If you two weren't a couple...

aribell

aribell

formerly nicola.kirwan
...would you be friends?

I don't mean would you be able to stay friends if you broke up/separated. I mean are you two the type of people that would have the other as a friend regardless of romantic involvement?
 
I should also ask, for those who were friends before, was it actually platonic and romantic feelings ca,e later, or was there romantic interest drom the start?
 
We'd be good friends. We were great friends in college that shied away from a relationship because of the friendship. I'm glad we got past that, though. lol
 
That's what I never understood - couples who completely disengage after breaking up. Now if he or she broke your heart, that I can understand. But when you decide that he or she ain't #$%@ and you want nothign to do with them, uh, y'all shouldn't have been together in the first place :nono:
 
Interesting question.

Yes absolutely. He's such a sweet, easy-going, sensitive person. My family loves him and they hated everyone else. And he would be my brother-in-laws best friend so he would be around anyway.
 
nicola.kirwan said:
I should also ask, for those who were friends before, was it actually platonic and romantic feelings ca,e later, or was there romantic interest drom the start?
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When we met, there was a physical attraction on both ends and I absolutely loved his personality. I was seeing someone, so I had to keep my emotions in check :look:. Our friendship was great and I'm not sure exactly when we started having romantic feelings for each other, but I knew I had to call it off with my bf at that time because my feelings for my current SO were getting stronger every day.
 
well...he was my first boyfriend from when we were in high school...I was in the 10th, he in the 12th. So, yeah, when we reconnected, had we not ended up "romantically involved", we still would have been friends. I was actually seeing someone long distance when we first reconnected and I think that gave us the opportunity to rekindle our friendship first. He did break my 15-year-old heart 22 years ago...he has since more than made up for it...lol!
 
I don't think so. I enjoy his company, but I think it's unlikely that we would have started hanging out without dating attraction.
 
Absolutely we would be friends without the romance.

Although we began dating as soon as we met, the romance was secondary to forming an extremely (emotionally and mentally) intimate friendship. Sexually charged interactions lagged wayyyyyyy (and I mean wayyyyy behind) the development of a powerful mind and heart connection and friendship trust.

Now, we WOULD have had trouble meeting each other to begin with if not for the romantic ritual of man asking a woman he's interested in for her number. We did not run in the same circles or have any natural way we would have met. So I am thankful that he felt a romantic spark towards me in the beginning (enough to ask for my number), otherwise I would never know what I had been missing frienshipwise with my (female) best friend.
 
Maybe:look:. Hard for me to imagine because our relationship was always a romantic one. Most of my male friends were really sweet guys, more humble, etc. Dh has a little more of an edge. So, like someone else said, maybe friends, but not besties.
 
Yes! The other day he mentioned how he thought we were good friends. We could definitely be each other's bff.
 
Glib Gurl said:
That's what I never understood - couples who completely disengage after breaking up. Now if he or she broke your heart, that I can understand. But when you decide that he or she ain't #$%@ and you want nothign to do with them, uh, y'all shouldn't have been together in the first place :nono:
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Lol Well that is my whole romantic experience-- breaking up and no longer being friends with exes.

I have no interest in remaining in contact with any of them and seeing them happily move on and marry someone else.

Absolutely none of my guys were real friends and I can't be a real friend to a guy unless I am unattracted to him.
 
This is an interesting question and I am going to play devil's advocate---I wish he wasn't my BFF---dating your BFF ain't all that people make it out to be. When you are beefing with him, who do you go to vent? Him? He is your BFF, so you tell him everything right? Then if he doesn't meet your requirements as an SO, how do you tell him that? I mean the criteria for BFFs and SOs are slightly different, so you can be a great friend, but not up to par as my man---does that mean we stay together because we are friends? Who wants to break their BFF's heart? So, it is kinda frustrating.

Then if you break up, it is DOUBLY hard, because your man and your BFF is gone...so while I think it is important to be friends and enjoy each other's company outside of intimate relations, I have a different opinion now of dating your BFF---its a nice cliche to say, but I don't think I want that kind of relationship again. I would much rather my SO and I be good friends and have my BFFs outside the relationship...but that is my personal experience.
 
^^^I tend to agree with you. Not that I think being good friends and then dating is bad, I just think that the two criteria aren't necessarily the same. So hopefully both friends and lovers would be good people in general, but I don't think it's a given that what someone wants in a bff is the same thing they want in an SO.
 
We would absolutely be friends. We were friends for 13 years before being a couple. And, I mean, genuine friends...no funny business whatsoever.
 
ryanshope said:
This is an interesting question and I am going to play devil's advocate---I wish he wasn't my BFF---dating your BFF ain't all that people make it out to be. When you are beefing with him, who do you go to vent? Him? He is your BFF, so you tell him everything right? Then if he doesn't meet your requirements as an SO, how do you tell him that? I mean the criteria for BFFs and SOs are slightly different, so you can be a great friend, but not up to par as my man---does that mean we stay together because we are friends? Who wants to break their BFF's heart? So, it is kinda frustrating.
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When we're beefing, I vent to him. He's my number 1 best friend, but I have 2 women that I consider best friends also. If I'm venting to them, it's nothing that he hasn't heard first. If he didn't meet my requirements as an SO, I'd tell him. We're very honest with each other and being friends first helps that.
Then if you break up, it is DOUBLY hard, because your man and your BFF is gone...so while I think it is important to be friends and enjoy each other's company outside of intimate relations, I have a different opinion now of dating your BFF---its a nice cliche to say, but I don't think I want that kind of relationship again. I would much rather my SO and I be good friends and have my BFFs outside the relationship...but that is my personal experience.
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I agree that a break up would be very hard to deal with, but the reason for the break up would have to be something huge in order for us to lose our friendship.
 
Glib Gurl said:
That's what I never understood - couples who completely disengage after breaking up. Now if he or she broke your heart, that I can understand. But when you decide that he or she ain't #$%@ and you want nothign to do with them, uh, y'all shouldn't have been together in the first place :nono:
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It's not always that simple. :nono: Believe me. Had I known that my ex was a crazy jerk before we started dating, I never would have dated him. But that's how things turned out. Hindsight is 20/20. :ohwell: So I did choose to completely cut him out of my life. There were aspects of his personality that didn't make him a good friend IMO - lack of respect and dishonesty being two things.

In terms of my current boo, we would definitely be great friends if things didn't go well in our romantic relationship (even though I don't see why things wouldn't work out). We have so much in common it's ridiculous. We both love video games, stupid comedies, the same music, etc. Now that I'm in a relationship wtih a friend I can definitely tell the difference and it's great. :yep:
 
ryanshope said:
This is an interesting question and I am going to play devil's advocate---I wish he wasn't my BFF---dating your BFF ain't all that people make it out to be. When you are beefing with him, who do you go to vent? Him? He is your BFF, so you tell him everything right? Then if he doesn't meet your requirements as an SO, how do you tell him that? I mean the criteria for BFFs and SOs are slightly different, so you can be a great friend, but not up to par as my man---does that mean we stay together because we are friends? Who wants to break their BFF's heart? So, it is kinda frustrating.

Then if you break up, it is DOUBLY hard, because your man and your BFF is gone...so while I think it is important to be friends and enjoy each other's company outside of intimate relations, I have a different opinion now of dating your BFF---its a nice cliche to say, but I don't think I want that kind of relationship again. I would much rather my SO and I be good friends and have my BFFs outside the relationship...but that is my personal experience.
Click to expand...

I can understand that. I'm lucky that even though my BF is also my BFF, I have another friend (a girl) who I also consider my BFF and the two are completely unrelated--different states, I met her before him, and they've never met--so I vent to her about him.

I think that's important because as my mother is always telling me, no one person should be your everything, for the reasons you stated above. I know it would be horrible if my BF and I were to fall out because we literally HAVE to see each other at least 3 times a week. It would awful, and if he was all I had, it would be that much worse.

So I can agree with a couple also being friends/BFF regardless/inspite of their romantic relationship, but I think it's also wise to have another BFF (the more separate from an SO, the better) for mental health and stability.
 
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