I'm Feeling Really Unappreciated!

[cocoberry10]

I also posted this in Off-Topic, but I always like a response from my Christian ladies. I never like to bring negativity, but I have to.

Not to polk fun at the song with the same title, but lately, I’ve been feeling really unappreciated at my job and by some of the people in my life. I’ll break it down by work and life.

Work: I hate my job. I feel like I’m invisible here. Many of the people are cool, but I feel like I don’t “fit in” with the whole “old boys network.” I am a lawyer at a law firm, and this is a common complaint among Black women (and women of color, and actually all women). I’ve been looking for another job, and I feel like God is pulling me in another direction anyway, so I’m just going to go with Him. Also, I feel like I’m cut out of a lot of the “social” extras (some of the lunches between the “boys” and other activities). I go when invited and I often initiate socializing. Some of the younger guys are cool, but they don’t have the “clout,” and one of them seemed interested in me, but I’m seeing someone, so that’s out anyway. I’m not sure if this is happening b/c I’m black, a woman, both, or for some other reason. I know that women at law firms usually aren’t invited to the beer and pizza and baseball game activies. I feel like I’m not being taken seriously. And I believe I’m confident and project this, so I’m not sure what the issue is. Also, I wanted to switch to a different department, and they said if an opening became available. Well, they just went and hired someone else in that department. I am just frustrated. I literally cried today (I had to shut my door).

Life: I’m not one who likes to complain (which may be part of the problem). I feel like I’m always there to encourage others, etc. but when I need a shoulder to cry on, I don’t feel like I always get that in return. I am really close to my family, so they are usually the ones I vent to, and I have one friend who is like family to me and I also tend to confide a lot in her. But I feel like many of the people in my life are always there to take and never give. I know that through the LOA, I must change. And if I need something, I’ll ask for help. But sometimes, I’d like a phone call from someone who just wants to check on me (I frequently do this with my friends). It just hurts me sometimes. And I’m not blaming anyone. I think a lot of this has to do with my current job situation, and how miserable I am here. And I want to leave, but I’m not finding anything really comparable. I thought it would be easy to switch, but it’s not turning out. Ladies, help me out. Thanks.blush:

 

[Kenedie]

My heart goes out to you Cocoberry! I am sorry you are having such a tough time right now.

I've been there and done that in just about every area you mentioned in your post.

Just know that this time shall pass. Doesn't seem like it and you don't want to hear that it will pass, you want it to pass but it will take some time. I was just telling a friend this very same thing. There are lessons that we are to learn as we travel through a dark valley in our lives. God often allows these things to happen to take you to the next level in your relationship with him. You have to earnestly seek him and he will guide you every step of the way. I know it can be hard sometimes. Somedays I feel like God is hiding from me and I have to literally chase him down to find some peace but I am willing to do it. When you feel unappreciated from those around you, seek him and he will show you how much you are appreciated.

I know words can't always heal our wounds but I hope you found some encouragement here. You can always pm me if you want to talk. I am usually around.

Hugs to you!

Ken

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Hey Cocoberry, you know we are here for you :luv2: It sounds like you are dealing with some acceptance issues along with being isolated from the "group". I have had to struggle with some of the same things and situations like this can make you question yourself.
As far as work is concerned, do really want to hang out with these people or is it just the idea that you would like to be included? I used to feel this way because I always was left out(ALOT) but then I realized that God was shielding and protecting me from situations and people that could possibly bring me stress and harm. I would rather be alone than in a situation that I cannot get out of. I look at work for what it is - WORK. I know that you want to socialize more but the blessing in all of this is that you do have a job. Continue to be yourself and do a good job. Maybe these people aren't worth being around anyway?

My family and friends are the same way. My mother died in 2004 and we were so close. I really don't have anyone else to rely on and you would think that my family/friends would be more caring. Well, in the past 3 yrs God has been my #1 supporter. I am like you, I will call and check on people but no one does the same for me -> Unless they want something. I just purchased a book entitled "When Pleasing Others is Hurting You" by Dr. David Hawkins.

My best friend has been so distant lately and last night I had to really turn all of my feelings over to the Lord. She seems to be wrapped up in her feeling and I call her, she rarely picks up the phone and call me. We have been friends for over 15 yrs but I think we are growing apart and I am fine with that notion. I would love for someone to invite me to dinner or just call. But I have also come to the conclusion that as long as GOD is there for me I will be just fine. I have prayed for new friends and a new church home.

In the past 6 months God has really helped me to overcome issues of rejection, isolation and acceptance. I still struggle at times but I am at a place of contentment. I really don't care who doesn't call and who doesn't invite me out. I can get over all of those things but I know that I need God's love to make it thru this life. He is my main focus along with raising my daughter. Continue to seek God and ask him to bring peace into your life and to help you deal with the frustrations you are facing at this moment.

HTH!

 

[golden bronze]

Sometimes the Lord is calling you to be still and cast all your trouble son Him because he cares for you. I'm reminded of the songwriter when they write "You're not alone. Never Alone."

You're not alone, dear one. God is with you. He is your rock and your salvation, and He alone will comfort you in this time of doubt and fear.

I've had moments in my life like you, when I was struggling with something and felt so alone. Actually, years. Have you ever been in a crowded room surrounded by people and felt alone?

I can say this because I know. For years I worked in politics until recently. I took a job that I am good at, but now God has revealed my true purpose. I'm supposed to touch people to see God's glory through my art and my writing. I'm grateful for my job, but I am hungry for what He has for me, which makes work painful. I am working on being patient and waiting on the Lord.

I think what you are really saying is not that you feel unapreciated, but that you seek comfort in your time of distress and contemplation. I'm a giver, so I totally feel you on the reciprocity thing. When we give to others it is human to expect that when we need them, they'll be there. The reality is that it sometimes doesn't happen that way. We don't give to get.

I would encourage you to do a few things.

1. Pray and fast. During your prayer and fasting, read encouraging scriptures. Listen to what God is saying to you about your life and your job. Have you ever really asked yourself, "What is God calling me to do?" Do you even like what you're doing? I realized when I asked myself these questions and listened to the Lord that what he has called me to do and what I am doing are two different things. Not everything that you do well is your calling. This may be trial related to your occupation for a season, or it may be a sign that God has other plans for you.

2. Write down things you are greatful for and meditate on them. The bible encourages us to meditate and thank God for all his blessings. When you think about it, although the situation looks bleak, God has probably sent you many rainbows.


3. Remember your victories. You're going through a hard time now, but what is it God has brought you out of? Most of the great lessons and gifts we learn in life come in adversity.


4. Surround yourself with God fearing people who are positive. That may mean you have to look for somebody outside your usual well. Maybe a women's empowerment group at your church. Pray that God send you someone in your current employment that you can befriend. Sometimes friendship comes in unlikely places. Maybe there is a homebound senior with lots of wisdom waiting for someone to visit them. Pray- God probably has someone waiting for you in your life who wants to befriend you.

5. Tell the people around you what you need. Let that girlfriend know that you need some comfort, and encouragement. Sometimes people are consumed in their own lives, and they aren't being purposefully or willfully neglectful, they just need to be reminded of what you need. If they can't or won't give it, don't be saddened, just turn it over to God.

6. Remember God alone is your comforter. He sends people in our life to help us, but he alone is enough. Take comfort in knowing He loves you and wants to be there for you now. Enter into his rest, for his burden is easy, and his yoke is light.

I will be praying for you, sweetie. You're not alone in this. God is with you.