I'm frustrated with my stylist!

[franknbeans82]

I've been trying to reach bra-strap length for a little over a year now. My hair is growing, but it seems to be thinning on the ends. For a long time, the problem seemed to be that my hair was very dry, according to my stylist. It initially bothered me that my stylist could not seem to recommend a good product. She should be far more familiar and knowledgeable on that than me, right? I went on my own mission to find a product and tried a lot of different things that were ineffective, until I landed on Jane Carter Nourish and Shine. Anyhow, while my stylist says the dryness problem has been cured, she says it is still thin on the ends and seems to be breaking off. Her only solution is to cut, but she has no suggestions on what a I can do to prevent future breakage. I feel like I am going to get stuck in a cycle of breakage and cutting, and I will never reach my length goal b/c we are not addressing the actual problem. I guess I'm just upset that she is supposed to have expertise on hair and has been caring for my hair for a decade, yet she never has any good advice on how to improve the health of my hair. I know it seems crazy that I've stuck w/ her this long, but originally my hair improved a lot under her care. I don't know what has changed in recent years, but I'm beginning to feel like she doesn't either doesn't want me to reach my goal or just doesn't know how to help me get there.

 

[MissNina]

I've been trying to reach bra-strap length for a little over a year now. My hair is growing, but it seems to be thinning on the ends. For a long time, the problem seemed to be that my hair was very dry, according to my stylist. It initially bothered me that my stylist could not seem to recommend a good product. She should be far more familiar and knowledgeable on that than me, right? I went on my own mission to find a product and tried a lot of different things that were ineffective, until I landed on Jane Carter Nourish and Shine. Anyhow, while my stylist says the dryness problem has been cured, she says it is still thin on the ends and seems to be breaking off. Her only solution is to cut, but she has no suggestions on what a I can do to prevent future breakage. I feel like I am going to get stuck in a cycle of breakage and cutting, and I will never reach my length goal b/c we are not addressing the actual problem. I guess I'm just upset that she is supposed to have expertise on hair and has been caring for my hair for a decade, yet she never has any good advice on how to improve the health of my hair. I know it seems crazy that I've stuck w/ her this long, but originally my hair improved a lot under her care. I don't know what has changed in recent years, but I'm beginning to feel like she doesn't either doesn't want me to reach my goal or just doesn't know how to help me get there.

*sings* Move onnnnn, move onnnnn. . .

Find a new stylist and learn your hair yourself. A lot of women on here loathe stylists, but I love mine. But I would say to start learning/doing hair first on your own and then you will really start to notice if she is THAT good or not. You'll also be able to decide if you want to continue seeing a stylist regularly or just for certain things/occasions. While I love my stylist(s), it's more cost and time effective for me to do it on my own. But now when I do go I know more of what's going on and recognize healthy habits they have vs. bad ones, positives vs. negatives, etc.

 

[franknbeans82]

*sings* Move onnnnn, move onnnnn. . .

Find a new stylist and learn your hair yourself. A lot of women on here loathe stylists, but I love mine. But I would say to start learning/doing hair first on your own and then you will really start to notice if she is THAT good or not. You'll also be able to decide if you want to continue seeing a stylist regularly or just for certain things/occasions. While I love my stylist(s), it's more cost and time effective for me to do it on my own. But now when I do go I know more of what's going on and recognize healthy habits they have vs. bad ones, positives vs. negatives, etc.

i guess i'm just afraid of doing a lot of major damage during the trial and error process of learning to do my own hair.

 

[The Princess]

Yeah, sometimes you just have to take matters in your own hands. I love my beautician, but I only go to her, when I need my hair flatiron and relax. She tells me, oh your scalp is dry, I come here and do research and im good. When I go back to her, she tells me, your scalp looks better. However she does put oil on my scalp for me, before I leave, but I feel its up to me, to handle everything else. She made a comment saying whatever you doing keep doing it, your hair is thriving. I mean if you think about it, we can't afford to go to the hairdresser everyday, well some people can. Im pretty sure if we went to them everyday, they will be able to assess our hair and do it better, to keep it in better shape. Since we don't we have to keep it in check till our next visit.

 

[India*32]

I thought the same thing when it came to my, "several stylist." After joining and reading intently on the LHCF I took a pair of scissors on Thur evening and cut the thin length of hair, so that I can start out with a full and even length. My You, I go to get a color on Thur and she's going to ask what happen. I'm going to tell her me and my boyfriend shared this adventure and don't ask in so many words. I like You have been going to her for over five years and my hair is still the same length and even shorter. So there's isn't anything she can really tell me or suggest. Ya feel me. Furthermore, I would always maintain a classic bob and an Asian Stylist always hooked a sister up. So, we ladies have to handle our own crown and glory. Don't be afraid. When its time for a touch up, I'll be purchasing the relaxer I prefer with lye, because this same stylist stated, she never uses lye. Yes, I know and that's why my hair looks dry. Dont' get me started.

 

[shunta]

How often do you go to her, and what is your actual regimen? Are you washing, dcing, and moisturizing enough? I only go to my stylist for relaxers--thats it. Before I started caring for my own hair, it never even reached APL, and I was seeing a stylist every 2 wks.

Also, does your stylist use lye or no-lye?
Do you use a lot of direct heat?

 

[franknbeans82]

How often do you go to her, and what is your actual regimen? Are you washing, dcing, and moisturizing enough? I only go to my stylist for relaxers--thats it. Before I started caring for my own hair, it never even reached APL, and I was seeing a stylist every 2 wks.

Also, does your stylist use lye or no-lye?
Do you use a lot of direct heat?

It sounds like my routine is similar to your old one. I see my stylist every other week for a wash/set. She puts in my relaxer every 6 to 8 weeks. I'm not sure if the relaxer she uses is lye or no-lye. I know it's from the Affirm line, and from my next relaxer on out she's switching me to their Fiberguard relaxer. Is that one lye or no-lye? Anyway, in between my visits to the salon I put a little Jane Carter Nourish and Shine in my hair daily to moisturize. I also apply Wild Growth Hair Oil to my scalp once a week or so b/c I have extremely dry skin (and dry scalp). I comb my hair only twice a day, once at night to wrap it and in the morning to take it down. After wrapping my hair, I use on those those velcro nets to secure it, and I put a satin scarf over that (just in case any hair comes out of the wrap at night). Oh and I usually wear my hair down. I'm thinking I need to find an alternative to wrapping my hair that requires less manipulation. I tried cross-wrapping last night, but I'm not sure I like that. I'd also like to start trying some protective styles, but I want to find something that doesn't make my hair flip out weirdly when I wear it down to go out on the weekends. I'm not sure what else I can change, add, or remove w/ my regimen to cut back on this breakage problem.

 

[msa]

The only advice I can give you is to search the boards so you can learn to care for your own hair. It's fine to go in for a wash and set and even a relaxer. But the care of your hair needs to be your responsibility, not hers.

You should know whether the relaxer you use is lye or no lye because using a no lye can be causing calcium deposits to build up in your hair, which would mean you need to chelate. You can search that term, there are lots of threads on it.

Also, do you ever deep condition? If you're DC routine is not great then it's going to be difficult to get your moisture up leading to dry hair and breakage.

Wearing your hair down every day may be too much for your fragile ends so maybe it's time to start wearing buns sometimes. Also, many people here stretch their relaxers past 8 weeks in order for their hair to recover and to make sure that it's easier to avoid overlapping. You may want to look into that.

 

[franknbeans82]

The only advice I can give you is to search the boards so you can learn to care for your own hair. It's fine to go in for a wash and set and even a relaxer. But the care of your hair needs to be your responsibility, not hers.

You should know whether the relaxer you use is lye or no lye because using a no lye can be causing calcium deposits to build up in your hair, which would mean you need to chelate. You can search that term, there are lots of threads on it.

Also, do you ever deep condition? If you're DC routine is not great then it's going to be difficult to get your moisture up leading to dry hair and breakage.

Wearing your hair down every day may be too much for your fragile ends so maybe it's time to start wearing buns sometimes. Also, many people here stretch their relaxers past 8 weeks in order for their hair to recover and to make sure that it's easier to avoid overlapping. You may want to look into that.

I need to look into chelating, thanks! Each time I visit my stylist, she has me sit under the dryer with conditioner for 15-30mins. Does this count as good deep-conditioning, or is there something more I need to be doing? Lastly, is there an alternate protective style to buns? I tried wearing buns for about a month, and when I would take my hair down on the weekends it would flip to the side and looked silly.

 

[shunta]

The only advice I can give you is to search the boards so you can learn to care for your own hair. It's fine to go in for a wash and set and even a relaxer. But the care of your hair needs to be your responsibility, not hers.

You should know whether the relaxer you use is lye or no lye because using a no lye can be causing calcium deposits to build up in your hair, which would mean you need to chelate. You can search that term, there are lots of threads on it.

Also, do you ever deep condition? If you're DC routine is not great then it's going to be difficult to get your moisture up leading to dry hair and breakage.

Wearing your hair down every day may be too much for your fragile ends so maybe it's time to start wearing buns sometimes. Also, many people here stretch their relaxers past 8 weeks in order for their hair to recover and to make sure that it's easier to avoid overlapping. You may want to look into that.

Great advice! I couldn't agree more.

Good luck with your hair, franknbeans.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

She has been caring for your hair for over a decade and has no idea how to prevent breakage on your ends? And her only solution is to cut? I wouldn't be happy with that either.

I don't know what to suggest, but stick around here and do some more research. I'm sure you'll be able to find a solution.

What do you do to your hair in between visits? Do you wash and condition yourself? If so, what products do you use? Heck, what products does she use?