I noticed something that hurt my feelings a little

[beautyintheyes]

So I rock my hair different ways depending on my mood it never stay the same for to long and everyone is use to it my co workers my friends and so on. Sometimes they compliment sometime they don't say anything at all I go from twist to braids wigs in 2 weeks. But I just put my first straight weave I for the first time and people are telling me this is there favorite on me and that I should keep it this way. Don't get my wrong I love my hair to and I feel good with it but not any more than all my other styles so i feel like they like this more cause its more of "main stream beauty" or it could just be that my hair is just long and layed lol but it hurt my feelings that they like this over my natural hair a little.... Okay rant over

 

[beanie44]

You will not please everybody so I say please yourself. I think if people got use to seeing you with only straight styles when you went back to a curly style they would say the same thing. Keep on doing what you want to make yourself happy with your hair they will get over it.

 

[Napp]

Don't think of it as a slight against you or your natural hair. Instead think of the situation positively.

you look good.

this is just another style you look good in.

the new look is giving you more attention because it is something new.

you will still look good once you change...as long as you feel you do!

i hope that helps somewhat:wink2:

 

[Extremus]

I'm the same way, OP. I'm relaxed but most of the time I wear my hair in braid/twist-outs and bantu knots. I feel like I get more compliments on my straightened hair and it's annoying. It's the way they compliment like, "why don't you wear it like this more often?" Or "I LOVE your hair like this!" as if to say 'you look better with straight hair'. But as one mentioned early, it may be because it's something new.

I'm glad I'm not alone on this

 

[1QTPie]

I think that's normal. I get more compliments when I straighten my hair. I think people prefer the length. I think it has less to do with texture.

You got just keep on truckin and wear your hair for you.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

Ask yourself if you like straight hair with your face better than naturally kinky. If so, then you will know that it has nothing to do with you as a person or your nationality. It just looks better. I think I look better with straight hair too but I love rockin my big fro with big hoop earrings from time to time... ohh la la

 

[havilland]

i am in that same place today! i flat ironed my normally curly hair and you would think i was Beyonce up in here.....LOL

all compliments.

people like straight hair AND you look good. take it for what it's worth and keep it moving.

think about it, there are flat irons, brazilian treatments, japenese straightening....and it's not just people of color, lots of people have an obsessions with straight hair. it's our culture. YOU LOOK AMAZING NO MATTER WHAT...roll with it and be the DIVA that you are.

 

[coolsista-paris]

i went through this too. I only straighten my natural hair like 3-4 times a year with flat iron.

So ,i also wore twists, natural hair with a bun or chignon ( a must at work)...and not really much. When i straightened colleagues were saying "ohh you look so good like that- oh you should wear it more often like that --oh it suits you better- oh you look more ADULT with this style (i hated that one lol) - and on and on.- its better than the puffy hair( or this week i got: at last youve decided to do your hair! ....

i was pissed. People are so used to the same thing : beauty = straight hair..its not true. All styles and hair types are beautiful, we just have to know how to play with it.

anyway i now ignore..... and answer back "thanks, i like both straight and natural"

 

[coolhandlulu]

Sorry to be the party pooper, but I think folks know what they are doing. The have to stay professional so they drool over the straight styles like your hair looked foul before. Buck them.

 

[beautyintheyes]

You all are right I feel so much better knowing that its not just me that felt that way

 

[SmileyNY]

People always drool when someone with curly or kinky hair straightens it. This is true for white, black, and blue races. I don't think there's any ill will or back handed complimenting going on. It's normal.

 

[IronButterfly]

The sad thing is that companies are bending over backwards to teach cultural sensitivity when it comes to immigrants (eg. Somalis), but no one thinks (or cares) to teach about our culture. Ppl are just fine with us continually "assimilating". I'm not normally sensitive as to whether ppl like my hair or not, but the older I get the less tolerant I am towards backhanded compliments. I'm more likely to tell someone that no one asked for their opinion when it comes down to their liking an alternative hair style to my natural look. To me, it really shows a lack of respect. It's like telling someone they look so much better with make up on. IMO these kinds of comments are inappropriate at work.

Fact is, there ARE ppl of other ethinicities who do like natural black hair the way it is. So the idea that it's acceptable to vocalize one's liking of my (or anyone's) hair better when it's straight as normal protocol is BS. Doesn't matter who the comment is directed to, it's a blatant dismissal of the hair wearers feelings.

Having said that, you shouldn't let your feelings be hurt because of other ppl's ignorance. But you don't have to accept that crap either.

 

[Carmelella]

I think ppl notice and compliment drastic change. When I went from always straight to curly it was ... Oooo I luv it, u look cute.... Then when from curly to straight... It's ooh I luv it, u look grown and sleek. Ppl even oohed and Ahhed when I stopped the weaves which I always where down and started to wear my own hair up in a BUN. and no,... My weaves weren't tote up... I got compliments off them too, lol.

Don't let it bother you... U're just fab everyday! they're complimenting the HUGE change and not necessarily the style.

 

[curlicarib]

Whenever someone tells me they like my hair straight, I thank them (because they perceive it as a compliment) and tell them it's not MY favorite style and that I'll be back to my curls in a few days.

Everyone has their preferences, but I don't think that i have to conform to what other people like - so I don't. It's not a big deal to me.

 

[MsSanz92]

Hate to rain on the parade, but most people, White or Black prefer straight hair. That's just the Eurocentric society we live in. Nonetheless, you should wear your hair how you want to wear it regardless of what people say looks better on you!

I experience the same thing most people especially men like my hair in a long straight weave better than when it's in it's natural state; it's sad but true

 

[sunnieb]

If you wear your hair the same way for a while, then make a drastic change - people notice. Just take the compliment and move on.

Sorry your feelings were hurt.

 

[venusfly]

I'll chime in too with my experience. I usually wear my hair relaxed and long but have had braids a times or two in the past ten years (usually if I cut my hair and regret it and want to let it grow back a few inches). Well, when I put braids in my hair it's like I become the invisible woman just like *that*. Soon as I put braids in suddenly men stop hollering at me on the street and my male co-workers barely notice my existence.


Six weeks later, take out my braids and relax my hair and boom, suddenly, I'm attractive again? Men on the street (even YT men) smile at me and hold the subway doors so I run and can catch the train, they offer to let me have their cab when I'm trying to hail and it's raining, they offer me their seat on the train and well, the guys I work with every day who paid me no mind yesterday when I had braids start flirting or paying me compliments, asking me out for drinks after work, offering to pick up lunch for me while they go grab lunch, ....just paying me way more attention in all kinds of little ways. I braid my hair again and it turns off like the Twilight Zone!! It's weird but I notice the pattern time and time again.


All in all it's kind of funny to me, just something I've observed and thought "Wow, I'm not imagining this" because it happens every time just like an episode of the Twilight Zone or something!

But here is what truly weird to me while men of all races suddenly start paying me more attention women react the opposite when I take out my braids and wear my relaxed hair, the women I work with say nothing at all. Nothing. Like they didn't notice I changed my hair. BUT when I put braids in, then they will comment and say your hair looks nice. What? That bothers me. I can't help but feel they are being phony. You know like the "friend" who secretly envies your long hair so she encourgaes you to get a Halle berry cut telling you how she think you would look great with short hair because she knows short hair wouldn't suit you?

Everyone has to deal with the craziness of people you interact with. All you can do is do you. Whatever works for you. It's a little hard on the ego sometimes but if protective styles now will get you to your goal of your own long beautiful hair, just let it slide off your back. You can't please evryone all the time.

 

[beautyintheyes]

I'll chime in too with my experience. I usually wear my hair relaxed and long but have had braids a times or two in the past ten years (usually if I cut my hair and regret it and want to let it grow back a few inches). Well, when I put braids in my hair it's like I become the invisible woman just like *that*. Soon as I put braids in suddenly men stop hollering at me on the street and my male co-workers barely notice my existence.

Six weeks later, take out my braids and relax my hair and boom, suddenly, I'm attractive again? Men on the street (even YT men) smile at me and hold the subway doors so I run and can catch the train, they offer to let me have their cab when I'm trying to hail and it's raining, they offer me their seat on the train and well, the guys I work with every day who paid me no mind yesterday when I had braids start flirting or paying me compliments, asking me out for drinks after work, offering to pick up lunch for me while they go grab lunch, ....just paying me way more attention in all kinds of little ways. I braid my hair again and it turns off like the Twilight Zone!! It's weird but I notice the pattern time and time again.

All in all it's kind of funny to me, just something I've observed and thought "Wow, I'm not imagining this" because it happens every time just like an episode of the Twilight Zone or something!

But here is what truly weird to me while men of all races suddenly start paying me more attention women react the opposite when I take out my braids and wear my relaxed hair, the women I work with say nothing at all. Nothing. Like they didn't notice I changed my hair. BUT when I put braids in, then they will comment and say your hair looks nice. What? That bothers me. I can't help but feel they are being phony. You know like the "friend" who secretly envies your long hair so she encourgaes you to get a Halle berry cut telling you how she think you would look great with short hair because she knows short hair wouldn't suit you?

Everyone has to deal with the craziness of people you interact with. All you can do is do you. Whatever works for you. It's a little hard on the ego sometimes but if protective styles now will get you to your goal of your own long beautiful hair, just let it slide off your back. You can't please evryone all the time.

I'm so sorry that it's so serious to the people around you to were they change there attention towards you that must stink sometimes! For me I meet more men with my natural hair they love my big fro and hip length braids but I date outside my race most of the same if that matters. Woman are big haters and we critique everything so I pay them no mind lol

 

[venusfly]

I'm so sorry that it's so serious to the people around you to were they change there attention towards you that must stink sometimes! For me I meet more men with my natural hair they love my big fro and hip length braids but I date outside my race most of the same if that matters. Woman are big haters and we critique everything so I pay them no mind lol

Girl, I'm not bothered by it. Just sharing my observations and experiences. Trust me when I say it's not keeping me up nights!

I've had to grow a thick skin over the years. For one thing, while I was fortunate enough to attend one of the Top Ten law schools in the country, unfortunately in a class of 200, we only had 10 Blacks ( only 2 black men but that's another sad story,!) and furthermore, I also work in white America (Big New York City Law Firm) where there's two black partners out of about 500, and a handful of black Associates!

Anyway, I'm not a hair extensions. Don't like weave or wigs and I'll braid my hair but it's torture for me and I have only braided fwhen I made the mistake of cutting my hair short and it just became too much work! I work 80 hours a week and short hair is just too much work with my schedule because you can't even throw it up in a pnytail or a bun! Anyway, I can't be mad as as I personally do feel I look more attractive with my own hair and I don't think braids flatter me, I just braided to get a break and let my hair grow out but I no likey wearing braids either and do agree I look more attractive with my hair out of braids!

 

[beautyintheyes]

Girl, I'm not bothered by it. Just sharing my observations and experiences. Trust me when I say it's not keeping me up nights!

I've had to grow a thick skin over the years. For one thing, while I was fortunate enough to attend one of the Top Ten law schools in the country, unfortunately in a class of 200, we only had 10 Blacks ( only 2 black men but that's another sad story,!) and furthermore, I also work in white America (Big New York City Law Firm) where there's two black partners out of about 500, and a handful of black Associates!

Anyway, I'm not a hair extensions. Don't like weave or wigs and I'll braid my hair but it's torture for me and I have only braided fwhen I made the mistake of cutting my hair short and it just became too much work! I work 80 hours a week and short hair is just too much work with my schedule because you can't even throw it up in a pnytail or a bun! Anyway, I can't be mad as as I personally do feel I look more attractive with my own hair and I don't think braids flatter me, I just braided to get a break and let my hair grow out but I no likey wearing braids either and do agree I look more attractive with my hair out of braids!

Hmmm do you had half wigs too you can protective style and it still looks natural and girl tell me the other story with only 2 black men at school

 

[venusfly]

Hmmm do you had half wigs too you can protective style and it still looks natural and girl tell me the other story with only 2 black men at school

Thanks for the suggestion about half wig. Thankfully, I've gotten my hair to a length where I can style it now though so no more braids needed. I really just needed it long enough so I could roller set and wrap instead of curling it with a curling iron! I now wash once a week, roller set and wrap the rest of the week and I'm good to go. No direct heat needed!!:superbanana:

Yes, two BLACK MEN in my 1L law classes, a grand total of THREE in the 2L class and , the 3L class had 5. Same thing at the firm. And the men know it and act worse than Rappers and Football players in the way they try to be palyers. Even the nerdy ones start acting like they are players! They are a Hot Mess!

 

[Ogoma]

I am sorry your feelings where hurt . I always get a lot of compliments whenever I change my hairstyle. I went from natural buns to natural twists and I got compliments and put the twists in a bun today and was told that looked good even though it looked no different from my regular buns .

I think sometimes people assume they are supposed to compliment every new style. There is also that pesky little thing about the ideals, values, and unacknowledged biases of the society we live in. After thanking them, I always "jokingly" mention I am one of the lucky ones as everything looks fabulous on me . I have noticed over time, I have started to get "you are so lucky, everything looks good on you" added to the compliment . Mind control works!

 

[ChanelNo5]

Hurt feelings are a right of passage for a natural. You must go through the fire....to arrive at "I don't give a f$@4k".

 

[CurlyMoo]

OP I understand your feelings. Recently a co-worker told me I was too pretty for that (natural braids) and should straighten it. erplexed

We all want to be accepted so when someone tells us they like a certain look over a look we consider our natural beauty we feel rejected or disappointed.

I find that people who make these comments aren't making them personal, they are just saying what's on their mind, regardless of how stupid they sound. i.e. talking bullsh!it.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

So I rock my hair different ways depending on my mood it never stay the same for to long and everyone is use to it my co workers my friends and so on. Sometimes they compliment sometime they don't say anything at all I go from twist to braids wigs in 2 weeks. But I just put my first straight weave I for the first time and people are telling me this is there favorite on me and that I should keep it this way. Don't get my wrong I love my hair to and I feel good with it but not any more than all my other styles so i feel like they like this more cause its more of "main stream beauty" or it could just be that my hair is just long and layed lol but it hurt my feelings that they like this over my natural hair a little.... Okay rant over

I get the same reaction when I straighten my hair. I won't even lie, it prickles my nerves a bit, but I ignore it. I have surmised that they do this because it IS a main stream beauty issue.

 

[spellinto]

Hate to rain on the parade, but most people, White or Black prefer straight hair. That's just the Eurocentric society we live in. Nonetheless, you should wear your hair how you want to wear it regardless of what people say looks better on you!

I experience the same thing most people especially men like my hair in a long straight weave better than when it's in it's natural state; it's sad but true

^ The bolded! I refrained from mentioning it in fear that it would cause drama, but I think a lot of the answers tip-toed around a major reason why people react so strongly & positively to straight hair. It has a lot to do with Eurocentric (read: white) standards of beauty (which I'm not necessarily arguing for or against...I mean, I am relaxed) and people feeling more comfortable...the more you conform to standards, the more you are praised. Hair is probably one of the biggest ways of doing this. Again, it's not a crime for you to wear straight hair (I'm not trying to knock you, I'm sure you looked beautiful & BW can rock a variety of hairstyles!) but it doesn't come as much of a surprise that so many people seemed so overjoyed by the change. Your intuition which tells you that this is somehow offensive is perfectly valid, but for the sake of your peace of mind it's probably best to just receive it as a compliment (people would get really defensive when you tried to explain your point of view anyway).