I'm upset about my daughter's hair

B

Bublin

Well-Known Member
....please tell me if i am over-reacting.

My 2 year old cutie has apl 3b/c hair and its very tangly and has a tendancy to be dry. The front has always been fluffy and i don't try and lay it down unless i do a cornrow at the front. If it fluffs it fluffs, she's only a baby and doesn't need gel.
I am careful with the care of her hair and only use natural products, no gels, i airdry - you know - usual lhcf practices.

Anyway, her Dad had her for the weekend and i had sent her with a braid -out pulled into ponytail with a special hairband my Mum had brought her from Jamaica. I have never seen them before but they are completely snag free and satin and are great for her hair.

This evening he dropped her back home and i actually shouted out loud, 'Oh my God' when i saw her hair.

When i sat her on my knee i saw exactly what had happened. It had looked as thought it been blowdried and brushed to within an inch of it's life and her edges had been laid down with gel to create extra long baby hairs.
Her hair was in 3 huge ponytails - it looked like she had been electrocuted. I had to cut each of the ponytail holders twice to get them out of her hair.

Her Dad and i have always agreed at least on one thing and that's that i know best for her hair and that we want it to grow long and stay natural.

The bit that got me the most is the gel and some of it had turned white on her forehead.

I feel upset, she's my cutie pie baby girl and she came back to me looking fried and dry and tangled and all gelled looking.

I'm now afraid she'll come back with extensions or even worse a relaxer.

He's the kind of person that you can't talk rationally with so i know saying anything to him will be pointless and he'll ignore a text if i sent him one with simple instructions on how to look after her hair.

If you tell me i'm overreacting then i can accept that.
If i'm not, what is my next move? I was thinking i'll send her with her hair all braided up so he (or whoever it was) can't play in her hair.
 
My dad never even wanted to touch my hair so I'm happy he shows some interest to be honest. Gel on a 2yr old is crazy though lol. Just tell him you're happy he likes playing with her but damn it... he needs to keep his -no-good-rugged-hands to himself.
 
I agree with sending her with braids/plaits/cornrows in her hair so her hair does not have to be redone during the weekend.
A two year old with a braid-out in a pony-tail going to Daddy's for the weekend...naaaaaw. Not a good idea.
Just let him know that you've made it simple for him so he (or anyone else) does not have to worry about her hair.
Or teach him how to take care of her hair properly (if you have that kind of relationship).
 
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You are not over reacting and you already know that trying to reason with him will not garner the response you want.

Send her with braids and tell him under that her hair was just braided and you want her to come home with the braids that you did. Tell him the ponytails that were put in were to tight and you prefer they were not done again.

I sent my DD to my uncles once and his silly wife asked to do her hair, I said I just braided her hair. She tells me she knows how to braid hair. It took all my strength not to curse her out. I simply said again "I just braided her hair and I would appreciate it if you would not do it. I was already super stressed and if she would have brought her home with a new style I would have caught a case.

Woman love to do hair so you have to beat them to the punch. Tell them she has a sensitive scalp, tat will really make them back off.

My mom is not allowed to redo my DD's hair because she pulls too tight. She pulled the nape so tight once that she had tight bumps. Something told me to leave them alone. If I hadnt she would have been bald in that area.
 
lovegymnasts said:
I agree with sending her with braids/plaits/cornrows in her hair so her hair does not have to be redone during the weekend.
A two year old with a braid-out in a pony-tail going to Daddy's for the weekend...naaaaaw. Not a good idea.
Just let him know that you've made it simple for him so he (or anyone else) does not have to worry about her hair.
Or teach him how to take care of her hair properly (if you have that kind of relationship).
Click to expand...


yeah totally agree. it's like ok, her hair is already done so DO NOT TOUCH MY CHILD'S HAIR OK!!!!! :lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
You are right. A braid out was a baaaad idea. He always passed comment when i had braided it up in some kind way - that he doesn't get to see her hair.

I thought it was a nice idea to let her hair out but it back fired and she got fried and gelled up.
i just felt so sorry for her when i saw three big dry bushes on her head with ponytail holders that had tangled soooo bad and were so tight i had to cut them out.

With all the horror stories of little girls heads being relaxed behind their Mummy's back i just freaked out.
 
Poor baby. She's too little to be blow drying her hair and putting gel into it. You're not overreacting at all.
 
Did he do that to her hair? Most men will let a child's hair go to dreads before they try to sit down with some hair oils, brushes and combs lol.
 
next time do small braids ot twist. lol. so that, if he or anyone would think to take them out they would see it as a obstacle and not even try it.
 
Thanks for the reply ladies. I'm glad you don't think i'm over reacting and yes, it's a lesson learned.

This morning i sprayed the dry hair with water, applied a Jane Carter light cream and sealed with a pomade. I lightly finger combed her hair and braided it up.
Her hair was back to being nice, smooth and shiny.



water
 
i might be naive but cant you give him a detangling lotion and a tangle teezer so he can brush her hair and put it in a ponytail ,3c hair is not so hard to manage given some goood dentangling product,its probably much easier to do that than what he attempted to do .Bless .He must have tried his best .
 
Bublin said:
You are right. A braid out was a baaaad idea. He always passed comment when i had braided it up in some kind way - that he doesn't get to see her hair.

I thought it was a nice idea to let her hair out but it back fired and she got fried and gelled up.
i just felt so sorry for her when i saw three big dry bushes on her head with ponytail holders that had tangled soooo bad and were so tight i had to cut them out.

With all the horror stories of little girls heads being relaxed behind their Mummy's back i just freaked out.
Click to expand...

@ the bolded: Unfortunately, that's too bad for him. Just look at what happened when you sent DD to him without it being braided up. If he'd be open to your showing him exactly how to care for DD's hair, then maybe he could do her hair. I'm guessing that the "maybe" is a wide stretch, though, so perhaps it just best for DD have her hair braided when she's with him.
 
put her hair in braids for the next visit, but you let him know that her coming home with her hair like that will cause some major problems in his life as well as the person who did that crap. that pissed me off. my MIL and SIL knows not to ever go there. but i wouldn't mind my SIL so much, she is natural and my niece is natural too and she has the same texture as my DD.

but i need to stop coming in these threads, because i get enraged thinking about somebody doing that crap to someone else's child. what is so wrong with just using a gentle comb, brush, and some water? i would never do those things to my nieces or nephews. i just make their hair nice and neat. i don't do anything extra.
 
Send her in braids next time and tell him nicely I did her hair so you don't have to do anything to it.

People outside of hair boards think differently about hair, so try to remember that. You don't want a power struggle on your hands.

Kill with kindness...kill with kindness.
 
Did he or a wife/ gf do this? Is he a hairdresser or something? It's different seeing a man so into daughters hair, and wanting to see it down. He went out and night gel???? This is really interesting to me, lol.

Maybe u can give him some hair lesson, teach that man how to care for the babies hair.

Glad you got nurtured it when she got back to you!

sent from HTC EVO
 
At least OP you got a warning. You know now to ensure your DD's hair is braided so her dad doesn't need to trouble himself with it. He can still see the length and the health of the hair whilst it's in braids.
 
a woman touched that head.... too bad you can not put a sign on there saying DO NOT TOUCH!!!!! for the dryness I think you should try out the hairveda whipped ends hydrations on her hair and send a bottle with her when she leaves for the weekend. just have her little bag packed with her hair products and keep double at home because you know they are not coming back so what ever girlfriend or aunties she has will be playing in her hair. you have to pray they will use what you send just keep sending it all the time put a little in a little bottle so you will not waste money because believe me they will be using it on their kids hair which is why you will not get it back talking about you like a dog... you don't know what you doing stuff...
 
Maybe individual braids can give you both what you want. he can see her length and you can see her healthy, soft hair just the way you sent her when she comes back.
 
Why don't you just do a whole head of individuals or a whole head of cornrows? My daughter has to spend a week out of each month with her father (court-ordered or I would NOT let her go), and I dare not send her with not a piece of her hair unbraided. AND I put beads on the ends cuz I know he don't know how to take em out!

She only gets her hair done at my mom's who she sees often while with her father ( grandparents and father both in another state from me n DD's home, but 10 mins apart). When she's at home with me, I'm the only one who touches her hair. I trust my parents with it as they washed it nicely and put some cute individuals in it when her father had been too lazy to put her satin cap on her original nice, neat cornrows before bed to keep them from fuzzing.

Now, he seems to do what I say. Just braid up the baby's hair and pray no one gets the nerve or wise idea to take them down unnecessarily without asking you for advice on what to apply to her hair.

ETA: No, you're NOT overreacting. That kind of thing makes me angry cuz I can imagine white folks and folks of other persuasions calling a lil black girl whose hair is uncombed a Pick-a-Ninny and all kinda foul stuff. Oh lawd that is a whole nother thread.

For that reason, I don't play no games when it comes to my baby looking nice, neat, clean, with hair done. And the ONE TIME her father sent her back to me with her hair a mess even when I had spent 2 hrs cornrowing it down, I told him about himself (it was a mess cuz he was too lazy to put her satin cap on at nite...but uh he puts his own cap on his locs nightly :rolleyes:). He never did that again.
 
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ALl i gotta say, is that I made the same mistake. My husband took the kids to vakay in Indiana while I stayed back home to work. I thought I had talked some sense into this man about her hair. He loves wash and go's, so yep. That's what he did to her. He then let his 80 year old grandmother attempt to brush her 3 day old wash and go. Sometimes, you gotta take preventative measures. He was so proud of his attempt to do her hair too. Sent me home photos of his "masterpeice", lol.
 
I also had to learn that lesson. I once sent my daughter to her dad's with her hair in a ponytail... He said she had been playin a lot and her hair looked worse than the lion king and a hot mess lol. When she got back, I saw that someone tried to help him and braided her hair too tight, she told me that they hurt bad. I immediately took them down and it looked like they used a fine fine tooth comb in her head, some areas looked like they had a little breakage (i know my baby's hair very well)... From then on, it was either platts or braids whenever she goes with him if she will be staying over night or however long... oh yea I have made it CRYSTAL clear that no one is to touch her hair or attempt to restyle it or else :brucelee::angry2::swearing::axehunter:

He told me he will respect that. :lol: he knows me :spinning: but he also wants her hair to stay/grow long and healthy too.
 
I think you are a bit krunk about it but you have a reason to fear her coming back with a relaxer. It happens all the time. When I was a kid my mom had someone put my hair in small braids to knock all that out. 1. no one would take time to take them out 2. didn't have o worry about someone cutting my hair again... As for him being a person you can't talk rationally with... He has to have some rational sense to him I mean ya'll created a beautiful child and are doing the best you can. So give talking to him a try.
 
maybe a little over reacting. It all comes down to "intention". I dont think most men realize that gel can be bad for hair or that sooner or later it will dry up and turn into white flakes,.. I mean,.. so many women don't even realize that. As for the blow drying, two years old is a little young but if it was huge puffs maybe he did it on a cool setting. I can see why he thought blowing her hair out might be better than keeping it wet or in a tangled braid out. It doesn't seem like he purposely tried to radically change her hair,.. and like others said.. he gets brownie points just for trying where other men would return her all matted up.

i agree.. next time braid up her hair. and to compromise maybe corn row her hair up into two pony tails that end in single braids or a puff so that for you.. her hair stays neat and unmessed with,.. and for him.. he gets to see her hair.

It seems to me that he actually loves your daughter's hair the way it is, but was just trying to do something with it.
 
You are not over reacting. All it takes is for someone to jack up your progress that you researched her entire 2 year life and screw it up.

I never let anyone touch my daughters 4b hair. Shooo...it's difficult enough to deal with knowing some thangs by learning but can you imagine someone with no knowledge digging up in her fro???
 
Sorry over reacting in my opinion. Her hair wasn't permanently damaged. It seems you are reacting to what "could have" happened (I.e. a relaxer, etc) than what actually happened, a hott mess styling. He's a man. They r clueless. My grandparents have 4 daughters who are all grown now. My grandma tells the story that once she left the girls with my grandpa for a few days and when she got back one of my aunts was BALD. My grandpa literally got his clippers and shaved her head. He said, "I couldn't comb it, so I cut it off". There you have it, hair styling by men. Count yourself lucky. My aunt was in 4th or 5th grade. My grandmother wept. My aunt remembers it well because she was practically bald. Its in her grade school pictures. Her hair was the only one he cut, I guess he was able to comb the others, they escaped somehow.

I had roommate in college who told me her mother left she and her sister with her father for a month. They HAD hip length hair. When her mother returned she discovered they had lice and their hair was so matted it had to be cut all the way off. Men in general are horrible hair unless they've been taught. So like everybody said, braid it so he has to do nothing or really bad things are bound to happen
 
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No way. Heat damage is a real possibility, and if someone felt the need to blowdry a 2 y.o., they are feelin' some kinda way about the fluff. Are you sure he did this? Blowdrying and gelling have "uninformed woman" written all over them. My sis was lucky, when her ex got the kids, his new wife would HOOK the hair up. Seriously, and she would never tell my sis what she used....sneaky! But after he and THAT wife broke up (yeah, he's a really great guy) he had my niece for 6 weeks and did not unbraid her hair. He took a brush and brushed the edges back into a ponytail holder and never touched her waistlength braid--for 6 weeks. My sis was ready to cut it off, but devoted auntie that I was, I got in the shower with her and detangled that thing in like, an hour. She has beautiful 3 c waist length hair to this day. Supa Auntie! Anyhoo, the moral of this story is, men don't know what they heyall they are doing! So (my real point) either set some ground rules: no blow dry, no gel, NO softeners, texturizers, or silkeners!!! and SEND the PRODUCTS!!! Or as many others have suggested--braids.
 
Oh i don't think for a minute he did this. The parts were perfectly straight and the hairline was laid down and swept in all directions.
He has seen me do her hair and always stood back and said 'that is Mummy's job'.
This has a woman stamped all over it - and for me it wasn't just a bad attempt that i could see the effort in, it was actually taking the pis*. My baby looked plain stupid. He has no family so it's probably some woman or one of his son's girlfriends (ww).

He has has never seen her hair like this and i'm upset that he thinks that her hair was nice - this is not good for the future.

LOL - at trying to talk to him - that is for the relationship forum but i will say he is the type of person that does things to get a reaction and with hindsight, dd's hair mess this weekend was predictable for a specific reason.

Thanks to the poster who suggested beads - i had thought of that but was worried about how she would sleep in them but from now on i'll be cornrowing her hair and will have to make it clear that only i touch her hair and set clear ground rules (i just hope this doesn't spark a reaction out of him - he is the sort of person that could possibly spend hours undoing her hair just to be nasty)

To the poster who has a court order in place - i fully understand but i'm fortunate that he doesn't have dd that often and it's for short periods of time.
 
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