Hello everyone. I am a 30something year old plus size woman who has a serious problem. I was introduced to a wonderful man. He was sweet caring and everything I could ever ask for. We were in a relationship for 3 years and I broke up with the man 3 times. Why? Crazy as this may sound I have this sick issue that has been lurking and I just started noticing it. I serious neglect myself. I am happy doing things for others and making solving everyone else's problems. But when it comes to me I "punish myself". I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Or in this case, I don't deserve a nice guy. Its like something tells me Im not worthy of love and I pull away. Then I am crying and upset because I gave up something that I wanted...what should I do?
I need some advice :o)
- Thread starter Asmsladii
- Start date
BrickbyBrick
Well-Known Member
Hello,
I would probably seek professional help. It sounds like you need counsel of a more complex nature than what this forum can provide. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If that's not feasible, maybe the ladies here can refer some great self-help books for you. Good luck, OP.
I would probably seek professional help. It sounds like you need counsel of a more complex nature than what this forum can provide. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If that's not feasible, maybe the ladies here can refer some great self-help books for you. Good luck, OP.
JeterCrazed
New Member
BrickbyBrick said:
I agree. The fact that you mentioned your weight signifies that you have deep self-image issues that have ruled your relationship.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Are you smoking something. Plus size or not everyone deserves to be treated well and to be happy. Until you accept that for yourself you won't be happy thus doing damage to others by way of relationships.
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
Asmsladii, What should you do? Get selfish. Of course, you deserve the best, fluffy or not. Repeat after me: "The black woman is not the mule of the world. It is ridiculous and self-destructive to give of myself to others when I can't even give to myself." Say it in the mirror five times every day.
I think she came to exactly the right place with this question.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Asmsladii When you identity yourself with your weight it's a bigger issue than you know. I use to really think of myself only as a fat chick,big chick,plus size chick etc. For me my weight plagued me and made me feel real less than. I felt I didn't deserve certain things thus always going over board to please others and then feeling spiteful because no one returns that same energy.
Put yourself on a peddle stool. Make yourself feel good for you not anyone else. I have gotten some things like Victoria Secret undies since they can't hold my twins lol, for me and my purposes. I feel differently when I wear them. It's for me. The energy that comes off is sole a benefit for others. You deserve to be happy and be with someone you are happy with. State your fears with your friend and let everything else negative flow out of you. It's Jan 1 for a few more minutes take the time to start this year off fabulous. PM me if you you need a sounding block.
Put yourself on a peddle stool. Make yourself feel good for you not anyone else. I have gotten some things like Victoria Secret undies since they can't hold my twins lol, for me and my purposes. I feel differently when I wear them. It's for me. The energy that comes off is sole a benefit for others. You deserve to be happy and be with someone you are happy with. State your fears with your friend and let everything else negative flow out of you. It's Jan 1 for a few more minutes take the time to start this year off fabulous. PM me if you you need a sounding block.
Thanks Goddess. You're right. I love the man to death but I would keep trying to find reasons why we shouldn't be together. 1st he wanted me to dress more secure when we went out and I was uncomfortable in the corsets and girdles. So I broke up with him because I thought he wanted a barbie. He stayed around and didn't treat me any different. We got back last together. He was complaining about his financial issues and I. Felt like he was dropping hints so I broke up with him again. He still hung around and would buy me gifts just because and say the sweetest things. We got back together. I broke up with him this time because he kept saying I can do better than him because he can't afford to treat me the way I deserve. He has some esteem issues as well. But now we seem to be close. The friendship is find but he treats me like a best friend. He always say nice things to me and his family loves me and wants to see us back together but I keep feeling like I am just going to hurt him more. He told me he rather have me in his life as a friend forever then not have never arrived all. :0(
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
Couple of questions
What do you mean when you say you neglect yourself?
When you're together are you sexually active? And if so is that a fulfilling part of the relationship?
When you're not together are either of you seeing other people?
What exactly is it that you fear about being in a committed relationship?
Just based on what you wrote, sounds like both of you could benefit from counseling and therapy.
What do you mean when you say you neglect yourself?
When you're together are you sexually active? And if so is that a fulfilling part of the relationship?
When you're not together are either of you seeing other people?
What exactly is it that you fear about being in a committed relationship?
Just based on what you wrote, sounds like both of you could benefit from counseling and therapy.
Dominican09
New Member
seek therapy with a professional.
What do you mean when you say you neglect yourself?
I put everyone's needs before my own. I never make myself a priority.
When you're together are you sexually active? And if so is that a fulfilling part of the relationship? Yes and very much fulfilled. We couldn't get enough of each other..LOL
When you're not together are either of you seeing other people? Nope. Were stay around each other. Our birthdays are 3 days apart and we have alot in common.
What exactly is it that you fear about being in a committed relationship? I'm afraid that he might hurt me. What if I'm not good enough. What if I'm never good enough. I also have people telling me that he's going to get bored with me quickly because I'm not wild. I don't smoke or drink. I rarely party. Then he thinks I would leave him because he can't take care of me the way he wish he could. ??? We are both weird but we have so much fun together.
I put everyone's needs before my own. I never make myself a priority.
When you're together are you sexually active? And if so is that a fulfilling part of the relationship? Yes and very much fulfilled. We couldn't get enough of each other..LOL
When you're not together are either of you seeing other people? Nope. Were stay around each other. Our birthdays are 3 days apart and we have alot in common.
What exactly is it that you fear about being in a committed relationship? I'm afraid that he might hurt me. What if I'm not good enough. What if I'm never good enough. I also have people telling me that he's going to get bored with me quickly because I'm not wild. I don't smoke or drink. I rarely party. Then he thinks I would leave him because he can't take care of me the way he wish he could. ??? We are both weird but we have so much fun together.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Asmsladii you need to decide what you want to do. You grown. You need to decide if this man is someone you really want. Does being with him make you happy? Does being around him excite you? Is the issues he has something you can live with for the rest of your days? I need you and him to check them insecurities. Be it weight or his lack of money or whatever check it. You say you both are plus size folks get your tail in the gym together and make that ish happen. I'm pumped right now so if it seems I'm a bit in your face I am and blame it on my energy supplement lol.
But really you know what you want now go make it happen. Last thing, you can't receive with a close hand and heart.
But really you know what you want now go make it happen. Last thing, you can't receive with a close hand and heart.
LifeafterLHCF
New Member
Love covers a many of sin. Is his sin something you can accept? Flaws and all.
