I Need Advice

[Teja]

Hey ladies,

First off let me say how long it's been since I posted in the hair forum. I'm embarrassed to say it but the entrainment forum has been holding me hostage.


I've been wearing weaves for a minute, however as it happens my leave out was struggling due to heat damage . I completely cut the heat damage off and am all the way natural now.

I used to have relaxers/texturizers before the weaves and was actually really happy with that.

But now that I'm natural all I do is wear two braids or a bun, I'm actually really struggling with the lack of versatility I'm creating for myself , especially since the front is shorter and wearing it out looks odd. I've tried rods, twist outs etc, it never looks the way I want it to look and I only keep the style for a day or so .

I feel so much pressure in staying natural, although I know its ridiculous.

10 days ago I got some box braids and I'm so over it. I really thought that this could be a style I can rock for a min , but I hate it already lol. I'm this close to just ordering some mizani but I took forever to transition. I'm so torn!

Any suggestions?

I've added some pics.

 

[Pygmy_puff]

Your natural hair is pretty! It sounds like the problem you have with your hair is your haircut, not the actual hair itself. Maybe you should try getting it cut into a cute style so you can enjoy it without worrying about the front being so much shorter than the back. Yes you will probably lose overall length, but what good is length if you don't like the way it looks??

If you want to wear a protective style until it grows out longer, wear a versatile weave or crochet hair that you can blend without using heat so you don't end up with heat damage again. There are so many options these days for kinky, curly, kinky-curly, or kinky straight hair on the market.

Please give your natural hair another chance before you decide to relax! If you do relax, that's OK too I just don't want you to regret it. Good luck

 

[Teja]

Your natural hair is pretty! It sounds like the problem you have with your hair is your haircut, not the actual hair itself. Maybe you should try getting it cut into a cute style so you can enjoy it without worrying about the front being so much shorter than the back. Yes you will probably lose overall length, but what good is length if you don't like the way it looks??

If you want to wear a protective style until it grows out longer, wear a versatile weave or crochet hair that you can blend without using heat so you don't end up with heat damage again. There are so many options these days for kinky, curly, kinky-curly, or kinky straight hair on the market.

Please give your natural hair another chance before you decide to relax! If you do relax, that's OK too I just don't want you to regret it. Good luck

Thank you so much for your input. I do need to add I've been natural for about 4 years . I'm just a lil over it. They're just so many judgmental folks out there, not sure of I'm ready for the " you don't love yourself" comments that are unfortunately a reality. I may try getting it cut .

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

What's your ultimate goal? Bomb twist outs and rod sets? Are the shorter pieces in the front the only thing that jacks up the style? If so, the only thing I suggest is growing it out and getting it even and healthy. When my hair got longer and I started keeping my ends trimmed, that's when I finally started loving my hair and wearing it out. I had a short leave it too and finally got it longer like the rest. I did natural updos and gave up weave in order to figure my hair out and how to keep it healthy.

So basically, reaching a certain length was what finally made me happy with my hair and wearing it out.

Also, your pics are always so pretty.

 

[Coilystep]

You should not feel like your hair is holding you hostage. If you don't want to be natural any more get the relaxer. Just keep in mind that if your bangs are wonky now they will be just as wonky relaxed. So you may just want to wait until they grow out to a length your more comfortable with and see if you still want to relax.

For me personally my bangs are the most wonky part of my hair. They are always doing their own thing. They are super long and at this point can't really be considered bangs. I am very style challenged and I never know what to do with them but I make it work.

I never was a weave wearer and when I transitioned I avoided weaves because I wanted to learn how to work with my hair and felt weaves would prolong that process.

I think your hair is very pretty. Whatever you decide it is your decision and your hair. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for your decision.

 

[Evolving78]

Girl go ahead and relax! Be free!

 

[bluenvy]

Great advice shared. Just coming in to comment how beautiful your natural hair is. Nice color too

 

[Britt]

Girl go ahead and relax! Be free!

LOLLLLLL!
Idk I just literally laughed out loud here at my desk.
It's like I could hear it through the post

 

[Sosoothing]

I may have skipped over it but why did you stop relaxing?
I'm texturized myself and have been natural in the past for many years. I don't think either is better than the other.

 

[Evolving78]

LOLLLLLL!
Idk I just literally laughed out loud here at my desk.
It's like I could hear it through the post

I probably said it loud in my head too! Lol

 

[Teja]

LOLLLLLL!
Idk I just literally laughed out loud here at my desk.
It's like I could hear it through the post

 

[Teja]

I may have skipped over it but why did you stop relaxing?
I'm texturized myself and have been natural in the past for many years. I don't think either is better than the other.

I literally let myself be bullied into it. ( I know stupid reason)my entire circle hit me with the why are you still wearing relaxers comments. So I decided to give my natural hair a shot. I wore weaves for a while before I cut the ends off.

 

[Teja]

What's your ultimate goal? Bomb twist outs and rod sets? Are the shorter pieces in the front the only thing that jacks up the style? If so, the only thing I suggest is growing it out and getting it even and healthy. When my hair got longer and I started keeping my ends trimmed, that's when I finally started loving my hair and wearing it out. I had a short leave it too and finally got it longer like the rest. I did natural updos and gave up weave in order to figure my hair out and how to keep it healthy.

So basically, reaching a certain length was what finally made me happy with my hair and wearing it out.

Also, your pics are always so pretty.

I want to be able to able to wear it curly without minimal styling which has proven to be impossible for me. The amount of styling, products that I need to apply has been overwhelming lol. So I'm not sure if my ultimate goal is even a realistic one .

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

I literally let myself be bullied into it. ( I know stupid reason)my entire circle hit me with the why are you still wearing relaxers comments. So I decided to give my natural hair a shot. I wore weaves for a while before I cut the ends off.

So was it straight hair they have an issue with or is it relaxed hair specifically?

 

[Miss617]

Girl.

First, you and your hair are beautiful! And the box braids look great on you.

Second, I totally understand about struggling with styling. My hair is like five different lengths so I don't wear it out much. What helped me, honestly, was just to keep practicing. I do mostly flat or two strand twists, and occasionally braid it. Usually I pin it up because, again, length LOL. I use styles I see here, YouTube or Pinterest for inspiration and go from there. Doesn't always look as good as the source, but 10 times better than what I was doing before.

What might help is to really plan out the style before you do it. I'm impatient so I used to part and all that as I went but the result is always better if I part it and put whatever product I need first. I know that sounds super obvious but it makes a huge difference!

If you do decide to relax again, there's no shame in that. I've only been fully natural for less than three years (I also transitioned), and I definitely contemplated going back at least once. I'm glad I didn't, but if I did, it would have been because it was the best choice for me at the time. If you do it, your friends will just have to deal (and, really, they should be supporting you either way if they were real friends!)

Good luck!

 

[FoundMyCurls]

First, I want to say, it's your decision what you want to do. So do what works for you. If you no longer want to be without a relaxer, then get one. It's your hair and if your reason for going natural didn't come from you, but pressure, then maybe it's time to do what you want and ignore people.

Now, I will say that you curls are very nice, so you can limit styling and go without twist outs or gel for that matter. Let it do what it do. You could flat twist or corn row the front toward the back and wear the back out. Then the length of the front won't be known or matter. If you can't flat twist, you can roll and tuck too.

As a matter of fact, maybe while you think it over, you can start pinning your hair up more often. There are so many options available for updos, some with some leave out or hair hanging.

 

[Teja]

First, I want to say, it's your decision what you want to do. So do what works for you. If you no longer want to be without a relaxer, then get one. It's your hair and if your reason for going natural didn't come from you, but pressure, then maybe it's time to do what you want and ignore people.

Now, I will say that you curls are very nice, so you can limit styling and go without twist outs or gel for that matter. Let it do what it do. You could flat twist or corn row the front toward the back and wear the back out. Then the length of the front won't be known or matter. If you can't flat twist, you can roll and tuck too.

As a matter of fact, maybe while you think it over, you can start pinning your hair up more often. There are so many options available for updos, some with some leave out or hair hanging.

Girl.

First, you and your hair are beautiful! And the box braids look great on you.

Second, I totally understand about struggling with styling. My hair is like five different lengths so I don't wear it out much. What helped me, honestly, was just to keep practicing. I do mostly flat or two strand twists, and occasionally braid it. Usually I pin it up because, again, length LOL. I use styles I see here, YouTube or Pinterest for inspiration and go from there. Doesn't always look as good as the source, but 10 times better than what I was doing before.

What might help is to really plan out the style before you do it. I'm impatient so I used to part and all that as I went but the result is always better if I part it and put whatever product I need first. I know that sounds super obvious but it makes a huge difference!

If you do decide to relax again, there's no shame in that. I've only been fully natural for less than three years (I also transitioned), and I definitely contemplated going back at least once. I'm glad I didn't, but if I did, it would have been because it was the best choice for me at the time. If you do it, your friends will just have to deal (and, really, they should be supporting you either way if they were real friends!)

Good luck!

Thank youdefinitely some options I can try . I think the biggest issue I have is looking like a teenager and not in a good way lol. Any one else experiencing that ??

 

[Teja]

So was it straight hair they have an issue with or is it relaxed hair specifically?

Both, I get the same comments I see often in this forum. That having straight hair somehow equals to people not loving themselves or their natural hair. I love my hair just not loving the lack of versatility, lol. Having a high ponytail was my go to !!

 

[Rocky91]

you and your friends are super pretty!
i have a few suggestions to spice things up:
1) get a good haircut. this will affect the way your hair falls in styles. even the most basic twistout looks way better on hair that has a shape.
2) have you considered some color to liven things up?
3) try to master at least two styles. there's got to be at least two different ways that you think your hair looks amazing.

 

[discodumpling]

Sounds like you're damned if you do and damned if ya don't! You need to figure out what would make YOU truly happy and go with that. You seem to bow to the pressures of friends for your style choices and in the end only YOU are unhappy.
Your hair is pretty as is, but i'm a simple gyal who wears a wash n go 99.999% of the time so my point of view may not hold so much water...