made this thread, so thank you again. I am going to put my best foot forward and get started on this 'quest'. It's also nice to know I am not the only one and that there are other ladies who were once in my position who have overcome it.
I'll be sure to update :)
 
luckiestdestiny said:
Forgot to add a suggestion...get a notebook, if you can or want to, and write every day. Try to interact with someone (and notice what went well and what could be improved). Important to note that you don't have to talk to everyone, and if you get a sense about someone that you shouldn't talk to please don't. Being social is one thing, ignoring your instincts is another. You can also write what you're grateful for, so that you can attract more reasons to have grattitude. Perhaps any thoughs you have about re routing your thoughts can go in there. MAKE a conscious decision to change your life and act accordingly.

I just saw strangefruittree above, I do believe that you need healing, and need to build esteem. I think the only place we disagree is this:THE WORLD IS CRUEL,PEOPLE ARE CRUEL...


I believe you attract what you believe. Are there cruel people (sure), but are there also good people? Definitely. Choose which you want in your life and the way you want to see the world. If you want to see the world as good...you'll look to find examples of that and people who are like that, and eventually you'll think wow I'm so lucky! The world is soooo good. But you know what? It's not the world, it's your perception and what you attract because of it. It's also the fact that you will change your life to accomodate that view. Meaning if there are cruel people in your life you'll limit contact, or cut them out of your life, and you'll actively search for good supportive people. Eventually you'll be surrounded by what you think because you're not just "thinking" about the world as good, you're "creating" a world that is good for you.

I was thinking about this yesterday because I practice gratitude everyday. For a minute I think about what I'm grateful for, and I was realizing that there are so many good people in my life now. That was NOT the story prior: starting with my father I learned early that people are cruel and confusing and abusive. I attracted cruel people at school who taunted me because I wouldn't talk out of fear (my esteem was already so low just being home. I used to dread waking up in the morning because I knew my dad would do something verbally or physically abusive)on and on. And then I attracted guys like my dad, until I thought ENOUGH! I deserve better. I'm going to start looking for good people, and start filtering out the ones who aren't. Pretty much I made a conscious decision that if my gut told me something wasn't right, it wasn't. And also that there WERE good people, and I was going to find them. And also I was going to be brave enough to choose to believe in good. Because it's so easy to be cynical. It's harder to face the world, and make a conscious decision to start seeing and looking for the good. And that doesn't mean to wear blinders (you can be conscious of the bad, and people who aren't right for your new belief system, while still looking for good people and good stuff).
Click to expand...

Thanks for taking the time to give me so much information :)
I actually bought a journal recently for that exact purpose. I used to write in journals all the way through middle school and some of HS. It helped me tremendously just having an avenue to vent. I stopped because I got lazy and I think that's when things got worse. I will also start to practice gratitude, I think I can benefit from that especially since I tend to focus on the negative. thanks again
 
Nelli04 said:
Ladies, thank you so much! I was not expecting to be given so much guidance when I made this thread, so thank you again. I am going to put my best foot forward and get started on this 'quest'. It's also nice to know I am not the only one and that there are other ladies who were once in my position who have overcome it.
I'll be sure to update :)
Click to expand...

as sure as their is air, some one else has done that and been there, never forget, makes every load lighter knowing that someone can help you.
 
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