I told her!

[dicapr]

Today I told my mom that I did not plan to wear my hair straight after my BC. She doesn't want me to BC, but I can't take it anymore. The relaxed hair was weak and damaged to begin with. The transition has taken its toll on the ends and now they are breaking off. I plan to cut all but 1-2 inches of the relaxer off and get braids in the next few weeks. That wasn't the bomb I dropped though. I told her I wouldn't be pressing my hair. She supports me not getting a relaxer, but can't wrap her mind around me not at least putting a warm pressing comb in my hair. I told her that reducing heat usage will save my ends and allow me to retain more growth. She tried to tell me that I would be ripping out my hair if I didn't use heat to make it more manageable. I know this isn't so because she didn't use heat on my hair until I was 11 yrs old. I had between shoulder and APL hair. I also remember my mother cutting my ends more often when she started pressing my hair on the regular basis. My hair didn't break off, but it wasn't until I relaxed that my hair started making noticable progress. I believe this was due less heat usage. I am a grown woman and it was still difficult for me when she questioned my decision to wear my own textured hair. I finially told her that although I was natural until 16, I was never able to play with my natural texture. I want that this time. I'm not anti-heat. I plan to use it on occasion until I reach my goal. I was just surprised that she was adament that I use heat and alter my natural texture on the regular basis.

 

[MizAvalon]

Is your decision not to use heat your Mom's real issue or does she just not want you to be natural?

 

[mscocoface]

This is not unusual. Many woman have had their mothers take a negative view of them going natural or how they will go natural.

This response is normal unfortunately. You hold to your beliefs though. When you reach a certain length she and others will be shocked and surprised but right now you may receive some unsupportive views.

Fortunately you have your girls here on the site who will be here to support you regardless of what you want to do with your hair, because at the end of the day it is yours and you need to be happy with it.

There are some that because of family strife cannot or will not stand up to those that want to see them stay a certain way. I can't tell you how many woman have cried or have been terrified not to go natural because of those close to them willing to retaliate.

For some this is a very emotional and seriously deep issue. I think even those of us who have gone natural it was not just the hair adjusting but our mindsets, particularly if we started with very short hair or TWAs.

The change can be and has been very emotional for some, because of the beliefs we have as a people about our hair and everything dealing with it. The hair industry is a multi billion dollar industry and it got that way because of how we perceive ourselves by what we either believe, have been taught or told by others.

Stay the course, there will be ups and downs but we are here to support you in whatever you decided.

 

[Christa438]

I SUPPORT YOUR DECISION 100%! I think that is good for you, and it sounds like you've made your decision with nothing but wisdom and hair care knowledge. Even if I did use heat, I'd use a hooded dryer before I ever used a hot pressing comb since I can be clumsy at times and I sho am not experienced with using that comb. Can't wait to start seeing your progress pics. Once she sees that you are right and know what you're doing, she'll give you praise and let you handle your business without protest. I know my mama was hollering that I needed a perm like a month and 1/2 after my last one, but I assured her I was going to wait at least 12 weeks (She thinks Im wearing the wigs because my hair is just a hot nappy crazy mess underneath ). I can't wait to get my relaxer next month, but she will not see how much growth I've had anyhow because I'm hiding my hair from my loved ones until Xmas so i can see their faces.