i want a SO.

OP, why do you want one now? What is it that you feel is missing in your life not having one now? Or is it just coz you feel like the odd one out when it seems everyone has someone?

@nubiangoddess3 does make a good point. There are people who wish they could be where you are because their SO turned out to be the biggest heartbreak they ever had and wish they'd never experienced it at all. And if you don't have one now, doesn't mean you won't have one in due time. But I believe good things happen when we don't force issues. When we don't hunt them down or pine for them. Just be social, be fun, be open-minded. Don't dismiss people by standards others set. Everyone you meet is a potential mate...but only the one who gets you or has qualities that appeal to you will stand out. And you won't have to decide; it'll just come to be.

There are many qualities in life but the greatest of all is love and when it takes over, nothing can stop it from coming to life. Just cherish all the relationships you have in life and respect each person you meet and who is part of your life. And be true to who you are, and you'll wake up one day and find your friend whom you never even considered an item is the one your heart cannot stop thinking about and whom you know you cannot live without--and the feeling will be mutual. People grow into the real people they are over time. So people you know now may not be the same people tomorrow so give everyone the benefit of the doubt, at least until they prove to you they aren't worthy of that. And a person who is REAL and not trying to impress others or emulate others' relationships or fantacize about lives of others ends up meeting another REAL person who appreciates them for who they are. And the strange thing is this usually happens when you least expect it.
 
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Well, it's boo season, dudes ain't acting up as much as they usually do. Now is the time to pounce!
 
nubiangoddess3 said:
Be careful what you wish for.
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oh nooos lol

Nonie said:
OP, why do you want one now? What is it that you feel is missing in your life not having one now? Or is it just coz you feel like the odd one out when it seems everyone has someone?

@nubiangoddess3 does make a good point. There are people who wish they could be where you are because their SO turned out to be the biggest heartbreak they ever had and wish they'd never experienced it at all. And if you don't have one now, doesn't mean you won't have one in due time. But I believe good things happen when we don't force issues. When we don't hunt them down or pine for them. Just be social, be fun, be open-minded. Don't dismiss people by standards others set. Everyone you meet is a potential mate...but only the one who gets you or has qualities that appeal to you will stand out. And you won't have to decide; it'll just come to be.

There are many qualities in life but the greatest of all is love and when it takes over, nothing can stop it from coming to life. Just cherish all the relationships you have in life and respect each person you meet and who is part of your life. And be true to who you are, and you'll wake up one day and find your friend whom you never even considered an item is the one your heart cannot stop thinking about and whom you know you cannot live without--and the feeling will be mutual. People grow into the real people they are over time. So people you know now may not be the same people tomorrow so give everyone the benefit of the doubt, at least until they prove to you they aren't worthy of that. And a person who is REAL and not trying to impress others or emulate others' relationships or fantacize about lives of others ends up meeting another REAL person who appreciates them for who they are. And the strange thing is this usually happens when you least expect it.
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Thank you, Nonie! That's really good advice.

Well, I've never been in a relationship before. I feel like I'm missing out on life. I'm kinda grateful that I've always been single cause I know so many people have had their hearts broken. But at the same time I feel like I'm not normal. I'm about to finish college and so many of my classmates are either engaged or married already.

I'm a pretty reserved person and its hard for me to open up to people. I guess I'm missing human connection. I'm not quite sure what I want; if i want to get married etc. But just once in my life I want to know what it feels like to be wanted by someone.

I try to protect myself by shunning relationships, marriage and just being like i don't need a man. I'll be fine on my own. I guess so I can feel like i'm the one doing the rejecting -that i'm choosing to be alone instead of someone rejecting me...

i really don't know what i want lol. But i guess i'm just admitting to myself that its okay to want someone instead of putting up defenses.



faithVA said:
So do I. I am ready. Can I ride along on your thread?
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Of course you can. I'm not sure what's gonna come of it though :drunk:
 
n_lucky, use this time to be the best you can be. Think of hobbies you haven't had time to explore and get into them. Do you like dancing? Do you like running? Do you like art? Sewing? Cooking? Think of this as YOUR time to become all you can be so that when he comes along you'll be ready and able to give him your time.

When in a relationship there will be give and take and you may find you can't just plan your day to do your things you could've done when single because he might want you guys to do something else. There are people who lose connections with girl friends once in a rlp because they are so tied up in that...so this is your time to make long-lasting bonds with your sistahs. If you have a circle of friends, you can make plans to hang out with them when they don't have dates (go see a chick flick that their mates may not care for) and help to water that relationship.

Also it could be while going out to try new things that you meet someone. Ever thought of going to shooting range? It wouldn't hurt to try. Living Socials always has deals for folks to try new things and I was so mad I missed the shooting range deal.

Oh then there are so many books about learning to make friends. I recently recommended "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Canergie. Even books that may not seem like they apply to you now that tell women how to get their men to respect them like "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey can help you get acquainted with qualities that will come in handy. Just be open-minded and respect everyone you meet. Most of all, just know that the right guy will not be the one who will want you to change who you are to be cool. The right guy will just get the real you. Sometimes we admire others so much we almost lose who we are trying to be cool but there's a book for that too "Will the Real Me Please Stand Up". LOL Yes, there are books that can help you become the you would like to be. Unafraid and not bashful. So this is your time to turn into the butterfly you were meant to be. Don't waste it!

Someday I will smile
And find the warmth of my smile
Reflected back to me

Someday I will reach out to someone
And find that I only have to reach halfway
For [he] will be reaching out to me

Someday I will find
The true meaning of the word Love
That many use so carelessly

Someday I will find
Someone with whom I can share

But for now I must try to know myself
And the world around me
So when the time comes for me to give
I will know the meaning
of my gift

- JAVAN
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OP - it's really sweet you're putting this out there. I hope you find the right one at the right time.

n_lucky said:
i think...

:look:

just thought i'd put that out into the universe.

that is all.


:lol:
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@Nonie You give hair and relationship wisdom - yay! :grin:

Nonie said:
OP, why do you want one now? What is it that you feel is missing in your life not having one now? Or is it just coz you feel like the odd one out when it seems everyone has someone?

@nubiangoddess3 does make a good point. There are people who wish they could be where you are because their SO turned out to be the biggest heartbreak they ever had and wish they'd never experienced it at all. And if you don't have one now, doesn't mean you won't have one in due time. But I believe good things happen when we don't force issues. When we don't hunt them down or pine for them. Just be social, be fun, be open-minded. Don't dismiss people by standards others set. Everyone you meet is a potential mate...but only the one who gets you or has qualities that appeal to you will stand out. And you won't have to decide; it'll just come to be.

There are many qualities in life but the greatest of all is love and when it takes over, nothing can stop it from coming to life. Just cherish all the relationships you have in life and respect each person you meet and who is part of your life. And be true to who you are, and you'll wake up one day and find your friend whom you never even considered an item is the one your heart cannot stop thinking about and whom you know you cannot live without--and the feeling will be mutual. People grow into the real people they are over time. So people you know now may not be the same people tomorrow so give everyone the benefit of the doubt, at least until they prove to you they aren't worthy of that. And a person who is REAL and not trying to impress others or emulate others' relationships or fantacize about lives of others ends up meeting another REAL person who appreciates them for who they are. And the strange thing is this usually happens when you least expect it.
Click to expand...
 
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n_lucky said:
Well, I've never been in a relationship before. I feel like I'm missing out on life. I'm kinda grateful that I've always been single cause I know so many people have had their hearts broken. But at the same time I feel like I'm not normal. I'm about to finish college and so many of my classmates are either engaged or married already.

I'm a pretty reserved person and its hard for me to open up to people. I guess I'm missing human connection. I'm not quite sure what I want; if i want to get married etc. But just once in my life I want to know what it feels like to be wanted by someone.

I try to protect myself by shunning relationships, marriage and just being like i don't need a man. I'll be fine on my own. I guess so I can feel like i'm the one doing the rejecting -that i'm choosing to be alone instead of someone rejecting me...

i really don't know what i want lol. But i guess i'm just admitting to myself that its okay to want someone instead of putting up defenses.
Click to expand...


Story of my life...I'm 26 and never had a boyfriend. I feel like I'm "lacking" in the relationship department, but I'm trying to think positive (LOA).
 
you will meet that special someone when you least expect it...trust me I know. That song by Deborah Cox called...."how did you get here?" is so profound and true :)
 
I wanted one so bad I got back with my exbf n married him...not even a year later we was divorced.:'( I have learned my lesson. I kno what I what now n I want cut any corners. We live...We learned.
Right now im ready for companionship but at a very slow pace:-)
 
Nonie said:
n_lucky, use this time to be the best you can be. Think of hobbies you haven't had time to explore and get into them. Do you like dancing? Do you like running? Do you like art? Sewing? Cooking? Think of this as YOUR time to become all you can be so that when he comes along you'll be ready and able to give him your time.

Oh then there are so many books about learning to make friends. I recently recommended "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Canergie. Even books that may not seem like they apply to you now that tell women how to get their men to respect them like "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey can help you get acquainted with qualities that will come in handy. Just be open-minded and respect everyone you meet. Most of all, just know that the right guy will not be the one who will want you to change who you are to be cool. The right guy will just get the real you. Sometimes we admire others so much we almost lose who we are trying to be cool but there's a book for that too "Will the Real Me Please Stand Up". LOL Yes, there are books that can help you become the you would like to be. Unafraid and not bashful. So this is your time to turn into the butterfly you were meant to be.
Don't waste it!

​
Click to expand...
Thanks for this Nonie. Really good advice. I'll definitely check out the books.
I'm a self-help book junkie lol

Thanks for posting that quote by Javan. My sister bought one of his books a
long time ago. I totally forgot about it. I really like his writing.
 
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I started wanting the same thing....that was 9 years ago, I now have one, and he is perfect for me, good things do come to those who wait
 
I've been wanting a SO for a while now and although I get frustrated sometimes at not having one I remember if God wanted me to have a SO right now I would.:yep: Plus my mom (who got married @ 21, I'm 24) reminds me of how busy I am with grad school and preparing to start my career.:ohwell: She doesn't think I've got enough energy to devote to school AND a relationship.(Side note: my parents want me to finish my education first) I don't like it but she's right.:look: The thing is it's not like I've met anyone I'd like to be in a relationship with anyway.
 
BEAUTYU2U said:
Lmao! I understand, OP. Now that I've graduated, I'm changing my focus to personal growth and relationships. I want a man!

Sent from my VM670 using VM670
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:yep:

I never dated seriously all through school and it feels like now, since I have nothing big to focus on, it's finally the time to devote my energy to being in a relationship. For some reason, it's working, like, on its own! It's immediately easier/better and I'm not sure why... I have been completely neurotic about dating and successes and failures in dating and suddenly, I'm not...

I'm not playing anymore games about standards, whether I like someone, why I like them, what people are going to think (really don't care) just all the weird things that mattered that kept me from having functioning relationships, they aren't there anymore and it's weird that they just disappeared...

Suppose I actually did GROW UP... come into my own or something like that. It's good :drunk::drunk::drunk:
 
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