I'm NEVER giving advice to anyone again! (kinda long)

[blazingthru]

Yes I agree, I don't talk about hair at all anymore to anyone. People rather find another reason for you growing your hair. For instances someones mother on here likes her daughters hair but not once question how it got that way. I don't understand that thinking. I mean I wanted to know how it was done. My sister told me how she grew her hair but I thought I didn't have time to do what she did. It was simple. Wash everythree days and never put heat on your hair when its dirty. Simple but all I was thinking was how can I manage my hair if I did those simple things. Now that I did it and it worked, I realize how simple it was. I wouldn't completely give up on people but I have learned to see if someone is really interested or not. I have typed out pages of things to help my friends but not one of them took the advice and so I say nothing, I just smile as I see my hair getting longer in almost two years (18 months) since going bald and theirs remain at the exact same length.

 

[ladybug71]

Wow...lol...im speechless

Ditto! Wow. I would have just sat there in horror witnessing all those acts. Dish soap, dry hair and fine tooth comb, rough towel drying. Good grief! Your ILs have taken your well-meaning advice with a grain of salt and I wouldn't bother offering any helpful tips unless they ask. Your hair speaks for itself.

Oh and her wanting to flat iron your hair again? Definitely no!

 

[Sly]

well maybe they'll wait until they're completely bald- and you're waistlength- to take your advice- hey, you tried

Yep
some people can't be told

Good for you tiffers, I could tell she just wanted to get her hands on your hair with that flatiron.

 

[EMJazzy]

Everyone loves my hair but no one wants to take my advice so from now on my lips are

 

[curlcomplexity]

Yesterday, we went to dh's grandma's house for turkey day. When we walked through the door, everyone started oohing and ahing over my hair. Talking about how thick and long it is. What have I been doing to it, etc, etc.

Dh's aunt, the ''hairdresser'' of the family comes over to me and puts her hands ALL in my hair, flippin it around, touching my scalp and examining it. She said my hair was thick and I needed to keep doin what I was doin. Then she asked if I had blowdried it, I said yes, and I flatironed too. Then she told me that I didn't get it straight enough, and to let her do it again with her flatiron because her flatiron gets super hot. She said ''Yeah, it's right over there and it's still hot. I just did my daughters hair, see?'' I look over at her daughters hair, it was SL and thin with almost see through ends (she's only 9) I told her no thank you, because I don't use heat often and my hair had had enough abuse that day. She looked at me like I was crazy.

Dh's mom was on the couch with her hair back in a big dry puff. She had just washed it. She had beautiful thick hair, but her edges are GONE, and she was complaining about how much hair she's been losing lately. She then proceeds to rake through her DRY CRUNCHY hair with a superfine tooth comb. I could actually HEAR the hairs snapping So I tried to be subtle and playfully ask ''You're not gonna put anything on your hair?'' She said ''Naw, girl'' So I say ''If you put a little leave-in conditioner in your hair, you'd probably lose less. There'd be less friction'' She said ''Naw, uh-uh, my hair don't like having stuff in it. I like to comb it dry, just like this to stimulate my scalp''

Dh's aunt was getting ready to go to a club and she said she was gonna wash her hair to get it ready to flatiron it. Now this woman used to have almost APL hair, but every time I see her, it's getting shorter and shorter. Right now, it's barely SL when soaking wet and it's super thin with see through ends. Not too long ago, she cried to dh about how she's losing her hair and will do anything to grow it back. So anyway, she washes her hair in the sink and lathers up like 3 times with shampoo mixed with dishwashing liquid, used no conditioner and dried her hair with a towel. I've never seen someone rub a towel so hard on their head, I amost started cringing and had to look away. Then she starts blowdrying her hair with the highest setting while roughly BRUSHING her hair with a plastic bristle brush. After that, she went into the kitchen with TWO flat irons, both on the highest setting, and went over her already straight hair TWICE with each flatiron. Then she sprayed her hair with Elasta shine spray and flatironed AGAIN. By this point, I could hardly breathe because the house was flooded with burnt hair fumes, I just have to say something. So I asked her ''Do you ever use anything on your hair when you flatiron it?'' She answers ''Not all the time, sometimes I use oil or grease'' I told her '' Using a serum would be a lot better, it sort of protects your hair from the heat, using grease and oil pretty much fries your-'' She interrupts me ''No, nuh-uh. My hair grows when I use grease to flat iron it. It gets thicker too.'' Me: Then she tells me how I should flat iron more so I won't have to perm that often. I told her I only relax once every 3 months and she says that she can't go that long because it's almost been two months for her and she needs to relax again. She had NO new growth, not even a smidgeon I explained to her that it would be best if she waited until she got more new growth, and she should give her hair a little break from relaxing because that's one of the things that got my hair healthier. She told me that she HAD to get a perm because her hair needed to be tamed. I was thinking ''yeah, all 6 strands of it''

All of the women in dh's family have one or all of the following: No hair, thin hair, see through ends, bald edges. They all know I'm into haircare because dh tells them all the time, and they see how my hair's grown. And even though what they're doing is making them BALD, they STILL won't take any advice or hints. They swear up and down, and will argue till the cows come home that what they're doing works I'm just so freakin frustrated I'm NEVER giving anyone any unsolicited advice again!

DANG!!! All of the bolded, made me cringe...I think seeing that would be torture to ANY LHCF member . Don't give up on trying to help your family out though. I think that w/ some people, if they don't see immediate results they give up. I know this was the case w/ my sister. She saw my hair and wanted her own to gro as well. I gave her advice like protective styling and told her to decrease her heat usage. I also told her to stop gluing in tracks and highlighting her hair. That was almost two years ago. When her hair started to break off in 4 inch pieces and become brittle and dry a few months ago, she finally decided to take my advice. Her hair is is in much better condition!

ETA: I only give advice when asked to, besides that I keep my mouth shut.

 

[halee_J]

....this is EXACTLY why I keep my mouth shut. In my experience, 99% of the time they don't take the advice.

Not that I'm a hair guru, or that I have hair trailing the ground, but there are times when you can see what ppl are doing to their hair is BAAAADDD.

You tried girl.

ETA: i'm stil cringing @ the dishwashing liquid EEEEESH!!!!

 

[HoneyA]

You could get a list of about 50 things of what NOT to do with your hair from the original post. They compliment your long thick hair and still won't take any advice when it's obvious they need help?erplexeduhmm...what is wrong with this picture? It's obvious you're doing something because somebody said you should keep doing whatever you are doing. I'd be sitting on the floor humbly at your feet, pen and paper in hand, firing away questions and taking notes if I were them...you wouldn't have had chance to eat turkey that day!

 

[Kawaii1]

I think my eyes bled when I read the part about washing hair with dishwashing liquid...

double U ... T ee ...***

oh sh*t that is what I as thinking! Let her be baldheaded. She swears her sh*t don't stink, so forget it. Unless you gonna do like one poster said and tell her straight up, which might give you more of a headache I wouldn't worry about it.

Honestly though, in all seriousness, it's really bad habits and the thought that you can't have that hair that makes folks act like that. I am starting to believe that my hair can be long and healthy oo but in the back of my mind I still think that it probably won't get past sl. Now I never did that crazy stuff but I had some bad hair habits too. I got tired of the little broke hairs all over the place but at one point in time I thought all that broke hair, burnt smell, burning scalp, etc. Was normal. I thought black girls with that soft curly stuff were mixed and you can't have long hair with a perm. The proof is in the pudding and if I can see something working then how can it be wrong. Even still I needed to be tired of it to try it. I found this board in late 05 and didn't try all this stuff until august 07. I was so tired of having no hair and I was feeling the change in the air so here I am before that I might have been to lazy too. Now when I talk to my friends about hair I just try to impart the little important stuff that has worked for me like moisturizing well and dc. I don't get into all that complicated stuff because as I told silverlotus, ya'll sound crazy, for real. I believe it now but to a normal black girl ya'll sound absolutely crazy. Low manipuation and waiting 3-4 months for a perm, WTH!

It's like trying to tell people how to lose weight the right way. Most of them aren't gonna do it until they just get tired of the bs.

 

[Wishin4BSL]

You know what I do when my family goes on and on about my hair? I smile, say thank you, and move on. I've been burned by them before when I tried to give them advice, and I don't intend on being burned again! I've learned that some people are just too set in their ways.

 

[MrsQueeny]

Wow just wow. I tried to help a chick out once too and she shot me down. Looked at me like I was crazy so I left it alone. If you could have seen her face a few weeks ago when I wore my bsl hair pressed and her hair is the same length it was 2 years ago when I tried to give her advice. Oh well!!! Q

 

[Demi27]

Dishwashing liquid????

How sad.

I'm sorry girl. Maybe one day they'll come around. You tried, though.

 

[SmartyPants]

She used shampoo mixed with DISHWASHING LIQUID??!! I wouldn't use that on my dogs hair. I told you in another thread to just be blunt and tell them "your hair looks like ish" What are they gonna do about it? They need someone to just tell it like it is and not be so nice like you are.

My family is blunt. They will tell me in a minute if my hair looks like ish or if I'm gettin too fat or if my hair looks like its thinning or something. And i appreciate their bluntness.

Abd the hairstylist in the family is clueless too? How does she stay employed?

You should shock his entire family one day and put it ALL OUT ON THE TABLE about how their haircare habits arent working and tell them what you are REALLY thinking. And then smile and walk away.

Naw... this ain't fam. These are inlaws. She'd start WWIII!

 

[PAPRIKA]

I've experienced situations like this while in the hair salon. Often when I walk through the door my former stylist use to tell me that my hair was growing and it looked nice. No sooner than I started to tell my secrets my hair would magically become damaged and need of a relaxer or color to coat the strands (WTF)
Its so funny that they always recommend there highest service. Basically, I don't tell anyone what I do unless i'm asked and even then I give them the basics unless I can tell that there feeling what I'm saying.

DITTO! This is also why I am stylist free. Your story sounds like many conversations I have had with coworkers and family members. My family swears that you need to go to the hair dresser at least every other week and that "idian stuff" I use in my hair will make me bald. A coworker told me today that if I stretch my relaxer more than a month "them virgin hairs are gonna snap." I just kindly thank them for their advice and come here to laugh about it with you guys!

 

[*Muffin*]

You could have hair so long that you can wrap it around your body twice, and they still wouldn't listen to you. I don't get people sometimes. They'll tell you how good your hair looks and complain about their hair problems, but when you try to help them they get all defensive and say "Oh no, my hair doesn't like that. What i'm doing now is great." The only thing you can do is keep doing what you're doing, and if they eventually decide that they are tired of seeing their hair dwindle to nothing, they'll give you a call.

 

[longhairdreamzz]

Yeah lately I don't give any advice to anyone other than my mom and sis. They understand proper hair care b/c of this forum.

 

[locabouthair]

why oh WHY do people comb their hair with a fine tooth comb? people would always do that to me when I was natural, then start talking about how nappy my hair was

My family is guilty of this as well and my hair stayed at ear length for 12 years.

Im surprised that they see that your hair is thriving and they still werent trying to take your advice. Oh well. just keep taking care of your hair.

 

[SparklingFlame]

why oh WHY do people comb their hair with a fine tooth comb? people would always do that to me when I was natural, then start talking about how nappy my hair was

Girl, that must be in a handbook somewhere: When you see a head of natural hair, get your flimsy-ist, fine tooth comb and pull it from root to tip.

Thats the 1st thing people do!! I'm like, if you come at me with a comb period you gonna draw back a nub.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Yesterday, we went to dh's grandma's house for turkey day. When we walked through the door, everyone started oohing and ahing over my hair. Talking about how thick and long it is. What have I been doing to it, etc, etc.

Dh's aunt, the ''hairdresser'' of the family comes over to me and puts her hands ALL in my hair, flippin it around, touching my scalp and examining it. She said my hair was thick and I needed to keep doin what I was doin. Then she asked if I had blowdried it, I said yes, and I flatironed too. Then she told me that I didn't get it straight enough, and to let her do it again with her flatiron because her flatiron gets super hot. She said ''Yeah, it's right over there and it's still hot. I just did my daughters hair, see?'' I look over at her daughters hair, it was SL and thin with almost see through ends (she's only 9) I told her no thank you, because I don't use heat often and my hair had had enough abuse that day. She looked at me like I was crazy.

Dh's mom was on the couch with her hair back in a big dry puff. She had just washed it. She had beautiful thick hair, but her edges are GONE, and she was complaining about how much hair she's been losing lately. She then proceeds to rake through her DRY CRUNCHY hair with a superfine tooth comb. I could actually HEAR the hairs snapping So I tried to be subtle and playfully ask ''You're not gonna put anything on your hair?'' She said ''Naw, girl'' So I say ''If you put a little leave-in conditioner in your hair, you'd probably lose less. There'd be less friction'' She said ''Naw, uh-uh, my hair don't like having stuff in it. I like to comb it dry, just like this to stimulate my scalp''

Dh's aunt was getting ready to go to a club and she said she was gonna wash her hair to get it ready to flatiron it. Now this woman used to have almost APL hair, but every time I see her, it's getting shorter and shorter. Right now, it's barely SL when soaking wet and it's super thin with see through ends. Not too long ago, she cried to dh about how she's losing her hair and will do anything to grow it back. So anyway, she washes her hair in the sink and lathers up like 3 times with shampoo mixed with dishwashing liquid, used no conditioner and dried her hair with a towel. I've never seen someone rub a towel so hard on their head, I amost started cringing and had to look away. Then she starts blowdrying her hair with the highest setting while roughly BRUSHING her hair with a plastic bristle brush. After that, she went into the kitchen with TWO flat irons, both on the highest setting, and went over her already straight hair TWICE with each flatiron. Then she sprayed her hair with Elasta shine spray and flatironed AGAIN. By this point, I could hardly breathe because the house was flooded with burnt hair fumes, I just have to say something. So I asked her ''Do you ever use anything on your hair when you flatiron it?'' She answers ''Not all the time, sometimes I use oil or grease'' I told her '' Using a serum would be a lot better, it sort of protects your hair from the heat, using grease and oil pretty much fries your-'' She interrupts me ''No, nuh-uh. My hair grows when I use grease to flat iron it. It gets thicker too.'' Me: Then she tells me how I should flat iron more so I won't have to perm that often. I told her I only relax once every 3 months and she says that she can't go that long because it's almost been two months for her and she needs to relax again. She had NO new growth, not even a smidgeon I explained to her that it would be best if she waited until she got more new growth, and she should give her hair a little break from relaxing because that's one of the things that got my hair healthier. She told me that she HAD to get a perm because her hair needed to be tamed. I was thinking ''yeah, all 6 strands of it''

All of the women in dh's family have one or all of the following: No hair, thin hair, see through ends, bald edges. They all know I'm into haircare because dh tells them all the time, and they see how my hair's grown. And even though what they're doing is making them BALD, they STILL won't take any advice or hints. They swear up and down, and will argue till the cows come home that what they're doing works I'm just so freakin frustrated I'm NEVER giving anyone any unsolicited advice again!

oh my ...my hair hurts from even reading that. How coul she even begin to think that was right?

 

[SmartyPants]

That poor 9-year old was probably thinking "why can't tiffers do my hair?" but she knew if she expressed that out loud her mom probably would have murdered her.

 

[DayStar]

girl that was FUNNY, i too refuse to give out anymore hair advice,...everyone better fend for themselves, because what i've found is that some women are just to prideful to even humble themselves to some sound advice.

 

[berry87]

girl that was FUNNY, i too refuse to give out anymore hair advice,...everyone better fend for themselves, because what i've found is that some women are just to prideful to even humble themselves to some sound advice.

ITA Also, the things she is doing was probably passed down to her Its really hard to change those habits, and sometimes they have too much pride to ask for help

 

[Isis]

I'm sure the very good tips you offered are burned into their memories, but as Moroni mentioned, it's about the need to be right and that can be more important to some people. Unless someone asks us, the best thing we can do is be a good example.

 

[hothair]

What makes this situation even sadder is the fact that most black women share these opinions and think it's are gospel law. Try to give them another view and they'll argue you down. erplexed

Sorry nothing to add, Caisha your hair is

 

[SparklingFlame]

Sorry nothing to add, Caisha your hair is

AWWWW!!!!

Thanks so much!

 

[Priss Pot]

A lot of women confuse me when it comes to defending those horrid hair practices.

It's like, I'll tell someone that I wash/condition my hair 2x a week, co-wash daily, and I hardly use heat. They'll look at me like I'm crazy and say that Black people shouldn't wash their hair that much, we need relaxers, etc. Sometimes I just want to ask, "Have you seen your own hair?!?!?!?!" How can you say that what I'm doing to my hair is wrong (when obviously it's working) and what you're doing to your hair is "right" even when it's breaking off, see-through, and raggedy????? I mean, can you honestly LOOK at your hair and say that you're doing all the right stuff???? Stuff like that really baffles me.

People can tell me all the time how pretty my hair looks, but the moment I tell them what I do, they say "Girl Black folks ain't supposed to do that."

Oh yeah, I can't stand seeing someone detangle their hair with a fine-tooth comb, root to tip. Neither can I stand the smell of burnt hair. Two of my roommates use marcels w/ extreme stove heat to straighten/burn their hair. Imagine having to wake up to that smell in the mornings erplexed.

 

[mahoganee]

Wow! Dishwashing liquid?!?

 

[jejora82]

I think everyone is bucking their eyes at that dishwashing liquid. That is just INSANE. Even before LHCF, I still would have bucked my eyes at that. And she is a hairdresser, I wouldn't let her get on my head if I was missing my hands and my hair was on fire, ***** just let my hair burn :burning: !!!!!

As far as giving advice, I don't say anything to anybody except to my mother. Who is just the best mother in the world so she just listens. But she has always had beautiful hair and washed at least three times a week every since I can remember. And my sister asked me for the first time the other day a question about hair. I gladly gave my advice to her and she gladly received it. Now whether or not she takes heed, only time will tell. Other than that, I don't say a word.

Tiffers, I wouldn't give a rat's bootay about what them bald headed heffas thought of me...No, I'm just kidding......lolIf they don't want to hear what you have to say just keep on slapping them in the face with your long and luxurious hair and to quote one of my favorite comedians Kat Williams, they, "saying my hair ain't luxurious when you know it is".....So keep it up and in the end they will see.

 

[Bigghair]

You can tell some people anything. Just let your hair do the talking for you. They might come to you later to ask for advice.

 

[caramelcutieinva]

I feel the same way.

I went home for Thanksgiving and me and my sister went to the salon.

The last time I went down was at the end of May. My hair has grown to APL in that time. My sister and neice lost a bunch of hair. Their hair was past her shoulders and now it is not even reaching her shoulders. My sisters hair was thin in the crown, and the nape. I looked over at my niece and her edges were completely gone.

Before I went to bed I put some silk drops on my hair, put it in pincurls, and wrapped it in a silk scarf.

My sister looked at me like I was crazy and said that silk drops were for white people and that the pincurls won't work on my hair. I ignored her , but I decided to look at the products she has (shampoo with SLS, spritz, and gel, fine tooth combs. She had no conditioner (regular or deep), no leave ins or moisturizer).

I watched her look in amazement when I took my hair down in the morning and I had bouncy curls in the morning.

 

[Cinnabuns]

You gave them wonderful advice. Maybe when it's all said and done they will see that what you were saying was right all along.