I'm so confused!!!!!!

[nychaelasymone]

lye or no lye, protein or too much protein, moisturize not to much moisture.....I'm going crazy. I can't believe I'm losing sleep over my hair!!!!! THis has to end for me. I don't know what type of relaxer to use in my hair. I haven't had one in 10 months. I used Fabulaxer in the past and don't think I had any adverse effects. But I am learning that no lye relaxers leave your hair brittle and dry. Well, when my hair is in its natural state....it's just dry looking, always been this way. With a relaxer it's nice and shiny. I don't know....should I use Mizani, should I go back to my old stand by, or should I try something else......UGH!!!! That's all I can say. I'm really trying to do this thing right because I want my hair to be healthy. Correct me if I'm wrong but I've learned that after relaxing you should use a cream based conditioner neutralizer for 5 minutes then wash w/ a neutralizing shampoo. Then wash w/ your regular shampoo...reconstruct w/ something like Nexxus Emergencee, then wash again w/a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner.....(okay...if you use a lot of protein you should follow it up w/ moisture)..........I'm actually about to be in tears. I haven't been seen w/ my real hair in so long and that alone is frustrating. Will my man accept me w/ my thin edges, will my hair fall out, I mean....omgoodness, I'm really starting to break down. just need to vent and maybe some suggestions.

 

[Healthb4Length]

lye or no lye, protein or too much protein, moisturize not to much moisture.....I'm going crazy. I can't believe I'm losing sleep over my hair!!!!! THis has to end for me. I don't know what type of relaxer to use in my hair. I haven't had one in 10 months. I used Fabulaxer in the past and don't think I had any adverse effects. But I am learning that no lye relaxers leave your hair brittle and dry. Well, when my hair is in its natural state....it's just dry looking, always been this way. With a relaxer it's nice and shiny. I don't know....should I use Mizani, should I go back to my old stand by, or should I try something else......UGH!!!! That's all I can say. I'm really trying to do this thing right because I want my hair to be healthy. Correct me if I'm wrong but I've learned that after relaxing you should use a cream based conditioner neutralizer for 5 minutes then wash w/ a neutralizing shampoo. Then wash w/ your regular shampoo...reconstruct w/ something like Nexxus Emergencee, then wash again w/a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner.....(okay...if you use a lot of protein you should follow it up w/ moisture)..........I'm actually about to be in tears. I haven't been seen w/ my real hair in so long and that alone is frustrating. Will my man accept me w/ my thin edges, will my hair fall out, I mean....omgoodness, I'm really starting to break down. just need to vent and maybe some suggestions.

Hold up girl take a deeeep breathe! Now release, here's a (((HUG))), feel better now? I notice that your new, I had these same issues too when I just started, it took awhile but I eventually got the hang of it all. With hair it's all touch and go, If the last relaxer you used worked for you then you should continue and use it. For some Lye works great and for others it's a nightmare, the main point is you should stick to what works for YOU. You have the correct idea with the relaxing steps, relaxe use a conditioner because the pores are open and more receptive to treatments, then do a neutralizing shampoo and proceed as you stated. You can use a moisturizing conditioner after finished shampooing so that your hair will be nice and lush. In time with proper care your hair will be da bomb! And your man should accept you through 'thick' or 'thin' hair, you should never feel ashamed of your hair whether natural or straight, if you are nervous about putting in the relaxer then you should have a qualified professional do it.

 

[nychaelasymone]

Hold up girl take a deeeep breathe! Now release, here's a (((HUG))), feel better now? I notice that your new, I had these same issues too when I just started, it took awhile but I eventually got the hang of it all. With hair it's all touch and go, If the last relaxer you used worked for you then you should continue and use it. For some Lye works great and for others it's a nightmare, the main point is you should stick to what works for YOU. You have the correct idea with the relaxing steps, relaxe use a conditioner because the pores are open and more receptive to treatments, then do a neutralizing shampoo and proceed as you stated. You can use a moisturizing conditioner after finished shampooing so that your hair will be nice and lush. In time with proper care your hair will be da bomb! And your man should accept you through 'thick' or 'thin' hair, you should never feel ashamed of your hair whether natural or straight, if you are nervous about putting in the relaxer then you should have a qualified professional do it.

Thank you so much....my sister suggested that I let the stylist do it on Monday. My concern is that I want to make sure that my nape and edges are relaxed last since these are my sensitive areas. I just feel really ugly right now......(my friends think I'm pregnant, cause they've never seen me this neurotic before) I've relaxed my hair in the past w/ no problem but for some reason after all this knowledge, I'm freakin' out. I guess it really doesn't matter what relaxer you use as long as you follow through with good maintenance.

 

[Healthb4Length]

Thank you so much....my sister suggested that I let the stylist do it on Monday. My concern is that I want to make sure that my nape and edges are relaxed last since these are my sensitive areas. I just feel really ugly right now......(my friends think I'm pregnant, cause they've never seen me this neurotic before) I've relaxed my hair in the past w/ no problem but for some reason after all this knowledge, I'm freakin' out. I guess it really doesn't matter what relaxer you use as long as you follow through with good maintenance.

MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE FIRM WITH YOUR STYLIST THAT YOU WANT YOUR NAPE AND EDGES RELAXED LAST! BE STRONG DON'T WAIVER! Personally I do think it matters what relaxer you use depending on the individual's hair, for me no-lye relaxers are the devil! It makes my hair so dry and rough! But for others it makes their hair nice and soft, lye is my FRIEND, but every thing aint for everybody. You have to work with what's right for you. I recalled you saying that the Fabulaxer was a nightmare, I think that Fabulaxer is no-lye...you be the judge. Affirm and Mizani are very good top of the line relaxers, many members here swear by them, I will be doing my first Affirm in a month or so! Can't wait! Some members love Phyto which I believe is no-lye and they swear by it. Whatever relaxer you decide to do, just make sure that the stylist don't overprocess, ask her to leave some body to your hair (meaning don't go bone straight) and you should be okay. Make sure that you put up some pics so we can see your pretty hair.

 

[nychaelasymone]

MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE FIRM WITH YOUR STYLIST THAT YOU WANT YOUR NAPE AND EDGES RELAXED LAST! BE STRONG DON'T WAIVER! Personally I do think it matters what relaxer you use depending on the individual's hair, for me no-lye relaxers are the devil! It makes my hair so dry and rough! But for others it makes their hair nice and soft, lye is my FRIEND, but every thing aint for everybody. You have to work with what's right for you. I recalled you saying that the Fabulaxer was a nightmare, I think that Fabulaxer is no-lye...you be the judge. Affirm and Mizani are very good top of the line relaxers, many members here swear by them, I will be doing my first Affirm in a month or so! Can't wait! Some members love Phyto which I believe is no-lye and they swear by it. Whatever relaxer you decide to do, just make sure that the stylist don't overprocess, ask her to leave some body to your hair (meaning don't go bone straight) and you should be okay. Make sure that you put up some pics so we can see your pretty hair.

You all are so nice and positive. I think I'm just going crazy cause I've never seen my hair this thin around the edges before. It's so scary to me....I keep telling myself...it will grow back!!! But right now....I just feel so....ugh!!! I think I will allow the stylist to relax my hair but you are right, she's gotta listen to me. Again....thank you so much for your kind words.

 

[hottopic]

MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE FIRM WITH YOUR STYLIST THAT YOU WANT YOUR NAPE AND EDGES RELAXED LAST! BE STRONG DON'T WAIVER! Personally I do think it matters what relaxer you use depending on the individual's hair, for me no-lye relaxers are the devil! It makes my hair so dry and rough! But for others it makes their hair nice and soft, lye is my FRIEND, but every thing aint for everybody. You have to work with what's right for you. I recalled you saying that the Fabulaxer was a nightmare, I think that Fabulaxer is no-lye...you be the judge. Affirm and Mizani are very good top of the line relaxers, many members here swear by them, I will be doing my first Affirm in a month or so! Can't wait! Some members love Phyto which I believe is no-lye and they swear by it. Whatever relaxer you decide to do, just make sure that the stylist don't overprocess, ask her to leave some body to your hair (meaning don't go bone straight) and you should be okay. Make sure that you put up some pics so we can see your pretty hair.

O.K I feel the same way too. Before I use to use no-lye and my hair was brittle and dry. Now I use lye and my hair loves me for it. Still you have to learn how to take care of it regardless.
nychaelasymone Rome was not built in a day. It's going to take time to learn what does and does not work for your hair. How do you think almost everyone on the board is a product junkie or a recoving one. You have to test the waters before you jump in. Keep reading, search the threads, post your questions, and try different stuff. In the end you will find the right routine and products that work for YOU.

 

[Healthb4Length]

You all are so nice and positive. I think I'm just going crazy cause I've never seen my hair this thin around the edges before. It's so scary to me....I keep telling myself...it will grow back!!! But right now....I just feel so....ugh!!! I think I will allow the stylist to relax my hair but you are right, she's gotta listen to me. Again....thank you so much for your kind words.

Any time chica! You have to be ultra careful with the hairline cause it's the most fragile. I say that you should start do gentle scalp massages a few times a week with natural oils such as jojoba or castor (heavy) mixed with essential oils like rosemary or lavender (smells heavenly!). This stimulates your scalp and will hopefully bring back the hair line. If you put your hair in a ponytail or pull it back DON'T use a BRUSH on that area, instead use a toothbrush, it will get the hairline neat without the damage.

 

[nychaelasymone]

Any time chica! You have to be ultra careful with the hairline cause it's the most fragile. I say that you should start do gentle scalp massages a few times a week with natural oils such as jojoba or castor (heavy) mixed with essential oils like rosemary or lavender (smells heavenly!). This stimulates your scalp and will hopefully bring back the hair line. If you put your hair in a ponytail or pull it back DON'T use a BRUSH on that area, instead use a toothbrush, it will get the hairline neat without the damage.

I won't be wearing my hair back for a long time.....a really really really really long time. Thanks for the tip. I pray I have enough hair to cover my hairline after she clips all the breakage out.

 

[Sistaslick]

lye or no lye, protein or too much protein, moisturize not to much moisture.....I'm going crazy. I can't believe I'm losing sleep over my hair!!!!! THis has to end for me. I don't know what type of relaxer to use in my hair. I haven't had one in 10 months. I used Fabulaxer in the past and don't think I had any adverse effects. But I am learning that no lye relaxers leave your hair brittle and dry. Well, when my hair is in its natural state....it's just dry looking, always been this way. With a relaxer it's nice and shiny. I don't know....should I use Mizani, should I go back to my old stand by, or should I try something else......UGH!!!! That's all I can say. I'm really trying to do this thing right because I want my hair to be healthy. Correct me if I'm wrong but I've learned that after relaxing you should use a cream based conditioner neutralizer for 5 minutes then wash w/ a neutralizing shampoo. Then wash w/ your regular shampoo...reconstruct w/ something like Nexxus Emergencee, then wash again w/a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner.....(okay...if you use a lot of protein you should follow it up w/ moisture)..........I'm actually about to be in tears. I haven't been seen w/ my real hair in so long and that alone is frustrating. Will my man accept me w/ my thin edges, will my hair fall out, I mean....omgoodness, I'm really starting to break down. just need to vent and maybe some suggestions.

Ali gave you great advice I agree! We all felt overwhelmed when we were first starting out. There are so many techniques and methods for doing everything--even things as simple as daily moisturizing and styling-- the methods are endless. Everyday, a new product is shouted from the forum rooftops and newbies and even the old vets will clamor to get their hands on it. Even if you didn't bite when all the threads were popping up, don't let yourself see the product on a store shelf. That takes a whole nother level of will-power to stop from stashing it in the basket. But its a big Catch 22 because you have to experiment to find out what your hair likes--and that tends to turn alot of us into product junkies

Very few things around here are sound gospel. I use Mizani's sensitive scalp relaxer which is no-lye-- with not one adverse effect! But someone else may find that it dries them out terribly. Or, I must protective style my hair more often than not to maintain healthy ends and a decent length-- but ladies like Sylver have been able to grow theirs to amazing lengths without them! Your hair might like 10 steps of product wrangling after rinsing out your relaxer. Or it might only need 2: the neutralizer and a deep conditioner. Its okay! As long as you find your own hair tolerance. When something doesn't work for you, your hair will let you know either by feeling dry, breaking, or not showing any new length after a given time. It may take you weeks, months, or years of trial and error to get your regimen customized enough for you to start showing some progress. Its an investment and a journey. Definitely a journey

Don't be discouraged, the confusion comes and goes girl. Just use your gut instincts and listen to your own hair at the end of the day. It won't tell you wrong.

 

[nychaelasymone]

its scary to start a new journey. I never knew how to correctly take care of my hair. Now it means so much to me. I'm getting older, I'm actually in love, and everything just seems so overwhelming...........I hope this stylist knows what she is doing......thank you all again and again for everything.

 

[Healthb4Length]

Thanks Sista for the compliment!

 

[Sistaslick]

everything you said was so on point

 

[balisi]

ITA with the advice given. Just relax and don't make too many changes at once, otherwise you won't know what works and what doesn't. Most of all, pay attention to your hair and see how it responds to new products and methods. It may take a little while to get it right, so be patient. And welcome to the forum!

 

[Poohbear]

When I first came to this site as a relaxed head back in 2004, I was constantly checking out the Feature of the Month link: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/forumdisplay.php?f=25

You should check it out too! There are many hair routines you can pull from there.