I'm tired of stylist pressure!

[DreamLife]

I've been fuming allllllll day and I wasn't going to put my vent on here, but my SO just doesn't understand.

So I couldn't get the Pibbs in time for the deal, so I ended up going to the hairdresser about 7 weeks post relaxer. For some reason she had an attitude, I think its because she thought that I would be going every two weeks like I used to do before I went to college...NOPE. Hairdresser is for relaxers only and last resort.

So anyways, I was done getting my rollerset and she was combing it out. She was like "When are you going to get your layers back?" I used to have layers when my hair was shorter and it made the rollerset last really nice. I was like "I don't know maybe this summer when it gets longer" (I want to get my layers back when I reach my goal of APL). And she was like your rollersets don't last without the layers. And I'm like yea they do, I pincurl them. And she's like oh ok.......And then she hesitates and is like "Well, I mean, how long are you trying to get your hair to be? We've already come a long way, don't you see that your hair is already long? I don't understand."

Background info: I was neck length when I started going to her, now I'm past shoulder length.

I think she thinks that she is the one who "grew my hair out."
I'm sitting there in shock, like why ...... do I have to justify why I don't want my hair cut in layers? Why do I have to have a panic attack just to get my hair done?

See this stylist out here doesn't know that I will leave her in a minute. Over one summer I asked my last stylist to do a straw set, and she was like "Nope, I don't have time" and proceeded to do a WET WRAP on my head which I did NOT want. I left and she never saw me again...well except at church with my hair done not by her. I'm paying for a service, this is ridiculous.

I know I know I know better, I just should never go again and do my own hair, I'm just so scared to work with chemicals in my head. .

I wish I could do my own relaxers and trims, when I move and go to med school I'm not getting another stylist. EVER AGAIN. I'm going to have to learn to DIM (do it myself). I won't get another stylist....UNLESS she's from the forum.

 

[DayStar]

I've been fuming allllllll day and I wasn't going to put my vent on here, but my SO just doesn't understand.

So I couldn't get the Pibbs in time for the deal, so I ended up going to the hairdresser about 7 weeks post relaxer. For some reason she had an attitude, I think its because she thought that I would be going every two weeks like I used to do before I went to college...NOPE. Hairdresser is for relaxers only and last resort.

So anyways, I was done getting my rollerset and she was combing it out. She was like "When are you going to get your layers back?" I used to have layers when my hair was shorter and it made the rollerset last really nice. I was like "I don't know maybe this summer when it gets longer" (I want to get my layers back when I reach my goal of APL). And she was like your rollersets don't last without the layers. And I'm like yea they do, I pincurl them. And she's like oh ok.......And then she hesitates and is like "Well, I mean, how long are you trying to get your hair to be? We've already come a long way, don't you see that your hair is already long? I don't understand."

Background info: I was neck length when I started going to her, now I'm past shoulder length.

I think she thinks that she is the one who "grew my hair out."
I'm sitting there in shock, like why ...... do I have to justify why I don't want my hair cut in layers? Why do I have to have a panic attack just to get my hair done?

See this stylist out here doesn't know that I will leave her in a minute. Over one summer I asked my last stylist to do a straw set, and she was like "Nope, I don't have time" and proceeded to do a WET WRAP on my head which I did NOT want. I left and she never saw me again...well except at church with my hair done not by her. I'm paying for a service, this is ridiculous.

I wish I could do my own relaxers and trims, when I move and go to med school I'm not getting another stylist. EVER AGAIN. Unless she's from the forum.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??..... *Dead*

and the nerve of both of them.....bishes

 

[DreamLife]

I swear...I know everyone is on here rolling their eyes like, just don't go back...but I am soooo scared of doing my own relaxers. My hair has fallen out BALD from being overprocessed and from someone not rinsing out my relaxer good. And I can't see the back of my head and all that. I'm just scared.

 

[DayStar]

I swear...I know everyone is on here rolling their eyes like, just don't go back...but I am soooo scared of doing my own relaxers. My hair has fallen out BALD from being overprocessed and from someone not rinsing out my relaxer good. And I can't see the back of my head and all that. I'm just scared.

dont be...i started relaxing my hair at 21....and on top of that by myself.....it is ABC...and saves you TONS of money...plus who else can treat you hair as good as you?

 

[DreamLife]

LOL I told my SO that it was equivalent to him going to the barber to get his regular fade and some barber trying to get him to get a line or design in the back of his head, just because. And his line and cut had been messed up for months and he's just getting it back together and someone wants to go and put a Nike sign or some design in the back of his head JUST CUZ. And then trying to persuade him that its coming back in style. I was just trying to cheer myself up...

And he's just cracking up but doesn't understand why I'm so heated.

Ok let me go to sleep.

 

[DreamLife]

dont be...i started relaxing my hair at 21....and on top of that by myself.....it is ABC...and saves you TONS of money...plus who else can treat you hair as good as you?

Thats true. I'm just going to have to have my mom or friend look at the back of my head and help me.

 

[wheezy807]

I know exactly what you mean. I just dumped my stylist of almost 10 years! This new stylist i am very happy with for the most part. Just dump her and find a new stylist. You could even start a new thread on a recommended stylist from your area(in the salon section). Dumping her was the best thing i could have done. Now i can relax and don't have to argue about what i want or sit on pins and needle while she "trims" off all my progress or worry about getting overprocessed, etc... Save yourself, lol!!

 

[ricochet]

Amen to that! Question...how long and what condition is HER hair in? Not that it matters cause a jealous stylist, is a jealous stylist. This is one of the main reasons why I haven't been to a stylist in 7 years. I hear about these kind of stories a "lil" too often that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. You should be on the look out for a new hairdresser cause this ***** is on a mission. You are gonna walk in one day with that brastrap or midback length hair and then she is gonna do the "Oops, I cut a lil too much but your 'ends' were damaged anyway" ('ends' being the last 6 inches of your hair, that YOU have been diligently taking care of for the past year). I have seen it happen to my sistas TOO many times and I am sick of it! It's like the stylist is so jealous she just can't take the fact that someone else's hair is longer or looks better than hers because she can't grow hers past a certain length or keeps hers cut and uses that as her justification that her hair is not long, when in actuality, she wants long hair...And she is too proud or stubborn, and so "educated and knowledgeable" on hair because she went to school for it, that she won't ask questions to see what it is that you do or are doing to retain your length. Ugh! Ok, I am ranting, let me calm down and get my butt to church, I am so heated! Get rid of her.

 

[ricochet]

[/B]I think she thinks that she is the one who "grew my hair out."

And yes, you are on the money on that one...that is EXACTLY what she thinks.

 

[kiesha8185]

I swear...I know everyone is on here rolling their eyes like, just don't go back...but I am soooo scared of doing my own relaxers. My hair has fallen out BALD from being overprocessed and from someone not rinsing out my relaxer good. And I can't see the back of my head and all that. I'm just scared.

Noooo I totally understand your pain.

Trust me I TRIED self-relaxing and underprocessed myself twice. So I have to resort to a hairdresser for relaxers as my only salon service, as well.

If you can't find another hairdresser, then just let her talk. Personally, getting my hair done is a luxury, I like to be alone in peace. But continue to go to her if she is doing a good job with your hair.

It is very hard trying to find a stylist who can relax and neutralize properly, and who will be gentle with your hair. Hearing her talk is more tolerable than risking going to another stylist (who might mess up your hair or cut it without consent).

If you should find a new stylist, PLEASE first take into account the condition of her hair. If she can't even care for her own hair, she can't care for yours.

Second, I only go to new stylists by recommendation. See her work first. If you can't, then ask her to sit in at one of her other appointments to see how she handles another client's hair. Does she rip through the hair with a small tooth comb?

Last, make your first visit one that does not involve chemicals. Get a rollerset or wrap or something. And please, don't let her "trim" your hair!!

Good luck to you!

 

[daniemoy]

LOL I told my SO that it was equivalent to him going to the barber to get his regular fade and some barber trying to get him to get a line or design in the back of his head, just because. And his line and cut had been messed up for months and he's just getting it back together and someone wants to go and put a Nike sign or some design in the back of his head JUST CUZ. And then trying to persuade him that its coming back in style. I was just trying to cheer myself up...

And he's just cracking up but doesn't understand why I'm so heated.

Ok let me go to sleep.

 

[lonei]

Hey, its not as hard as it looks. I do my own relaxers and everything for these very reasons. I have a self relaxer guide in my journal and self trimming pics in my fotki if it helps. Good luck...

 

[DreamLife]

Thanks guys for all the advice. About her hair: its beautiful. She can cut it to her ear and dye it and a couple months later its back to its original length. She never seems to have to "trim" her hair. She told me that she got micros for months and she took care of them so well that when she took them out she didn't even have to trim her ends...erplexedSo why you want to trim my hair? I really think that layers and dye are her "specialty." I will be going the self-relaxer, DIY route this year. There are so many resources on that can help me, and my friend just self relaxed as well, so I'm going to ask her. She's between APL and BSL and I think she got tired of the cutting too.

 

[nicki6]

Just a friendly word of caution...


You may want to move on to another stylist NOW. She's actually telling you that she WANTS to cut it and, believe me, eventually she will....with or without your consent. In her mind, its long enough and she wants to do as SHE sees fit with it.

I cannot count how many times I've read of this very scenario resulting in an unwanted hairCUT

ETA---Find yourself a hair buddy in your city that's willing to do the chemical services for you. That way you get what you want without the drame and inquistion.

 

[ricochet]

There are so many resources on that can help me, and my friend just self relaxed as well, so I'm going to ask her. She's between APL and BSL and I think she got tired of the cutting too.

If your friend has great hair and understands what you are going through, then let her do it. I am sure she will wear kid gloves with your hair if she takes great care of hers. Be blessed!

 

[krissynick]

hmm i really dont know what to say but you dont want to feel all outta wack whenever you go get your hair done... but i guess that best thing that you can do is just... try and really become a do it yourself .. or maybe look around you might find another stylist who will make ur feel so pressured

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Just a friendly word of caution...


You may want to move on to another stylist NOW. She's actually telling you that she WANTS to cut it and, believe me, eventually she will....with or without your consent. In her mind, its long enough and she wants to do as SHE sees fit with it.

I cannot count how many times I've read of this very scenario resulting in an unwanted hairCUT

ETA---Find yourself a hair buddy in your city that's willing to do the chemical services for you. That way you get what you want without the drame and inquistion.

Oh boy, this is some words to listen to right here. OP you don't want your next post to be "I went in for a trim and came out with a Rhianna cut" erplexed

 

[*Luscious*Locked*Doc]

Girl you know she thinks she grew your hair out and that's why she has an attitude because she thinks YOU wouldn't have past SL hair now without her and it's because you've been taking her advice that you have any hair at all . Dump her...it's too much to pay for someone to relax and style your hair and have you palpitating in a chair because you are worried about what she is going to do. Find the self-relaxers thread and learn to DIY because then you take all the power away from your stylist. You can start practicing with conditioner first (sistaslick wrote an article on this) and then after you've gotten the knack go ahead and relax.

I find that many women on the self-relaxer thread stretch their relaxer just so they don't overlap and that the NG is clearly distinct. Ultimately it's up to you to decide but you know all the hard work you have put into your hair and you are the only person who should decide what you do and don't want done to your hair. My old hair stylist was so scissor happy and constantly egged me on to cut my hair shorter. Her hair was beautiful though very soft and she was a natural...but she kept it flat ironed on the regular.

 

[halee_J]

Amen to that! Question...how long and what condition is HER hair in? Not that it matters cause a jealous stylist, is a jealous stylist. This is one of the main reasons why I haven't been to a stylist in 7 years. I hear about these kind of stories a "lil" too often that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. You should be on the look out for a new hairdresser cause this ***** is on a mission. You are gonna walk in one day with that brastrap or midback length hair and then she is gonna do the "Oops, I cut a lil too much but your 'ends' were damaged anyway" ('ends' being the last 6 inches of your hair, that YOU have been diligently taking care of for the past year). I have seen it happen to my sistas TOO many times and I am sick of it! It's like the stylist is so jealous she just can't take the fact that someone else's hair is longer or looks better than hers because she can't grow hers past a certain length or keeps hers cut and uses that as her justification that her hair is not long, when in actuality, she wants long hair...And she is too proud or stubborn, and so "educated and knowledgeable" on hair because she went to school for it, that she won't ask questions to see what it is that you do or are doing to retain your length. Ugh! Ok, I am ranting, let me calm down and get my butt to church, I am so heated! Get rid of her.

I feel the same way. DreamLife I know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. I have had those hairdresser panic attacks tooerplexed. I am sick of stylists who don't listen, don't take their time and use cheap/ skimp on products...iwith the ' I know your hair better than you" attitude. No matter how out of control my transition gets or even if i decide to relax again I amDETERMINED TO BE A DIYer!!! and i'm gonna be boss at it too, shoot!!!

Sending you good self relaxer results vibes

 

[Be Positive]

Amen to that! Question...how long and what condition is HER hair in? Not that it matters cause a jealous stylist, is a jealous stylist. This is one of the main reasons why I haven't been to a stylist in 7 years. I hear about these kind of stories a "lil" too often that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. You should be on the look out for a new hairdresser cause this ***** is on a mission. You are gonna walk in one day with that brastrap or midback length hair and then she is gonna do the "Oops, I cut a lil too much but your 'ends' were damaged anyway" ('ends' being the last 6 inches of your hair, that YOU have been diligently taking care of for the past year). I have seen it happen to my sistas TOO many times and I am sick of it! It's like the stylist is so jealous she just can't take the fact that someone else's hair is longer or looks better than hers because she can't grow hers past a certain length or keeps hers cut and uses that as her justification that her hair is not long, when in actuality, she wants long hair...And she is too proud or stubborn, and so "educated and knowledgeable" on hair because she went to school for it, that she won't ask questions to see what it is that you do or are doing to retain your length. Ugh! Ok, I am ranting, let me calm down and get my butt to church, I am so heated! Get rid of her.

I concur 100%!! Clearly the handwriting's on the wall. Please take heed.

 

[prettywhitty]

I'm thinking that she may want to cut your hair because it's easier for her to style short hair ( I think a lot of stylists have this mindset). Just look around and find another stylist that is willing to do what you want.

 

[DreamLife]

Man, yall scaring me,but I know its true. I think I'm going to research that self relaxer thread. I've gone through too much with my hair to have her just cut it off.

 

[drasgrl]

I have not set foot in a salon in close to six years and hope never to go to one again. I have been doing my own relaxers and they turn out fine. I just can't deal with scissor happy stylists and sitting there all freaking day. Not to mentions the cost. You'll be fine.

 

[Chromia]

DreamLife, please do not go back to that stylist. Like you, I got tired of pressure from my stylist, so I dumped her last year after 13 years.

Check out the Salon Review Forum. None in my city were mentioned in that forum, so when I was looking for a new salon I sent PMs to a few ladies here from my city. That's how I found a new salon.

I was tired of having to justify why I didn't want a trim at every relaxer touch up. A couple of years ago, after I started telling my stylist I wanted a trim at every other touch up she got an attitude and got very upset with me. Every time I said "I don't want a trim this time" she would ask me why. Uh, because I'm the customer, it's my time, my money, and my hair, and I stated that I don't want something, so don't pressure me to do it!

I was also tired of feeling like I was going to have a panic attack just to get my hair done. I was tired of being worried, nervous, and scared on my way to the salon and the entire time I was in the salon.

My stylist was really surprised when I left her. When I called her to cancel an upcoming appointment and all future appointments (I had been going every 2 weeks) she said "Whyyyyy?". She took me for granted and she thought I would keep putting up with her.

People who need power & control really shouldn't have jobs where they're supposed to provide customer service.

You should be on the look out for a new hairdresser cause this ***** is on a mission. You are gonna walk in one day with that brastrap or midback length hair and then she is gonna do the "Oops, I cut a lil too much but your 'ends' were damaged anyway" ('ends' being the last 6 inches of your hair, that YOU have been diligently taking care of for the past year). I have seen it happen to my sistas TOO many times and I am sick of it!

This sounds like my former stylist. After she did this with me I found out she did this with my friend, my friend's niece, and my mom's co-worker's daughter.

Last, make your first visit one that does not involve chemicals. Get a rollerset or wrap or something. And please, don't let her "trim" your hair!!

This is what I did last year. The first time I just got a shampoo, DC, and rollerset in order to see how they handle my hair and to watch them do relaxers & trims. Then I went back twice for relaxers. They did what I wanted without any arguments or debates.

You may want to move on to another stylist NOW. She's actually telling you that she WANTS to cut it and, believe me, eventually she will....with or without your consent. In her mind, its long enough and she wants to do as SHE sees fit with it.
I cannot count how many times I've read of this very scenario resulting in an unwanted hairCUT

This is right.

 

[Chromia]

I have saved a lot of info. about self-relaxing.

Check out this 360 mirror. This should help you with doing your own relaxers. Here's a thread about it.

As Lonei mentioned, she has self-relaxing tips in her fotki. So do SouthernGirl (here's a thread she started), London Diva, and Loveya4ever. SouthernGirl also has self-trimming instructions in her fotki.

Here's a self-relaxing thread and an article about how to self-relax.

Here are Feye's Hair Trimming Instructions.

 

[DreamLife]

I just looked up some relaxers and I found the Affirm that I get on amazon.com. Still looking through the self-relax threads...

 

[jasmin]

I think she thinks that she is the one who "grew my hair out."

She does.....this is exactly what my ex stylist use to do. She was so annoying for more things than that. Anyway I understand people being scared to do their own relaxers. I say don't let her trim or cut it because she's giving you a hint how she feels about your hair being long. I ignored that tip from another stylist and had to leave her after she cut all my hair off.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have not been to a stylist since May but I learned my lesson a few years ago with pressure from stylist as well as scissor happy stylist.

I was convinced that I needed a trim with a relaxer (years ago). I walked in with APL hair and left with shoulder length hair. It was cheap but I still regret that. She lost her place in the "trim" and ended up re-trimming sections and trying to even it up. I lost inches of hair that day but I learned a hard lesson about watching all stylist once they pick up scissors. There is no need to "trim" hair with each relaxer. I'm not sure if that is taught in beauty school or what?

I intend to start self-relaxing by the end of this year when my friend marries & moves out of state. She is teaching me to care for my hair will teach me how to relax soon. I am texlaxing so if I under process that will actually be okay. I have vowed to not do bone straight ever again.