"NOTE: I posted this in the relationship forum, but I thought maybe I could get some words from some sisters here. Thanks"
I am a Christian and have been married for 6 years. My DH does not talk down to me nor physically abuse me.
But I have other issues with my DH, and right now I am really very fed up of it.
Everyone I know including my parents keep telling me all men want is Sex, Food and affirmation.
But my experience in the sex category has been very different and really I dont know what to do anymore.
My husband hardly ever asks for sex.. and I mean maybe like 96% in our marriage I have been the initiator. Sometimes we go for 1 month and nothing. When I ask whats going on, I get excuses like.."u've been busy and are tired". I always tell him I am never tired for sex, but nothing has changed. It not fun when its the woman that does the chasing, it just doesnt seem right to me.
And a few months ago, I caught him with Pornography, I really am proud of myself the way I handled that episode, he apologized and we prayed about it and he said it was a mistake. However, I saw a funny charge on his visa early this year, and it really looked suspicous because it was a subscription to a site. On my investigation, it looked like payments made through such sites are for porn subscription. When I talked to him about it, he said it was nothing and I should just forget it.
But after that, I have been very uneasy. I really have this nagging feeling he has a "wite girl fantasy" (no offence to the caucasian ladies)
Not only that, the only time he ever gave me a gift throughout the 6 years was about 3 years ago and it was a pedicure set.
We had issues when we were going out, that I felt was resolved.
But after we got married it was like poof... At the moment, I am not sure he ever loved me. If he does, he really has a weird way of showing it.
To his credit he does stuff with the kids, washes the dishes once a while, irons and picks me up and drops me off at the station. But really thats about it. I take care of all finances (we have a joint account), planning travel..everything other thing.
I dont think he has ever said I looked good in anaything I wear or whatever. I aam just plain looking but at least a compliment once in a while will be encouraging.
Sometimes I wish I could just work part time and have more time with my boys, but I know I will be living slightly above the poverty line if I try that.
I earn about 35-45% more and it has always been like that.
Right now I feel so lonely, living in another country with no friends or family close by to at least take my mind off things. (I moved from Nigeria to Canada a few years ago)
I know I am not the best wife, I am very independent and aggressive and I am working on that. There is soo much going on, Its really killing me. I'm trying hard not to be resentful but this is hard.
I seriously doubt my husband will go for counselling, if he does he probably will smile through it and say nothing.
Despite all of this, I still feel I made the right decision in marrying him. I hope I still feel the same way 1 year from now.
I will appreciate your advice. I am at my wits end.
I am a Christian and have been married for 6 years. My DH does not talk down to me nor physically abuse me.
But I have other issues with my DH, and right now I am really very fed up of it.
Everyone I know including my parents keep telling me all men want is Sex, Food and affirmation.
But my experience in the sex category has been very different and really I dont know what to do anymore.
My husband hardly ever asks for sex.. and I mean maybe like 96% in our marriage I have been the initiator. Sometimes we go for 1 month and nothing. When I ask whats going on, I get excuses like.."u've been busy and are tired". I always tell him I am never tired for sex, but nothing has changed. It not fun when its the woman that does the chasing, it just doesnt seem right to me.
And a few months ago, I caught him with Pornography, I really am proud of myself the way I handled that episode, he apologized and we prayed about it and he said it was a mistake. However, I saw a funny charge on his visa early this year, and it really looked suspicous because it was a subscription to a site. On my investigation, it looked like payments made through such sites are for porn subscription. When I talked to him about it, he said it was nothing and I should just forget it.
But after that, I have been very uneasy. I really have this nagging feeling he has a "wite girl fantasy" (no offence to the caucasian ladies)
Not only that, the only time he ever gave me a gift throughout the 6 years was about 3 years ago and it was a pedicure set.
We had issues when we were going out, that I felt was resolved.
But after we got married it was like poof... At the moment, I am not sure he ever loved me. If he does, he really has a weird way of showing it.
To his credit he does stuff with the kids, washes the dishes once a while, irons and picks me up and drops me off at the station. But really thats about it. I take care of all finances (we have a joint account), planning travel..everything other thing.
I dont think he has ever said I looked good in anaything I wear or whatever. I aam just plain looking but at least a compliment once in a while will be encouraging.
Sometimes I wish I could just work part time and have more time with my boys, but I know I will be living slightly above the poverty line if I try that.
I earn about 35-45% more and it has always been like that.
Right now I feel so lonely, living in another country with no friends or family close by to at least take my mind off things. (I moved from Nigeria to Canada a few years ago)
I know I am not the best wife, I am very independent and aggressive and I am working on that. There is soo much going on, Its really killing me. I'm trying hard not to be resentful but this is hard.
I seriously doubt my husband will go for counselling, if he does he probably will smile through it and say nothing.
Despite all of this, I still feel I made the right decision in marrying him. I hope I still feel the same way 1 year from now.
I will appreciate your advice. I am at my wits end.