If it made sense to leave him, why does it hurt SO BAD?

[Innocent_Kiss]

Me and my ex, of what would have been two years in March, recently came to an end. It made perfect sense to leave. I no longer felt appreciated, I felt disrespected, and I genuinely believed our season came to an end a long time ago, and to continue committing myself to him would be cognizantly walking outside of God's will for my life. My parents grew to disapprove of him, and all of my loved ones rest assured that he wasn't "the one." So, after several attempts, I changed my number, cut off all ties, and put my trust in God that although I had no idea what lied ahead of me, and although I was afraid and actually felt safe and comfortable in my last relationship, I'd rather be in submission to His will, than my own. I'm relieved that I'm actually going through ith this, but ladies it hurts so bad. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy I can't wait until I triumph over this, ...I really can't wait.

 

[MzLady78]

Aww, I'm so sorry.

It hurts because unfortunately, our feelings don't just shut off because we suddenly realize that a relationship isn't gonna work, or because we're being mistreated. Real love simply doesn't work that way.

It's gonna take some time, but you'll be alright. There are plenty of thread over here you can check out that are full of encouragement for people going through breakups.

 

[patient1]

I wish I could say something magical that would change this, but you'll just have to go through the process. Give yourself a month for every year and mark the date on your calendar. Know that on this day you will feel worlds better than the way you do today. That's not long to wait, is it? And if you really give yourself over to feeling good (better yet great). You might forget that date and be pleasantly surprised to find yourself feeling better sooner.

To answer your question, it hurts because it IS time and it IS the right thing to do.

And I know because I know. I'm right there with ya.

p1

 

[tiara76]

Growing pains.....they are natural and they go away

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

Thanks ladies. I guess I just needed to vent

 

[Bunny77]

It's normal to hurt.

You know, I read something too that said that pretty soon after a breakup, you'll actually feel more fondly toward an ex than negatively... it's something that triggers in the brain when you're away from the person (maybe the same thing that contributes to keeping love alive in the absence of someone?)

This could explain too why there's so much break-up/make-up going on with couples.

You'll go through SO many emotions during this time and many of them won't make sense. But they too shall pass... you'll be alright in the end.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Withdrawal
You're going to be just fine though

 

[p31woman]

Aww I will keep you in my prayers.

I remember that feeling......but the best thing about it is that...IT DOES NOT LAST!

You will be just fine in time sweetie!

Keep your head up! You are indeed a strong woman!

 

[kandake]

The heart doesn't always agree with the mind. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9

I can relate to what you're going through. Its definitely not easy but know that this will pass.

 

[caltron]

It's definitely not easy. What has helped me is just to think of what my ideal relationship would look like--or comparing my ex to friend's partners who have great relationships. If you keep reminding yourself that there is much better out there, it can help you move on.

 

[filthyfresh]

I definitely know how it feels.
It takes time for the heart to heal.
Believe me, it's HARD.
You will love him, hate him, miss him, and love him all over again.
You will be tempted to go back.
But something (hopefully) will stop you.
It helps you to know that there is better out there for you.
& that if things were so great, you wouldn't have left in the first place.
You have to know that it's okay to feel those emotions.
It's okay to miss him. It's okay to still care.
And it's definitely okay to let go.

 

[Kamilah]

I'm in the same boat- we were engaged. I broke it off 7 weeks and 3 days ago. I remember it like it was yesterday. But in the last week, it has been more of a memory and less of a pain in my heart. I gotta be real with you though, after the first month when I saw no change in my feelings, I started seeing a therapist and got on some meds which also really helped me get to where I am now. I still think of him and miss him greatly, but I am able to separate myself bit by bit these days.

One thing I read that was helpful was to make an accounting of the relationship. All that you benefited and how you grew from it, how it detracted from you, and how it differed from your ideal. For me, I also realized that I contributed a lot to the ending of my relationship so I made an apology video and sent it to him. Not only was it cathartic to get it out, but seeing his cold, harsh response was also proof that I did the right thing. I know it's not good to reach back after it's over, but if you sincerely think there is something you need to do or say to free yourself, I say do it. Knowing that it could be the last thing you say to him and with no ulterior motives.

Please p.m. me anytime if you want to talk. The ladies on this forum have been such a resource for me during this time and I would love the chance to return the favor.

 

[almond eyes]

It's all chemical and emotional. Unfortunately, this is the gift of being a woman. Anyhow, it does pass believe you me especially when you find someone new and better. I used to think that it hurt so bad because it meant that a guy I loved and I were supposed to get back together now I know that's not true. Time is a healer of all things.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[janeera1]

It's definitely not easy. What has helped me is just to think of what my ideal relationship would look like--or comparing my ex to friend's partners who have great relationships. If you keep reminding yourself that there is much better out there, it can help you move on.

This helped me too. I'm still going through the same thing, and its been almost two months now. But, I sat down and wrote a detailed description of my perfect man. What he looked like, what his personality was, what he did for a living, how he would react in certain situations, and it helped A LOT. Everytime I find myself sad over missing my Ex, I go and revisit my perfect man, and my ex fall so short of him that it puts everything back in the proper perspective. HTH

 

[Encore]

I almost cried when I saw this thread. I'm sitting here on my bed sick and depressed. I left my so on sat. Today is wed and I feel like I am dying. I lost weight and I am miserale. OP your post is exactly what I been feeling. We would have made 3 years in April and his birthday was last week. I know what I'm doing is right but it is SO HARD! The pain is incredible this is the hardest thing I have to do my heart is broken beyond repair..I just can't wait when this pain ends because I don't know if I can make it.

 

[Natural Love]

I know that this is an old post but I was searching for answers to the discomfort I am feeling when it comes to my SO....we just grew apart and I don't know if I want it to work out or not. I am not even sure that it can. His personality, habits, laziness and illnesses are all the things that are driving a wedge between us. I have spoken to him about it but if a person feels they are perfect and "all that" then they are unwilling to compromise and I know that I am worth more than this.

It is hard but I know it's best for me.

I will be sad, lonely, angry, unsure and all of the God Given emotions...I also know that I am not the only one and that I will get over this.

I believe that when someone leaves your life you are just opening up the opportunity for someone else (whose better) to come into it.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Wow. It's exactly a year to the day this was posted. I was a bit confused!

 

[loolalooh]

^^ Thanks for bumping this, Natural Love. I needed to read it as well.

 

[Kerryann]

it will all make sense soon and you will definately get over it. feelings dont disappear in a day it takes a while

 

[IMFOCSD]

Me and my ex, of what would have been two years in March, recently came to an end. It made perfect sense to leave. I no longer felt appreciated, I felt disrespected, and I genuinely believed our season came to an end a long time ago, and to continue committing myself to him would be cognizantly walking outside of God's will for my life. My parents grew to disapprove of him, and all of my loved ones rest assured that he wasn't "the one." So, after several attempts, I changed my number, cut off all ties, and put my trust in God that although I had no idea what lied ahead of me, and although I was afraid and actually felt safe and comfortable in my last relationship, I'd rather be in submission to His will, than my own. I'm relieved that I'm actually going through ith this, but ladies it hurts so bad. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy I can't wait until I triumph over this, ...I really can't wait.

OMG...sending you a BIG HUG
I am going through this also except i was the one who got dumped. He sent me a mean & arrogant brake up text. I know that I didn't deserve to be done that way & it speaks volumes about the type of person he is..but from time to time I think of all the good times we had & begin to miss him dearly. I quickly remind myself how he betrayed me & I give myself the inner strength but it's so hard...

we'll get through it...

 

[BostonMaria]

Last night I made the decision of divorcing my husband. I have all the forms printed out and I told the kids, including his. I am heart broken, but I know it has to be done. Its very sad.

 

[MuseofTroy]

Me and my ex, of what would have been two years in March, recently came to an end. It made perfect sense to leave. I no longer felt appreciated, I felt disrespected, and I genuinely believed our season came to an end a long time ago, and to continue committing myself to him would be cognizantly walking outside of God's will for my life. My parents grew to disapprove of him, and all of my loved ones rest assured that he wasn't "the one." So, after several attempts, I changed my number, cut off all ties, and put my trust in God that although I had no idea what lied ahead of me, and although I was afraid and actually felt safe and comfortable in my last relationship, I'd rather be in submission to His will, than my own. I'm relieved that I'm actually going through ith this, but ladies it hurts so bad. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy I can't wait until I triumph over this, ...I really can't wait.

You experienced the death of a relationship. It is normal to grieve. You are a woman who has emotions. It natural for you feel the way you do. Take the time to heal and reflect. You did the right thing by leaving, especially if you weren't being treated like the queen that you are. You are blessed for the simple fact that you have the right frame of mind to leave situations where you don’t feel your wants and needs are being made a priority. Some women are so silly and dense that they stay in toxic relationships well past their expiration date. Grieve and be happy that you are back on the market. You have so much to live for and trust me being single is pretty fun if you take advantage of it. Explore your habits and take this period of singleness to elevate your own life.

 

[Natural Love]

Last night I made the decision of divorcing my husband. I have all the forms printed out and I told the kids, including his. I am heart broken, but I know it has to be done. Its very sad.

I know how you feel. I have been divorced and regardless of how much it needs to be done, it still hurts.

I will pray for stregnth, and comfort and just know that you will get through this. HUGS!!!!