I want to thank Steve Harvey for his book because…

[neenzmj]

I bought Steve Harvey’s book because I thought it would be interesting to read what type of advice he was offering. I didn’t make it through the first few pages before coming across several things I disagreed with. However, after some additional thought, I realized that there was much good in it because it magnified the importance of being equally yoked with a man of God.

In his book Steve tells women that a man who has not come to a place of being fulfilled in his life (job, money and title) will not be able to focus on a relationship with a woman. He says that it is these three things that drive a man and make up his DNA. Even though I’m married, I felt disturbed by this. It seemed to me that a woman involved with a man who had all his fulfillment tied up in the temporal things of life would be treading in a relationship built on sand – every little wind or, in this case, shakeup of the economy, could send the man (and the relationship) off it’s foundation. And if that’s the case, where does it leave the woman in the end? Should she expect to be placed on the backburner whenever things aren’t lining in his life and he has to go back out and “fulfill himself?” God has made it clear that HE is our foundation and that we should not place our hope and trust in money and jobs and power.

If you’re single I want to encourage you to hold out for a man of God. Don’t settle for the excuses from someone who can’t commit to you until everything “lines up in his life.” Don’t allow anyone to keep you dangling on the hope of a relationship that may never materialize. As our economy has proven -- jobs, money, cars, homes -– they can all be taken away from us in the blink of an eye, but the promises of God last forever.

 

[hopeful]

Thank you, this is a very thoughtful post.

 

[SugarBaby]

I bought Steve Harvey’s book because I thought it would be interesting to read what type of advice he was offering. I didn’t make it through the first few pages before coming across several things I disagreed with. However, after some additional thought, I realized that there was much good in it because it magnified the importance of being equally yoked with a man of God.

In his book Steve tells women that a man who has not come to a place of being fulfilled in his life (job, money and title) will not be able to focus on a relationship with a woman. He says that it is these three things that drive a man and make up his DNA. Even though I’m married, I felt disturbed by this. It seemed to me that a woman involved with a man who had all his fulfillment tied up in the temporal things of life would be treading in a relationship built on sand – every little wind or, in this case, shakeup of the economy, could send the man (and the relationship) off it’s foundation. And if that’s the case, where does it leave the woman in the end? Should she expect to be placed on the backburner whenever things aren’t lining in his life and he has to go back out and “fulfill himself?” God has made it clear that HE is our foundation and that we should not place our hope and trust in money and jobs and power.

If you’re single I want to encourage you to hold out for a man of God. Don’t settle for the excuses from someone who can’t commit to you until everything “lines up in his life.” Don’t allow anyone to keep you dangling on the hope of a relationship that may never materialize. As our economy has proven -- jobs, money, cars, homes -– they can all be taken away from us in the blink of an eye, but the promises of God last forever.

I have a different interpretation of his thoughts....

Women accept men that have not fully matured in life based upon so many superficial things. I interpreted his thoughts meaning that a man has certain preparation he has to do before he can commit to providing for a another person or children.


Lets face it there are many stories of women that have allowed young men to create children and part time families b/c they have no idea what they want and how to support them.

I think he is saying for a man to be a man...he has to do what men do and that is support their families no matter what and in this day and age that means with a career in place FIRST, before they go out and play house.

Thats the way I read in statements.

 

[MzPrince]

I have a different interpretation of his thoughts....

Women accept men that have not fully matured in life based upon so many superficial things. I interpreted his thoughts meaning that a man has certain preparation he has to do before he can commit to providing for a another person or children.


Lets face it there are many stories of women that have allowed young men to create children and part time families b/c they have no idea what they want and how to support them.

I think he is saying for a man to be a man...he has to do what men do and that is support their families no matter what and in this day and age that means with a career in place FIRST, before they go out and play house.

Thats the way I read in statements.

I interpreted his statements the same as you.

 

[PaperClip]

Adam has a JOB before he had a wife.

Adam had a TITLE before he had a wife.

Adam had MONEY (RESOURCES) before he had a wife.

I see where everyone is saying. And I think the problem is that some women SPECULATE on the man's POTENTIAL instead of ACKNOWLEDGING the PATTERN of the man's PAST and PRESENT BEHAVIOR.

When is a man (or anyone) 100 percent fulfilled in their job, title, or resources? There should be an evolution in these areas...instead of it being an empty chase, it should be a progression. So there are goals that a man sets to reach by a certain time, and then as those goals are achieved, then higher goals are set and so on... and as a man makes a WISE DECISION in choosing a wife (his helpmeet), he has that help to reach those higher goals.

Hopefully this post can serve to bridge what is being said in this thread. I think we're all in the same ball park!

 

[SugarBaby]

Adam has a JOB before he had a wife.

Adam had a TITLE before he had a wife.

Adam had MONEY (RESOURCES) before he had a wife.

I see where everyone is saying. And I think the problem is that some women SPECULATE on the man's POTENTIAL instead of ACKNOWLEDGING the PATTERN of the man's PAST and PRESENT BEHAVIOR.

When is a man (or anyone) 100 percent fulfilled in their job, title, or resources? There should be an evolution in these areas...instead of it being an empty chase, it should be a progression. So there are goals that a man sets to reach by a certain time, and then as those goals are achieved, then higher goals are set and so on... and as a man makes a WISE DECISION in choosing a wife (his helpmeet), he has that help to reach those higher goals.

Hopefully this post can serve to bridge what is being said in this thread. I think we're all in the same ball park!

Wonderful post.

The bolded is where many women stop in their SPECULATION on a man's potential. (great word for it Foxy) I have to commit that to memory.

and when you say failing to acknowledge a man's pattern of past and present behavior.. ...

You are Preaching.

THAT is so Key.

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Awesome post Foxy and you put everything in perspective. I plan on picking up a copy of the book this weekend.

Adam has a JOB before he had a wife.

Adam had a TITLE before he had a wife.

Adam had MONEY (RESOURCES) before he had a wife.

I see where everyone is saying. And I think the problem is that some women SPECULATE on the man's POTENTIAL instead of ACKNOWLEDGING the PATTERN of the man's PAST and PRESENT BEHAVIOR.

When is a man (or anyone) 100 percent fulfilled in their job, title, or resources? There should be an evolution in these areas...instead of it being an empty chase, it should be a progression. So there are goals that a man sets to reach by a certain time, and then as those goals are achieved, then higher goals are set and so on... and as a man makes a WISE DECISION in choosing a wife (his helpmeet), he has that help to reach those higher goals.

Hopefully this post can serve to bridge what is being said in this thread. I think we're all in the same ball park!

 

[neenzmj]

I absolutely agree with the necessity of a man having a job. In fact, God says if a man doesn't have a job, then don't let him eat. Here are my issues with: There are some men who use this as an excuse not to make a commitment and sadly, there are women who hang in there waiting for this day to come and while all this waiting is going on, the man is still getting "the cookie." I'm not talking in theory. I'm talking from my own personal experience. Was it my fault that I silly enough to hang in there? Yes. Did I lower my expectations? Absolutely. But hindsight is always 20/20.

Perhaps what was missing in Steve's advice is this: if a man feels strongly that he needs to have his life lined up before he can build a relationship with her, then maybe women need to take that as their queue to keep it moving and don't continue shelling out the benefits for someone who isn't ready to make a commitment. Case in point: A lady at my church has been dating this guy and she says they're engaged to be married. When I asked her had they set a date she said, "well... he's got some things he's got to get together first, like some tax issues and he's waiting for the economy to get better." That's a load of crap! The man has a job and who knows when the economy is going to get better.

When my husband and I got married, he barely had to nickels to rub together. He made just enough to pay for his apartment, his vehicle, and his utilities. But we both knew we wanted to be together. I was well aware of his situation but I knew he had a sincere heart and that he wasn't the type of man to lay up and allow me to handle things financially. I knew he wanted better. But here was the most important thing: we both knew we couldn't continue in that relationship without compromising our relationship with God (and we DID on a couple of occasions). It was more important for us to be in a right relationship before God than to wait until he attained a better job or a better position. Well, all these years later, my husband has a good job and makes much better money. But that doesn't mean anything to him because he has learned that who he is isn't dependent on the money he makes -- it's WHOSE he is that determines who he is. Maybe we're the exception to the rule, but the fact still remains: God should be our foundation -- not jobs, nor title, nor power. Those things can all be whisked away in the blink of an eye.

 

[gn1g]

it's just that the good, God fearing, I got my act together men are MIA Far and few inbetween!

 

[Highly Favored8]

Wonderful postings ladies. I may just go out and see what his book is all about.

 

[neenzmj]

gn1g: You're absolutely right. And I think that's another thing the book illuminated for me: we're lacking men of God.

 

[Highly Favored8]

This confrimation lets me know that our Heavenly Father still sits on the throne:
Father in Heaven is so awesome, because a lot things about men for me are comming into full circle. I am starting to see the truth. I am set free indeed.

I notice some men who mooches off women while he is playing other women along. No matter how much we want God to place us with some no good men/man God ALWAYS Redeems our lives from destruction. we never understand why until months and years later why the moocher was not meant for us. What to do when a woman does not understand why God did not give us what we want prayed for when he is a moocher?

Thank God and Praise Him for redeeming your life from destruction.
Thank God and trust in him for it is a reason.
Thank God that he knows people and that we are his daughters and he wants the best for us.

I just felt in my heart I had to add this today.

Wonderful Review of the book.

What I mean by mooch is a man who is not working at all and expects his women to take care of him which the sad part is some women do. It hurts. I see this a lot.

 

[envybeauty]

Ladies, like it or not, a LOT if men feel that way. Even men of God. We cannot hold strong to beliefs that a husband should be a provider and then criticicize men for wanting to be providers before they become husbands. I see nothing wrong with that line of thinking for any one man... or woman. Many women choose to finish their education prior to seeking a husband. Yet, we know an MBA or JD will not provide you with skills needed to be a good wife or mother.

Men of all variety want that for themselves. Not just slackers.

 

[neenzmj]

envybeauty, you are correct. But here's the thing: If it is important to a man to get to that place, then do that, but a woman should not sit by waiting around for that day to come, all the while sexing it up with that him. If we're good enough for him to have sex with -- we're good enough to marry.

 

[neenzmj]

I want to clarify this: my initial post wasn't intended to imply that a man who desires to be a provider is a negative thing -- quite the contrary. The man IS supposed to be the provider. But even more important than a man being the provider for his family is knowing who HIS provider is. This is important for men and women. If we identify ourselves by our jobs, our positions and our money, who are we if something happens and those things are lost? We need to identify ourselves by who God says we are.

 

[hopeful]

I want to clarify this: my initial post wasn't intended to imply that a man who desires to be a provider is a negative thing -- quite the contrary. The man IS supposed to be the provider. But even more important than a man being the provider for his family is knowing who HIS provider is. This is important for men and women. If we identify ourselves by our jobs, our positions and our money, who are we if something happens and those things are lost? We need to identify ourselves by who God says we are.

I completely agree with you. A man who does not worship God first will have a harder time cherishing a wife. You do not want a man who worships his career. Money, success, ambition have their place and must be put in their place. The main point is God first. But I agree that it is a challenge finding that God-loving, God-fearing man who is highly educated and ambitious.

 

[PaperClip]

Why does it seem that Steve Harvey is getting so much credit for advising women to wait 90 days before giving up the cookie when the BIBLE says to FLEE FORNICATION ALTOGETHER and watch how you weed out the wheat from the tares (good from the bad)?

So as we're asking/calling for/DEMANDING that the Lord should be a man's foundation, so should that same request/demand be expected for women as well?

A man that OBEYS the Lord is to be highly regarded.

A man who does not provide for his own house is worse than an infidel, so the Bible says....

 

[gn1g]

I completely agree with you. A man who does not worship God first will have a harder time cherishing a wife. You do not want a man who worships his career. Money, success, ambition have their place and must be put in their place. The main point is God first. But I agree that it is a challenge finding that God-loving, God-fearing man who is highly educated and ambitious.

So true, I tell anyone that will listen "you do not want a wordly man" Wordly man don't have a standard and will do anything to you. "The most attractive man is one that fears the Lord" Has a reference for God. He has guidelines and he will not treat you any kind of way. So for me A man that is in relationship with God is the creme de la creme.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

OMG! I thought I was the only one that felt a little off by this book. I read the first few chapters before I decided I didnt want to read further. Though the book has wonderful advice, because its not biblical based, it can lead you astray from what God intends for you. I used to read A LOT of non-biblical based relationship books and, now that I seek God first in all things, I realized just how much these book push God out of the equation. And if there's anything 23 years has taught me is that pushing God out is a recipe for disaster. Thank you for your post.

I bought Steve Harvey’s book because I thought it would be interesting to read what type of advice he was offering. I didn’t make it through the first few pages before coming across several things I disagreed with. However, after some additional thought, I realized that there was much good in it because it magnified the importance of being equally yoked with a man of God.

In his book Steve tells women that a man who has not come to a place of being fulfilled in his life (job, money and title) will not be able to focus on a relationship with a woman. He says that it is these three things that drive a man and make up his DNA. Even though I’m married, I felt disturbed by this. It seemed to me that a woman involved with a man who had all his fulfillment tied up in the temporal things of life would be treading in a relationship built on sand – every little wind or, in this case, shakeup of the economy, could send the man (and the relationship) off it’s foundation. And if that’s the case, where does it leave the woman in the end? Should she expect to be placed on the backburner whenever things aren’t lining in his life and he has to go back out and “fulfill himself?” God has made it clear that HE is our foundation and that we should not place our hope and trust in money and jobs and power.

If you’re single I want to encourage you to hold out for a man of God. Don’t settle for the excuses from someone who can’t commit to you until everything “lines up in his life.” Don’t allow anyone to keep you dangling on the hope of a relationship that may never materialize. As our economy has proven -- jobs, money, cars, homes -– they can all be taken away from us in the blink of an eye, but the promises of God last forever.

 

[Bunny77]

I haven't read the book (but since my dad is going to buy it in a few weeks, I will), but my question is this.

Steve Harvey didn't write this book from a Christian perspective, so I didn't expect him to talk about waiting until marriage and those kinds of things. But it seems like the general ideas about what types of men that women should want do fit with Christian principles (save the sex part), so I guess I'm a bit confused by this thread.

I think that for a Christian woman, it's a given that we'd want a man who had God at the center of his life. Steve isn't going to mention that because he's not writing a Christian book, but the other things he seems to be saying don't appear to contradict the idea of finding a man that puts God first (again, except for the part about waiting 90 days for sex.)

I guess I don't see a problem with what he's saying about a man not being marriageable if he's not a provider, etc. If said man has God first, then to me, he would want to take care of his family to the best of his ability... you know, loving his wife as Jesus loved the church.

Hopefully, I didn't just confuse things more with this post, lol!

 

[hopeful]

Bunny, I think that the OP is saying what you are saying. Just reminding women that it's important for the man to put God first. If he does then he will know he should be the provider and protector. God will lead him in the right direction. You want a man who Professes, Provides and Protects to do that from a spiritual base, not an ego-driven base.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I totally agree with this. If your man is not accountable to a righteous, higher calling, beware and proceed with caution. He may get a little money and decide he wants more than one woman....or he just wants to act out completely. I am trying to get a Barack Obama not a Kobe Bryant....

Bunny, I think that the OP is saying what you are saying. Just reminding women that it's important for the man to put God first. If he does then he will know he should be the provider and protector. God will lead him in the right direction. You want a man who Professes, Provides and Protects to do that from a spiritual base, not an ego-driven base.

 

[neenzmj]

Bunny77:

You're correct. He didn't write this from a Christian perspective, though he does make some references to God in the book. But really, when we get right down to it, there is no other perspective other than God's.

I thank God that I know better NOW. There was a point in my life when I might have really soaked this in as the gospel because of my desire to try and make a relationship be what I wanted it to be. And truthfully, as off- base as my thinking was, there are so many more women out there who think just as I did. It wasn't until I really came to a point of understanding my value that I began getting a clue. I AM thankful that Steve encourages women to value themselves and raise their level of expectation.

 

[SugarBaby]

Bunny77:

You're correct. He didn't write this from a Christian perspective, though he does make some references to God in the book. But really, when we get right down to it, there is no other perspective other than God's.

I thank God that I know better NOW. There was a point in my life when I might have really soaked this in as the gospel because of my desire to try and make a relationship be what I wanted it to be. And truthfully, as off- base as my thinking was, there are so many more women out there who think just as I did. It wasn't until I really came to a point of understanding my value that I began getting a clue. I AM thankful that Steve encourages women to value themselves and raise their level of expectation.

I think the bolded is the reason he wrote the book...For the many of us (general us) that don't understand the "game" of dating and our value.

For the ones on this board, (I think) We have been there and have learned but there are many of our sisters out there going around the same mountain over and over.

Also I agree, this was not written as a Christian based book but it does offer a prospective.

 

[godsflowerrr]

interesting post...I may check out his book also