I messed up-Need some help!!!

CoilyFields

Well-Known Member
Hey ladies,

I messed up yesterday and Im feeling really heavy about it.

Kinda long Background story:
I am a team leader at my job. (this gives me some auhtoritative duties over my other teamates but not a direct supervisor).

Back in December I got an email saying I had a training on Friday. Well I already had appointments set all day at the homes of my clients. I went to confer with my teamates in one ladies office (Lets call her T). We found out all of us had training and we called our supervisor on T's phone and put her on speaker phone. I explained that I couldnt do both and could I skip training. She checked and said no but that T did not have training so told T to do the appointments for me. (We have often done apponitments for each other but usually not 7 in one day-which is what I had).

So friday comes and I get the list of my appointments and T's appointments and mapquests them in order. Set my stack of files in order (put notes on them on what I needed T to do for each client) and gave the stack to her before I went in to training. A few minutes later I get a call from the front desk saying T left and she didnt have my files. I pass T's office and see my stack of files, grab them then run to the front thinking she forgot them. She's already in the car so I call her cell from the front desk. She tells me that she is not doing my appointments. We go back and forth for a second then she hangs up. I go back to training steaming mad! One of the team leaders from a different site asks me if she took my files. I told her no, she said she wouldnt.

At break, the other team leader came and told me that she told our supervisor because that was wrong of T and she knew I probebely wouldnt have said anything. So me and my supervisor talk and I tell her what happens. Long story short T gets in trouble when she comes back...straight told the supervisor that I needed to do my own stuff! (Mind you I am REGULARLY covering for T, fixing her stuff, handling her irate clients, doing her appointments-waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than I have to do for the others). DId I mention that T had to go to all of the houses of my clients anyways cause she was driving the company vehicle but refused to go in and do my portion of the visit? So I admit I was hurt by her attitude because it seemed to come outta nowhere. So Im pissed but on monday I come back to work no longer angry ready to move on. Well T is not speaking to me at all. Im a bit confused since I was the wronged party but I figure she'll get over it. She doesn't. So on day two of T not speaking to me I go to her office and ask her if I've done anything to offend her? She says nothings wrong. I say obviously there is...she starts to talk about how Im not her supervisor and some people think they are all of that. So I ask her if she has a problem with me being team leader and why (She was here before me) and she just says I basically need to stay in my place. So I conclude it by outlining my duties as concerns the team and that if at any time she feels I am overstepping my bounds then to let me know.

Two days later she is sent home for 3 months (not going into that part but had nothing to do with me)

When she comes back she still refuses to speak to me. So I go to her again and say I sense tension, whats the problem. She tells me as long as we just keep it business then theres no problem. I let it go and say ok. So I keep acting the same to her (saying goodmorning, no attitude etc.) but she gets to the point where she will refuse to even answer me half the time. Its just petty stuff so I have not felt the need to involve our supervisor.

OK! Finally...heres where I messed up:

Yesterday my DH brought our daughter up to my job in the pm. We were all standing in the front chatting. T walks through the front and she and DH start to chat. As she was leaving I told him not the talk to her. She probebely heard me but at the time I didnt care. The 2 staff that were up there told me not to be like that, DH told me that my issue is between me and her. But I beligerantly held my stance saying no, if she wants me to stay out of her circle/business to the point where she cant even say goodmorning when I speak to her then she needs to stay outta your face. She set the boundaries not me. (this was really outta the norm because I dont expect any of my other coworkers/friends at work to not be friends with her)

Ok so I know I was wrong :nono:. In the car I felt so bad I had to pray right then. So I repented and realized I need to fix what I did. So I called back to work and told each of the 2 staff that they were right and thanks for correcting me. I txt DH and told him the same. I txt T and told her I was wrong in how I reacted and I am sorry. No response from her, as expected. So this morning she comes in same attitude. I feel a little compelled to make sure she got my txt and apologize in person. I go to her office and ask if she got it. She told me to lose her number and keep it business. Then talked about how Im quick to go in a church but aint no different then no one else etc. She was just being cordial etc. At the time I didnt say anything but ok. But when I got back to my office I still felt unsettled and guilty.

I know that the enemy wants me to stay feeling guilty-and I do! Cause I should have handled that better. And I kinda feel like I have given her a justifiable reason to continue to disregard me. I know there is nothing else that I can do...is there? I already prayed for her. Im not trying to be her friend again (we were all really close) just work stuff.

I dunno. I felt really really chestized yesterday and now I feel that way again. I could truly say that I was blameless before when she was ignoring me...but now...not so much. Im not sure what Im asking for...advice...encouragement...correction...prayer? JUST HELP!!
 
Well you were wrong, but you corrected the situation. Therefore you have been forgiven in the eyes of God. But unfortunately when we are forgiven in the eyes of God, that does not mean in the eyes of men. I would say just continue to be nice to her. Because if you go back to ignoring her or treating her badly, you will only un-do what you already fixed. The bible says to overcome evil with good. So you eventually will overcome the situation because the word can't lie. it will be uncomfortable at first, but that's just because flesh is dying :lol:

Unfortunately, when Christians mess up the world automatically wants to think "You was never real in the first place". But you show her "yes I messed up, but I want to make things right". At the end of the day, you get your gratification from God, not her. So if you repented and turned from it. You are clean in the eyes of God. There is no condenmation to them that walk in the spirit and not in the flesh. Just continue to do right to her and the rest will follow :yep:
 
I agree with Alicialynn86.

You were already convicted, but now the enemy is trying to condemn you. You confessed and repented to God and were forgiven. That is what is important. You apologized to to DH, staff, and T. That is what is important. T is not being forgiving. Who do you think God is mad at right now? The one who asked for forgiveness ... or the one who refuses to forgive?

Coilyfields, you did well after being convicted. You put aside any pride in the matter. You confessed, repented, and apologized. That is what a true Christian does.
 
I don't think you messed up. T was using your husband to stab you with it. Her problem is that she hates her job, obviously. Stop trying with her. Keep it very business and let the chips fall cuz she's probably going to be out very soon. She is out-of-line saying you are easy into church but no different than...than whom? T? Cuz it seems to me that she is mean, nasty and not suitable for your company. If she had a grievance, she needed to address it ages ago with management. Plus, looks like she can't keep up with her own workload. Don't apologize anymore and play the christian martyr. You're there to work, not evangelize the company. You can evangelize by being a good worker. :yep: Don't worry about what she thinks about you. She and your superiors might see your constant apologies as some form of harassment. I'd speak to someone about her attitude and tell them that you are trying to create the best work environment but that she is inaffable, rude and nasty to co-workers. She needs to be written up for this again. :nono: Hold your head up and learn to see past her. You can't be religious superwoman to people who have religious grudges. And I'd mention that bit of "personal" info in my complaints to my super. She's hitting below the belt and not even following her own advice to kib(usiness).
 
Last edited:
:bighug:

T was wrong

AND'


She knows it. :yep:


You have demonstrated the love and the grace of God towards her, and it's all because you ARE a woman who loves God more than you love yourself.

T's not there, otherwise her behaviour would not be as it is. Just keep praying for in so doing, in each prayer the enemy is 'blocked' from pulling you into strife and contention. Just keep praying and allow the joy of the Lord to infill you to overflowing with His presence. You can't make someone 'un-mad' who's made up their mind to be mad.

To be honest, T is projecting anger and hurt that has nothing at all to do with you. It's more going on with her than what happened at work. She's angry and hurting about something deeper and it's not your fault.

Soooo, pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to convict 'her' and to help you to receive her when she comes to you for prayer. I think she will :yep: Even if not, she's asking for someone to pray for her. She just doesn't know how to ask.
 
You corrected your part and you have to give T over to the Lord. She is angry and she needs to let it go. God has forgiven you. Just pray for her and continue doing what you have been doing and that is showng love.

I have had a person do that to me. They would speak to my husband but not me. He started to feel some kind of way about it. But I told him to not worry about it. Eventually the situation changed and the person and I are okay now. Even though she has moved away we still love one another as sisters in the Lord.

Sometimes it can get hard to continue doing good to others and they just trample on it but they did it to Christ. He handled it well and He is our example.
 
Your much better than I. In the business world I don't care anymore. After the first attemtp at making amends didn't work I wouldn't have kept apolgizing. She doesn't respect you and keep it moving. She has made her stance. Now don't change who you are to accomdate her. Stay professional and hopefully she will check her attitude if not she will be out of work.
 
Thank you ladies so much!

She says she is a fellow believer and it is just hard for me not to mourn the loss of what was (we all used to be close-hanging out outside work and crying on each others shoulders etc. and this has caused our whole team to splinter), especially since I had negatively contributed to the drama yesterday.

Thank you ladies for your responses because I really needed all of your words. It has helped confirm my rights and wrongs in the situation. I no longer feel that heaviness and guilt about the situation. I have done what was mine to do and turn the rest over to God. (That is often easier said than done but you all have helped me do it)

I will keep it "business" from now on and continue to pray for her. No more apologizing. I know I struggle with pride and self-righteousness so sometimes I go overboard-erring on the side of caution-to make sure I am humbling myself.


THANK YOU!!!!!!
 
Coily, trsut me it's easy to take the stance that you've now done the right thing so the heck with her with her bad attituda-nal (my word) self but , if the Lords sends you then you have to go back to Ms. T.

Based on the little information you provided about her character, there is a possibility that it is not over her with Ms. T at least not yet, if you haven't done so already please pray for wisdom and strength in dealing with with her and make sure that you are covered in prayer so that you are able intercept the plans of the enemy...

She needs help and perhaps you are the one that the Lord will use to help her...
 
Coily, trsut me it's easy to take the stance that you've now done the right thing so the heck with her with her bad attituda-nal (my word) self but , if the Lords sends you then you have to go back to Ms. T.

Based on the little information you provided about her character, there is a possibility that it is not over her with Ms. T at least not yet, if you haven't done so already please pray for wisdom and strength in dealing with with her and make sure that you are covered in prayer so that you are able intercept the plans of the enemy...

She needs help and perhaps you are the one that the Lord will use to help her...

You are right! I know I'm going to have to stay open to the work of the Holy Ghost on me and through me for her.
 
Back
Top