I love you but....

[Chocolate_Silk]

What are the odds of a relationship developing with someone that you dated years ago (say 10-12'ish) established a wonderful friendship with after that didn't work and you've recently taken the friendship to a physical friendship. You have the "what are we doing" talk and the outcome of that was "I love you but I don't want to risk our friendship"

The situation has become extrememly weird (for a lack of better terms) neither one of us date or sleep with other people and now our friendship is at the point of us not feeling comfortable talking to each other about the opposite sex.

I think we screwed up big time

 

[hopeful]

Well honestly I think the he may be full of it. Healthy platonic friendships do not involve sex so the first thing I'd do is stop being physical immediately and go from there. Either just be friends, date within an exclusive romantic relationship, or leave each other alone. I have never had sex with someone whom I considered to be just a friend so I just don't get that concept. If he isn't willing to set appropriate boundaries then you must for your own well-being and self-respect. If he's really that worried about ruining your friendship he wouldn't be having sex with you in the first place IMO.

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

Well honestly I think the he may be full of it. Healthy platonic friendships do not involve sex so the first thing I'd do is stop being physical immediately and go from there. Either just be friends, date within an exclusive romantic relationship, or leave each other alone. I have never had sex with someone whom I considered to be just a friend so I just don't get that concept. If he isn't willing to set appropriate boundaries then you must for your own well-being and self-respect. If he's really that worried about ruining your friendship he wouldn't be having sex with you in the first place IMO.

Our friendship came after we'd dated (years ago) we hadn't been sexual since we dated which has to have been about 10-12 years ago. Why now after all of these years we decided "it" was okay to do, I honestly do not know, but it was not wise...

I have (recently) put an end to the "xtra" activities. I'm just a bit annoyed with myself that I allowed to go there after all of these years *gag*

 

[MissJ]

You're already giving him what he wanted from you, so he has no reason to start a relationship with you. He's just peachy with the friends with benefits situation. As for the "we" screwed up big time. No, you screwed up big time. He hit the jackpot.

 

[Bachelorette]

^You're just a bouquet of flowers arent you?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

A guy who's TRULY into you won't mind "risking" the "friendship" for a TRUE, meaningful and committed relationship.

Good for you for cutting out the xtra activities.... If you've caught feelings for him, I think the best thing you should do right now is protect your heart and limit your contact w/him for a while. Let him know that you don't think what you two are doing is a good idea. *shrug*

You deserve a man to court you, pursue you, and DEFINE what is going on in the relationship you two have together.

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

You're already giving him what he wanted from you, so he has no reason to start a relationship with you. He's just peachy with the friends with benefits situation. As for the "we" screwed up big time. No, you screwed up big time. He hit the jackpot.

I don't like that we crossed over, but it's okay, we're still cool and I can think of worse things that has happened in life.

But. Thanks :wink2:?

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

A guy who's TRULY into you won't mind "risking" the "friendship" for a TRUE, meaningful and committed relationship.

Good for you for cutting out the xtra activities.... If you've caught feelings for him, I think the best thing you should do right now is protect your heart and limit your contact w/him for a while. Let him know that you don't think what you two are doing is a good idea. *shrug*

You deserve a man to court you, pursue you, and DEFINE what is going on in the relationship you two have together.

Thank you... Funny thing is there are guys that have been and are trying to court me; I just needed to stop dealing with him on that level. Since I've known him for so long and care for him I was temp side tracked...

Lucky for me I'm not the type that gets stuck

 

[MissJ]

^You're just a bouquet of flowers arent you?

That's how men think. *shrug*

 

[awhyley]

Chocolate silk, he might just surprise you and want to step it up/take what you have to the next level, but if not, there's other guys out there, and you already know that. This thread was short, but very informative.

 

[ThickHair]

I don't think he has any reason to step it up. She was fine with giving up the cookie without commitment. Now that she stopped, he might bounce. It doesn't seem like he gave any indication that he wanted a relationship before he got the cookie and we know cookie doesn't change much.

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

I don't think he has any reason to step it up. She was fine with giving up the cookie without commitment. Now that she stopped, he might bounce. It doesn't seem like he gave any indication that he wanted a relationship before he got the cookie and we know cookie doesn't change much.

He's not going anywhere, we will always be friends (if I can still consider it that erplexed) we should have left the xtra activities in the 90's, but for whatever reason we went there. It's not the kind of situation where any love or respect will be lost. I was over there last night helping him hang pictures and pick spreads... We've been through real storms together, this was just an awkward phase (I guess).

I don't know, I guess I just wanted to share it anyway

 

[Mai Tai]

I don't like that we crossed over, but it's okay, we're still cool and I can think of worse things that has happened in life.

But. Thanks :wink2:?

He's not going anywhere, we will always be friends (if I can still consider it that erplexed) we should have left the xtra activities in the 90's, but for whatever reason we went there. It's not the kind of situation where any love or respect will be lost. I was over there last night helping him hang pictures and pick spreads... We've been through real storms together, this was just an awkward phase (I guess).

I don't know, I guess I just wanted to share it anyway

Ok...sooooooooo...what do you need advice on again? Ya'll f--ked, had a good time, are now back in the friend zone, things a little akward but otherwise ya'll cool....I am confused as to what the problem is...

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

Ok...sooooooooo...what do you need advice on again? Ya'll f--ked, had a good time, are now back in the friend zone, things a little akward but otherwise ya'll cool....I am confused as to what the problem is...

Wasn't really a catastophe like I'm guessing it should have been for me to make a thread; that's why I said "I guess I just wanted to share"... Tis all.

 

[MissJ]

Chocolate_Silk, I wasn't trying to offend you by what I said, but in the past year I've learned all about this phenomenon. I went to a message board mostly inhabited by men asking a question about a guy friend of mine. Their reply, "He just wants to sleep with you." I wondered how they got that out of what I was saying and from what the guy said to me. Fast forward a couple months later, and I found out they were totally right.

After that, I decided to hang out there, because I could learn some things. And boy, did I! It seems like every week over there, a thread pops up like this. A girl is asking a question about some guy she slept with and then wants a relationship from him. Then he's not having it. We all know what the outcome is going to be.

As for the guy who stuck around in the friendzone until he felt like he could pounce on me, he is no longer my friend. He wasn't my friend to begin with. He didn't like me like he said he did. He liked my body, and I don't consider men like that friends.

I'm not sure what your situation is with the friendship, though.

 

[hopeful]

ITA completely with MissJ.

It's strange to me that he was so verbal when you wanted to talk about the relationship but appears to have not said a word when you started having sex.

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

No hard feelings MissJ. I can see where you were coming from; seems like a lot of people have been bamboozled, and have certain feelings about things...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

MissJ hit the nail on the head.

I periodically hang out on "men boards" every now and then also because they tell you how men think.

Listen to other men...they usually will tell you the truth! No matter how brutal or raw it is. Trust me, men know other men. They usually know how they think...because they think the exact same way!

There will be a difference between how a man comes to you or approaches you when he really wants a relationship, and when he just wants some "fun". It's sad...but it's true!

There have been SOME cases where a FWB situation actually turned into a real meaningful relationship, but those cases are sooo far and few in between that you really can't count those.

 

[MissJ]

No hard feelings MissJ. I can see where you were coming from; seems like a lot of people have been bamboozled, and have certain feelings about things...

I've been bamboozled, but I've not been stupid. I didn't sleep with that fool, and I had already told him I was waiting for marriage. I guess he thought he was such a good "friend" that I'd make an exception for him. Wow, he gave me a few outlines that he didn't even make himself.

The worst part is that when he figured out I was not going to sleep with him, he revealed that he was just starting a relationship with a fat Latin chick with 3 kids. That just makes it even worse that he wanted to "hit it and quit it." Some friend. I could drop kick that fool!

But apparently, guys do this all the time and think nothing of it.

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

I've been bamboozled, but I've not been stupid. I didn't sleep with that fool, and I had already told him I was waiting for marriage. I guess he thought he was such a good "friend" that I'd make an exception for him. Wow, he gave me a few outlines that he didn't even make himself.

The worst part is that when he figured out I was not going to sleep with him, he revealed that he was just starting a relationship with a fat Latin chick with 3 kids. That just makes it even worse that he wanted to "hit it and quit it." Some friend. I could drop kick that fool!

But apparently, guys do this all the time and think nothing of it.

LMAO - Wow!