SimplyBlessed
Well-Known Member
DELETE.....
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I'm Torn....
- Thread starter SimplyBlessed
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mswoman
New Member
Give yourself time... one thing that I have learned is not to rush into anything. I have some questions:
1) You did not list what your problem is, are you trying to figure out which one to get with or date? The answer would be neither, give yourself 6 months - 1 year to be relationship and drama free for the sake of your daughter.
2) Is the father of your child paying child support? If no, the only thing ya'll need to talk or think about is finances and him paying the support. If yes, work out a visitation agreement with your daughter.
3) With your Friend/Stand in Father figure ask yourself long term do you want to be with him? If no, then take the appropriate steps and be free of relationships for a while to just be with your daughter and work on yourself.
You mentioned you were young, I don't know how young but in general the younger you are, love usually goes back and forth but as you mature you will realize that love does not require a lot of drama. Your child's father has not taken responsibility as you mentioned so he wont make a good long term mate. Your mother don't like the stand in father figure due to the past, he is not worth the drama being caused between you and your mother. There are plenty of great men out there and you have a daughter involved choose wisely because these are the men she will look up to and base her foundation of what a man is suppose to be. I know from personal experience because I have a 5 year old and I am the one who selected her parents. As women we have to choose the right man for our children so they will succeed in a messed up world.
ETA: Break up to make up is not reality for most couples. Choose a man who will be a man and wont walk in and out of your daughters life.
1) You did not list what your problem is, are you trying to figure out which one to get with or date? The answer would be neither, give yourself 6 months - 1 year to be relationship and drama free for the sake of your daughter.
2) Is the father of your child paying child support? If no, the only thing ya'll need to talk or think about is finances and him paying the support. If yes, work out a visitation agreement with your daughter.
3) With your Friend/Stand in Father figure ask yourself long term do you want to be with him? If no, then take the appropriate steps and be free of relationships for a while to just be with your daughter and work on yourself.
You mentioned you were young, I don't know how young but in general the younger you are, love usually goes back and forth but as you mature you will realize that love does not require a lot of drama. Your child's father has not taken responsibility as you mentioned so he wont make a good long term mate. Your mother don't like the stand in father figure due to the past, he is not worth the drama being caused between you and your mother. There are plenty of great men out there and you have a daughter involved choose wisely because these are the men she will look up to and base her foundation of what a man is suppose to be. I know from personal experience because I have a 5 year old and I am the one who selected her parents. As women we have to choose the right man for our children so they will succeed in a messed up world.
ETA: Break up to make up is not reality for most couples. Choose a man who will be a man and wont walk in and out of your daughters life.
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Kacie
Well-Known Member
No offense, but I see why your new SO doesn't trust you. If you would consider reconciling with someone who left you and your DD to ruff it out I really don't know what to say. It's OK to forgive DD's dad and definitely allow him to be a part of his child's life. However, would you want to be with a dude who has the capacity to desert his own baby?
IMO, you should take some time out to think about which characteristics are truly important for your SO to possess.
IMO, you should take some time out to think about which characteristics are truly important for your SO to possess.
Kacie
Well-Known Member
Regardless of child support let that runaway man see his child. Pursue financial support separately if you wish.
IMO leaving a child who is your blood is not a maturity problem it is a personal lack of responsibility, judgment, and caring. Those are not always something that comes with getting older.
How do you know if the child's father is really "changed" when it hasn't been that long? It will take time to see his true character and that could be months or even years. Talk with no action is dribble.
On the other man in your life, if there are trust issues that is a lot to work on. Trust is hard to mend. Not to mention your mother doesn't like him. Do you really need this drama in your life. I agree with the second poster to take time to yourself. That way you can go in with a clearer head.
If either is still there willing and waiting after 6 mos- 1 year then you'll know where they stand.
How do you know if the child's father is really "changed" when it hasn't been that long? It will take time to see his true character and that could be months or even years. Talk with no action is dribble.
On the other man in your life, if there are trust issues that is a lot to work on. Trust is hard to mend. Not to mention your mother doesn't like him. Do you really need this drama in your life. I agree with the second poster to take time to yourself. That way you can go in with a clearer head.
If either is still there willing and waiting after 6 mos- 1 year then you'll know where they stand.
runwaydream
Well-Known Member
idk what to say to this. but i do not think that you should wait 6mths to a yr b4 you make a decision. i mean the other you were talking about. not your baby daddy but the other one that's been there for you. if he's really as great as you say he is, and if you want him back..waiting 6mths to a yr b4 you let him back into your life prob isn't the best idea.
if you have a good man you don't let that go to think and have time to yourself. b/c you might end up having a whole lot more time to yourself than you may want if you let a good thing slip by.
i do think you should spend some time to yourself to think it out. but 6 mths to a yr? hell naw. not unless you wanna stay single for awhile
if you have a good man you don't let that go to think and have time to yourself. b/c you might end up having a whole lot more time to yourself than you may want if you let a good thing slip by.
i do think you should spend some time to yourself to think it out. but 6 mths to a yr? hell naw. not unless you wanna stay single for awhile
I read this statement several times and your daughter is not mentioned.
What do you mean he is showing effort?
I would step back and see how he is interacting and trying to mend the broken relationship with him and his daughter, before I even consider entering into a relationship with him.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
Leave both of them alone and give yourself time to grow. Sounds like you got some relationship baggage going on that should be resolved on your own. Also if dude messed up that bad that your mom hates him..why try to patch things up?
Sorry if my daughter's father deserted me..us reconciling wouldn't be a possibility. Yes you can be involved in your daughter's life but not with me. Of course you will have some feeling for him...it's totally natural but it's not meant to be acted on in all circumstances.
Sorry if my daughter's father deserted me..us reconciling wouldn't be a possibility. Yes you can be involved in your daughter's life but not with me. Of course you will have some feeling for him...it's totally natural but it's not meant to be acted on in all circumstances.
Bunny77
New Member
Whatever you decide, I say be careful to think about how your daughter is handling this. You don't want to create a revolving door situation of men going in and out of her life while you work to figure out what you should do.
I know we're only talking about two men here right now, but if you move on from both of them and a new man enters your life later, etc., this could all be very confusing for her.
I know we're only talking about two men here right now, but if you move on from both of them and a new man enters your life later, etc., this could all be very confusing for her.
Lady Slim
Member
I've been through a VERY similar sitiuation. Love and feelings are not something you can turn off and on. Especially when a child is involved.
The best advise I can give is makes sure you keep you daughter in mind with any decision you make.
Another factor you may also want to consider in the future (I had to learn the hard way) is keep people out of your business because some times family tends to be bias regardless of the situation. Its okay to vent but make sure you can do it to the right open minded person.
The best advise I can give is makes sure you keep you daughter in mind with any decision you make.
Another factor you may also want to consider in the future (I had to learn the hard way) is keep people out of your business because some times family tends to be bias regardless of the situation. Its okay to vent but make sure you can do it to the right open minded person.
honeybuni84
New Member
I have been through that situation.
I think you should take a break from the dating game. It seems that you may be choosing the wrong men and you need to take a look at why
I think you should take a break from the dating game. It seems that you may be choosing the wrong men and you need to take a look at why
SimplyBlessed
Well-Known Member
delete...............
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