(This is a little long. Come back when you have some extra time to spare.)
We all weather the storms differently. For me, a cyclone blew in and I went through a VERY difficult time. Everything caved in at once. Over the course of about 5 years, it seemed like everyone I was involved with betrayed me. There were three women who REALLY were wrong. Two were supposed to be eh- friends. And the other was a co-worker. Long story short- I was in church one day and the pastor gave a message about forgiving and people went to the front of the church and were prayed for. I didn't go forth but I knew it was time to forgive.
It didn't happen like magic that's for sure. I thought about all of the people who betrayed me. I thought about each one. And I forgave each one of them. That didn't mean that I forgot what they did to me or didn't learn the lesson. But in order for my walk to be strengthen with the LORD, I had to forgive. Those people went on with their lives. It was time for me to carry on with mine.
Kayte said that forgiving is a process. That is so true. There were two who betrayed me and to be completely honest, I would tell GOD that it wasn't right what they did to me and they should be punished. But see I really had not forgiven those two women. But in time it did happen and I honestly hope that things are going well in their lives.
As a matter of fact, one of these eh-"ex-friends" contacted me a couple of months ago and sent me her business card and everything. I thought about it. After much thought, I decided that people come in your life for a reason, a season, or forever. Her season had passed but I do hope that she is doing well. When we were friends, she didn't work but now she has a promising career in real estate. I am happy for her. But I don't want her in my life again--ever.
_____________________
I found a message about forgiving that might be helpful:
The Poison of Unforgiveness
by Robert Ricciardelli
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Bitterness, wrath, and anger are the fruits of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is like a poison that begins on the inside and like cancer, spreads and consumes an individual’s life. They are only one step away from healing, but for some that is one step that is difficult to take. I have a friend who is going through tremendous difficulty in his marriage. His wife wants out of the marriage. She is one of the most amazing and gifted woman you would ever want to meet and they have 3 beautiful children. But she has an illness and the illness is killing her, killing her marriage and withholding the beauty that she has deep inside. The illness is called unforgiveness and yet it is curable by the choice of forgiveness.
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hope that the offender will get sick from it. The reality is it is making you sick and begins a slow death to those who will not release it. When explaining to my friends wife about the need for her to forgive, her response was, “I cannot and do not know how, and therefore incapable of doing so.” “I keep score and the total score has reached my limit, and so I am moving on.” It is a sad thing to keep score and not forgive others that may have willingly, or in many cases, unwillingly hurt or offended you. The Word is very clear about forgiveness, or the lack of forgiveness….
Matthew 6:14-15
14 "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
John 20:22-23
22 Then he took a deep breath and breathed into them. "Receive the Holy Spirit," he said. 23 "If you forgive someone's sins, they're gone for good. If you don't forgive sins, what are you going to do with them?"
Colossians 3:12-14
12 Since God chose you to be the people whom he loves; you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony.
Hardened hearts grow cold
When unforgiveness has had time to take root, it begins to grow into bitterness and hatred, to the point that even love that had once warmed the heart, has become cold and distant. Words that were once tender and loving now have become filled with negativity & curses. This poison can affect believers and non believers alike. We need to realize that our own insensitivity or choice to not forgive can keep the healing work of the Holy Spirit from impacting our lives. We need to realize that the license we've given ourselves to judge others can weaken us all.
The Cure
There is only one cure for unforgiveness and the cure is to forgive. For those who are Christians it is commanded of us, for those that are not followers of Jesus Christ, it is highly recommended. Many ask the question, “What if I do not feel like it?” The Word does not ask us to feel like it, the Word asks us to make a choice to do it. Many times you will not feel like forgiveness can happen until you make the choice in obedience to forgive.
Many unknowingly hold on to their pain from the past. They have chosen to forget rather than to forgive, and there is a difference. Forgetting does not take the poison away, forgiving does. You can forgive and not forget, and that is okay, as long as forgiveness remains. We are a people called and led of the Holy Spirit to remove any obstacles in the way of obedience and intimacy with the Lord. Unforgiveness is a huge obstacle that keeps us from obedience and intimacy with the Lord.
The strength is within us
The power of the Holy Spirit within every sensitive and seeking heart in Christ will reveal the need, and empower us to forgive.
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
We must first of all repent for not responding to forgiveness of those who have hurt us. We must repent for harboring ill thoughts and actions that have taken root in our lives from unforgiveness. We must release the person and the pain to Jesus Christ, the Burden Bearer, who continuously desires to carry what we must not.
I urge you to regain the tender heart you once had. Remove the callousness within you by repentance & forgiveness, by a commitment to live the law of love, by a renewed devotion to the Word, and by fellowship with your Father.
Don't allow the condition of your heart to hold back the Spirit of God. Become sensitive again! Do the things necessary in obedience to His Word that release your heart for the Kingdom.
so try it!
) here's my 2c:
I've forgiven him...now knowing that I've accepted my past. Yep it was awful for him to do those terrible things to me but it happened.
